From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigationJump to search
Police.gif FACT ALERT:
This article violates Article 301 of the Turkish Penal Code for insulting "Turkishness" and insulting The Republic of Turkey.
Turks are real Patriots
You may find this average Turkish twitter user in abundance
Ha ha you made me laugh, now go to prison you giaour!

Cockroach > Turkroach
They got the most important word right.
How the mighty Ottoman Empire was built
A plastic carboy for storing water, sometimes misused by Turks as a sex toy

Turkey (also known as Turka Durka, Muslim Terrorists, Rabid Rapists of Turkey, Republic of Kebab, Neo-Ottoman Empire, Bizimdirstan, Islamic Republic of Turkey and especially a bird species around USA) is Middle East's Mexico, USA and Russia's bitch, as well as world's refugee waste dump. Filled with gypsies and ragheads, it is most notable for being hated by basically every single country in the world. The only exception are the Arabs, who armed with the most cancerous religion on the planet infuriate Turks who thought the Middle East would be like Asia and easy to plunder and rape and their inferior nature worshipping culture left intact but instead are forced to be Islamic on the threat of a phantom Arab suicide bomber who will blow them up. Thus the Turks become retarded and every 100 years try to act secular before an Arab blows up and reminds them they'll be Muslim until the day they die and the Turks scream in amusing agony. There have become couple of countries who seem to like Turkey behave like that because of Jew monies they frequently get from Turkish government. Ironically, Turks are usually regarded as being next to Jews and Arabs, in terms of general filthiness and everyone else in the world without exception (even niggers) look down on them, especially Europeans who think Turks are not "Westernized" enough. Besides, the Turks tend to hate and are hated back by Arabs, because Turks are not seen as "proper Muslims". Probably because they drink alcoholic libations and don't abuse their women as much, supposedly. Turks also get pissed off if you compare them to Arabs, because they feel that they are "white Europeans", and white people are of-course superior to filthy sandniggers. Somebody must tell the Turks that they are, in fact, sandniggers themselves, no matter how European they try to look.

Despite the fact that Turkey has stolen territory from everyone and slaughtered a bunch of Armenians, Assyrians and Greeks, Turks will constantly bitch and moan when any of this is mentioned during conversations. Seriously, They even made it a law, earning the country title of "Biggest BBAAAWWers" on Earth. People also call it: "Turkey, a country to spit on."

Turks are easy to identify IRL. If you ever see a bunch of Arabs on the street screaming "REEEEEECEEEEEEEEP TAYYIIIIIIIIIIP ERDOGAN", don't worry, they are not retards, just Turks participating in a Muslim ritual protest, usually pissing and whining about some random Armenian crap or celebrating another victory of Erdogan. TAKBIIIIIIIIR, ALLAHU AKBAAAAAAR!!!

The Turkish government is currently slaughtering Kurds, who are the degraded versions of already filthy Turks. They appear to have had a huge hatred towards Turks for centuries because they claim Turks impede their efforts to become an independent country.

An Overview of Turkey

A Turkish Drama Generating Device

It is inhabited by the descendants of the smallest Empire in the history of the world. Turks are the sub-human barbarians whose only contribution to history is fucking kebab, which tastes like shit and nobody likes it (except Germans, due to being exposed to that disgusting thing for years).

The Turkish national deity was Atatürk, but now Sultan I. Erdogan is treated like a god. Probably the only Turk with a functioning, human brain in all history, Atatürk, a.k.a That Fur Hat Guy realized that Islam was retarded as fuck and decided to ban it. After the horrors of World War I and barely turning back the whitey out of the last shithole Turks occupied, he attempted to destroy everything related to sandniggers by banning those stupid little hats called fez, hanging fanatical assholes who refused to wear proper hats and basically trying to establish a less of a shithole country in the Middle East. The thing is, you don't enlighten sandniggeristan countries without dying from stress and drinking because of chimpouts. As expected, he died of a ruined liver and a century's headache of teaching Mehmet not to marry butifel Melike and pray to Allah.

Obviously, sandniggers took over the country subsequent to Ataturk's death and Europe gleefully supported their head niggers like Adnan Menderes and Turgut Özal who plundered the barely standing treasury and gave half to EU and half to themselves. Nevertheless, he's still a national hero and if you say a bad word against his memory, you will be shot in both your legs and then assfucked by batshit insane Turkish cops, and taken to prison, where a burly, moustached Turk named Faruk will slice off your testicles and feed them to you. But actually Turkey never was really a secular State and today's President (or, better, neo-Ottoman Sultan Recep Tayyip Erdogan dismantled the rest of the already eroded fascistic system of government and is trying to build an Islamic State. Hopefully he will get what he deserves.

