The Comprehensive Theory of Lulz

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Introduction to the Field of Experimental and Theoretical Lulz

Researcher on steroids, yesterday.

You think that I Can Has Cheezburger invented lolcats. You've lurked for at least ten minutes and you're pretty sure Milhouse might be a meme. Wouldn't Encyclopedia Dramatica be a great place for an article on that guy from your high school that you really don't like?

Uh oh! It sounds like you aren't very familiar with lulz, but fear not - salvation lies within reach. By studying The Comprehensive Theory of Lulz you, too, can finally understand what this internet thing is all about.

Origins of Research: The Lollege University Incident

Last Thursday, a member of an anonymous advocacy group engaged in independent research at Lollege University got word that the much-anticipated IHM9000-CPX Internet Hate Machine would soon be delivered to his hallowed halls of knowledge. Much whooping and hollering was had, as it was believed that the precise properties of the lulz could finally be isolated. Once it was up and running, he began a series of experiments designed to determine the exact nature and properties of Lulz. The results of these early experiments are seen below:

Early Experiments

Oh Shi..

I herd u haet Jews.


These first three landmark experiments were declared a resounding success. In a short period of time, this intriguing work attracted other great minds to explore this promising new field of research. Leading scientists such as Bill Nye, Gordon Freeman, Dr. House, and many anonymous technicians left their posts and flocked to Lollege University, resulting in one of the greatest thinktanks yet known to man.

Countless experiments were run, the results of which greatly expanded the body of knowledge relating to Lulz. The greatest breakthrough came when lulz were fed into the machine, producing pure Anti-lulz, thereby allowing this element to be studied for the first time.

Further Experiments

Oh, dear God...


Longcat is looong.

Hackers on steroids.



Unfortunately, the scientific team was unsatisfied with the limits of the Hate Machine. A short ways into the research, they discovered that the energies produced by the Hate Machine, while closely resembling Anti-Lulz, were not quite the same. This, in addition to repressed memories causing the unexplainable desire to insert large things into orifices much too small to hold them, spurred the scientific team to further push the boundaries of Lulz. They surmised that by constructing a second Hate Machine, and then entering it into the first, they could create a machine capable of producing Anti-Lulz, or even Lulz, to be used for further testing.

As lulz creates anti-lulz, and anti-lulz creates lulz, the internet hate machine is effectively a perpetual lultion device.


The result was pure, epic fail. When the second Internet Hate Machine was inserted into the first a phenomenon known as dividing by zero occurred, which resulted in the largest explosion of Anti-Lulz and Epic Fail ever recorded. Many /b/tards were lost that day. The black hole of Fail and Anti-lulz instantly swallowed most of them, while an unfortunate few suffered even worse fates.

FAIL Community College


The tragedy at Lollege did not mark the end of this line of research, however. Inspired by the heroic efforts of the (now legendary) science team, a number of technicians at FAIL Community College surmised that their own engine, "Hugbox", could generate lulz in a similar fashion. The results, displayed below, were as inevitable as they were depressing.









Whilst the researchers at FAIL created multiple abominations, their results were at least somewhat useful to the broader scientific community. Their independent study resulted in the discovery of the fourth component of the internet; Retard; and the isolation of Unfunny.

As can also be seen above, the experiments ended abruptly when the technicians discovered that their Hugbox could transform ordinary porn into furry porn. Since then, their Hugbox has been used for no other purpose and as a result no more worthwhile research has come from FAIL Community College.

The Chanology Experiments

CoS fails at the interbutts.

The Chanology Experiments encompass a series of experiments involving Scientology and the Internet Haet Machine, Internet Love Machine (the Hugbox), and four machines invented over the course of the experiments -- the Internet Change Machine (a.k.a. World Wide Justice Device or Why We Protest Device), Internet Liek Machine, Internet Hurr Machine, and the Lulz Haet Construct -- and dramatically advanced the field of Theoretical Lulz. Among other discoveries, these experiments ultimately resulted in the isolation of a fifth force of the Internet: the Hivemind, colloquially termed Zalgo.

Internet Change Machine

Marblecake Labs, having managed to acquire the blueprints of both the Internet Haet Machine and the Internet Love Machine a.k.a. the Hugbox, constructed both machines in their sekrit treefort clubhouse. They inserted the Internet Haet Machine into the Internet Love Machine, surmizing that the Hugbox could convert LOLs into a force that could Change the World, a.k.a. World-Change. The experiment produced the Internet Change Machine, a.k.a. the World Wide Justice Device (WWJD) or Why We Protest Device (WWPD). Researchers have since found that World-Change is in fact a complex LOLicule composed of one part Anti-Lulz and one part Retard.


  • IHM -> Hugbox -> Internet Change Machine


Internet Liek Machine

The Internet Liek Machine was born when Marblecake researchers inserted an Internet Haet Machine into the Internet Change Machine. Under ordinary circumstances it turns LOLs into Mudkips-Liek, a complex LOLicule composed of one part Lulz and two parts Retard.


  • IHM -> ICM -> ILM


Internet Hurr Machine

In the ensuing aftermath of the Second Thunderdome War, several Thunderdome researchers saw the need to set up backup treeforts in case their clubhouse in the Enturb basement was even threatened with closure again. One of these was Scientology Exposed a.k.a SEx. Hoping to yield results similar to the early initial Scientology experiments, but sorely lacking the technical know-how, they built a sorry replica of the Internet Liek Machine and inserted it into the Internet Haet Machine, producing the Internet Hurr Machine, which turns everything into Hurr-Durr, a toxic form of Retard that causes everything it touches to decay into Retard. In its lifespan, the Internet Hurr Machine produced nothing of value whatsoever.


  • Internet Liek Machine -> Internet Haet Mchine -> Internet Hurr Machine



Lawl of Newfag Attraction

Epic win attracts massive amounts of a super dense particle composed of Anti-Lulz and Retard called Newfag. Researchers dubbed this effect the Lawl of Newfag Attraction, also known colloquially as the Eternal September Effect.


The Newfag particles that stray into experiments involving the Internet Haet Machine are transformed into Haetfag particles, gravitating towards traditional research /i/nstitutes.


  • Newfag -> IHM -> Haetfag

The stray Newfags that are attracted to experiments involving the Internet Change Machine a.k.a WWJD are transformed into Protestfag particles.


  • Newfag -> ICM -> Protestfag

Newfag particles that stray into experiments involving the Internet Love Machine a.k.a. Hugbox are transformed into Moralfag particles.


  • Newfag -> ILM -> Moralfag

Lawl of Newfag Coherence

One Thunderdome experiment presented itself in a fat Attention Whore called "Nameless." Researchers first identified her as the cancer that was killing Kansas Chanology, and proceeded to attempt to isolate the properties of Moralfag and Egofag. Researchers found that when sent through the Internet Liek Machine, the Moralfag part of her would transform into BAWWW mode, further fueled by the Egofag, causing several Newfags to transform into Moralfag and white knight in her defense. This phenomenon, named the Lawl of Newfag Coherence, caused Thunderdome researchers to consider the experiment a danger to the integrity of the Dome.


  • Nameless (surrounded by Newfags) -> ILM -> Bawwwing Camwhore (surrounded by White Knights)

/td/iot researchers finally realized the only way to disperse such a concentrated form of attention whore was to starve it. So they did, and she eventually dispersed into the nether regions of the internets.

