Schroedinger's Cunt

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Not to be confused with Schrödinger's cat

Schroedinger's Cunt, or the Quantum Girlfriend Effect, describes the apparent paradox on the Internet, whereby a user claims possession of a girlfriend, despite the obvious fact that nobody on the Internet has a girlfriend, or has kissed anyone that isn't their mother or sister. If said user provides evidence in the form of pix or video, the probability that the girlfriend will find out, in relation to the quantity and content of the evidence, reaches infinity.

Therefore, if you have a girlfriend, it is advised to keep the relationship unobserved, otherwise the state will collapse and lead to butthurt.

The Thought Experiment

One can even set up quite ridiculous cases. Your girlfriend is penned up in a steel chamber, along with the following device (which must be secured against direct interference by the girlfriend): in a kernel, there is a tiny keylogger, so small that perhaps in the course of the hour, one mentions one's girlfriend, but also, with equal probability, perhaps one does not; if it happens, the counter tube discharges, and through a relay releases a .wav file which delivers the note to one's girlfriend, who will subsequently dump one's ass for bragging about her on the Internet. If one has left this entire system to itself for an hour, one would say that the relationship still lives if meanwhile the girlfriend is not mentioned. The psi-function of the entire system would express this by having in it the living and dead relationship (pardon the expression) mixed or smeared out in equal parts.

It is typical of these cases that an indeterminacy originally restricted to the atomic domain becomes transformed into macroscopic indeterminacy, which can then be resolved by direct observation. That prevents us from so naively accepting as valid a "blurred model" for representing reality. In itself, it would not embody anything unclear or contradictory. There is a difference between a shaky or out-of-focus photograph and a snapshot of clouds and fog banks.



In Layman's Terms

<wit> by default you do not have a girlfriend on the internet

<wit> theres no proof without pix
<wit> but as soon as she finds you uploading or gloating about her she dumps your ass
<wit> therefore, by observing the girlfriend you have affected the results by observing them


—Wit describing the concept in layman's terms

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Schroedinger's Cunt is part of a series on