Theme Park Review

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The subject of this article is a lolcow, and is currently ripe for milking.
You can help by trolling the shit out of them whenever you see them, then laughing at their lulz-inducing theatrics.
Robb Grafitti.jpg
Robert Lee Alvey
Birth 9th January, 1970
Death In a couple years
Cause of Death Most likely to be obesity
Channel Status Active
IQ Less than 90
Nationality Americunt
Current Residence Orlando, Florida
Occupation Video Game Creator, Roller Coaster Enthusiast, Youtuber
Favorite Drink Coca Cola
Favorite Movie Frozen
Favorite Activity Shooting Rollercoaster POV films
Wife Elissa Alvey (Wife 3)
Child Kristen Taylor Alvey (Child 5)
Alias(s) ThemeParkReview, Robb Alvey, ShitParkReview

Robb Alvey (also known as The Blobb, ThemeParkReview and Robert Lee Alvey) is a known narcissistic roller coaster enthusiast with behaviors similar to that of an Olchai. How he manages to live on his own was because of running his infamous cult website Theme Park Review designed to troll and humiliate the stupid people who dare to disagree with him and owning youtube account with the same name that is full of roller coaster POV's trying to entertain the stupid people on JewTube with his half-assed jokes and his immature reactions.

The Beginning/Pre Theme Park Review

His Current logo for his shitty cult website

Robb Alvey was born to a coyote in a Southern California Superfund site in January 9, 1970. Not much is known about his childhood but it was imminent that much of his childhood is him visiting theme parks almost every weekend probably in 1976 after riding the shitty Revolution coaster that used to hold a record of being the tallest roller coaster in the world. (Nowadays, it's one of the smallest and shittiest roller coasters in the world. even in 1983, it's tall status was raped after the completion of a shitty Japanese roller coaster known as Moonsault Scramble). In 1992, he produced his very first game known as Dune II and continued making shitty games that no one cares about after that.

The Start of Theme Park Review

In 1996, he assraped Westcoaster for members to get his start a website he created called which is a site for coaster videos, photos, forums, and information about theme parks and roller coasters, all curated by Robb Alvey himself, filled with ridiculous rules Robb created to bring persecution to any person who fucks up. When he is not producing video games, he is out shooting POV films of roller coasters to put on his website. It is kinda similar to Jewtube except it has an internal forum rather than external and even jewier rules. In 1999 he was a registered member of the American Coaster Enthusiasts organization though he was banned a little more than a decade later for being gargantuan slobbering cunt.

Ellissa Alvey

Here, we see Mrs. Alvey being kissed on the hand by a fat, sweaty loser who has to make a living by being an annoying cartoon character, and Chip.

His Films

To be quite honest, They are actually better than Matthew Davis's shitty films.

His Videos

These are some of his 1,500 videos. Just look at how amazingly mature him the crew are.

The roller coaster where fanboys start a conflict war on which was the best giga coasters, Steel Dragon 2000 not included
His Most Popular Video
Join TPR and the rest of the crew and watch them fuck a naked women up a long ass vagina
You want an annoying ass 3 minute video of him mostly repeating the same line "we are on a log flume", then this is the video for you.
Nobody gets too old for swings.
This video is sure going to get alot of traffic.
I am sure everyone is going to fall for this.
Boring Educational Video
Run out of Ideas?

He's a big boy now

Known as the king of his own popular website though his IQ ranges between 70 - 90 and has less social aptitude than a 5 year old. He's been growing at around 50 pounds per year since his last IAPPA as of late 2015, He is becoming too big to fit in these seats at Cedar Point, and could only be fitted in the big boy seats on RollerCoasters such as Thunderbird at Holiday World. Though despite his immature behavior, he isn't the kind of person living in his mother's basement unlike other adults with the same maturity. Robb actually manages to live on his own and is surprisingly married to a dumb wimmin (Elissa Alvey) which is his third wife and is living with his child (Kristen Taylor Alvey) which is his fifth child falling victim the Blobb's amazing parenting skills.


One of many. July 2015

The Decline and Future of Robb Alvey

Despite being the most successful Theme Park Channel in all of Youtube, Robb's viewership is slowly declining in recent years. In 2008, Robb Alvey's ass alone already had a BMI of 36.45 which is Class II obesity. As of now. he is already unable to fit in the seats of many roller coasters. He posts more pictures of junk food on social media sites than roller coasters, which is an indication that he will ultimately become too fat to fit in any roller coaster seat. The fewer roller coasters he's able to fit in, the fewer POVs he could shoot. The fewer POVs he could shoot, the fewer videos he makes and therefore less revenue which puts his "career" at risk. His company could consequently become bankrupt and since he's gained a reputation for stealing from employees along with other criminal acts. Robb Alvey could one day end up living the rest of his life on the streets as he's gonna have a difficult time finding a job.

What Robb may slowly evolve into.

Rob's super strict copyright rules

Here lies one of many of the stupid victims of his copyright abuse. Video is not fair use.
Theme Park Review in his glory days of copyright takedowns.

What many people have known about Robb Alvey is that he is extremely strict rules on copyright and would flag any video that uses any content he's posted. Using his content in your youtube videos without him his authorization is a good way to have a holocaust go on your channel (Proven by many idiots who make shitty top 10 Roller Coaster of 201# lists or people re uploading his videos with his consent). He won't stop until he finds every single last piece of his content distributed and it won't come without any prejudice. The only way you could get away with using his content is getting his permission via licensing deal which is probably gonna be quite expensive. However, The workers at Youtube have apparently been getting fed up with his copyright abuse giving lower chances for anyone using his copyrighted content to get their videos removed.


