The FBI has offices around the world and can be contacted around the clock, every day of the year.
School shootings are one of the greatest weapons in an IRL troll's arsenal; causing a victim to shoot up the school is a prime example of winning the internet. Can YOU beat the high-score?
 LOL IT HAPPENED AGAIN; THE FIRST OF 2012. THIS ONE FAILED TO BEAT THE SCORE It's 2018, fgt. Nikolas Cruz Vladislav Roslyakov is the recent champ.
While the participant is unleashing all of his teen angst on the faculty of his place of education, the benefits are not solely for himself.
School shootings began in the 11th century AD, when 16 year old Brenda Spencer of San Diego, USA, opened fire with a rifle on an elementary school across the street from her home, killing 2 adults (including the principal) and wounding 9 students. Police surrounded her home and waited for 7 hours until she finally gave herself up. When asked why she did it, Brenda replied, "I don't like Mondays", which basically translates to "I did it for the lulz." Adding to the humorous impact of the event, she explained further. "The children were standing around like cows. It was easy pickings."
Later that year, a pop band from Ireland called The Boomtown Rats released a song called "I Don't Like Mondays." It was a #1 hit in more than 30 countries, but didn't do so well in the USA, for unknown reasons.
Since Brenda Spencer invented the school shooting in 1979, others throughout the 1980s and 1990s also partook in IRL trolling in their own special ways. However, it wasn't until the year 1999 when fellow comedians (and gay lovers) Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold revolutionized this school tradition, by killing themselves after the massive Pwnage of their school, Columbine High School. This meant that no more depressed Emo kids could simply just commit suicide to kill the pain, but now they could become an hero after an epic bloodbath cleansing of their fellow students.
School shootings have happened long before Brenda killed those little kids for the lulz. As long as educational facilities and firearms existed, there have been demented fucks, whether they be disturbed loners or injun savages, willing to pwn the underage for extra shock value.
1999's Columbine massacre gave way to a massive revolution of violent copy cats attacks, and as any dumb ass knows, the spinoffs are just not as good as the original. Sadly, for a long time, none of these shooting sprees ever came anywhere close to the moderately high casualty count of Columbine. What followed Reb and VoDKa's Epic Win, was a bunch of pussies using shitty weapons, measly body counts and often no suicides, so nobody really gives a shit about them. A majority of those who attempt, or succeed at committing a school shooting, often cite Eric and Dylan as their inspiration. Vladimir Roslyakov is a notable example of someone who surpassed his idols.
Fast forward well into 2007, with the ass-rape of Virginia Tech committed by the tryhard Cho Seung Hui, culminating in the highest score ever awarded a player in this popular video game. This crazy ass gook managed to frag 32 fucking people, before becoming an hero. Sadly, such hard work was not rewarded by American society, and so after his 15 minutes of fame was over, Cho Seung Hui went forgotten. However, he was possessed by a demon from the 7th deepest layer of hell, and when the demon was done using Cho as a puppet for destruction, he manipulated and controlled a few other troubled souls into carrying out Satanic Jihad in the name of lulz. Some of them include Adam Lanza, Pekka-Eric Auvinen, James Holmes, Chris Harper Mercer, and You (future).
School Shooting Memes
For all you edgy teenage autists from Generation Z;
School Shooting Jokes
School shootings are one of the funniest things in the world. We hope to provide you some lulzy jokes. Feel free to use them around mom and dad, and especially in your own school. When you're sent to the Principal's office, simply state I did it for the lulz and you will be immediately cleared of all suspicion.
- My favorite sex position is the Columbine High; me and my friend come in, spray a bunch of kids, and finish each other off.
- I suppose the USA is worried that refugees might get involved in mass shootings, just to try to fit in.
- How do you kill ten Americans in one go? Make them go to school.
- My signature sex move is the Adam Lanza: I shoot 20 kids inside of you.
- Q: What are your favorite jokes about the Sandy Hook school shooting?
- A: Best Answer: who would make jokes about such a tragedy you people are SICK!!
- (On Columbine High School's G+ page reviews) "Has a great indoor shooting range. 5/5"
- How do you take out 20 kids in one blow? With a Sandy Hook.
School Shooting Videos
Like we said before, school shootings are funny, but these videos really put the icing on the cake.
School Shootings are sad, most of all for mom and dad.
Causes of School Shootings
How could somebody ever conduct such an shocking spectacle of appalling carnage? Experts with PhDs have speculated numerous factors in the creation of a school shooter. Society as a whole have also argued for the following points;
- Violent Vidya Gaemz - At least according to Soccermoms, Old Media, and Jack Thompson
- Listening to Marilyn Manson
- Being Goth
- Muh soggy knee - almost all sk0l sh0ters are male, so that means all males are evil and violent!!!!1
- Being an autistic weeaboo loser
- Hurr durr - tha TV
- Watching violent movies.
- Assault rifles, according to liberals. Actual assault rifles have selective fire (Full auto, Burstfire, Semi), and are very expensive and difficult to obtain. You have to submit an application for a special license to even buy any of them, and it takes up to a year, during which an extensive background check is conducted...unless you shop around for private collectors OL, in which case, you're in like Flynn.
- Tacticool assault weapons (Thanks Republicans)
- Being from a broken home. Ironic since most of the notable school shooters are WASPs.