The Turkish national pastimes include beating, raping and/or murdering wifes, girlfriends, sisters or other female relatives and also homosexual male relatives because of Honour, beating, raping and forcing their children to marriage, often with those relatives (that's the reason Turks have low IQs), mutilating male genitalia, watching child and/or animal porns (the Turkish langugage is the first most common language which used to search for child and animal pornography in the internet), banging slutty Eastern European chicks, sending shitty performers to Eurovision, slaughtering the Kurds, blaming Greeks for everything, sodomizing European drug-dealers in their prisons, and picking off pedestrians with their cars even when the green light CLEARLY says that pedestrians have right of way. They are, however, masters of trolling BAWWWing Kurds and Armenians, not to mention being Pedophiles to little girls on a daily basis. Since having sex is forbidden under quasi-Sharia laws Turkey has now, some of their men resorted to satisfying their sexual desires by having sexual intercourse with animals or even inanimate objects. Yeah I mean it, once a local man in Turkey got caught masturbating with a carboy in an elevator.

It is a proven fact that Turkish people spend 90% of the day on websites like Facebook, Twitter, Omegle or Chaturbate, trying to pick up chicks, and the other 10% of their day making up their language, which is completely indecipherable, even to Google. Some Argue that this is because their education system is retarded, while others have suggested that they simply pretend speak some form of human language but are really just making it up as they go along.

History of the Turks

Modern linguistic and anthropological evidence has shown that the original Turks were actually remnant Homo erectus, specifically Wushan Man, who survived in isolated populations in the Central Asian hills. They lived a happy, peaceful life hunting with sharpened sticks and clubs, living in caves or crude yurt-like huts and wearing the untanned skins of their prey. However, around roughly 800 BC, contact with wandering Indo-Aryan nomads gave Turks the idea to ride horses and use bows. In the next three thousand years that it took them to learn how to sit on a horse and move it forward, the Turks bred like rats until there were enough of them to Zerg Rush the civilized nations of Persia, Anatolia and eastern Europe. And, giving themselves short guttural barbarian names like the 'Huns,' 'Khazars,' and 'Oghuz,' that is exactly what they did.

Then, in order to mask their sub-human origins, they proceeded to rape everything they could lay their paws on, creating the most mongrelized excuse for an ethnic group in existence. The original Turkic people looked like a bunch of filthy Asian bums on horseback who lived in tents. By the time they reached Turkey, after centuries of fucking Arabs and Europeans, they looked like a mix of white people and Arabs, but some today still have that authentic Azn look.

There are no crueller and more audacious villains under the heavens than the Turks who spare no age or sex and mercilessly cut down young and old alike and pluck unripe fruit from the wombs of mothers


—Bishop Fabri of Vienna (1536–41), Vienna

Ottoman Empire

A Turk in stage 2 form

Eventually, some of the more mongrelized Turks became intelligent enough to declare themselves leader, and uniting all the Turks who had yet to rape themselves out of existence, plus the countries they had zerg'd into submission, under Islam (a religion they stole from the Arabs) they declared themselves to be the Ottoman Empire. Most of the emperors of the Ottoman empire are known for being potheads (lots of hash supplies, dude). They also had harems, which makes a prince start having orgies at the age of 12.

Eventually the Terrans of Europe figured out how to use firearms effectively and counter the Zerg Rush tactics on which the prolific steppe-apes had become dependent. Since the Ottoman Empire had spent all its resources building an army of meatshields, they required more Vespene gas in order to spawn more Overlords and change tactics. So one by one the Balkan nations and Arab tribes, who were sick of stenchy Turks telling them what to do, rebelled and separated. Eventually, all the Turks who were still dumb enough to be considered Turkish had left was Anatolia. Which would have been fine, except the Turks were still idiots who could not function in an ordered society, and therefore poor. So, rather than attempt to educate themselves so they could become richer, the Turks began to purge all the richest elements from society so that they would not look bad in comparison. Hundreds of rich and middle-class people were rounded up and marched into the desert, shut in buildings and burned live, or slaughtered in the street with bayonets. Coincidentally, almost all of these rich people were Armenians, the few exceptions being Greeks or Yazidis, slaughtered by Turks Kurdish Hamidiyyah Brigades, all the wealth grabbed by the hairy mountain niggers calling themselves Kurds, and the Steppe Niggers called Turks only got the blame for it.