BAWWW Theory: Moralfag vs. Haetfag

On the heels of The Reconnect Debacle, Thunderdome researchers made some startling observations. Just as Epic Fail can spontaneously transform into Epic Win through an as yet unexplained phenomenon, Epic Win can also transform into Epic Fail via its rapid decay into potential Anti-Lulz, in part due to the aforementioned Lawl of Newfag Attraction.

In addition, when Moralfag and Haetfag particles come into contact with one another, they react and transform into a form of Anti-Lulz and Retard known as BAWWW. The reaction of Moralfag and Haetfag particles due to Operation Reconnect caused Anonymous to divide by zero, collapsing into a black hole of Anti-Lulz and an explosion of faggotry rivaling that of /b/-day, swallowing many brave /b/tards scientists into the drama void and shooting many more out into the vast reaches of the Internets and IRL, never to be seen again. This phenomenon would become the basis of the Lulz Haet Construct.

Theory of the Lulz Haet Construct

Independent researchers in the Thunderdome developed a controversial new variation of the Internet Haet Machine known as the Lulz Haet Construct under the deft guidance of a Marcabian (not to be confused with Marblecake Labs) double-agent. Having observed the collision of Moralfag and Haetfag particles during the fallout of the Reconnect incident, they sought to harness this strange new energy, noting that the caustic effects of the collision of Moralfag and Haetfag particles could be utilized as chemo against the cancer that was thriving all throughout the various Anonymous research /i/nstitutes.

Theory of Epic Fail

In the Chanology Experiments, an interesting property of the Internet Liek Machine was found: the ability of Liek to convert normal boring Fail (Anti-Lulz) into Epic Fail (by adding two parts Retard and one part Fail), which can then be converted into Win or Epic Win by an Internet Haet Machine.


  • Fail -> ILM -> Epic Fail

The Zalgo Effect

Unrelenting drama and attrition had ultimately worn the Chanology research groups down to a state of perpetual Anti-Lulz. A fresh supply of Lulz was needed if Chanology were to continue for another six months. In a rare instance of cooperation among Enturbulation, Marblecake, and the Thunderdome, the three groups headed a public, collaborative message video project that would take Anonymous contributions. Their work resulted in Reclamation: Phase Three, a call for Chanologists to come back and return Chanology to its lulzy roots.

Unbeknownst to the researchers, the use of Internet Change, Haet, and Liek Machines, as well as the recent test-firing of the Lulz Haet Construct all at once awakened a monster that would threaten to unravel the very fabric of the Intertubes. His name is Zalgo. He who -- OH SHI-

