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TWILA, DA GIRL WHO WAS IN LUV W A VAMPIR is a shit fanfiction written by some dumb shit that no one gives a fuck about. It's similar to and worse than my immortal. Not really much can be said about it, it speaks for itself. So here it is: all 12 chapters.

WARNING: Reading this may cause a significant drop in your IQ. It may also make you want to lobotomize yourself, and in rare cases become an hero. If you feel doing any of the latter, then do it and post the pictures on /b/. We could use some comedy, it's been nothing but shit recently.

Chapter 1

Hi my name is Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz (not cullen yet, bcuz i ddnt meet edward yet) n i live in waschington wif my sister Midnite. we liv in a dark house that iz far away from every1 els n we r vampires. we feest on blood n no1 else noes dat we are vampirs. not evn are mom wich is y we moved away to b by ourselves. yes we r LONERS.

i go 2 a hi school n every1 finks dat im really hott, i hav strait blak hair nd topez eyes n mi sister midnte is da same accept she has magenta eyez. i wear lots of blak makup on mi eyes even tho i hav dark ciircles under my eyes, (a/n ok if u think thats lame then FUK U, edword has dem too and steraphie myers sed hes realli hot ok.) i dnt lyk any1 at mi school, i am a missenthrop (a/n loook it up) that menz i hate other ppl accept midnite.

one day i met a realli sexi vampore named EDWARd CULLENS he haz realli white skin lyk me. he is satan's gift to dis planet (a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten created dis universe god bles u satan u r alwayz in mi heart.) so anywey i met him i nda skewl n he was wif some fukking ugli ass bytch named bella swann. she waz soo stupid n she kept fallin out of her seat. edwward lookd at me lyk wtf is dis gurl doing. i smiled at him sexi and aventerous n he new rite away that i wuz a vampir, i culd tell from his eyes wich were da same collor as mine.

"Heyy" he sed walkn away from bella. dere were some gay ass ghetto ppl in his way doin da SOLDA BOY CRANK DANce n he jus lookd at dem with his dethly eyes n they iran away. i realy hat cliks n gheto ppl fink they r kewl, i giv dem the middle finger in the halwayz n itz l;ke YEA HUS TUFF NOW LOL rite

neway edward n i sat 2getha at da lunch tabel n bella stard at us wif dat poser jakob. ed ddnt pay ne atencion to her at all. he told me al abot how he iz a vampir n his dad carlose wnated 2 meet me. n his sisters alice, rosmarie, jasper n emet all luved me rite away n his mom esmi wnted 2 meet me 2.

so we kut skewl early n went to his realli big house in da woods n jasper is realli big and muscelar so he jst nocked down all da treez in da way.

when we got there carlose came to da door imedately. he gasped in surpise at my beauty

"You Must be twila, my u certenly r attraxive" he teasd me seductevly. ed, jasp, emet, alison n rosaline all growld at him angrly, all sensitive becuz they liked me 2 besidez it wusnt fare cuz he was alreadi married.

"Yea thats me lol" i told him and bowed (a/n dats wat they do in japanese becuz its polite) "nice to met you i said.

"So i hear ur a vampir, cum in my house n we can talk about it."

I waz sooo excited n i ran in quikly in every1 followed me, we were alreadi frends.



Chapter 2

FLAMERZ BAK OFF OK. mi engish is fine u dnt hav to b a bytch about it u fukkin homos. if u lik bella i sed not 2 red cuz u wuld be offenced. i red dis book a lot of tims i fink i no der names.




Wen i walkd in2 da house edward disapered and den appered at da piano (hez a vamprie he kan do that.) he storted 2 play Famous Last werds by mi chemical romans. i started 2 sing in my beatifull voice "Wel i kno that i kan make u stay, wel den were iz ur heart? were iz ur heart?" every1 gasped, even tho they were vampirs they didnt hav voices lyk me. OUT of nowere they all jumped up nd tried to tak off my cloths.

"WOT R U DOING?" i creamed. deir eyes were red n they had all turned in2 savagez. den they stoppd and confused.

"Sorry Twila." edward sed. "sometimes wen we c some1 we kant resist we turn in2 beasts. it wnt hapen agen" puting bak on mi clothe.

"Itz ok a lot of ppl r attracted to me" i excplaned. they all understod.

"it must be ur blood" sed carlose in horrofied. "Beauty, u hav the most rare n exotic blood in all da world, evry vampir wil want to drink it. itz much betta den that other gurls, wats her name?"

"Dat bytches nam is bella" sed jasper growling. Midnite hugged him so he wuldnt get 2 angry n apper in bellas house n strangle her wif 1 tuch of his finger cuz hes realli strong lyk da hulk.

"twila, i wnat u 2 marri me" sudenly screemed alise hu was a plebian. edward rowred at her, furius n all protective n sudenly... he htransformed!

"OMFG NOOOO" i shouted cuz i dint want ne1 2 get hurt. eds shirt bursted opened wif mussels. his topazz eyez turnd pure blak with strengt n energy n he jumped at alice

"TWOLA IS MARRING ME ALREADI" he sed wif his voice was booming n all da windows exploded n da glass rained down lik in dat avril laven video wer she punches da miror n da glass all flyes out around her. He storted 2 fite with alice to da death over me.