Istanbul: Now with Electricity

This left only Kurds and Gypsies as minorities. Even the Kurds, however, decided they were to good for the steppe-monkeys and began to go terrorist on them and get their own country. Gypsies hate Turks too, but because pretending to be a Turk makes it easier to rip them off, they just keep it to themselves.

Kemal Ataturk

Faced by the collapse of their empire after the First World War and the occupation of Constantinople by the British and French, the Turks turned to Mustafa Kemal a.k.a. 'the Big Mus' or simply 'Ataturk', one of the only few Turks with an IQ above the room temperature. Realizing Islam will make the Turks just another colonial trophy of French and British, he reunited the country round an idea of Islamic Jihad (doubly lulzy since he'd fuck over and kill every Islamist afterwards), and successfully expelled the Allies from the country with a final rifleman Zerg spam. Then he encouraged the minorities to GTFO or assimilate, putting the old Ottoman extended family on a boat to France. Last sultan died a poor man in a rented home in Paris.

Ataturk wanted to transform the country. A Republic was proclaimed and to make sure no one could argue against this, changed the language and introduced the Latin alphabet and forced the retarded mountain monkeys of Anatolia to go to school. He created new type of nationalism and forced religious and ethnic minorities to become the new accepted nationalist identity. With the Ottoman nostalgia and the jealousy of Stalin's and Hitler's popularity; he created one his extreme Dersim and Zilan massacres (which were totally justified) aimed mostly towards civilian Kurds and anyone who still thinks even more retarded hobos with headscarves are cool. Because of his influence and constant bias mentioned about him, many Turks refer him as "grandfather" "great-grandfather" or "waifu".

Today, you can see him everywhere in Turkey. You can see pictures of him, his old cup jizz that he used to fap every night to males, and Turkish men pretending to suck his dick and drinking his semen as if he's still alive. If you say anything negative of the things he did, you will be seen as being insane or worse, suffer the unexpected Turkish consequences. In 2007, two journalists working for the News Agency, interviewed 94-year-old living eyewitness of the Zilan massacre and published the interview. The pissed off Criminal Court with its rage tried the journalists for "inciting hatred and hostility". In 2009, each of them received a prison sentence of 18 months because they are quasi-SJW faggots for whom it's only ok to investigate when it's the enemies of the West.


Istanbul is the city which is the actual Kurdistan and Syria, as well as the popular place for web 2.0 whoring. You can visit and experience extreme sickfuckery with transgender whores at the back streets of Taksim, or get drunk as fuck in some corner bar crawling with gangbangers and drug pushers. Or you can tell a tobacco crazy taxi driver that you don't have enough money to pay, then he will pull the car to a back street and tell you to give him a blowjob and will then break your thumbs. Another interesting hangout would be the Istiklal street (the street of independence, lol get it?) full of hot German tourists and classy, respectable individuals. Watch out for Syrians though.

Venture into the piss ridden back streets crawling with old paedophiles smoking cigarettes or retarded bitch gazers enjoying their glass of tea, if you simply do not give a fuck any more. Take a wrong turn and enjoy being stabbed, mugged and raped by a glue sniffer, in that order if you're lucky. Experience Istanbul's cosmopolitan sickfuckery and mind numbing night life, as the city slowly consumes and mind-numbs you into a hate spewing mess of a person. Don't forget to meet the city's extremely welcoming and helpful people, and enjoy your shisha in a café with barely breathable atmosphere.

Turkish Culture

Patriotic Algae Blooms are a Common Problem in Turkish Waterways

"Turkish culture" is an oxymoron. Everything even slightly 'cultural' in Turkey was stolen from the Greeks and Arabs. Though they are most famous for Turkish Delight.

such trolling makes your website banned in Turkey



  • If you have sex before marriage, you get killed or enforced to kill yourself. Your parents lock you somewhere and give you some rope to hang yourself, they don't give you food or water and possibly beat you up for days until you decide.
  • If you cheat on your husband, he kills you or reports to your family, then they kill you.
  • If you marry a non virgin, you have the right to take the woman back to her dad. Her dad kills the woman for you.
  • If you deflower a female and not marry her, her dad kills you.
  • If you get raped, your parents ask you to kill yourself because of the probability that you were asking for it.
  • If you marry a foreign woman, everybody has the right to rape your wife. Basically, your wife is everybody's personal whore.


In a word: YES!!!!!