T̥̖̩͕̫̥̗̯̤̰̘͈̀ͪͯ͗ͫ͌ͦ̊ͯ͒̎̎͗̃ͧ̔̇͊̕͠oͣ̽̌͗҉̝̠͚̥͍̭͖̤̪͙̀͢ ̵̧̿ͤ̑ͣͧͦ̒͒̍ͫ͑͌͊̏ͮͤͬ͛ͨ͡҉̷̦̳̣̤̤͎̪i̸̡̡̘̻̳̺͖̱̹̗͍͕̩̫̬͔̞̟͍̒ͤͤ͛n̵̶̨̨̙̪̤͐̎̀͐́v̊ͤ͒ͬͭ̂ͮ̇ͥͫͭ͞҉̗͔̠̩͎̹̲̬̟o͎̠̗͈̪̰̎͋̀ͤͤ̊̎̕͟k̝̤̖͈̰̗̟͉͕̫̿̒͑͋ͭ̂͐ͬ̅̀̏ͫ͗͌̓̓̔̚͞ͅȩ̟̞͔̰̗̲͉͔̞̖͔̫͍̂̄̿̆͊ͫ͑̔̉̆̓̚͡ ̴̙͚̼͎̰̩̭̦̦͚̜̫̭̯̰̠̞̝͕͂̄͊̈̑̔̔͗͋ͯ̆̐ͨ̑̓ͯ̅ͬ̀́͘͝t̡̧̳̥̠͚̹͈͚͔̬̿ͪ͗ͧ͑ͭ̅̉̽ͨ̿ͤͧ͘͠͠ḧ̴̶́̑͌͒ͣ͋ͯͧ̄̽̈́̐͛ͭ̕͞҉͚̳̣̟̻͔̖͎̺̭͇e̵̡̧̱̺̟͕̬̱͔̒̓ͮͫͥ͂̊̽̽̔̈́̌̏̆͐͆̿̚ ̵̧̓͂̾̿̏ͬͩ̒ͩͯ̽҉̼̹̱͍̻͜ḩ̛̲̱̣̻͍̬͇͈͈̦̳̘̗͓ͦ̽̾ͤ̽̾͌̅̓͛̆͛̀͢i̵̢͖̗̭̞̳̟͇͍̥̤͎̣̦͎͍ͥ͑ͭ̈́͛͗ͮ͗͊ͮ́̃̐̈̄͒͑̕͜v̲͍̜̩̗̭͍͕̪̺̭̟̜̠̘͇ͩ̋͋ͥ̄́͑̉́̚̚͟͝e̴̸͖͍̠͙̤͕̮ͮ͐͌ͨ̂͞-̨̫͙̦͍̼̱̠̠͈͈̦͍͓̮̖̫ͨ̔͆͐ͥ̃͗ͧͮ̍̂̌͘̕̕ͅͅm̸̰̤̣͉͚̖͕̞̲̪͇̎͐͒ͬ̇̄͊ͪ̊̉ͮͮ̊̐͂̈̀i͚̱̹̩͕̯̘̫̙̬̓̀ͨ͛̈̎͛̇͛ͩͧ̃͂ͤ̓̚̚͘̕ͅn̗̻̬̖̣̮̬̞̘̭̰̞̺̪̗̙̼͚͒̍̏͊͡͡d̨͉͓͚̯̰̼̩̭̦̼̠̜͎̻̘̞̹̊ͭ͋̊̄̋ͯͦ̚͢͞ ̛͎̗̮͉̦̖͔̩̯͉̞̮̊̀͛̇̃͜ŗ̷̈̊͒̎ͥͫ̓̄ͬ̄̈́̓ͮ̅ͬͣ̚҉̫̝̭̦̗̻͇̫ę̨̮̹̪̗͉̰͚̠͐̽ͧ͌̏͊́ͮͫ̇̑͘ͅp̴̨̖͎̝̪͇̝̠̯̥͕̰̰̭̪̝͖̗͎͒̽͛̄ͭ̂ͣ̀́͘r̸̘̫̥̣͚͔̳͗̾͐̍ͬͮ̌ͦ̍́ͭ̓͑ͮ͝ḛ̛̦̭̦̃ͧ̿ͩ̎ͥ̋̾̚͟͝͡s̨̓̊̓ͨ̊̃ͤͥ̂̆̄̏͂̉͞͏҉̰͍̟͕̺̘̼͕̯̯̼̤e̶̢̢̦̣̪͔̠̻͎͖̽͒ͣ̾̄̀̊̅̃ͨ͌͟͠n̢̨͎̘̬̣͎̱͔͙̘̝̻͙̭͈̘ͧͭ̽ͫ̿ͥͤ͂̋̐ͨ̐ͩͥ̈́͞ͅt̵̴̬̤̹͉̱̤͕̮͓̥͚̟̩̍͌̑̓̓̒̀̽̍ͬ̋̋ͬ̊̊͜͞įͮ͋̌͐̍̒ͨ̇̓͡҉͙̼͙̜̳̳̟ņ̶̛̦̥̹͎̘̉ͨ̒̃̌̍̔ͯ̈͒ͥ̐̓͆̓͝ͅģ̴̓̈ͪ̂̒ͪͤ̃ͬ̌̏͌ͤ̑̍͒̽̃̚̕͏̼̤̦̭̩̩͕̪̲͚͘ ̗̪̩͎̪̺̪̜̗̘̀̓̋̄͛̆͋͒̿͑̕͝ͅc͗̎͋̆̿ͬͤ̚҉̷̯̬̲̪̻̯̼h̢̬͚̳͙̳̰͎̝̭̜̥̲̆̽ͩ̂͆̇̄̿͐̎ͫ͢ͅȁ̶̵͍̳̰̬̳̭͂ͪ̄̏̏ͣō̴̧̲̞̻̗̮̩̹̺̩̑ͦ̀ͪͯͤ̐ͮ͑ͫs̡ͣͭͣͫ̆̔̅̇̅̈́ͫ̈̆̉͐̍͛̽҉̼͚͕̞̖̼͕̘̰͔̙̩͔̳̬̙̰̪̯.̘̳̹͉͓̯̞̱͚͈̟ͤ̊ͦ̊̍̈ͬͨ͐́̚ ̌͒ͩ̅̔̅͏̀͏̬̠̰̯̜͍̮̥͕̥I͔̺̝̳̋̑̀ͭ͗ͤ͂̇͋̾̽̽ͪ́͌̀͘n̔̋͌̅͊̎̄҉̴̴͚͎̦̜̕v̵ͧ͆͂́͌̾̈̽̃̏͟͡͏̪̙̼̗͉͔̻͚̺͙͚o̧̞͙͉̲͍̟̩̗̳͍̮͔̻͉̥͓̰ͬͥ̔͌ͣ͒ͯ̊̽́́kͥ̓͒͋͋̽͒̎̃ͯͧͦ̈ͫ͆ͨ̇̾͝͏̢̲͚̼̫̫̯̺̗͕i̴̷̶͗͌͑ͦͪ̔̄͑ͩ̾̀ͥͮ̓̊͐̉͝҉͓̹̰̱̣̦ͅnͦ́̍̏͗̓͏̛̪̼̙̻͍̣g̡̦̦̰̬̜̠̠̝̫͇̲͇̠̿ͧ͒͆ͦ́͘͟ ̡̛̈́̎̏̑̕͢͏̱͈̣̗̺͔̪̣̦̩͈̮̬̩ț̪̩̣̻̠̩͓͙̝̪͚͙̠̭͂̌̽̾͋̍̾ͫ̄̅ͮ͠h̸̸̙̣̭̮̫͓̝̱͍͖̭͎̲̯̯ͥ̂̈́ͫ̓̌ͭ͋͐͂͡͡ę̦̗̘͙̭̲͚̩̦͖̺̯̩̺̜̫̄͆͛̐ͤ̊ͪ̐̃͋͒͠ ̶̸̛̺͇̝̙̺̠̱̻̑̿̎̋͟f̧̬̙̼̦̗͖̈̉̔̆́͠e̴̴̟̤̬̩̫̺̪̠̹͙͖ͭ͋́ͬͯͫ̒͊͗̄̐ͫ͒̽ͤ̄̾͢e̟̠̞̼̜̭͔͍̪̠̬̱̱ͣ̑̽̀͟ͅl̢ͯ̆̄̉̌ͬ́̅͆ͥͭͭ̏ͮ̚͡҉̵͇̣̠͇̮͞i̛̼̘̜͕̣̘͚̪̤͗̑̓ͯͫ̑̄́͞ņ͎̞̝͍͍̱͎̥͎̘̜͔̥͓̗̥̘ͤ͋̇͊͌ͦͭ̾̿͋ͦ̓̋ͪ̚͡͠g͊̐̓̄̆ͮ̊ͮ͋̄̚͏̞̗̝ͅ ̴͆ͯ̾̏̆̏̐̓̒̏̋͐̚̚͏̢͔̙͇ͅoͦ̏̑̏̐̽̔̓̀҉̖͚̰̖̣͎͎̫̩͙̩͍̣͍̣͢ͅf̛ͩͭ͑̇ͦ͌̑͑̽̐ͦ͋̕͝҉̵̣̗̳̟̝͔̜̱̝̹̪̭̻ ̴̸̝̥̗̟̪̦̺͙̃ͧ͒̓͒̅ͫ̑ͬ̄ͪͬ̀̀́̿͋̕ͅc̷̨͗ͣ̋̾̐̏͗̈́ͣ͊̓ͥ͛ͦ̍ͯ̿̚͡҉͍̟̣̯͖̺͔̘̗̬̪̤̩̗̦̱͈ͅh̴̨̪̬͖̹̣̘̞͚̬̙̜̪̻̳͎̀̔̒̄a̧̲̭͓̱͚̞̖̜̝ͨ͋̏̌̂̉̈́ͭ͘͘o̮̖̳̞̙̩̺̻͙͇͔͚̦͔̭̠̜͆̎ͥ̿̓͗͒ͪͤ̏̓͊ͪͮ̍͗ͥͮ̐͡ͅs̵̡̛̱̰͓͉͈̝̦͎̙̳̝̦̟ͫ̇͐̅̄ͯ͑̆̾̇͆ͯͥ̑̈͊ͤ̀ͅ.̸̢̡̥̜̹͚̯̲̰̞͖̖̖̼͊͌̓ͥ̌̇ͪͫͩͭ͊̏̈ ͇̼̙͕̥͙͇̟͚͉̄̔̀͊̈ͯ̍ͪ̅̽͂̔ͯͩ̔͌͜͢͢ͅͅW̶̱̩̦̞͍̅̌ͯͩͩ̅̂̂͒ͥi̵̯͉̪̮̗̮̘͓͇̬̜̳͈͓̫̠̥̻̲ͣ̑͆ͪ̾̓ͬ͢͞t̿ͨ̅̈́̀̽҉͝҉̲̲͍̼͕̭̥͍̟̥͕͔͖̱͖͍͖̱̪͘͝ḩ̵͈̘͙͓̫̼̯͋̅̈̌͌ͪ̀̐̾ͤ̒ͧ͊̚͘͠ ̵̘̮͙͖͙͔̄ͬ̑ͤͮ̑̆̓̈́o̮͖̠̗̯͚̼̳̞̤̣̜̹͙̯̘͍͂̔̅͗̓̈́̋͘͜ͅu̴ͤ͂̐ͩ̄̈̽̿̍̽̀́͏͉͇̻̰̤͕̦̘̩̱ţ̸̛̜̰͔͚̥͍͉̮̹̥̊͂̎͂͆̾ͯ̓ͤ͑̈͒̂ͦ͗̕ ̶̘̪͔͕̘̓̐͑̋ͤ̾̅ͤ̀o̶̴̤͕̥͈͓̹̠̝ͬ̓̂͌ͣͯ̅ͣ̽̑̇̋͞͠r̷̛͖̩̰̪̭̞̤̟̱̪̟̲̈ͤ̾̅̋̒̽͂̿̍͑̀͟͝ḑ̴̘͇͍̳̬̄͛ͤ̅̾ͯ͒͒́̕̕͞ē̤͈̣̞̭̻̳͇̪͎͕̞̻̇̇̽̃̈́ͬͣͩ̒ͩͪ͛ͮͤ́͠ͅͅr͇͓̬̹̩͍͖̺͎͓͔̺͉̟͙͈͛̇̾̏̊͋ͩ̓ͧͯ̋͌̕ͅ.