Tea Party

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Did You Know: That Anon has declared war on the Tea Party? See Operation Earl Grey for details!

Why do you hate America?


—The hunter has become the hunted.

Typical Tea Party Attendant
"They let a WHAT in the White House!?"

This one time a nigger somehow managed to become President and some of the country went batshit crazy and started giving a shit about shit they used to ignore. The Tea Party Movement, or Tea Baggers, are a bunch of inbred brain damaged Republicunts who are pissed off because they got pwned by a nigger. The movement is mostly made up of Christfags who want to take us back to 1776, restore honor, bring back Slavery, find Jebus, ban Evilution, respect all human life, deny the poor affordable Healthcare Insurance, (Government Healthcare goes against the Bible, because God made them poor to suffer) and will lead this country down the same path as Nazi Germany and Stalinism.

The Tea Party Movement is the official militant wing of Fox News. Like modern street Gangs, the upper crust of the organization claims to abide by the law, while covertly convincing their paranoid followers to commit violent acts of Drama.

FUN FACT: The original Boston Tea Party was protesting a tax cut on the East India Company, allowing it to sell tea below market price and stifling competition. But then again, the only history conservatives know about are Hitler and Nostradamus.


Although it has antecedents in the Ron Paul Revolution™, the John Birch Society v2.0 was founded when it became increasingly apparent that John McCain was a senile old fuck who ran his campaign into the ground by picking Alaska governor and noted shit mongler Sarah Palin as his Vice-President and had about a snowball's chance in hell of becoming president with her on the ballot.

Their rioting has recently picked up steam (as well as news coverage) due to Fox News' obsessive reporting of the riots. The odds of anything constructive coming out of 200 southerners screaming about not giving tax cuts for people who can't afford food doing anything are still being debated.

Despite all of their talk about "TAKIN' BACK THE COUNTRY!", the Tea Party was in fact directly responsible for the republicans being unable to topple at least two democrat seats in the 2010 midterms election.

Strategies and Tactics

Acrostic poems are a useful tool often used to convince governments you are right.
  • McVeigh the fuck out of your government.
  • Openly carry a gun while waving a sign that could easily be interpreted to be a veiled death threat and then call the police "tyrants" for eying you with suspicion.
  • Protest tax increases while collecting social security disability for being too fat.
  • Call anti-war protesters "terrorists" and "traitors", but threaten secession and civil war over a non-existent tax increase.
    • Claim secession is a constitutional right granted to states to combat tyrannical central government.
      • Ignore the Civil War.
  • Support buying a ton of F-22 Raptors (Approx. $143 million per unit) to be used against brown people armed primarily with Soviet-era small arms.
  • Worry about the PATRIOT Act only after a black democrat became president.
  • Get butthurt whenever someone calls the United States a democracy, but when Congress passes a bill to give money to Mexicans start an internet petition to override it.
  • Bash on blacks and blame them for everything bad without being racist.
  • Blank sections of ED without being vandals.
  • Reply with a blank stare when asked where they were during the 8 years Bush was spending like a gold digging trophy wife.
  • Misspell protest signs.
  • Alternately (i.e., can't read or write) shout angrily at government attempts to take over services the government itself provides.
  • Comparing Obama's likeness to Hitler's and ignoring the fact that Obama's policies are the political opposite of Fascism and Hitler gassed Commies too. (It should be noted that conservatards believe only Jews died in the Holocaust.) There is a much more attractive mustache that would best describe Obama.
  • When Republicans are in power, claim that liberals are a bunch of hippy pussies who are too busy trying to decide which Third World country they should surrender America to. When Republicans are out of power, act like liberals are the SS, getting ready to kick in your door and drag your whole family into a FEMA concentration camp because you go to church.
  • Believe strongly that every day is Halloween.
  • March around with picket signs and use your ass to talk about a myriad of issues, ranging from health care to tax cuts for those who can't afford paying them at all.
  • Support officials with little to no experience in office, and who support crazy theories like forcing the US to leave the UN.
  • Believe WikiLeaks is a terrorist organization, but defend Joe Stack and Edward Snowden.
  • Hate a civil right unless Ron Paul explicitly approves of it.
  • Oppose American imperialism, the military-industrial complex, and entangling military alliances ONLY when a Democrat is serving as President.
  • Believe that "all life is precious", want to ban abortion at the cost of furthering overpopulation and high numbers of unwanted children, yet defend the death penalty, let white kids starve to death or die because they are denied nationalized free healthcare.

Why We Protest

Gun loving ,racist ,cracker teabaggers getting what they deserve.

Tea Partiers are, by and large, clueless about politics and they're pretty much against anything Übersturmfuhrer Glenn Beck tells them they're against, but their main beefs seem to be:

  • Healthcare. Keep Big Government out of my Medicare!
  • Taxes, except those that are going to fund Israel and our troops.
  • Black Presidents, especially ones with non-white sounding names.
  • Big Government, because monopolies are much easier to form in a laissez-faire economy.
  • Small Government because laissez-faire economies allow single companies to rule entire sectors.
  • Medium Government, because government.
  • Bailouts, like the one George Bush gave the banking industry.
  • Poor People, because taxes should be the same for people with less money than people who can pay those taxes.
  • Gun Control. Tea Partiers need their guns to protect them from the military and police they're so enamored with, because their Glock that they shoot once a month will protect them from thousands of highly trained police SWAT and National Guard sqauds armed with machine guns, rocket launchers, grenades, etc who like to kill first and ask questions never.
  • Immigration Reform, unless those Mexicans promise to vote Republican.
  • Deficits, like the ones caused by trying to give democracy to backwards sand niggers. Praise Allah.
  • Pet Mills. Laws regulating that they should treat the animals humanely? That's bad for business and will raise prices, keeping us from taking hilarious cat pictures and protecting ourselves from the Anonymous menace! Also, socialism.[1]
  • Being called Teabaggers, which is a real good way to get your foot crushed by a fatty's wheelchair as they gasp for breath in confusion.
  • Mentioning the Bush administration during debate, that's cheating.

IRL Quotes from Tea Party Leaders

Evolution is a myth.


—Christine O'Donnell

Nancy, GET OFF MY PHONE! GEEEETTT OOOFFFFF MY PHONE, YOU LITTLE PINHEAD! I don't care?! You PEOPLE don't care about the trillions....GET OFF MY PHONE!!!!!! I'm gonna lose my MIND today!!!


Glenn Beck

Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.



And what a bizarre time we're in, Jan, when a judge will say to little children that you can't say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it.


—Michele Bachmann

There are no rich. There are no middle class. There are no poor.


—Rand Paul



Typical bullshit.

They say we need an official language with freedom of speech; Do not think, there is no fallacy. Drink your natty lite and shut up.

See Also

External Links

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