Kurt Cobain

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Kurt Cobain was the front man for the grunge band Nirvana back in the late 80's, early 90's. It was a time when people were fucking sick of the 80's and all the bullshit that came with it. Unfortunately, that bullshit evolved into the whole Grunge and Alternative thing. Starting as a Green Day cover band, Nirvana's repertoire expanded to include David Bowie, KISS, and the Meat Puppets.

Cobain eventually died of COVID and an overdose of shotgun mouthwash for reasons idiots are still arguing about. His act of self-ownage cemented him as the poster child of Generation X and their angsty ways. Some argue that he is the King Lord GodJesus and epitome of emo, as his music offered the faggots the escape and figurehead they needed to feel validated. His style of dirty ass flannels, jeans, and boots paved the way for the entire style of the coming Grunge movement.

The height of Nirvana's career.

An Hero is Cobain


The suicide of Kurt Cobain was neither a surprise nor expected. A major part of his heroin addiction was numbing himself to sporadic stomach pains and more significantly to the radical swings associated with Bipolar Disorder. For some reason, people seem to be inclined to believe that heroin would cause one to suck off a shotgun. Though when pressed to name any one other person that shot themselves because of heroin; well then you get into some gray territory. Heroin junkies die from overdosing, not from self-inflicted shotgun wounds. For reference; see Sid Vicious, Layne Staley, Janice Joplin, and probably Jim Morrison.

On the other hand, individuals with Bipolar Disorder that do things like take their medications whenever they felt like instead of on schedule and mixing it with heroin and other substances that drastically alter the way the medications function; well they tend to kill themselves. Often. About 25%-30% of the time often. The truly amusing part is the staggering number of people Cobain is still trolling through his suicide.

Apparently having legions of fans, plenty of groupie ass, a lot of money, a big house, nice cars, a shotgun, and ego is supposed to magically cure mental illness or counteract the effects of depression or Bipolar depression. Except for that whole bit where depressive individuals can take no pleasure in what they have or who they're with, usually causing an onset of sloth and nihilism; which is why it's called depression and not sadness.

Conspiracy Theories

The infamous Kurt Cobain card.

Theories abound as to why Cobain would shoot himself with his whole life ahead of him; presumably drowning in a pile of ass and large denomination bills. Of course, conspiracy theories cropped up because idiots are unable to accept that which is foreign to them. There is an entire page on that other, lesser Wiki dealing specifically with that subject. A brief summary of the page can be presented to better understand the idiocy of the theorists.

  • People that believe in the suicide story point to his family's history of suicide and mental illness. Drug use and Bipolar Disorder were deemed to be the major contributing factors of his death. This is too convenient for a "rock star" though. After all, it's not like thousands of people a year aren't doing the same exact thing. Oh wait..
  • Richard Lee's assertion of a conspiracy that ended with Cobain's murder is based largely on the presumption that he does not believe there was enough blood at the scene. If he had been shot there, a lot more blood should have been present at the scene of the suicide. But since there was not, then he must have been murdered elsewhere. Pathology experts have dismissed his bullshit because blood loss is much smaller if the gun is placed in the mouth. So if you're going to pop a cap in your bitch ass, hold the gun away from your head for maximized lulz. Or better yet, use a handgun with a higher caliber than .22 and hollow tipped rounds.
  • Tom Grant is a private investigator that was hired by Cobain's whore wife after he went missing at some point. His "evidence" of murder was that Cobain simply had too much heroin in his system to pull the trigger. Rather, someone used the heroin to dope him up and then blew his head off. Which of course makes total sense. Why wouldn't you give someone a lethal dose of heroin and then shoot them instead of just giving them the lethal dose and letting it look like a typical OD that happens all the time?

Another critical part of this theory depends on the fact that Cobain's suicide note was simply a retirement note and only became a suicide note at the very end of it, they also concluded that his note was finished for him after he was shot because the latter half of the note doesn't match his hand writing. This led conspiracy theorists to believe that someone who could profit from Cobain's death were the one's who killed him, as a suicide would garner way fucking more money than a simple retirement. This, too, is bullshit- investigators would have found someone else's DNA on the gun's trigger, and if they were wearing gloves because they weren't completely fucking stupid, then there would have been no finger prints on the handle at all.

An Hero vs. Suicide

Newfags, idiots, retards, and you still have a difficult time separating that which is suicide from that which is becoming an hero. The distinction lies in the impact of the taking of one's life and the emanation of lulz from the act. If you have done nothing to warrant the slightest bit of recognition from either your loved ones or the raving lunatics, pedophiles, and other sick fucks that populate /b/; then you can never be made an hero.

Thus Cobain was made an hero on his death; as opposed to suicide. Why? because people in fuckin 2018 are still feeling and feeding the drama.

A Heartwarming Poem of Staggering Genius

Kurt Cobain
Kurt Cobain
Backwards his name is
Kurt Cobain
He never backed the truck
He was young
He often sung
He was is Nirvana
They never played Havana
If he had embraced
Marxist Revolution,
he might still be alive today
But then he would've
had to give
all his money away
Better to be rich and dead
than poor and alive,
so said Kurt Cobain
Kurt Cobain
He should've backed up the truck.

People That Got Trolled by Cobain's Death

From Nirvana's hit single "MMMBop"

That's a pretty good chunk of people.

Complete rip-offs

Yep, Nirvana sure was original

Cobain on the Internets


See Also

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