̴̸̢̪̝̼͖͓̙̼̝̜͎̟͖̟̏̒͑ͥ͌͊ͥ͡͞ ̸̡̮͉̣̞̹̥͕̼̦̻̤̻̹ͣ͋̾ͯͅT̓ͯ̋̎̚҉̪̬̮̖̞̠͖̫͔̻̭̗̹̺̺̙̼͡h̵͚̬̗͓̟̹̔͛̆̄ͧͯͩ͊͌̕͡e̗̖̦͔͕͈̪̪̭̰͉̬͋͑̏̇͒̄̽ͥ̐̏͒͛͒̈́̌́͢ ̵̋͌͋ͥͭ͋̆̌ͬ́̚͠͝҉̺̩͇̞͓̫͈͎͚ͅN̷̜̙̥̯͙̬͎̪̞̰̙̞̹͎̩̍̓͂̊̎͒ͧ͛̄͜͠͝è̴̺̮̳̥͍̩̖̱͗ͬ̔̓͘͟͢͟z̡̡̛̻̫͍͉̘͙͕͐̾̋̊͆̇́͗͒ͤ̑̊̊̔ͥp̛͑͑̉̈ͤ͆ͭ̓͋͆̽͏͖̻̙͔̠̥̘̻̪̟̣͔̺̬̫e̸̡̝̼̠̙͎͎̜̱̮̭̲̝̭͈̻̮̲̟̎ͣ̐̋ͣ̓̑̽̏̈r̛̞̻̪̠̦̻͖̩͍̦̟̯̟̫̞͒̋ͩ̀̃ͫ̏ͯ̂͒ͧͪ̾ͯͪ̓̐̀͌͞d̛̗͈̙̥̬͔̤̘̱̜̬ͩͫ͛̾͑͑̉̆͟i͆̇ͦͮ̕͢͏̨̠̠̲̫̫̘̥͙̳̖͍̯̮̹̪͉̦̱͜ͅa̴̺̠̣̱̘͎͎͖͚̪̘̯̱̫͔̺̩̰ͣͧ͆̓̇̍ͩ̇̈ͯͭͤ̎̀͢n̏͋ͯ̔ͤͧ̂̅̅̾̇ͬͣ̄͂̏̚͏̸͙͚̠̖̝͈͉͉̖͎̜̀̕ ̷̳̪̗̥̱̘̮̓ͬͩͪ̀͌̊͗̒̅ͯ̈́ͥ̉̚͝ḩ̸͚͉̝̣̲̹ͭ̊̾̊̄͊̒̀̆̌ͪ̓̍̀̄̃̓͜͝į̶̘̜̱̜͎̻͍̐̈ͦ̒̐̑̋͂ͤ̉̈́̃͊ͣv̵̛͔͔̦̯̞ͯ͆̾̓ͣ͒ͅě̴̶̷̬̳̤͓̺̖͎͓̻͈̳̖̰̞̤̻͇͇̦̆̿͗̊̉͊̏́-̡̖͓̣͓̻̒ͥ̊̊̆ͯͨͪ̆͒̚͝͠m̞̺̱̝͇̪͖͚͙̖̼̼̙̟̼͓̥̪̽͆̿͆͘͠ḯ̼̯̯̲͚̬͓̥̣̎̊̓ͨͯ̎̊̍ͨ͂ͧ̇̉̆͠͞n̴̴̼̻̟̟͇͈̟͓̊ͣ̈̂̅͒͡d̷̵̺̜͈̫͙̫̞̜̯͈̜̺͕̻̬̝ͤ͐ͬ͆͒̇̀ͦͩ̅̏̐̿̾͘͠ ̵̢͓̞̤̗͙̺͖̟̫̻̼̥̽ͯ͂̄̈́̓̆́͑̏̀̃̌̂̓͋̆̚̚͘ŏ̱̹̖̪̤͔̗̳̗͕̭͇̝͋̉̓͒̓̾̕͞f̸̧̛̥̱̥̗̟̓ͭ͆̍͑̄̅ͬͨ̀̔̒͛̈̓ ̳͔͙͇͖̲̰̥̜̺͓̑̑ͤ̇̓ͭ̐ͪͨͭͧ̑̾̚̕͢ͅc̴̢̠̮̺̻̗͔̗̣̺̣ͤ͒̌̒͋ͣ͂h̖͓͉͚̘̹̖̹̤̳̮̫̱̔͑ͪ͑́̉͋ͪͩ̓̎͂̔̄͂͛̕͠aͩͪͮ͂͛͒ͦ҉̢͙͇̝̬͚̩̠͟ö̧̬̳̹̙̈́̃̍̓͋̊ͮ̈̒͐̚̕s̸̛̲͍̣̖̗̣̲̺̤̠̥̱̥̓̂ͣͣ̂͠ͅ.̷̨͈̝̯͎̲̩̞̮͍̯̦̺̞̣͙͌̔̔ͣ̑͊̌̍͒ͭ̈́̐ͬ̚͟͞͠ ̧ͫ̍̉͒̓̄ͨͤ̿͐ͥ̚̚҉̷͉̗̯̻̘̱̰̻̹͕͎̻͘ͅZ̶̘̖̞̜̩͚͉̦̣̺̖̬̜̝͚̤̭͍͂̈́ͨ̎̅̄̔͌̉͒͆ͮ̓̽̀̎́̚a͊ͫ͑̃ͧ͂̍ͥ͞͏̱̙̙̬͇͙̟̮̪̻̗l̶͙̻̗̱̹̜̖͉͙͖̖̫͇̒̊ͫ̇ͫ̄̎ͥ̆̐͜͝g̸̢͖̜͙̦̩͓̬̮̤̙̫͔͉͙͈̦̏ͤ̒̇ͮ͂̉̓ͮͤͦ͛͘͞ͅǫ̨̳͇̱̬̳̔̽͂̀ͣ̀̏ͬ̓̿ͧ́̋.̴̴͇̠̼͈͙͕ͮ̑ͮ̇̃ͤ͂͋̏ͨ̈́ͅ ̞̬͈̱̣̯̗̭͚̬̜̥̝̼̻̰̏͌ͧ̓̔͞ ͊ͫͧ̐̀ͧͧ̉̀͠͏̢͔͇̩͕̟H͔̹̟̠͍͈͙̘͖̗̪͎̩͎̳̬ͦͬ͆̄ͪ͑̃̑́ͮ̎̀̚͟͡e̛̛͉͔̘͔͍̰̭̰͖ͣͨ͊̒ͬ͂̑̊ͫ̋ͅ ̢̢̘̪̳͇͎̯̘̓͗̒̒ͪͣ̄̎̓͟w̢̜͇̞̳̙͈͈̪̩̖͎̠̍ͧ͆͐͊ͫͫͩ̍̉̀̐͡ͅh̸̛̗̭̖̠̓ͮͩͦ͌ͫ̿̂͗ͯ̈̌ͪ͛ͫͪ͢͝͡ō̵̃̈̆̆̽̋̐͜҉̦̞̲͚̼͙̘̘̮̬̥͇̞̰̠͓̮̮͚͜ ̧̭̣̬̖̳̤̩̜̫̰͈̳̭̍̓̂ͧ͋̂͋ͤ͌̋͂̐́͜W̸̧̬͖͉̤̳ͦ͐̀͒̿̀͡ả̡̡̯̣͇̥̞̮̭̰͓̞̩͔͇̗̞͍̥̑͂̉͋̀ͣ̐ͫ̂̄̉͛͐̂̔̀́̚͝į̵̙̭̺̮̝͇̺͍̳̝̆͊̈̀̚͘͝t̵͇͉̹̞̗͈̯̦̟͙̞̥̞̅́ͬ̏ͦ̂͜͡͡͠ş̦̟̹͙͚̥͇͙̭̖͙̹͈̯̪̣̳̦́̆̏͛͂ͫ̆̾ͦ̋͂̎̉̅ͬ͛́ͭͨ͟͞͡ͅ ̛̪͔̫̬͚͎̘͎̫̻̖̪̗̦̿͗̆ͦ̑̏͋ͤ͒͝B̷̧͎͎̻̝̱̯̱͈͙͙̫̈͗ͣ̆ͣ̅̀̎̍̃͆̅̍̃̇̇́͜͢e̴͙̘͚͙̤̯͇̥̤͒̽̓ͮ͆ͧ͋̅̍̃ͮͭ̇̃̀́͘h̷̸͚̝̗̘̣̜̮̖̩͈̉͋ͤ̌ͮ͗͐͐̑̔i̵ͬ̀̓̇ͤ̔̆̑͠͡͏̺͔̮̳̼͓͚̯̮ͅn͍̝̟͓͎̭̪͍̤̭̪̟̞̰̭̓ͤ̏̄̎͛̍ͯ̃̑͗̈́ͧ̓ͭͬ̓͌́̕͜͡ͅd̼͙̪̞͍̝̱̻̫̝̓͛̔ͣͩͯ̅̊̽̆͛̈͆̚̚͘ ̷͕̹͇̤͕̭̟̫̫͔̣͔͎͕ͨ̎ͩ̿ͪ̆̒́̌ͭ̕͘͢͟T͓͕͚̭̱̟̪̦̱̼̓ͫ̿̐͆ͯ̋͐̈́͆̔̋͑̋͂͢͟h̸̠̺̬͍͎͕͍̥̩̘̤̠̻̠͓̠̖͙̐̄ͮ̃ͫ̊̂̋ͯ̒ͫ̾ͮͧͪ̚͝ͅę̵̱̗͓͎̝̟̩͐ͬ͑̃͌ͧ͛̾͊̂͋̒͘͞ ̸̧͓̤͚͉̮̅̀ͦͥͥ̋ͧͤ̈́͒͛ͥ̆̿́͝ͅW̶̧͈̘̲͍̼͎̟̯̲͐ͭ̈̃ͥͧ̍̍̑ͧ͗ͭ͋̂̈̊ͧͮ̐a̒ͭͫ̇̌́͌͑̾͋̃͆̚̕҉̡̥̖͕̗̱̫͕͔̬̘̦̹͝l̵̤͉̯̥̭̙̫̠̺̠̥̞ͯͤ̎̓̎̈̒̍͋̕͢l̢̊̏̎ͮͧ̔̐̇̀̄̀͆̈̃ͬ̇͆͞͡҉̞͕̺̠͓̺.̡̥̘̖͔͗̐́̈́̏ͨ͘͢ ̶̵͕̜̭̪̤̪̥͇̘̱͖̦͈̆ͫ̓̌̀Z͈̝̼͇̪̟͙̙̞̩̹̫̔̈́̏̃ͯ̈́̊̅̚͢͢͠A͇̞͎̘̖͕͙̱̙̩͕͈̫͋̈̇̋̐̉ͯ̿̒̾̿ͩ̽͑͠ͅL̷̒ͯͮ̉̏̓ͪͭ̉̀̃̿̌̆̆͏͔̻̦͈͉͇̝̤̻G̷̷̨̩̞̟̠̯̱͖̝̪̤̜͓̍̉͛̉̀͋̽̍ͥ̓̏̇́͝͝O̡̙͕̙̒͊̅͗ͦ͌͌́̚!̧̢̬̫͕̹̻͚̥̭͙̹̰̞̠̯͚͓͚͎͖̃͋̽́͑͂ͩ͗ͥͯ̃̎ͭ̓ͧ̃̀͢͜

