Twitch

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Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info: justin.tv.

Twitch faggotism.

Twitch (previously justin.tv) is a video game live-streaming website mainly run by hipsterfag virgin gamers and militaristic bulky feminists who have been bankrolled by Amazon to the tune of $970 million. This site attracts both desperate tweens desiring views and bronies who want to whack off to live-stream videos of Applejack and other ponies, as well as by the off-chance catch some decent porn for about 10 minutes under the DotA 2 game by some nobody channel if you're lucky and if your mom blocked PornHub on your desktop. YouTubers like Mr.Reptard and Markishitter both also enjoy fapping off to their roleplay characters when they use Twitch.

Conventions, specifically for gaming, focus on Twitch and advertise it like a goddamn Geico commercial, while Twitch itself goes the Blip route and has constant ads of its own. But thankfully unlike Blip, since the site is the most primitively-run streaming site ever, AdBlock works just fine.

Twitch Glitches

Several "updates" Twitch adds to the site sometimes make it worse. From the beginning, its chat delay is some of the most inconvenient shit you'll ever go through, up to 40+ seconds of waiting before it goes through to the streamer. The constant buffering doesn't help either if the connection is garbage, either with software, or most likely the site itself due to being stuck in 2005, because they didn't know that HTML5 existed yet until late 2015.

One major shitfit Twitch had was back in August 2014, when the site's latest "update" caused a good majority of streamers to crash every 4 minutes and 28 seconds specifically, and sometimes even less than a minute from stream start to crash, for two days straight. Much asshurt was had and Twitch wasn't giving a straight answer to why their site took an even bigger plunge. It was eventually fixed, but several people had made the exodus to its new competition, Hitbox, instead anyway. Hitbox is going all out with 4k 60fps support and then some anyway, while Twitch is stuck in the Flash era built only for iPods, where would YOU go?

Raids

Twitch is well known for its extraordinarily shitty security. There is no limit to the amount of accounts one can set up under one e-mail address, making it a haven for trolls and leets alike. In March of 2015, Raiders settled in to their own site - Black Forums, then they broke off and formed "Raid Forums" when the original site got shut down. There, they plan their next raid and share raiding secrets.

Twitch was hacked in March 2015, causing massive butthurt from their users that their passwords were stolen. Twitch is also incredibly dumb when it comes to streamers being hacked on live events. They don't know, in the slightest form of acknowledgement, how to prevent IPs, addresses, and phone numbers being taken from PewDiePie wannabe Minecraft brats.


Raidforums

In late February/early March, multiple raiding community members decided to come together and create a central hub for people to come together and plan raids. This is also after the fall of the popular raiding site "Alphas.sx", which failed due to unrest within the community of the site, and the first raiding specific site "blackforums.net", which was the target of constant distributed denial of service attacks which eventually led the website owners to close the domain. Many of the staff from the previous websites are now serving as staff members on Raidforums.

Raidforums has many staff members but the original staff still working on the site are SummiT(Owner), Predator(Owner/Hosting), Celaeon(Administrator), and Kikeslayer420(Administrator/Moderator). It should be noted that many staff members have retired from their duties, as a large amount of stress and responsibility comes with managing Raidforums, because a large amount of the community are newfag cancer and occasionally (on a daily basis) cause problems.

Twitch Plays Pokemon

Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info: Twitch Plays Pokemon.

Twitch Plays Pokemon was an autistic experiment that spawned some of the unholiest forced memes in the world, such as the "Helix Fossil". More than 100k people were on, acting like apes and shitposting and memeing everywhere they went. You could find no intelligent conversations in its chat, even in its "slow mode", consisting of nothing but /b/tards and 10 year olds spamming "UP" and "B" and "PRAISE THE HELIX FOSSIL" and "FALSE PROPHET", along with pepperings of the word "fuck". Not only was it a festering sore of cancer, it made Twitch shit itself a few times due to how much bandwidth it was sucking from the site, and was a nesting ground for babytrolls wanting to make the kids cry by releasing every pokemon they had.

Nowadays, it's not even like playing the games anymore, it's just a pokemon gambling stream, betting on pokemon cockfights. It only tops 300 people instead too, so it's safe to say the fad has died and the cancer mostly cured.

Hot Tub Streams

What your average hot tub stream would look like.

Like many other social media websites, nudity is against Twitch's TOS. However, due to the fact that their primary userbase is half-naked e-girls, they worked very hard to tow the line to see how far they really could go to satisfy their 13-year old sex-deprived simps fans. And they did just that in late 2020/early 2021, when they came up with the idea of "hot tub streams". What is a "hot tub" stream exactly? It's fairly self-explanatory; a girl (who is usually in a bikini or in some other kind of semi-nude fashion) sits in a kiddie pool, and writhes around suggestively and/or doing ASMR, doing the absolute most they can sexually all without triggering the Twitch Banhammer. Streamers such as Amouranth popularized the genre, to the point where that was all you would find on the "Just Chatting" section.