"Guyz guys" i suddenly compromized "Guess wat srry im not a lebian." alice started 2 cry tearz of blood. "Y r her tears blood" i asked all curios

"Oh no this is bad" said emet hu had been in da bathrom da hole time. "wen we cry our tearz r blood n its da blood of our victims, shez losin blood n now she wil be thirsy agen. RUN"

Alic tryed 2 jump at me and tare my flesh but i movd out of da way n she attakd rosemarie instead hu was prety but she waznt as prety as me n her throat flew open. n blood poured out everywere n alice ate it.

"Ohh mi satan" i said heartbrokn becuz i causd so much truble. edward jus laughed "its ok babe" he said nd kissed me for da 1st time! (He had turned back from blak ed to white ed (a/n HEZ LIK HOTSANHARU FROM FRUITY BASKET) n he was calm agen.) "Shez a vampir, shell just cum bak 2 life."

so they sedeted alison n she fel asleep n rose came bak 2 lyf. we had berger king 4 diner bcuz i had 2 hurry. n then i went home thinsking of edword the hole time and how his flami hot lips felt on my. his body waz so warm n i culdnt wate to c him agen.


Chapter 3

OK PPL HU REVIEW 2 SAY SHIT ABOUT MI STORI CAN GO FUKK DEMSELFS. my stori is beleiveble u just hav 2 keep readin n u can c y!1 but to ppl hu gav me good reveiws, THANX U GUYZ ROKK 333 LUV U


"Hey betch wat r u doin home." midnite asked.

"u hav 2 promise not 2 say nething..." i sed nervly n midnite laffed n sed "hu wuld i say somthing 2, we r loners remeber?"

"o yea" i sed and told her evrythin dat hapened. she gosped wen i told her abot edword kissing me. "SO WATE" she scremed "R U GUYZ IN LUV NOW OR WHUT?"

"ya were goin 2 homecuming 2getha." i showd her my blakk dress wif lace n leather n my spiky black shoez. "edword sed he liks dese." we laffed happy 2gether n danced arond da house. we were so happi 4 me. i sang tenagerz by mcr. den. ... DA DOOR NOCKED!

"TWIL WERE R U. sum1 asked frum outside. i went 2 da door n it was alison. i scremed. IF U FUKKING TRI 2 SUKK MI BLOOD AGEN ILL GET ED i told her. she bast in2 tearz. midnite quikly jumoed up 2 defend me but i told her to go awey bcuz i culd handle alis.

"ok y did u cum here." i sed. alisenz blody tears dint scare me. i new she had enuf blood 2 last cuz of wen she attaked alison. "i felt sooo bad 4 tring to drink ur blood" she histericly cry. "i wnted 2 alopogize wif a present."

"All i wnat in dis world is edword, n i hav him so noting u can giv me matterz." i shucffed at her. But den ... she held up 2 TIKKETS 2 A MCR CONSERT!

"OMFGGGGG!111" i was static. i grabed dem from her n gave 1 2 midnite. "actully" alison wimpered "1 was suposed 2 be 4 me. so we cold go 2getha"

"But i wanted 2 go wif ed" i shoted. i imagned his beutiful face wif his blakk eyliner n blakk lipstik. n his smexi bodi. OK alison sed. "we can jus tak mi hole family. esmet realli luvs mcr 2"

so we went to da consert n ed n i had innercoarse on da way. evry1 tought we wer so cute.

"THIS NITE WALK DA DEAD" scremed gerad way. den... EVENIEZENCE KAME ON! dey sand a duet wif mcr. den dey sang sum more stuff.

emet had an ejaxclamation in da audience n sudenly HE TURNED IN2 A BAT. "OH SHITTTTT NOOOO" EDWard sighed. "dis is bad too twola, dis is realli bad." all dis bad stuf kept hapening wile i was wif dem. vampirs turn int2 batz wen dey r realli exited n evry1 wuld no his secret but no1 cared cuz dey wer all gothz. gerad lookd at him from da stage n he jumpd down thru da crowd n came over 2 us.

"Hey r u a bat." he sed in his fukking killer voce. i CREAMED so loud bcuz i luvvv gerad wif all my lyfe. his makueup waz runing bcuz he waz cring cuz dey sang helen (a/n dat song is abot his grandpa hu dyed RIP GERARDS GRANPA) but he glarced at emset n tuched his wings n he turned bak.

gerad went home wif da cullenz bcuz he nd emet becam bfs. cuz dey fell in luv. i was sooo jealous but ed got angy n i told him i luv him so it waz ok. WE ALL WENT HOM N I GOT GERARDS AUTOGRAF.



Chapter 4



I was walking down da halway in skewl wen i saw Ed wif... bella! she waz askin him sumfing n cring all over da place. "Wat is goin on" i snared n edword hugged me n sed "Its ok i waz tring 2 ignore her butt she wnt go away."

"Plz plz edmard" she cryed. "I realli want 2 go to homecumin wid u. i go evry year wif no date n now im in luv wif u nd i want u to b mi date."

STFU edward sed. "Cant u see dat i alredi hav a date. Dis is my gf TWILA."

"Yea u better bakk off." i told her. "odderwize thingz mite get messi." She ran away screming.