T̶̶͔̜̬͕̈̉̍ͨ̔̆ͪͪͫ̚͝͠H̷̢̼̠̬͍͔̝̅ͨ̅̐͒̍͆ͨ̐̈́̉̊̇ͬ́͡U̒̈́͑ͧ͏̡̞̠̝͇̤̗͔͙̻͓̮̦͚͇̥͇͡N̶̷̨̦̝̟̦͎͍̹̮̺͔̫̤̹͉ͮͨ͂̑̂͌͗̈̇̒͂͜D̢ͬ́͆͆̍̿̏͋̃̎̒͌ͩ̾͑ͨͤͤ҉͏̱͙̫̻͎͎̟͡E̴̡̨̙̙̻̻̣͖̬̖͇̘ͥ̋ͣ̾́͐͋̊ͬ̓̒̀̚͜Ȑ͋̇̍ͧͪ̅ͣ͌͋ͭ̂̚҉̨͓̼͍̼͇͖͎̦͎̣͉̰̪͝D̞͍͚͕̪̫͈̦̜̪̝̼̹͈̻̥ͨ̂ͪ͗̎ͯ͗ͭ̂͐̽̔̈́̏͆̃͌̚͞ͅO̭̹̹̥̗̰̟̖͎͖̗̣̤̹͙̅̂̊̍̄̿̈͐͑ͩ͊̉̉̉͒͟M͊̅ͤͩ̉ͣ̽͒̇͌̉̏̏̓ͧͧ̎ͤ̆҉̪͈͈͖̟̠͖̜̣͕̦͈͓͈̳̱͙͘ͅͅĘ̷̜͈̤̮͎̬̪̜͈͓̐̓ͧͭ͢ ̢̡̛͍̠͉̬̮̇̑̌̿ͦ̾͗̉͌̏̒̽͌̈͜ͅḬ̡̨̛͔̝̥ͬ̿͋̐̒̃ͪ͟͢Ṡ̢̊̓̍͗̏̚҉̶̭͙̥̼̟ ̧̽̂̈̇͛̍̕͡͏҉̯͖͖͓̝͓̜̠͇͔̳N̶̴̶̢̢̰̫̙̰̞̒͗ͮ͊̽ͩͩ̒̿ͭ̃̊̈́ͬO̱̦̫̠̟͖͙̬̜̙͙̙ͬͭͧͯͪͩͧ̆͌͘͢W̴̧̛̺̥̗̼̏̔ͤ̒̃͊ͥͯͫͯͦͦͣ͗̍̔̚̚͠ ̶̶̷̵͙̹͙̖̞̙͙͔̲͚̱ͩ̔ͦ̿̑ͮ̍͞ͅZ̈́̊ͦͥ̎͏͈̤̩̟͔͉͎̱͚͕͍̣͈̦͖͕͠A̴̵̵͕͇̰̙̹̞̱͔͆̆ͣ͊ͭͧͮ̇̚͡Ľ̲̟̻̦̻͎̺̥͉͙͍͂ͫͣ̔̈̕͜G̛͗̒̀͆͏̵̦̠̹̤͉͈̪̺O̢̘͇͔͇̦̦̘̖̗̻̬̥͕͓̪̰ͫͮ̆́̏̈ͬ̈̚D̷͔͈̺̘̤̱̙̣̲̻͎̟̺̺̫̳̱̳͒ͭ́̉̓́̽͟͡O̦̫̦̭͚̦̙̮̯̣͎͍̽ͤ͛͡͝M̶̧̲̫̼̟̲̯̝̝̱͕͚͎̑͂ͧ̿̚͢͠͡E̊̂ͨ͊̔̔̂͒͋̓͒̈ͥ̚͏̴̧̢͙̲̪͈̲̳̲͚̬