  • Turks, being the hypocritical assholes they are, only consider bottoms to be "faggot". So if you took it up the ass, you are a faggot. Otherwise, you are "kulampara", or "ass pirate". (Ghulamperest is a word stolen from Persians, lol)
  • If you are a faggot, your dad kicks you out of the family. You don't have a family anymore. But go to the big city and there are open anuses everywhere.


  • If you are a female tourist, all men in the country constantly ask you to have sex assuming all females outside Turkey are accomplished sluts.


  • If someone kills someone from your family, the youngest person in your family has to kill someone from their family and this cycle goes on that way until one (or both) of the families are killed off.


Türk milleti gariptir
Her lafı kaldırmaz
İbne dersin kızar da
Sikersin aldırmaz
-Neyzen Tevfik-

The Turk is strange
He won't bear a slight
Gets angry when you call him a fag
But when fucked won't put up a fight
-Neyzen Tevfik (a Turkish hobo that played ney, famous for consuming enough booze, hash and opium to supply all American Niggers for a century)

Turkish Immigrants

Turks immigrate to North America and Western Europe, because the living conditions in these countries are much better than the living conditions in the ass-cave, overcrowded, ghetto slum which we call Turkey. Emigrant Turks work mostly as fast food traders or greengrocers, but the biggest part of them live on welfare. They have to shave their hairy asses themselves because salons don't take food stamps.


Turkish law requires ISPs to filter any materials that are critical of Mustafa Kemal Atatürk. Additionally, asking any Turk IRL about these censorship laws is a surefire way to make them feel uncomfortable.

Any site that is about Armenian Genocide or Kurdish shit will have their guestbook flooded with 6,000,000,000,000 nationalist Turks giving deep and meaningful messages with caps lock before their ISP bans the site.

Also, almost every adult website is banned as well, alongside with YouTube, Twitter and even Wikipedia. Ya rly, the cunting Wikipedia.

Foreign Relations

Each and every one of Turkey's neighbors hate them. Bulgaria with the rest of the Balkans hates them because they are Muslims and because of the assrape they were given by the flaming Turkish hordes in the Middle Ages and Arab nations and Iran hate them because they are secular and pro-west. The only people willing to hold any strong relations with Turkey are rich and powerful countries who need cheap lackeys, and only have to deal with smelly Turks at arm's length. That's why NATO tolerates them as a member country.

Realizing that everybody hated them after centuries of slavery -mainly slavers of Ukrainian whites being Jewish- and rape on their behalf (if a little slow on the uptake), Turkey decided they needed at least one neighbor they could count on, even if they had to make it themselves. So, sometime after WWII, seeing the Greeks remove kebab in Cyprus, Turks realized that whitey started to snip them off from the civilized world. Chimping out, they invaded the northern half, killed all the Greeks they could find, and declared the northern part "Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus". However, as all the other countries have since realized that it, too, is not a real country, this operation is largely considered fail. Turkey then decided to do this to everyone in revenge. [1] (This is also a daily Turk ritual.) The UN forced Turkey and Greece to create a "buffer zone" on Cyprus, to keep the assholes from shooting at each other randomly and let the British keep their precious bases in the south.


Factcat seal of approval.gif This page relies entirely on facts.
Fact Cat knows this because of his learnings.
Sorry for the lack of dick jokes.

Armenia hates them because they have had to deal with the land-stealing, them attacking Turks and Turks killing (one million) Armenians during world war one. Turkey hates Armenia because Armenia's shitty military humiliated its puppet of Azerbaijan.

Greece + Cyprus

Greeks don't like Turkey because parts of Turkey were Greek settlements for centuries. Many cities in the west still have Greek names today. Turkey tried to grab half of Cyprus in 1970s in a peace mission, which turned into a shitty war. If you wanna piss them off, ask them about Varosha. Turkey and Greece often send their F16s to the Aegean Sea to claim the sea territory which Greece wants to take. Planes chase each other everyday and go back to their bases because none of the fags have the balls to fire their fucking missiles.


President of Azerbaijan
Could this user be Jack? WARNING! WARNING!
Azerbaijan is a sockpuppet of Turkey and seems to think that greed is a virtue!
A Turkish man drives a car that was stolen in Western Europe by Albanian smack addicts.