Even though he doesn't allow distribution without license payment, he infringes copyrights constantly. Despite this, he always got away with it. At the top is a typical video filmed by Robb Alvey himself (The one with the faggot voice). Below that are 4 different videos on his channel taken from Youtubers regarding if he has actual permission to post the content.

The Videos Originally by Him

The Video that includes the voice of the obese 10 year old we all know and love.

The Unoriginal/Infringed Videos

How to be like Robb Alvey

For Hardcore Robb Wannabe's.

If you follow these steps precisely, you too can become someone like Robb Alvey.

  1. Eat tons of junk food. Who cares about working out? Just go to Mcdonalds, Burger King and every other shitty fast food joint to eat. Keep a box of snack cakes and a 5lb bag of peanut butter M&Ms within arm's reach at all times. If you cannot fit on rides at Cedar Point due to your body size, this is an indicator that you are on your way to becoming just like him. PROTIP: Test the fatness of your ass at a local theater or mass transit rather than shell out ridiculous entry fees. If you can't fit in a movie seat, you're there!
  2. Start up a park website without a license and be sure to add forums and ban those who disagree with you or do shit you don't like.
  3. Film on a roller coaster (no permission from park staff needed), or take a park provided clip and make ad revenue off of it on youtube.
  4. When on a roller coaster do asinine shit such as acting like a 10 year old or repeat random, unfunny jokes in a stupid voice. (This may annoy people but hey, these fuckers do not know that a mute button even exists.)
  5. Bring extreme prejudice to those fuckheads who distributed your copyright content without your permission.
  6. Infringe upon other's intellectual property (Being hypocritical helps).
  7. Complain about stupid shit in life, especially those that are your own fault.

He's got some bootlegs

Since 1996, He's been slinging a lot of rip-offs; don't be suckered into buying them, you will regret it.

Club TPR

Holy Shit, there is actually a club known as Club TPR. It must be the best fucking thing ever because you participate in a group led by a tyrant who is somehow famous enough for a Wikipedia page. Not only will you able to visit parks all around the world though payment is required (you expect low prices from the gluttonous, feral hog who wants tons of money in his oversized Wallet? Think again, this isn't Walmart.), you can also have the stuff listed below as well.

  • Club TPR Pen (Ooooh! What he fucking said)
  • Club TPR Lanyard (Ahhhh! It seems people do get surprised over some simple shitty necklace.)
  • Club TPR Membership Card
  • $15 TPR Credit
  • Club TPR T-Shirt
  • Club TPR Magnet
  • Club TPR Ornament
  • Theme Park Benefits
  • Theme Park Review Discounts
  • Hourly spam from Theme Park News ripped from Amusement Today.
  • DVD's containing footage of rides he sneaked his camcorders on, stuff that are already available on Jewtube.

Robb Wants your money

<video type="youtube" id="eLVU57uJO_c" frame="false" position="center" height="350" width="500"/>

No Comments, They don't have time for your questions.

Moar Money Please

<video type="youtube" id="_jcIqiZkHTg" frame="false" position="center" height="350" width="500"/>

We promise to give you guys a huge bag of our useless crap. GONE

Ways you can piss off Robb Alvey

The response you expect from Rob (It would normally be this)

Pissing off the Blobb is really easy, in fact so easy, you can even do it without any intention whatsoever. Here are some good ways to get a rise out of him. And if you are lucky enough, you can even get his awesome award.

  • Tell him you like Pepsi. Robb is a Coke fan, he really hates Pepsi.
  • Tell him how much Coke sucks. Respond to his indignance by pointing out Coke is carbonated with sewer gas.
  • Remind him of his criminal record. Or cryptically ask if his statute of limitations has passed.
  • Tell him how faggy his voice is and that he should do torture at Guantanamo with it.
  • Act like an idiot in the comment section of his video. (He'll take it seriously.)
  • Make Youtube videos, preferably ones mocking him, with unauthorized use of his copyrighted content. (This might cost you your youtube channel.)
  • Tell him how much anything Disney sucks. (hint: A LOT)
  • Tell him that the Blackfish documentary is true.
  • Tell him Carrabba's gave your dad food poisoning and that they had to bribe the Health inspector.
  • Ask him a question on a coaster video that doesn't relate to that roller coaster at all. Bonus rage if it isn't even about roller coasters at all.
  • Don't use punctuation and use all caps in his comment section.
  • Put "1st", "2nd", "3rd", "4th" in the comments section and do not add anything else. (He really hates these comments.)
  • Talk shit about his failed marriages and whorish offspring.
  • Mock his meager and dwindling viewership in his comments sections but don't respond to anything he replies with.


As expected, Robb actually does enjoy the negative attention he receives. His real weakness is actually being disregarded. Robb's channel is slowly declining as he's getting 12 million fewer views over the year.

See Also

  • TheMysteriousMrEnter - A manchild who also complains about stupid shit in live. Unlike Robb, MrEnter still lives with his parents and makes shitty cartoon reviews.
  • 03bgood - Kind of like TheMysteriousMrEnter. Has the behavior almost equivalent to Robb's. (Also a Hypocrite)
  • Spax3 - He also abuses jewtube's copyright system.

External Links

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Theme Park Review is part of a series on YouTube.



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