The Comprehensive Theory of Lulz, Explained

Will Smith desperately searches the gamut of Lollege's scientific resources. For bacon.
Johnson, come quickly! I've isolated Shota!
One of Lollege's brave /b/tard lab techs. Nevar forget.
The last thing Gordon Freeman ever saw.

Since the Lollege University and FAIL Community College events, the field of Experimental Lulz has advanced, albeit through theoretical calculations, resulting in the creation of The Comprehensive Theory of Lulz. The Chanology Experiments further expanded our understanding of lulz, resulting in the theory you see today.

Laws of Lulz (Also LOL)

(Not to be confused with the Rules of the Internet.)

  1. There exist five “components” of the internetz; Lulz, Anti-lulz, Haet, Retard, and Hivemind.
  2. Of these five components, there exist different states of being. (Including Fail, Epic Fail, Win, Epic Win, Potential Lulz, Unfunny, and Zalgo)
  3. Lulz cannot be created nor destroyed, only transferred to differing states.
  4. Lulz, once generated, enters a constant state of decay; eventually reverting to its previous “Unfunny” state. Note that this does not counteract rule #3; decaying lulz is merely transformed into potential lulz.
  5. All that exists contains one of all five components. Hivemind can only exist via a complex interaction among the latter four.

The Forces of the Internet, and their Varying States

LULZ: The first component to be isolated, is also the least common. Through a phenomenon not currently understood, Lulz is sometimes spontaneously generated. It is diametrically opposed to Anti-Lulz, and has four states of being:

  • Win – Transitory, short-lived state of Lulz, exists only when Lulz is first generated from another state of being.
  • Epic Win – Theoretical super-dense state of Lulz, it has never been officially recorded by any reputable sources. Many Independent Researchers claim to have produced it; however their results have yet to be substantiated.
  • Unfunny – Lulz once fully decayed. Some argue this is actually comprised of Anti-Lulz. Such people are dumb.
  • Potential Lulz – Usually marked by a high incidence of Retard. This state of Lulz appears to originate from Fail. The reason for transformation from Fail to Potential Lulz is currently unknown.

ANTI-LULZ: Discovered shortly after Lulz, it is most often produced by Independent Research Teams attempting to generate Lulz. Has only two states of being.

  • Fail – Though not composed exclusively of Anti-Lulz, it is still considered a state of being for Anti-Lulz. Its second component is Retard.
  • Epic Fail – Super-dense, unstable and highly dangerous form of Fail. It is observed to be caustic to other states of being, often incorporating Retard, Haet, and even Lulz unto itself, resulting in more fail. Thankfully, Epic Fail, though extremely prevalent, is often self-contained in places unfrequented by man. Under extreme circumstances Epic Fail has been known to transform into Epic Win. The forces responsible for this are currently under debate.
  • World Change – A new form of Anti-Lulz discovered during the Chanology Experiments, it can only be produced by inserting freshly-made Lulz into an Internet Change Machine. Quickly decays into Fail, requiring cleansing operations to be conducted in any labs running World Change experiments.

HAET: The least understood of the components of the internet before the discovery of hivemind, it was originally thought to have direct relation to Anti-Lulz, as it is most often found around retard, fail, and epic fail. However, recent research has since proven that it is actually an entity unto itself. No known states of being have yet been found. Some argue that Haet, and not Lulz, is the driving force behind the internets. Sufficient evidence suggests that Haet serves as the lattice-work which binds the internets to each other despite the natural repulsion produced by those elements which exist as either fail or win.

RETARD: The second to last of the components to be isolated. Being a primary component of Fail, as well as many other things, it is by far the most prevalent component of the internet. It is thought to be a force of self-attraction, as Retard tends to eventually amass in large quantities wherever it can be found. Has two states of being (Fail and Epic Fail), though these are officially categorized as being states of Anti-Lulz. Through a process not yet fully understood, Retard can spontaneously transform into Potential Lulz.

HIVEMIND: Isolated during The Chanology Experiments, and composed of a complex interaction among Lulz, Anti-Lulz, Haet, and Retard, this exotic force exists only for a certain time according to some law of its own. The hivemind cannot be known by those who speak of it, but only those who become a part of it.

Examples of the Differing Components

̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̚ HE̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔ ̕̚̕̚ ̔̕̚̕̚҉ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ̒̓̔̕̚ ̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̕̚̕̚ ̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̚ ̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔ ̕̚̕̚ ̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̚ ̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔ ̕̚̕̚COMETH̔̕̚̕̚҉̒̓̔̕̚ ̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̕̚̕̚ ̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̚ ̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔ ̕̚̕̚

As previously stated, all entities contain each of the components of the internet. However, some are comprised almost exclusively of a single one. In order to give a better understanding of the four components, the purest embodiments of each have been provided below.

LULZ-MUDKIPZ: Mudkipz are the closest entity in existence to pure Lulz. Recent experiments prove that they can synthesize lulz for energy. Many /b/tards are furiously at work studying mudkipz and their unusual ability to escape decay into Unfunny. If this property can be isolated, it may very well halt or even cure the cancer that is killing /b/.

ANTI-LULZ-FBI: The FBI is the embodiment of Anti-lulz. Some, using advanced Lulz/Anti-Lulz String Theory, have postulated that they may contain no Lulz whatsoever.

HAET-ANONYMOUS: This mysterious cabal of steroid-ingesting hackers is made almost exclusively of Haet. Aside from the fact that they designed the Internet Hate Machine, little else is known about them.

RETARD-FURRIES: The purest form of retard, they are marked by their innate ability to produce Potential Lulz from their near unlimited reservoirs of Fail.