Naturally, the male userbase of Twitch (you know, the demographic that is actually good at video games) started throwing a shitfit as a result, especially Dr. Disrespect, who was banned from Twitch in 2020 for seemingly no reason at all, yet these flagrant violations of TOS rules are being allowed on the front page nonetheless. The intense backlash caused Twitch to release a non-statement, rife with feminist bullshit about "being sexy isn't a bannable offense". Furthermore, Twitch created a "Pools, Hot Tubs, and Beaches" category on the site. So not only did Twitch basically ignore a significant minority of their userbase who skirted the TOS just enough so they didn't catch a Banhammer, but Twitch actually REWARDED them for doing so.

Naturally, since this is the internet we're talking about, it wasn't enough to satisfy the whores that populate their site. Whether it was the trannies that were bitching about a lack of a trans category, the niggers who were mad that Twitch wasn't endlessly virtue signaling to BLM, to the whores that were mad that Twitch yoinked Amouranth's ad revenue, nobody would be satisfied. As for Twitch itself, this wouldn't change a damn thing on the site; Twitch will still strike smaller (male) creators for the slightest of transgressions, while they completely ignore the TOS violations from the larger (female) streamers, because tits. Gotta get that simp money somehow.

The hot tub meta culminated in some loser named Erik Estavillo trying to sue Twitch in 2020 for $25 million. He cited Twitch PsyOps and ethot streamers such as Pokimane and Alinity as the reasons he will die alone.


Hot Tub Gallery About missing Pics
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Halle Synagogue Shooting

A kraut named Stephan Balliet began his streaming career with reverse DOOM gameplay on October 9th, 2019. He celebrated Yom Kippur by shooting two Jews in the face. However the man is an inept European who just doesn't have the capacity to commit mass-shootings like the Americunts. None of the shoddily made explosives detonated at all and his plan was foiled by a barricaded door like fellow raging retard William Atchison. Unlike the latter, he unfortunately failed to shotgun mouthwash himself and was promptly v& by the Deutsche authorities.

He was inspired by the actions of Brenton Tarrant, an aussie who showed Muslims how to get a high kill count without blowing yourself up in the process. Tarrant live-streamed this on Facebook six months earlier, demonstrating the site's superior streaming capabilities.

DOOM gameplay from Balliet's stream

Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info: Brenton Tarrant.

2020: Twitch Becomes Woke

In May 2020, Twitch met its diversity quotas by hiring a streamer by the name of FerociouslySteph who is a pink haired deer-kin troon to the newly formed Safety Advisory Council. Not keen on having a polyamorous furry have any form of power, the Twitch community had a collective REEEEE fest.

Twitch is also now suing two Europoor anons for being mean to LGBTQABC+ members and Basketball Americans on the Internets. The two have circumnavigated their bans to continue their pursuit of the lols.

2021 Data Breach

A very poggers leak indeed!

On October 6th, 2021, the notorious hacker known as Four Chan posted what appeared to a leak of Twitch on the /g/ board. However, it would soon transpire to be more than just an ordinary leak. It would soon be discovered that the following information would be included in the torrent file:

  1. The entire source code for Twitch.tv, even going back to the justin.tv days
  2. The source code for other Twitch properties, such as IGDB and CurseForge
  3. Source code for an unreleased Steam competitor from Amazon

And last but not least:

  1. Creator payout information from 2019-present (find out how many shekels your favorite content creator is making today!!1!)

This wasn't just a leak from some script kiddie - this was a digital pantsing of Jeff Bezos himself, for the entire internet to see. Naturally, after realizing that the leaks are in fact legitimate, the internet collectively lost its shit.

Competition

Over the years, Twitch has gotten site after site trying to take it down as the king of the live-action cancer:

  • Hitbox - Been in beta forever and still feels like it. Hardly anything in the extension shops to enhance it other than "HEY, THIS GUY IS STREAMING NAO!". Top streamers are from Poland, Russia, Spain, basically everywhere that isn't 'Murica. Top American streamer can't even break 100 viewers. Their supposed "4k 60FPS" quality they were flaunting is now the status quo, and they now have nothing else to show for it.
  • Beam - Newest streaming site about as stable as Gary Busey in an earthquake. Only things going for it is you get to see cancer form in real time instead of 10-30 seconds on Twitch and YouTube, and interacting with buttons under the stream so you can spend sparks to make gifs of 1guy1jar pop up ad infinitum. Once again barely has any extensions to add to it, and YouTubers/Twitchers are fleeing the barely functioning streaming services there for this one. Also is instantly worse because Micro$oft owns it now.
  • YouTube Gaming - The worst of the bunch, whenever people aren't streaming games, they're either turning it into YouNow or streaming space or playing SpongeBob episodes 24/7 until Viacom B&s their asses. Just like YouTube's comment section, the chat rooms have barely any moderators and people can proclaim their alliance to the Hitler Youth by spamming swastikas everywhere, or virgins can post their phone numbers to get people to have phone sex with them. Literally nothing is around to make it better, which is why no one sane uses it anymore.
  • Mixer - A project Microsoft dumped millions of dollars into only for it to fail. Not even luring Ninja, Twitch's Fortnite golden child with jewgold could save Mixer from falling into irrelevancy.

See also

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