Azerbaijan, like a lot of central Asia, is Turkey's retarded younger half-brother. Essentially the product of a Russian fucking a Turk up the ass, they have the stupidity and aggression of the latter combined with the psychotic paranoia of the former. Azerbaijan distinguishes itself as being the only country to evar get pwned by Armenia, the Azeris have been BAWWWING about this for over 15 years. Azeris essentially believe Turkey is the only country in the world better than their own, that Azerbaijan is the descendant of a silly made-up ancient country called "Caucasian Albania" (despite also claiming to be Turkic) and that Western civilization (which is always trying to steal their goats and women) is under the control of the Armenian Lobby, who are actually Space Aliens that crashed on Mt. Ararat 3 billion years ago. Azeris often pretend to be friends of Turks due to the butthurt coming from kidfight between the Armenians and themselves, needing a big bro to help them when their ass is constantly being kicked by territory-obsessed Armenians (see System of a Down lyrics). The Azeris laid claim to lands known as Nagarno-Karabakh and they got their asses handed to them by Armenia. Their army, despite massive technological and training help from the Russian Federation and Israel, couldn't beat Armenia's third-class army, but they treat their military as if they have anything to protect other than the vaginas of the cumdumpsters they keep in their homes. North Korea would be proud.

Azeris also have the advantage of owning oil, but somehow this had made them neither richer nor less dirty.

Azerbaijan also hates Turkey because Turkey is so big and the amount of money Turks invest in Azeri oil companies scares the shit out of Azeri people. Azerbaijan does not count as a neighbor because Nakhchivan is not a part of any country as much as a turd that Armenia shat out.


Turkey does foreign relations

Syria doesnt like Turkey because Turkey is not Muslim enough and not jihadding everytime something is triggered around Syria, that's the reason why Turkey begun to support the most religious muslims in the world (ISIS) in the Syrian Civil War to show that the Erdogan Regime is more Islamic than the Baathist dictatorship of Bashar al-Assad. Turkey doesn't give enough water to Syria because fuck them. Turkey has the power to kill all Syrians just by keeping the water.

Syria is a peaceful country now, since all Jihadists and basically the scum of Syria have gone to Turkey and Turkey has to deal with them.


Iraq doesn't like Turkey because noone in Turkey is interested in investing in its eastern areas. Kurds group up and kill the people and babies in the east of Turkey, whose population is mostly Kurds. Turkey is also has a boner for adding Mousul and Kirkuk to its territories.


Iran doesn't like Turkey because Turkey is too modern and has better relations with the western world, not jihadding about everything, being jelly constantly, and not buying their oil and spices as much as they want.After Erdogan came to power the relationship became much better. Erdogan is an Anti-semite like the shiteater Mullahs who rule Iran. HAHA DISREGARD THAT, Wahhabi ass-bitch Erdoğan is not helpless but to oppose Iran because the dollar went bust and needs Jewgolds.


Israel hates Turkey because Turks attacked armed Israeli soldiers with knives, wooden sticks, and a handgun taken from a shlomo commando. The Turks expected humiliating Jew defeat like in Counter-Strike, but the Jews ended up pwning them with paintballs. Turkish politicians are known for acting very, very, very angry and serious without doing anything about anything in all conflicts with its enemies. The video below is proof that when dealing with flotillas of angry Turks Turkish agents, countries should abide by the Greek standard: sink first, ask later about policy.

Erdogan's response to anything that Israel does, because they realize that they are literally more greedy and barbaric than the jews:


Georgia hates them because Georgians hate everybody, but Turkey was nice enough to help rebuild their faggot army after it was pwnt by Russia in 2008. The Georgians did not have the economy to repay them, as they mainly survive on loans from the West, but rewarded the Turks by attacking one of their ships trying to break a blockade on a seperatist territory run by Moscow. Israel later copied them.


A Video lesson about how to treat Turks in Germany

Germany is the main foreign trade partner of Turkey since their alliance with Nazis in World War II. Hitler was an admirer of Turks because they murderered over a million Armenians without consequence. After World War II, half of German males were dead and the guys from the whole world was too busy visiting Germany to satisfy German wimmins. Besides that, Germany needed men to support the manufacturing industry with workers, thus allowing immigrants from different European countries so they got millions of illiterate fucktards from Turkey. Since then, most Germans hate Turks because they ruin everything civilized everywhere.

Polish-Lithuanian commonwealth

Lithuanian word for Turkey is kałakutas. In Polish, kał means shit and kutas means dick. They were one country for most of their history, thus this is not a coincidence...


Russia is known for being the manufacturer of the weapons used by Kurds in terrorism. Russia also makes shitloads of money by being the main gas supplier of Turkey. The Russians also help the degenerate Turks to build nuclear power plants.