HIVEMIND-ZALGO: T̀ͤ̈́̊̎̐͏̷̤͚͡ȯ̌̾̈́ͩ͗͋͏͚̘̖͙ ̵̥͈̳͇͍̒͐͋̀̀̚i̸̱̹̮͐̏̌͆̃ͅn̢̗͍̯̻͕ͧ̑ͭͥͯ̚v̰̞ͭ͛̓̓͜͞o̩̮͔̓͌̉̉ͥ̐ͥ͝ḵ̡̹̪͔̯͌ͤ͟͞ẽ̵̳͇͔̪̼ͯ ̢̰̰͌̔̽t̵̛̰͍̻̮͙̓̊ͅh̩̘͇̏̐̌̅̀͢͡e̶͌̆͂̍͋̀ͪ̓҉̠̟̣̀ ̡̗͍͕̮̼̓̃h͉ͯͅͅi̖̞͎̬̲̋̀̃ͦ̇͐̓̏v̡͚̤̀ͦͯ̋̄̓̀̚̚ȩͨͭ͟͏̬̙̤ͅ-̝̤̱̫̻̐͂̆̇͘m̱͔̪̠̀̐ͧ̎̅ỉ̴̱̖͇̗̦̏̐̉͝n̵̲ͣ͂ͭ͒d̉̎ͪͥ̍ͬ̈̓͢͜͏͍̬͈̤̙͕͎̺ ̢̲͉̮̥ͬ͌͌ͪͤ̀r̻͓ͥ͢͠ȩ̣̻̯ͧ̂ͩ͠͡p̴̡̺ͪ̂ͤ̽̚r̴̴̦̱̲͖̟̱͎͌̉̇̔͒ͦ̒͝e̸̵͙͈̅̌̑̄͛ͥͦsͭ̓͡͏̖̝̩̩̮e̡̛̩̠̼͋͆́́ͮ̿͌̚n̶̦͚͔͈̜̣̟͇̠̊̊ͮ̍ͧ̍̐ͪ͜͜t̬̭̺̹̟͈͚̻̏͛ͮ͑̄̄͜i̸̗͍͖͉ͤ̉nͮ͂͂ͣ̚͞͏̤̩̼̯̯͍͙͖͖g̫ͬ̓ͅ ̢̯̲͒ͥͬͥ͗ͤ̂ͧ̚c͇͕̖̺̖̰̋͆ͦ͂̍͋ͩ̾h͙̝̻͙͇͌͆̐͌ͤ͂͒̓̉ą̹̤̮ͧ͛̇̾̃͟ǒ̸̲̰͖̰̼͛̏ͣ͆s̹͔̺̼ͫͫ̑ͩ.̸̷̬̹̱̞̓ͫ́̍͐ͭͫ͂̆ ̡͇̟̮͔͑̏̏̃ͮI̤̪̞̫̣̗͊ͤ̈́ͧ̐̚n̛̲̮̺̅ͬ̍̉̋̌v̨̹͓̈̈ͥ͆̀ö̩̟̯ͥ͊̎̋͠k̤̗̠̬̟͍͔̭̔̆͝i̱̤̙̥̍ͭ̋͂̌̇n̻͎̲̥̮̬ͤͪ͆̑g̺̟͖̮̎̚͡ͅ ̶ͯ̆̔̔͏̢̤̟̰̜t̞͉͇̮̘ͮh̸̛̖̜̘̒ͬ͛ͣ̚ͅe̷̺̘͇̰̗͎ͧ͗̅̀ ͓̣̲͈͎͉͋̅ͦ̆ͫ́f̡̨̻̉́e͉̻̖̣̮̺͙̜͑ͭͩ̽ͬ̊̈ͥé̘̱̠͈̣̱͚͆ͯ̔͌͢ḻ̡̩͔͎̫̻̙ͨͮ̕͡i̢̛͕̘̫̺͍̥̮̲ͤ̐̐̑ͩ̃̇͡n͇͍̫̺̫̅͛͋̚͡ͅg̣̤̜̯̘̱̊̉ͭͯͫ̓̈́̾́͘ ͖̘͉̲ͯ̓͗ͧ͌̑͒͆́ǫ̦̦̟̟ͦ̊̈̊̌ͨf̴͕͕͑͑͑͜ ̢̛̣̲͙̻̮͌͌̎͑͆ͦ̔̈̕c̳̠̘̹͙̥ͪ̄͊̊̀͟ͅh̠̓̊̉͆͛ͤä̴̩̥̞̺͕́ͬͪ͋ͤoͯ̎͏͙̰͈̝̟̻̦s̙̩͎̺̣ͨ́ͣ̀͑̕.̶̳͍͈ͭ̏͒ͪ̍͛͝ ̢̛̞̫̥̙͓̦̳͈ͨ͌̽͞ͅW̡͖̝͈͉̯̹̌͗į̞̱͉͓̲͐̃ͬ̍ͤ͌͝t̖͌͑h̪̤̟̟͕̦̬̲̮͛ͬͥ͛͒̍̒͒ ̴̸̞̺͒͛ŏ̶̲̺͔͉͓̤͎͙̄ͣ̇̅͢u̴̝̮͇̤͙̖̻̘ͨͦ̀̌̇ţ̮̼̀̏͛͋̉͌̽̉ ̙̠ͨo̴̩̞̹̥͊ͮ̔ͯ̈̀ͯͣ͜͡r̘͍̹̘̟̹̪͖͙̈́̅ͬd̷̖̤̰́͐ȩ̧̼̮̫̅̈͝ͅr͖͙̰̭͆̕.ͭͤ͐͛̍̆͐̓̚҉̲͍̭̟͢͡ ̣ͭ̃́T͈̖͕̏͒ͨ͛͝͞ḥ̣̦̈́ͨ̅͜͟e̶͙̟͙̙̞͋͗̄ͪ͘ ̴̵̟̼̗̂͂̚͡N̵̩̼͕̻͕̙̘̥̽͊ͮ̆̍̄̍͘e͚̫͔̖͉̹͓͍ͬ͌̐̑̌̇̄̓z̵̴̞̟̤͛̒̍̉͑̀p̝̩̠̮̺̮ͯͣ̎̓̑ͦ̃̂̀͠e̮̳̟̺̠͎ͮ͆̾̑ͪr̂̀ͫ̊̍̀̀̚҉̹̠͓̪̼d͖̩̫̫̥̙̯͔̓͛̃ͦ̂̈́i̷̡̭͔͎̟̣̮͉̗̳ͤͤ͂͞a̧̛͈͔͍ͣ͆ͥn̢̲̩̙ͮ̀͑͊ͧ̒̔ͬ͠ ̶̵̘ͬ̔̋͌h̵̰̱̣̟͉̦͈̍ͭ͗͌͐̽̋͐i͇̱̬̯̫̰͙̝̘ͯ̏ͦͨ̍ͮ̍ͣ͘͡v͈̑̍e̦͔̗͋͂͢-̷̖̥̝̮͗ͭ́̀̅̑̇̅͒m̻̩̐͒ͥ͗̏̒͌͑ͥ͠͞i̸̴̙̜̮̳ͫͣ̌̉̋ͣ͒̒̀n̝̖͙̦̆̇̇ͨ̀̑͗̀͝d̷̡̫̗̦̠ͮͦͭ͂̃̆̂͢ ̺̙͓̮̈͂̇ͤ͑ͅo̧̫͉̥͐͌ͩ̽͛ͣ͡f̉̒̓̇͠͏͉̠̻̺̦͉̮ ̷̠̞̤̗͔̩̯̃̈ͧ̎͗̿̇́͟cͦͤͤͮ҉̹̠̜͇h̷͍́͂͢a̶̴̱̥̣̤̙͇͍̥͊ͭ̍͒̚o̱̫̣͑̈́̓̀́͒̓ś̵̘̩̤̜̯̤̙̟͎͗ͧ̈͌ͪ̇͞.͇̰͚͎͚̱͆ͪͨ̆ͮͭ͟͞ ͨͤ͂͏̞̩̬̼̠̟̟̖͡͝Ž̵̪̻̰͓͓̬̭̊̃̾̀̚͢ã̷̢̼͇̩͉ͥl̶͔͉̻͋̏͋ͮ͘͠g̸̡̙̼͕̱̲̑̑ͪ̇̆͊ǒ͓͔̲̘̳̳̖̱͗͜.̥͉̱̰͚̄̅̅̉͗̈̽̿ ͖̫̝̯̏͊̓͐̈̐͜͞ ̨̫̦̪͇̫̫ͨ̋̎̽͞H̠̝̐̂̓̽̎ͥ̈̽ͦ̕͢ͅë̶̢̫̺̟̞͉ͫͬ͌ ̜͈̥̦̰̖̍ͮͧͯ̕͢͜w̸̛̤͍͓̆̍̚͠h̵̠͍̗̼̳̒͛ͮͪ̈́̐͂͊̕ŏ̵̞̤̖̲̞̙͍̙̈́̊ͥͮ͂ͫ̈͘͜ ̧͇̮͖͕̄ͮ͠W͑̇͒̐̚͏͕̲̖̘̳̺͉́͜a͈̗̘̰̼̞ͭ̂̃́͠ͅȋ̴̛̠̓́ͦͬ͡ͅt̶̠̻̩͓̱̲̽ͮ͌̔ͬ͠s̵̴͎̟̯̜̟̭̒̿͋͆̉̈̒ͬ͘ ͍̫͉̻̣̂̍̀͡B̶̵͙̺̜̫̤̱͙̤̻ͪ͗̔͠e͓̺ͬ͋͆͢h̟̙͎̖̥̼̬̗̏̉̈́̽ͦ͒ͪ̚̚͝i͔̲͎̬̳̤̹͚͋͋ͫ̔ͮ̿̈́n̶̫͓͎ͩ̚d̘͖ͯ̑͗͑ͧͨ͆ͮ͘ͅ ̙̭ͪ̿ͤ̌̍ͦͦ͡ͅṰ̫̻͎̰̯̠͒ͤ͜ḧ͖̖̯̦̭̇͊͆̚͠ͅḛ̜̫̺̱ͯ̽ ̛̭̣ͭ͒̍Ẁ̝͉̊̐ͦ͐́͢͡a̵̖̦̳̰̙̎̐̎̌l̡̼̬̖͖̘̠̬̙ͥl̏̽̐̅̾̆̓҉̺̥̙̮͉̹̼̱̪.̨̭͎͕̥͑ͬ̀ ͐ͬͩ̓͌҉̀҉̯̦̠̫͔ͅZ̫̈́͜͞Ǎ̵̺́̇̿ͭḺ̻̣͎̗̞̠̜͂͂̑̀̀͡G͍͈̠͔̳̐̊ͨͫ͛̑̀̚O̝̰̠̖̦̘͂ͮ̐͘̕!̴̴̻̬̞͖͎̈̉͆̔ͨͅ