"So hav u cn Esmet?' i assed him. "He waznt in homroom 2dai" "Yea ummm Tqila, he transforrmed out of da skewl so he culd go on tourz wif Gerad."

"But hes a vampir1" i was socked at dis. "Yea but ur a vampiir 2." ed sed. "o yea." i sed. (a/n I DINT FORGET I WAZ WATING 4 DA RITE TIME TO BRING IT UP AGEN.) so we both turned in2 batz n flew 2 class (no1 noticed).

When skewl ended i went in2 my car and drove hom. Wen I got der my sister was geting maried.

"OMSG R U GETING MARIED 2 JAZER." i culd not beleve it. 'yea' she smeled. "I luv him n he iz goin 2 live wif us now."

I storted 2 cry becuz ed n i wernt maried yet. Midnite trid to hug me but i shot her away, bcuz her lif waz so much betta dan mine. "Im alredi 16 n im not marred yet." tears swam down mi beatiful face.

Suddenly... dey al shoted "SURPISEE!1" Midnite n Jasper wernt getting married... IT WAZ 4 ME AND ED! (a/n dey got mared da next day insted).

"NO WAY I was sooo inflated. Edward and me had an atheest ceremoni in my hose. So we were huband and wives. Midnite, Jazper, Esmie, Emet, Gerad, Rose, were all dere... but so waz... ALLICE!

"I hope ur not mad dat me n ur brother r married." i sed to her gothikally after da wedding. "I told u that i dunt lik u that way, im not lezz."

"Sigh" she knew. So we all went 2 a party n had lots of blood. Then we went bak to mi house. Some1 rang the bell n i answered it, making out wif Edword.

"Y DID U MARRI HIM YOU IGNORANIUS." shoted da guy at da door. It was Bibby Brown. He ran in on his weelchaire n Jacob flowed him. "Dont u dare tuch Twia." snotted Ed. Every1 came 2 c what waz happening. "Why wold I toch her, shes hieneous" he glarred at me.

"THATS IT NOW I HAV 2 KILL U." boomed mi busband. He turned in2 a savage lik da time i went to his house. I told him 2 stop becuz i needed to talk to Bolly n Jakob. he stoped.

"Ok y dont u want us 2 be together y is our love so bad 4 u" i cried. "Itz because... I CANT SAY IT." sed da guy in da wheelcher.

"JUST SPIC IT OUT." every1 sed. he began to cry histerical. "Mebe dis song will help u undersand." he started 2 sing in his crampy old voice "WELL I MIS U. I MISS U SO FAR. N DA COMMISION OF UR KISS, DAT MADE IT SO HARD."

Well gerald was FORIOUS becuz dat was his song n he started 2 attak him bcuz of copiright refrigement. (a/n I DNT OWN THE LYRCS TO DA SONG EITHER). Ther was a big fite n i storted to cry "Oh no, ur in luv with me arnt u." And Bobby Ran away from gerad n sed YES. Edword killed him.


Chapter 5

IF U R LEVING ME LONG AZZ REVEIWS ON Y I RUNED UR LIFE DEN SORRI GET DA FUKK OVA IT. i am gong 2 keep makin chaptas n if u report me den ur a lozer, ill just make a new accont. NEWAYZ FANX 2 DA PPL HU GAVE ME GOOD REVEIWS AGEN U GUYZ KEEP ME GOING. PLZ ENJOY CHAPTA 5.


We didnt no whut 2 do wif all da blood from bobby brown so every1 just drank it off da floor. We had weding gamez n shit and jacob left cuz he waz angri at us 4 some resason. We playd spin da bottle n GErard had 2 kiss ed. (a/n lol bi guyz r sooo hot) i waznt jelous cuz dey r both guyz. But Emetr was deprezzed becuz Gerord is his bf. We listened 2 Green day and he got cheered up.

I was gong 2 sleep dat nite when i got posesesd by Saten. But it was ok cuz were friendz n he just doez dat sometimes as a joke. I asked him wat he wanted n he told me 2 kill Rosemarie.

"What y?" I new dat Ed would be angey if i killed his sister. "Becoz she is a blond prepp" sed satan suicidelly. So I went 2 der house in da dark n i knew wich was rosalyns room becuz da door was pink with pompomz hanging from it n a poster of Holary Duff. I broke down da door but inside waz... EDWIRD!


"EW WTF U BUSTARD DATS UR SISTER!1" i exploded. I transofmed n began to tear da room apart n ripped all da preppy posters down. I jumped at Rosalien n bit her neck nd she started having a sezure. Then she ran around nd died. Ed kept crying.

"Dis is disgusting" i said wif disgust. "I cant beleve it, u nd Rose." "Just listen ok" he pleased. "I culdnt c in da dark, I thought she was you."

"Yea rite like I beleve dat. We're getting a devorce!" I waz so pissed. But den Edward got on his knes n sang "If u mary me, will u bury me, will u carry me 2 da end?" Nd I remembad da promise we had mad ova dat song when we got marred. We sed we wuld alwayz b der 4 each odder.

"Ok fine dis is ur last chance bittch." I ran out of da room nd saw Carlose in da hall. "Hey babez" he laffed. "Im so much betta dan edward, y dont u come upsters wif me?" But I just ran away sadly becuz every1 wanted sumfing from me.