See, Kurdistan
Turkey, like any secular, racist nation, hates whatever minority is predominant; and theirs being the Kurds, the Turks hate them and want them out of the country. However, Turkey could not allow them to secede as that would mean yet another hostile country bordering Turkey. So instead they tried to "assimilate" the Kurds by calling them 'mountain Turks' and pretending they're niggers. Failing at that, the Turks have since leaned back toward their tried-and-trusted tactic of extermination. For now, they occasionally invade and bomb Kurdish territory, but are just waiting for the right time to do it full-scale.

Government and Freedom

The government in Turkey is known for banning fucking everything.

Article 301

According to the Article 301 of the Turkish Penal Code, insulting "Turkishness" and insulting The Republic of Turkey gets you into jail for up to two years. You can contribute to it by copying the contributors of this article and sending the list to Turkish police by clicking here.

Youtube Ban

Article 301 of Turkish law states that no one may insult Turks or Turkish values, which makes them hopelessly vulnerable to trolling. A Greek once made a video about their national leader Ataturk and uploaded to YouTube, making some Turks go to court to ban the whole of Youtube instead of removal of single videos. Greeks are also known to send their fishing boats to the Turkish coastline to show them their middle fingers, tell them they are faggots, and run back to the Greek sea zone.

Banning Atheist Websites

The Islamist government of Turkey also bans local websites about atheism to "protect the citizens from going evil". [2][3]

Killing atheist authors

An atheist author, Turan Dursun, who was considered the local Richard Dawkins of Turkey, was killed in 1990. Since Erdogan became president, it has only gotten worse.

Banning pr0n

The ass-fisted Turkish government is known for banning all the fun things on the internet. The court often bans porn websites when they are sued and the owners of the porn sites are expected to defend themselves IRL even though they live in somewhere in a galaxy, far, far away. But a simple change to DNS settings is enough to watch porn ( - The government also makes many stupid mistakes.


The government is also working on banning abortion, as if all their faggotry above wasn't bad enough! Over 9000 women have abortions every year in Turkey and with the new law, Turks will just go back to their best friend, coat hangers.

Tragedy of the Turks

On some Monday in 2010, an earthquake struck eastern Turkey and leveled a bunch of mud huts and tents, killing a lot of nobodies that no one gave a fuck about. The 30.0-megashock was in part engineered by George Lucas's crack teams at Lucasarts and ILM. After seeing that fucked up Turkish Star Wars shit, he felt he had no other recourse then to try to level Turkey. Survivors on site say the earthquake was presented in THX, and was better then any action scene present in the 3D film Avatar. Any earthquake in Turkey has a success rate of 1/ deaths.



Enjoy the following as you accompany some Turks on their day-to-day activities.

A typical Turk in his own habitat

How turks may react

Traditional Turkish dancing

Some Turks moving a train

Kurds trying to learn English

Erdogan hidden son

Typical Turkish Dance
Dayam they hate those Kurds

As you can see most Turkish men have some sort of homosexual attraction to each other. Possibly due to the fact that Turkey holds the record for most cases of micropenis in the world and rubbing their male genitals together helps to ease the pain.

A Turk's favorite past-time

Turks are pedophiles. Fact.

An active sex life

  • Apart from spending their time in the kebab shops (their natural habitat) they spend their time on their PC watching turkey pr0n.
  • Because Turkish women are ugly and useless, you can see millions of Turkish males on online dating sites. Like Indians, they are known for harassing-stalking females all over the internets.

Turks on Web 2.0

An average Turk, seen on chatroulette, amazed by seeing a Vagina.
  • Spamming Facebook groups which are against the existence of Turks.


Turkish Hackers

Hacking UR Websites

Rivaled only by the Kosovars in terms of skittishness and complete inability to spell the simplest of words, Turkish hackers break into unpopular, badly protected sites with a 2 year old exploit that they found on milw0rm, deface with a picture of the Turkish flag and insert pointless historical reference to remind people of a graet injustice that happened to the Turks well over 200 years ago, and blame it on the website owner.

Hackin UR Web 2.0

Turks also often group together and change the kurdish translation on facebook to some phrases implying kurdish people are faggots so that the people who choose to view the website in kurdish would get annoyed.

Turkish flashmobs

On July 28, 2010, a group of Turkish pranksters enlisted the help of their fellow message board users to mount a large scale linguistic assault on Facebook which also resulted in shutdown of translate application for the most languages. The word “like” for example was substituted for another word that rhymes with luck but begins with an F. The familiar notification in Facebook chat “Your message could not be sent because the user is offline” became “Your message could not be sent because of your tiny penis”, here's more.

