Thom Yorke and Cheesecake

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Colin Greenwood at 17. *schlick schlick*

Thom Yorke and Cheesecake (also known as just Cheesecake or Cake) is the term for Radiohead slash fanfiction. This movement is notorious around the Radiohead fandom, often the butt of jokes and so forth. Most people on Radiohead message boards, such as Ateaseweb like to pretend that it doesn't exist, but indeed it does.

The authors of Cheesecake, known as Cheesecakers are all female. They are also ronery virgins. Pretentious ronery virgins (the worst kind).

The Original Cheesecake

The original Cheesecake originated on some Radiohead board, back in 2004, or something. It's self-explanatory why Radiohead fanfiction is now known as Cheesecake, though it is debatable if the original was an act of trolling.

Thom Yorke sat down at the dinner table, eyeing Rachel's freshly baked cheese cake apprehensively. It looked tempting--but he was a vegan--and he was going to stick to it. Suddenly, he heard a long American drawl at the door, and looked up, startled. It was Michael Stipe, lead singer of REM, and one of Thom's closest friends.

"Whatcha got there?" asked Michael, his green eyeliner almost glowing in the dark of the room. Without waiting for Thom to reply, he nodded his head, and grinned. "Cheesecake eh? Well, what are ya waiting for?"

He stuck his long fingers into the cake, almost erotically, before pulling them out and walking over towards Thom. "Taste" he said, and taking advantage of the boy, he slipped his fingers into Thom's mouth.

"Mmm. It's nice...but Michael, I'm a vegan."

"Vegan Shmegan! Hey, you look cute when you munch like that." Michael took some more cheesecake, this time with a fork, and fed Thom slowly, stroking his hair at the same time. "You smell nice," he said, bending his knees till his head was level with Thom's. Then they kissed. Thom didn't know how it happened, but it did, and he let himself be taken, and suddenly Michael's tongue was in his mouth, and they were rolling on the floor, and on the table, holding and clutching each other tight. Michael noticed how Thom tasted like fair trade lactose-free coffee. An interesting combination.

Soon they were throwing each others clothes off and lying on the table by the cheesecake.

"I want to eat this off you Thom" said Michael, growling. He took a knife and smeared cheesecake over Thom's chest before putting his lips to work...

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.


—Original Cheesecake

The Trends of Cheesecake

Illustrated Cheesecake. Worse than pain series.
Thom Yorke enjoying two weiners.

Cheesecake, like all highly-revered forms of fanfiction, have their own sets of rules, trends, and clichés. They are as follows:

  • Jonny Greenwood is always the submissive whore and also happens to be in 99.9% of all Cheesecake.
  • Thom Yorke is a creepy pedo, rapist, cockmonger, the list goes on.
  • Colin Greenwood is practically almost OOC in every Cheesecake.
  • Ed O'Brien is a werewolf and Jonny is a vampire or alien.
  • Phil Selway is never, ever, EVER fucked in Cheesecake because he is bald and bald is gross to these people (Michael Stipe does not count, apparently).
  • Beck, Bjork, Oasis, Coldplay, and a million other bands and artists who have even the slightest connection to Radiohead are mercilessly written in.
  • Incest is best, put your brother to the test.

See Also

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