The next day was a bad tim becuz it was akward betwn me nd Ed. Nd plus Midnite was in da hospital from slitting her rists, becuz Jazper had called her a slutt. He waz getting realli moody all da time nd he acted jelous around me nd Ed all da time. I asked him abot it in skewl

"Hey y da fukk did u mak my sister slit her rists." I roared. He sighed wif deprezzion nd sed "Im just not in luv wif her anymore, after u killed alic I saw ur true strength." "What r u saying?" I dint undestand. "Im saying dat i would rather b with u dan her. So I was hopping dat she wuld kill herself nd we wuld b devorced."

"Omg i wuld neva b wif u in a million years, ur a terrible person..." i sed wif tears of blood pooping down my pale face. I waz wearing violet fishnetz wif safety pins in dem and a red corset wif a blakk vest over it n a pentagram n lots of safety pins nd tight blakk jeanz. Mikael, Jabob, Bella, n Jessa all gatered around us. Jasp waz so embarassed. A lot of da teachers came over n stared at me.

"Twila plz report 2 da principles office." The teachers sed strangly. So i followed dem nd da princple was der and he sed to me "Im sorri but we r going 2 hav 2 tranfer u to a diff skewl."

"OMFG NO." sed loudly. "I CANT DIS IS WER EDWARD GOZ 2 SCHOL." "Yes," they admited uncomfortly. "But ur causing a realli bad diserbance in da school. U c der is somthing... odd abot u. Nd no1 feelz comfortble wif u here so u hav 2 go 2 dat other school in Waschington, calld Mount Saint Prepz Acadamy. "

I culdnt beleve it. I waz nevr gong 2 see ed agen if i went dere. I jumpd out da window n ran home n took out a nife and cut miself. Der waz blood all ova da floor nd i fell down and started 2 die.




Chapter 6

A/N: ok u noe wat prepz? im gong 2 rite mi stori betta so u guyz kan stup complaning abot chatzpeek. SO NOW U WILL HAV NOTHING 2 FLAMM ABOT HA HA. nd btw stopp tellin me 2 use spellchek, becuz im using notpad nd it dosnt have it ok! midnite fanx for da good reveiws, n every1 else hu gav me good reveiws, u guyz rokk! TATA GLIESBIE I LUV U! PREPZ STUP FLAMMING!1 GOTHZ ROCK 666



When I woke up Deward was over me. "Twilla. TWILA!" he screwed into my ear. "Youre going to be ok."

My long strait hair was all around me, I was laying on the flor. I was wearing a black spagitti strap shirt with a matching sweatshirt over it nd a blak jean skirt with MCR pins on it. I had on ripped fishnets and blak highheels that had spikes coming out of them. There were bandagez all over my arms and body were I cut myself. You could c the blood coming thru.

"Just fukk off ok?" I said with a sad smile and I storted to cry. He tried 2 comfort me. He had his bronz hair in spikes with purple steaks in it and he had on white fondation on his sexah face. There were tears raining down from his topaz eyes. "No plese tell me y you did this." He shooted.

"I dont want to effing talk abot it ok can you just bakk the fuk off!" I was so depressed. I got up off the floor and tried 2 run out the door but Edward stopped me. "WAIT!" he whimspered. "There is some1 waiting for you out there, itz not safe." His voice got all low and hott like a male version of Amy Lee in the begining of Goin Under.

"But I really need too talk to you." I begged pleasingly. "Lissen, I cant stay in dis school anymore."

"WE CAN TALK LATER, WATCH OUT, SHEZ ABOUT TO BREAK DOWN THE DOOR!" Suddenly I turned around and the door smashed down. It was .. ... BUFFI THE VAMPIR SLAYER! (a/n fanx for da sugestion! 666 XXX)

"Ahahaha, dont even bother," she said meanly. "You cant escape from me Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz Sad'ness Cullen."

But I was to angry to even c her. "You now what Edword, u never pay attencion to me. Why dont you just go to Emett, so you guys can screw? Becuz you obviously dont care abot me." "NO PLEASE" he got down on his knees with dark tearz of sorrow. "Give me another chance"

"Do you remebr what I said that nite." He lookd at me all confused and sad, and Buffie started 2 take out her sword. "I SED ONE MORE CHANCE AND I MEANT IT NOW YOU CAN JUST GET THE FUKK OUT OF MI LIFE BECAUSE YOU ONLY HURT ME."

I took off da pentargram he had gotten me nd just before I was about to throw it out the window he ran over and hugged me and startd 2 sing "Cruxifiction in Space" by Marlin Manson. Dat song was so touching and I had to forgiv him.

"Excus me were were we?" laughed Buffie da Vampir Slayer looking at us. "Look if u dont get out of here, i am gong to post dese pictures of u screwing Angell on the internet!" I shooted. She got scared becaus she didnt want 2 end up like that prep Pares Hilton.

A lot of other stuff happened nd then Edword went home, we were still marred. But I didnt get 2 talk 2 him abot transferring. I went home n listened to Panic At Da Disko and put on a blak nitegown nd put my hare up in a blakk skull clip. I went 2 take a bathe but when I went to da tub I saw. ... Edard!