Turks around the world

Turks actually fap to this map, srsly

The Turks have a concept called Turan (sort of like Turkish Nazis or KKK) where they believe that other people are really Turks and they just don't know it yet. A partial list of peoples that the Turks believe to be Turks:

Similar Languages
  • Indians because they passed the bering and have some words Native American words are similar to Turkic language.
  • Kurds Because Kurds can be either Arab, Turk, Armenian
  • Finns Language families
  • Koreans Language Families
  • Japanese Language Families
Because East Europeans Were Asians Who Migrated to Europe
Close Coordinates
  • Armenians Because Turks have had consensual sex with Armenians since the beginning of the history.

How to troll Turks

Posting this anywhere will help you easily discover if there is any Turk in the area.
  1. Mention anything good about Serbia. Anything at all. Bonus points if you play an Accordion and sing REMOVE KEBAB.
  2. Say "Fuck Allah" or "Fuck Hz. Muhammed" (99% success rate!)
  3. Tell them the Turks killed 1.5 million Armos, hundred thousands of Assyrians and Greeks in 1915 until 1923 and 30,000 Kurds.
  4. Tell them that Turks stole their cuisine from the Greeks.
  5. Tell them that döner sucks.
  6. Tell them that Atatürk was a Jewish, Albanian or Greek homosexual.
  7. Tell them that Southeastern Turkey will become a new state called Kurdistan. (Guaranteed to create an epic shitstorm by Turks from every political angle. After saying it, run like hell. Or you might get killed.)
  8. Tell them that Constantinople, the Black Sea Region, and all of Cyprus belongs to Greece.
  9. Tell them that Northeastern Turkey belongs to Armenia
  10. Say anything positive about Greece at all.
  11. Tell them that when fighting Kurds, the Turkish Army violates human rights worse than North Korea or Egypt.
  12. Tell them that they are Europe's Niggers.
  13. Ask them if they have fez and camels in their country and pray to Allah.
  14. Tell them that Midnight Express was a fantastic movie that brings to light problems in the Turkish justice and penal system.
  15. Tell them that your girlfriend went to Turkey one summer and got grossed out by all ogling, horny men and told this to her friends so that no white girl will ever come to Turkey again.
  16. Tell them that you're sick of his lazy relatives taking all the jobs in Frankfurt a.M.
  17. Tell them he's a thief and that his people should go back to fucking Central Asia.
  18. Tell them his country is very friendly towards Israel.
  19. Tell them Turkey is a second rate spear-carrier for the Great Satan.
  20. Tell them that Turkey will never be considered seriously for EU membership, no matter what they do, as Turkey is in Asia anyway, not Europe.
  21. Ask them how much he spent this month on gold chains and cologne.
  22. Refer to all the times Greece defeated them.
  23. Compare Turkish to Esperanto; make fun of its made-up Romanized alphabet.
  24. Tell that that Cenk Uygur is the greatest Turk who ever lived.
  25. Ask them that what Reno and Rude have been up to lately.
  26. Ask them repeatedly if you can buy some hash.
  27. Tell them Turkey's national dog breed, the kangal (a very big dog which the Turks claim can kill a wolf, hyena or leopard single-handed,also cute as puppies), is in fact a Kurdish mongrel that stands no chance in a fight against an Armenian Gampr.
  29. Tell a Turkish girl she's "Kezban" and call her with that name everywhere.
  30. Ask them why they are unemployed.
  31. Refer to them as Arabs and Turkey as Middle East.
  32. Tell him that Kurds are better.
  33. Tell them that Turkey has only two Nobel prize winners; Orhan Pamuk who writes shitty novels, doesnt deny the Armenian Genocide and the Massacres of Kurds, and Aziz Sancar who found useless gibberish about DNA repair.
  34. Quote Aziz Nesin, a Survivor of the Massacre of Sivas, Writer and Atheist, who said that Turks are to stupid or to cowardly for Democracy
  35. Speak derogatory about Turkish girls and women, especially in the presence of religious Muslim Turks
  36. Tell them that the word Turk is an insult in many languages and that it was an insult for the Elite in The Ottoman Empire to be called as Turks.
  37. Mention the War Crimes of their Military during the Invasion and Occupation of Northern Cyprus, especially the Use of Naplam and the expulsion of the Greek Cyperiots.
  38. Tell them that Troja was discovered by a German.
  39. Tell them that Turks were a long time Military Slaves of Arabs and Persians.
  40. Tell them that the Ancestors of the Turks of today came form Central Asia and that they were orginally primitive cattle-breeding nomads, who were totally unrelated with ancient highly developed peoples like Sumerians, Hittites and Etruscans.
  41. Refer them as cockroaches.
  42. Tell them that no matter how Western they try to look, they will always be the sandniggers who will eventually get bombed.
  43. Insult Sultan Erdogan, even his haters will try to justify his actions by claiming that he got elected by the majority.

