On June 19th 2007, an hero was born. His name was Tyler Dumstorf, a Floyd Central High School honors student and convicted pot head who liked mind-blowingly shitty music. He was arguing with his mom about the highlighter in his ass and after several hours, she called the police to give him a nice talking to. Frightened by the possibility of having all his weed taken away and smoked by a bunch of niggers in the police department, Tyler loaded his dad's long and sturdy M1 Garand whilst distracting the visitors with donuts and handjobs. He then shot both cops in the back, because he was an Sniper: One was totally pwned, the other seriously wounded. Tyler then logged onto MySpace, posted, "I just killed two cops. Goodbye." and became An hero of epic proportions. On his MySpace people are too retarded to realize dead people can't see the messages they leave. On a lulzy note, Tyler has received moar comments dead than alive.
'Tis a loser
Tyler's MySpace adds lulz to the equation for many reasons:
2. His profile is absent of any comment of a female.
4. He's aggressive.
In the aftermath of such stupidity, it is clear that these events never had to transpire if this terrorist/hippie/dipshit had been properly punished for smoking marijuana, by giving him hookers and blow instead.
Stupid hicks often become violent and erratic when police are involved. That's because every person who has upstanding morals is also related to a police officer, soldier, or firefighter and therefore must prove how large their man-handle truly is.
What have we learned?
Killing police officers in a pot induced rage is what's in. All the cool kids are doing it. This is exploitable because the police are only trained in distributing violent beatings to innocent citizens, rather than serving the greater good, or thinking. If confronted, these people often hide behind the bible, Bill Hicks, patriotism, and circular logic. Because the police are fucking heroes and only evil terrorists hate the police. Now c'mon, y'all! Let's go lynch us some queers!
In addition, a "memorial MySpace" was created by a 4chan user who sent friend requests to Tyler's IRL friends, adding to the lulz. It used to be here. But the man at MySpace removed it because it created far too much lulz.
Upon receiving a friend request, one of Tyler's friends replied with this:
- How many people did Tyler's father kill?
-1, he shot (and killed) the Sheriff but he did not kill the Deputy.
- What ammunition was Tyler using (it penetrated bulletproof vests)
-M1 Garands are chambered in .30-06 Springfield, and any loading in that caliber (and pretty much any rifle caliber) can penetrate soft body armor with ease.
- \ Why didn't Tyler's father teach him the first rule of a sharpshooter: Never point a gun or discharge it at any other living being? Exceptions come to furries, emos, fags, hippies, communists, niggers, ragheads, gookers, gingers, vtech students, your mom, Paris Hilton and Jews in general since they were all asking for it.
- Did anyone attempt a barrel roll?
-Obviously not since both men were shot
- Was he a NWA fan?
- Was it possible that someone beat his Gears of War score seconds/minutes/hours/100 years before the incident?
-It is known that he began playing GoW with a fellow classmate fairly close to his death, possible link?
- Were video games to blame?! (What an hero incident would be complete without blaming video games?)
- What did Jack Thompson say?
- Which of Tyler's friends will finish the job and take care of the seriously wounded cop?
- Was it done for the lulz? And if not, was it at least done for great justice?
- Who did WTC?
- Were any tits shown before he GTFO?
- WHO WAS ANONYMOUS WOMAN?!1/11!?
|Featured article July 2, 2007|
|Tyler Dumstorf||Succeeded by|
4th of July