"How did u get in here?" I asked shockly with anger. "I transported n, I have telekinisis." (a/n LIKE VOLXEMORT FROM MY IMMORTAL LOL.)

So we took off our cloths nd you guyz can guess what we did (yea u pervs get ur mindz out of the glutter.) The next morning I woke up and I COULDNT BELEVE IT.

"OMFG ED WAKE UP RITE NOW." I scremed. He drove over 2 my house to see what waz wrong. "IM PREGGANT." I was crying. I started 2 kut my rists over the bandages with a razor. Just then da fone rang, it was the principal saying "Twola, ur going to be late for ur first day at Mount Saint Prepz Acadamy."

"THATZ IT THIS COULDNT BE ANY WORSE." I flew in2 my bed and kept crying nd my pillow turned red nd black with makup and blood.


I culdnt take it, my life was absolutely terrible and I had nofing left to live for. Edword tried 2 calm down and hug me but I punched him away.

"Please itll be ok." He pormised. But I didnt believe it. I just wanted 2 watch Da Ring nd overdosse with aspirin and pot. I storted to sing How Could This Happen 2 Me by smipple plan. Ed weeped and weeped (a/n if u dont luv sensiteve guyz den fukk off!) nd I fell asleep having nitemares abot prepz and babiez.



Chapter 7

a/n: FLAMMERZ BAK OFF. GOTHZ FANX 4 DA GUD REVIOWS. sorry dat i tuk so lung 2 updatt! ok i waz lissening 2 lenkin park nd i storted 2 ovrdose on pot, crak, maryajana nd koke. and i had 2 go 2 da hoospital for a week lol.


The next day I woke up in the morning and opened my icy topaz eyes. I was covered in blood. Der was blood all over my bed. My rists had started cutting during the night while I was having nightmares. I moaned smexily and got in the shower nd all da blood went down the drain all swirly nd stuff like in the movie "Pycho" (geddit lik part of mi name, btw if u dnt lik gorey moves lik dat den FUK OFF!).

I had got sent the unform for fukking Mount Saint Preps Adacemy in the mail and I put it on suicidally. It was prep-pink with purple plaid and the skirt was realli long. I got a knife and cut the skirt and made it really short. I also got a black sharppie and made the whole thing blak. I put a bunch of MCR pins on it and sum safety pins. I made a bunch of rips in the shirt where my bobs go and you could see my lazy blak bra. I put up my long strait blak hair in a messy thing with spikes all shooting out and put on red ishadow with blak glitter in it

When I got 2 school there were a million prepz there and I started tu cry gothically and give them the middle finger. Plus I remembed that I was pregnant and I screaming and all the stupid preps got scared and ran to tell the teachers who all wore pink. But they were all crowded arond some1 and gasping with orgasm and bewildedfulness. I pushed through them giving them all dirty looks and saw who they were staring at. It waz. . ... Edword!

"OMGOD WTFRU!111 DOING HERE?" I shooted jumping into hir arms. All the teacherz got scared and ran away and kept looking at his beauty from the distance. "Bby I just couldn't keep going to that skool without you. So I transferred here. That skool is just full of prepz now."

He storted to sing "You Know Whot They Do 2 Guys Like Us In Pirson" to me and I loved him. I knew that he would alwez be there for me.

"Byt he way Twi, ur not pregg." I couldn't beleive it! He told me that he had gotten me tested and I wasn't going to have a baby.

"I'm so glad lol." I was crying with joy. We ditched skool and dropped out. We smoked drugs and alcolol outside and the prepz wished they were as cool as us. Things were getting back to the good way that they used to be and.


ok sorri it wuz so shortt, im still in rehab from da incidenx so i need 2 get better 2 rite more of da good stuff LOL bye.

Chapter 8


disclainer: btw, TWILIGT does not belung 2 me, it is by serpantie millerz, ok she wunt su me now.

PLZ ENJOY GOTHEZ, DANX FOR DA GUD COMMENX. i am out of rebab soo i will b able 2 updat more arugato! OH ND fanx 2 Rodriga for helping me wif da spanish! U WILL C WHAT I MEAN LOL x666x


"Twila . . . . . . . . . ."

I kicked and whismered in my sleep as da voice got louder and louder. I was sleeping in bed with Edward, but I don't think he heard it because he didn't say he heard it. Plus he was sleeping.

"TWILA, TILA!" said the voice screamingly. It sounded like an ugly old man, or it sounded like Midnite. I wazn't realli sure. I opened my eyes, which were like endless pools of beautiyful topaz. I looked around in the dark, but since I was a vampir I could see in the dark (a/n vampirs can see in the dark). I saw Ed next to me. His bornze hair was messy and sexah nd his pale skin glowed in the dark. He was silently singing "Da Hell Song" by sum-42 in his sleep.

"Hoes there?" I crapped poisonally. My long black hair whipped around me as I turned back and forth at da speed of light. I didn't c anyone there so I was fukking confused. I had on a silver nitegown with black linning, and blak lace all around da boobs. I was wearing blak stilettos nd had on tons of eyeliner that I had made cat eyes out of.