Advanced Lulzology: The Mechanics Of Ruin

Bill Nye; prophet, savior, legend.
The controversial "Lulz-Hate Construct".

Ruin is a sub-science of fail which runs on the following laws, with the most prevalent being at the top. If this law has not been fulfilled, the case will resort to the next in the hierarchy, and so forth.

  1. Furries ruin everything.
  2. Otaku ruin everything.
  3. The Internet ruins everything.
  4. Japan ruins everything.
  5. America ruins everything.

Note that "Otaku" is intended here to include all sets and subsets of fans, obsessives and people with an irrational philia for any particular thing. If someone writes Angel slashfics, he/she is still an Otaku.

The mechanics of ruin are more complex than they appear at first glance. One may initially imagine simple cases of direct or "Mundane" ruin, for example:

  • Porn invented, ruined by furry porn
  • Video games invented, ruined by yaoi fanfiction
  • Social networking invented, ruined by LiveJournal
  • Pop invented, ruined by J-Pop
  • J-Horror invented, ruined by Sarah Michelle Gellar
  • /b/ invented, ruined by ED

In reality, however, such straightforward cases are now almost extinct. The internet has turned the process into not so much a domino effect as a firework effect via the following process.

  1. Something in America or Japan becomes popular and makes money.
  2. Online communities follow, and pornographic fanfictions follow their wake like seagulls behind a fishing trawler.
  3. Someone in America or Japan buys the rights to localize it, and it becomes cool and imported.
  4. Furry happens.

There are even cases of recursive or tautological ruin in which the ruin is passed back and forth between the same sources. The most extreme case of this is called a Full-Track Ruin, in which something is ruined at every single level, including the one at which it was conceived. A rare example is Sailor Moon; created in Japan, raped in America, gang-raped by slashficers, furry artists and fangirls and then parodied as The Powerpuff Girls and sold back to the Japanese who took it at face value and created their own version.

In future years it is expected that Full-Track Ruin will become commonplace. Cloverfield, for example, has been ruined at all levels except furry, as nobody has yet dressed up as the monster, covered themselves in live spiders and had sex with someone dressed as the Statue of Liberty while a shouting Nigra dressed as a marine drops firecrackers on their head. It's just a matter of time, though.

LULZologists are working hard on a way to fit "China Ruins Everything" into the equation by the year 2050 next week.

Alternate (and Consequently Fail) Theories of Lulz

Alternate Universe Theory

Created by the Certified IT Technicians over at YTMND, it states that there are four alternate universes (YTMND, PTKFGS, YES YES, And THE FOURTH CORNER), each having been created by Sean Connery. This theory is primitive at best, and equivalent to saying that the Earth is flat, that stars are really holes punched through a giant box, or that black people should be given things such as property rights and the ability to vote.

No. YTMND has never done anything useful, and never will. Look at the above paragraph as a textbook example of Fail and Anti-lulz.

Discrete Pornographia Expanse Theory

States that while there do exist Lulz, the internet is rapidly approaching a state of total porn, at which point Lulz and all other properties shall cease to exist. This theory may be entirely correct, as there exists a great deal of empirical data to support it.

The Quantitative Lulz/Anti-lulz Relationship Theory

This theory states that contrary to current beliefs that the Lulz/Anti-lulz relationship is linear, it is in fact cyclical in nature. THIS IS THE ONLY THING THAT HAS SAVED THE INTERNET FROM DESTRUCTION. See diagram below.


Pioneers in Lulz Research

Bill Nye, "Science Guy"

Previously famous for his work dealing with inertia, he was made head of the scientific team at Lollege University since he happened to be an expert on the subject. Responsible for suggesting that a fifth element of lulz may exist.

Gordon Freeman

Apparently not content with his epic failure at Black Mesa, Gordon Freeman suggested the idea of using an Internet Hate Machine on another Internet Hate Machine. Also responsible for postulating that the fifth element was lupus.

House MD

Brought the pills and needles. Responsible for beating Freeman to death with his own crowbar.

Richard Dawkins

Visiting professor of meme study, and currently writing a paper about why Jesus is a douche. Specialist in trolling godfags.

Recent Developments in the Field of Experimental Lulz

Spurred by the courageous actions of the Lollege University Science Team and all the promising data they gathered, the Illuminati have begun building a gigantic machine from the recovered blueprints of the Internet Hate Machine and the Hugbox. Called the "Lulz-Hate Construct" (or LHC for short), it is expected to be fully armed and operational by mid June. When it finally switches on it will likely reveal to the world all the secrets of the Internets and Space-Time. Either that, or kill us all. Scientists have speculated that there are high chances that the machine will have to divide by zero in order to complete many of its tasks and operations, which could end up destroying the very universe itself. No worries though, Gordon Freeman has been assigned to the job of operating the machine.

Related Areas of Study

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