The Turkish Language

I kiss you

Turkish is the babble-like language which was the only thing the Turks actually invented, and is the official language of Turkey. The actual Turkish language is like 20 short words, because until they met other tribes, they didn't have any cultural development. Some examples are am=pussy, piç=bastard, göt=ass, sik=cock=fucking etc. The original nouns are mostly about sex and food, which is a sign of how primitive the culture is. The shortest forms of verbs are given orders because people used to order each other around all the time in their barbarian history. Anyone who speaks it is retarded, because to speak it, you either have to be a dumb Turk, or you have actually believe that you can have a legible conversation with a Turk. Today, Turks don't even bother translating anything to Turkish because there's no demand for any quality "literature", technology or anything else by Turkish speakers. Nobody understood Turkish people until they started using Arabic script. What is even funnier, the current Turkish language is a rip-off of a Romanized alphabet and pieces of all middle eastern languages, Persian, Arabic, plus some bastardized American English.

Want proof? Here's a small sample of faggotic Turkish, as used on the Internet every day:

  • f0ck ur mom
  • f0ck u sisste
  • 10k plz
  • g0ld plz
  • lwl kaç
  • nooop
  • resss plis
  • lol herif sus lollolololl
  • U stopit
  • slm agalar
  • aga gold
  • aga a.q
  • fuck jew
  • ım from türkiş (pronounced like "umhamhhum tuhmhm")
  • fuck israil
  • fuck amerika
  • I kiss you
  • COK
  • are you sex
  • meme ac
  • anani sikerim oc
  • as bayraklari as as as as as... (that goes on)

Vlad Tepes Dracul's guide to making Authentic Turkish Döner Kebab

Vlad the Impaler learned so much from Turkish cuisine. So, he applied it to the art of dealing with Turks:

  1. Find a Turk (or the nearest Muslim).
  2. Force feed them onions, garlic and other strong spices.
  3. Impale them vertically in the ass for shits and giggles.
  4. Wait 4 days for them to marinade.
  5. When they're about to die, roast them.
  6. ???
  7. DÖNER KEBAB! Shave cooked outer layers, put garlic sauce and veggies, wrap in pita bread, and sell to the nearest German.
  8. ???
  9. PROFIT!


[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also

is part of a series on
Tro0 Muslims [-+]
Countries & Peoples [-+]
Beliefs, Events, Traditions & Other Drama [-+]
Infidels & Islamic No-Nos [-+]
Commonwealth Of ED.PNG The Commonwealth of Encyclopedia Dramatica
Members Afghanistan | Albania | Antigua and Barbuda | Argentina | Armenia | Australia | Austria | The Bahamas | Belarus | Belgium | Brazil | Bulgaria | Canada | Chile | China | Colombia | Croatia | Cuba | Cyprus | Denmark | Dominican Republic | Ecuador | Egypt | England | Estonia | Eswatini | Fiji | Finland | France | Fyromia | The Gambia | Georgia | Germany | Greece | Haiti | Hungary | Iceland | India | Iran | Iraq | Ireland | Israel | Italy | Japan | Kazakhstan | Kenya | Latvia | Lebanon | Liberia | Lithuania | Madagascar | Malaysia | Mexico | Moldova | Mozambique | Nauru | Netherlands | New Zealand | Niger | Nigeria | North Korea | Northern Ireland | Norway | Palestine | Pakistan | Peru | Poland | Portugal | Romania | Russia | Saudi Arabia | Scotland | Sealand | Serbia | Sierra Leone | Singapore | Slovakia | Somalia | South Africa | South Korea | Spain | Sudan | Switzerland | Sweden | Syria | Tajikistan | Tanzania | Thailand | Tunisia | Turkey | Ukraine | United Kingdom | United States | Uruguay | Venezuela | Vietnam | Wales | Zimbabwe
Kick Banned Confederate States of America | East Turkestan | Kosovo | Kurdistan | Ireland | Islamic State | Quebec | South Ossetia | Taiwan | Tibet
See Also For drama in your neck of the world, please consult the Encyclopdedia Dramatica Lulz Map. Also see: ED:Map