Then the voice contunued to shout, "Cum to me Tila Beautifu Psyco Topaz Cullen. OPEN UR EYES TILA TEQUALA FOR IT IS ME!"


Then I looked next to my bed and saw hu was standing ther! It was. .. ... A MAN!

"What r u doing u effing pervert." I giggled foriously. "U now dat izn ot aportionate to b in a toung girlz rom?"

"Hahahaa. Si, but I c dat you are lovers wif mi enemios." He said in Spanish.

Suddenly Ed woke up and growled all ruff nd tuff. He shined his gloriosus teeth in the mans face nd he was temporerily blinded for life.

"MY EYES!" the ugly man shotted. So I was right, it was an ugly man. I got out of bed seducingly taking off my cloths. Edmard gasped all angry and sensative (a/n lol jealous hot bi guyz r so great) becauz I was getting naked in front of a strangler. A lot of other stuff happened and den we found out that da mans name was James but becuz he is Spanish they call him like HAmez. We found this out because I bribed him wif my body.

Chapter 9

a/n: OMG SOZ I TOOK SO LUNG 2 UPDATE. i kant realli say why but if u want tu know den msg me nd i'll tell u dat i had an emegency nd almost died from sallowing 5 bottles of aspirin lol.

LOL GUEZZ WHAT, TU ALL OF U PPL WHO SAY DAT IM DUMB, MI PSYCOLGY TEACHER TOLD ME 2 IGNORE U becuz ur just playing mind gamez 2 tri to make me fell bad abot miself. i am not da losser in dis situaton! neway PREEPS STOP FLAMONG, gothz tanx for da good stuff, MCR ROX!11 666


Recap from Chapta 8: "I want to kill Bella becuz ..." "We kan help u wif dat." I said sexily. "Muy bean." (C IS DAT SPELLED WRUNG.) "I'll c u at dawn" XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When I woke up again that morning I was ready to kill Bella. It was dawn and Hamez had packed all of da supplies for killing. Eddie woke up and opened his eyez which were the same as mine. We put on our makeup (he had on white foundation, black eyeliner, and dis fake blood stuff that goes on ur face. i had on purple eyeshadow, lots of blakk, and drak lipstick.) Hamez tried to watch us get dressed but I told him that if he didn't fuck off I wouldn't help him kill that little bytch.

So I didn't go 2 school but the preppy prinzipal was too scared to call nd ask why. Ed didn't go eiver. I suddenly remebered Midnite and knew she would want 2 be involved too but she was on her honeymoon with Jaspa who I had told to love her or else I waz never gong to talk to him agen. While we were leaving secretely to Bella's house, I got sad becuase Ed and I didn't have a honeymoon. I started to cut my rists a little on da way there and I saw dat Ed looked worried.

When we got there Hamez borke into the house and we went upstares to Bella's room. The whole thing was pink nd it reminded me of Roslyn's room. I storted 2 cry all hot and angsty because that's where I had caught her with my husband. I cut my rists some more but Hamez said "Shhh, we can't let her no we are at her casa."

She was sleeping all preppy nd there were posters of Ed on her walls. I ran over and tore them down wif my long, black nails. She was dreaming abot Ed and he started to get angry becuz he hated her. "Ok are u ready?" Hamez whimpered. "Here Tila you can take this sword. Eddie kan have the needle, itz full of cyanide." Well I was sad becuz I had alwez wanted to inject myself but I didn't say neithing because I knew they wuldnt understend. I storted to cry tears of blood and Ed gasped and started crying also with me.

"Don't tell me . . . . ." he screamed wif depths of depression and pain in his voice. "Dat ur SAD shes going 2 die?" "No you fukking retard. I'm sad because there are so many things dat I want in life but evry1 only cares about my bodi!"

"It's not ur fault that u'r beautiful." He cried sexily hugging me. Hamez got scared becuz we were being loud but Beela didn't wak up. Suddenly we killed her.

"Thank satan she's gone." we all said in unicorn. Her body disintergrated into her bed which was all wet with blood. We ate her bed so there would be no evidenze (lol geddit like evinezenze.) And left before her mom could wake up.

When we got to da door there was someone blocking it suicidally. "CARLIZ?" we all scremed at once. "Yes I can't take it anemore." he said breathing all crazy. He was looking at me! Edward put his hand around me like protection. "Why are u here dad? GET OUT." His eyes started 2 rage.

"I'm here to take Tqila. I am gong to make her my bride. And we will live in da darkness forevamore hahaha!" he laughed evilly in a gothic voice that I suddenly realized was sexy. Then I sterted to think.

"Wait now." I kommanded when Ed was about to kill Calile. DARKNEZZ FOREVERMORE? I thought beginning to have a mind change. "Mebe that would be good for me you know? Because I need a vampir who can kepp me gothikally satisfied nd stuff."

EDWARD WAS HEARTBORKEN. He satired to scream at the top of his lungs as black venemoos blood poured out of him. When a vampere gets ejected by da person that they truly love, there body storts to spazz all explosing like. I was misterious so I didn't let you know what was gong on in my thoughts lol.

"Yeh dat sounds like a plain." I said sullenly joyfully to Carlise. He was surmised that someone like me would want to be with him. Everyone in the room screamed in surprise. "Plz plz just tell me what I did to make you want do leave me." said Ed having an ellipictic sezre on the floor. But I didn't say anything still even though he was crying all too sensitive.

"Ok." I finally gasped at Hamez. "Please just go along wif this. You'll see da true intestions of my plan soon." And I made him take Ed away. And then I went with Carl who was like "I'm so glad that u've made such a good choice," cackling all satanikally. We went 2 his house (STFU WE DIDNT EVEN DO ANTHING YET U FREAKIN PERVS.) And I knew what I had to do.


Chapter 10

a/n: ok guyz, i no u hav all binwaden 4 mi updats butt i waz on tour wif FALLOUTBOYY becuz dey red mi story nd invited me 2 come wif them nd it wa relly kool!111 YAH B JELOOZ! OK MCR AND FLLOUTBOYS ROCK! 666!


"So kan u plez tell me for why u decided 2 grace me with ur presenze." said Carli smiling. I noticed how sexah he looked wif his violet contacts in. He loked like an older, hotter vision of Edward and Pete Wints. He was werring blak eyelinear that was gong down his face from da last time he cryed.

"Ur son has taken advantege of me to many times." I growled staring at him all gothik. Soddenly my vision when blak nd all I could c was blakness. i screAMED AND SCREMED becauz idid nt know what was happiening. Then I saw a vision of da antikrist nd i laughed dark and suicidally.

"Twila, I just read youre mind." shouted Calisi. No i said "becuse I just saw da anticirst?"

"Yes, my tru form is Satan." He describd. "Dat was me gonig into your thoghts and I saw the tru reazon why u came here with me."

"Let me just tell u." I said sobbing becuz he had figered me out. "I kame here becuz... . . . .."

"Because you wanted to make Edwat jealos." He said and I storted to cry. "How did u know?" I asked all deprezzed. He sed, "Becauz i just rad your mind"

Then all suddenly somebody knocked on Carlo's door. He lokked at me sadly nd opened da door and some gurl I didn't know jumped in.

"What is dis. Why r u here?" we both asked the girl. She was realli ugly and twolve yerz old nd was wearing a pink Kelly Klorkson shirt nd had frizzie blond hair nd an ugly face. "HAI GUYS MI NAME IS FIONA!" she scremed giggling nd walked into the house but Carlisa pushed her back out. "But u kan call me FIONAFIONA32."

"Ew get da fukk out of here!" I shooted. "OMGZ ur such a prep." Me and Calri were both disgosted nd suddenly Edwoard appeared and bit her neck nd she stated to screm and bleed. I was sobbing becuz bleeding waz my gratest desire but my doktor sed if i cut miself anymroe I would die nd Edard would be sad. Anyway, Fona died on the flor and her body shirveled up and rotted away. Edward came in and got in a stand-off wiv his dad.

"Plz plz stop." I said still crying. They were both killing each other nd their makup waz running down the faces. "I'm soz Ed. I didn't mean 2 hurt you I just wanted you to be jealuz. I doon't want to be with ur dad, kan u please take me home."

Edward was so relived but Carlise was crying angrily and he storted to transform. "NO!11" he yelled. "Nobody kan reject Satan. DO U HEAR ME TILA, I AM STAN!1"

"Yah I know." I said roling my eyez. But he kame running at me and I kicked him and he feel over moaning. Me and Ed left him there and walked out helding handz while "Thnx fr da MEMRS" played in the bakkground (a/n FAGG OT BOY FUKKING ROKKS!1 IF U DUNT LIK DEM THEN GO KILL URSELF FUKK U! FALLOT BOY 4EVA). I had an invasion in my head sudenly while we where walking of da Antikrist saying "This is not over Twila, this weil never be over. Bitch" But I blooked it out becuz I knew I was stronger dan him.


Chapter 11

a/n: HAM EVRY1 ITZ BEEN 4EVAR!1 my mom trid to make me wear a drezz n i had a tanttrum n brok da computer n slit muh ritz. but no we got a new one lolz? neway TONX FOR DA REVEWS WHILE I WAZ GONE, FUKK ALL U PREPS WHO HATE MI STORI! I SWERE ILL GET SATAN TO KILL U IN UR SLEEP U FUKKING POZERS! 666 XXX MCR STILL ROX!11 XXX


The next day I was walking 2 Hot Tonic wif Edward. When suddenly out of nowhere Hamez appered out of da blue.

"Hi," we said gothically. But he looked very angery for some raisin. "Would you mind if I killed you," he storted to sing from dat song by Withen Temptortion. "OMG STOP!111" Edward screamed jumping in front of me. I was so confuzed becuz I did nut know what was going on. Then I realized Hamez was trying to kill us.

"Why would u do such a thing you- you sick dirtbag!" I cried wearing a long black satan skirt wif black leather boots and a ripped fishnet ponchu over a black velvet bra with red skullz. Mi makup was ruining down my pale pale face. BECUZ I WAS WEEPIGN.

"Now that Bellar is dead I don't ned your help." Hamez said as he also sobbed. "I don't want 2 do this but I have to. I'm afroid that . . . . . . . . . . . ."

"I DARE U TO FINNISH THAT SENTENCE." Edmond muttered at the top of his lungz. He turned into a bat and flew at Hamez but Victor leaped in front of him.

"Who are you?" we all screamed exempt Hamez becuz she was his gf. She had jumped out of da trees. Then we decided 2 make up because we had no reason to fight (A/N maybe later u will find out what hamez was goona say be4 lolol.)

Vikroya was wearing a realli sexah outfit and Edward saw me looking at her and got realli jealouuz. He storted 2 make out wif Hamez to get bakk at me. "Oh no WHAT HAVE U DONE, OMG YOU FREAKING ARSE." Vikky shooted at my busband. "You just entered da pakt with Hamez." That was when we found out dat whenever someone kissez Hamez they get binded to him for da rest of eternity. "WTF that's so random." I laffed satanically. Edward looked realli scarered but I just said "It's okay, I like bi guyz so you can be with him too."

Vikky disappered becuz she was mad that Edward stole her boyfreend. Then me, Edward and Hamez had to preform a special marriage cermoney for the 3 of us to all be together. We all wore lots of black. "That is all." said Hamez looking at me flirty. "Now we have 2 seal the pact by dranking sum blood."

We all had an orgay nd went out to hunt. We found a whorewolf und were about 2 kill it when I relized it was Jakob. He changed back into a person and I gasped. His long blak hair had purple and silver streakz in it, his skin was ten shads lighter, and he was wering an Alezana tshirt wif tight blak pantz.

"Omg Jake, um." I said shy and sexy. "Hi u look realli good?"

"Thanx i got a new style" he said and looked at all of us. "Since you killed my dad I got real hordcore. Hey guyz can I join ur pakt."

We had a sekret goffic huddle nd thout about it but they got angry and said no. Jakob storted to cry becuz we had killed his dad and now we owed him. But Vikatora rolled her eyez, "Yea thatz karma" she pissed.

But then he turned back in2 a wolf and tried to attack us. I turned into a bat and flew out of tha way but Hamez waz too slow. I screamed suicidally as Jakabob was about to tear apart Hamz who suddenly shooted "IF I DIE THEN U ALL DIE, REMEMBER DA PAKT WE ARE TOGETHER 4 EVER." We were all horrorfied at dis.

So we had to save him but we got all cut up but Edward said "Its okay Twi, you look exy with blood on you." So we ran away and Jake got lost in the woods.


Chapter 12 (Last one, thank god)

a/n: ok r u redy 4 more? becuz sum certain bitch prepz were comploining i got more editars ok!1 GET OVER IT! dansk 2 everyon hu lieks it! kep reding LOL GOFFS RULE FOREVER.


Four days past and I relized that I didn't love Edwart anymore. I couldn't beleve it miself. I woke up in da morning wif black tearz of deep sorrowfull endless evol depression all crying down mah face. I put on some Metalika musik nd cut rist.

"Twila are u in there?" someone whimpered from outside my room. I gasped. It sounded like Ed. But I just turned up the song and sang allong 2 it, screming "HOLD MI BREATH AS I WISH 4 DETH, OH PLEASE SATAN, WAKE ME" (a/n arent dose lyricz so menengful.)

"OH FUKKIN SATAN NO WHAT R U DOING IN THAR!1111" Edward exploded crying becaus he knew what this meant. He knew that I didn't want to c him because I had fallen out of love.

"Darkness imprizoning me," I wept sadly. "All that I see- absulote HORROR I KANNOT LIVE- I KANNOT DIE!"

Sullenly the door broke down and a bunch of people kame in. It waz all da Cullens who were still alive n Jake (he had found hiz way out of da woods). They all storted to pin my hot body down so I could nut move.

"WTF ARE YOU DOING ASSHOLES." I shrieked. My rists were bleding everywhere. "NOW THE WORLD IS GONE ND I'M JUST ONE, OH SATAN HELP ME."

They turned off da musik nd I fainted. "You can't do this Twi." They looked all serious. "We all entered da pakt by making out wif Hamez." They said nodding. I gasped again. "And Twila, u can't deny ur felines for Ed."

"Remember the pakt is that if you die, we all die." I woke up and asked "Yeah. But isn't the pakt just me Ed Hamez and Victory. What's gong on?"

"I know lol," I promised. "I fink it was just a fase I just went thru." But then Carloyle stepped forward looking at me all weird. "Nu," he laughed darkly. "I told u it wasn't over Twila Beautiful Psycho Topaz Sad'ness Damian Cullen. I was trying to make you not love my son wif my powerz so you would kome back to me."

"Well letz celebrate." Jake screamed. "Twila doesn't want you Carl. You need to get over it."

"You really seem to understnad me?" Carlisse froned confusedly at Jake. "No one has ever realli understood me."

So we all went to Vegass and had a party and came back to Washerton. Carlile and Jake got marred there. Then Jake died sadly in an axident so Carliel got remared to Esmie.

"Twila this place isn't safe." Edward told me that nite. "Did u see what happened to Jake, we need to go someplace safer. I know a safe place for vampirs it's called Black Cavern of Bloody Despair."

"Den letz leave at dawn." I said staring at him deeply wif my eyes. "We kan start a new goffic life."

"Okay he said."

xXxXxXxXxXxXxX END xXxXxXxXxXxXx


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[...and then there was a gay orgy.It was a dark and stormy night...]

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