- Being an atheist or satanist
- Not being conservative, redneck, mormon/christfag and not listening to country music.
- Being possessed by teh devil.
- Most schools being complete fucking prison-like hellholes or warzones.
- Most children being douchebags or scumbags who antagonize non-conformists and make their lives a living hell.
- Said non-conformists being beaten up, gaslighted, alienated, etc.
- Wanting to take revenge against those you believe have done an injustice against you.
- The News cycle giving school shootings front stage on international TV.
- School shooters being suicidal, homicidal, and wanting fame; see above.
- Gun Free Zones. Hey dumbass liberals, you might not've realized but anyone attempting the High Score is going to want to shoot up a place with the least amount of resistance possible. Columbine was a gun free zone. Sandy Hook was the only school in the area without an armed guard. James Holmes shot up the only theater that banned people from carrying guns. DISREGARD THAT...
- Anyone who commits suicide will always be forgotten, at least within a year.
- An Heroes, however, will be immortalized on teh intarwebz. If they commit mass murder, then they become world famous.
- Living in Colorado, suburbs or both at the same time.
- Jock culture
- School shooters getting their own fangirls who would rabidly suck them off (if they were alive). See: Columbiners
- Not getting laid - Life is meaningless without sex, and almost all school shooters (Except that NIU shooter) were virgins. Said NIU dude lost his v card by getting fucked up the ass, and most of you potential shooters aren't faggots so I doubt you want that huh? Unless you're a San Francisco resident.
- Collecting injustices.
- Being constantly surrounded by retards that deserve to die
- Being drugged up on antidepressant pills like Luvox, etc. Numerous School Shooters were put on these pills, and studies have shown they do the opposite of what is intended.
- Having access to guns.
- Reading this ED article and wanting to get on the high score list. Don't forget to purchase a t-shirt from us to advertise our site and bring us in a few million more hits :)
TL;DR: Being mentally ill, bullied,
white, suburban, having access to guns, and being suicidal and homicidal. Knowing that if you kill a lot of people before you an hero, that you'll have thousands of fangirls, be one of the most notable people for the year, and get burned into the history books.
Here is a more complete list.
|Map||Player||Frags||Almost Raped||An Heroes||Notes||Bonus|
|de_Bath||Andy_the_Taxman||44||58||1||Child killer, school board member, angry that the school was driving up his taxes|
|arena_vtech||(BLAZN_AZN)ch0||32||17||1||One man Zerg Rush||Survivor Suicide|
|cs_SandyHook||Kaynbred||27||2||1||Played on easy mode||Best killed-to-wounded ratio|
|cs_KerchPolytechnic||ComradeRoslyakov||20||74||1||Beat Nikolas Cruz as best school shooter of 2018.||Survivor Suicide|
|de_UTAustin||Charlie_Hitman||17||31||0||Camper||32px Pregnant Woman|
|cs_StonemanDouglas||CubanCupid||17||20||0||Wanted to be a professional school shooter, shot up the school that expelled him on Valentine's Day||32px Almost escaped but got caught an hour later|
|cs_SantaFe||=-_CommaKazi_-=||10||10||0||Wasn't prepared enough. Got decent kills in school shooting but, bombs weren't engineered properly, he probably followed old AlQaeda/ISIS guides on making home made bomb. Got caught. He's currently Bubba's bitch in prison.||Almost killed a COP|
|cs_PreSchool||GrNDk33p3r_Wi11-E||17||14||1||Loli Hunting||32px "What a waste"|
|cs_Erfurt||Xx_Steinhauser_xX||16||7||1||Legally purchased his weapons (lol gun control)||Cop Killer|
|GTA_San_Winnenden||JawsPredator1||15||9||1||Escape in a hijacked car and got wounded by police two hours later, then became an hero||2x + Another's Wife|
|COD4_EcolePTech||(CaNaDiAn_BaCoN)M4rC_L3p1N3||14||14||1||Bonus points awarded for leveling to get weps and not H4x0Ring the game.||32px Knifer|
|cs_FtHood||PraizAllah||13||33||0||The best showing on Expert Mode.|
|columbine.wad||REB & VoDKa||13||24||2||Doom Cosplay||File:M highfive.gif Co-Op|
|cs_Col0wned||Walfert_01||10||22||1||Proving that all good things come from Deutcheland, Seifert achieved his score with a home made flame thrower, lance, and mace (the medieval kind, not the spray on Mexican spice). He died a day later after eating a shit load of insecticide.||File:Firebat.gif 9x Flamethrower|
|CS_CathSk00l||W41+3R42||10||22||1||Happy Birthday to him||1337 H4xx0R|
|de_kauhajoki||w_u_m_p_s_c_u_t_3198||10||2||1||YouTube advertising. Tried to increase difficulty by shooting cops, but failed.||Burned corpses.|
|de_munich||† NΞΘ† GҽR†™||9||27||1||Took revenge against the Turks and Arabs who bullied him.||REMOVE KEBAB|
|cs_RedLake||NativeNazi||9||15||1||Self loathing||Kill family members or you fail|
|fy_Jokelaschool||NaturalSelector89||8||1||1||Put a video on YouTube predicting the killing spree||Killed the headmistress/Final Boss, bonus points for using a shit gun.|
|cs_NIU||ST3V3-O||5||18||1||No date for Valentine's Day||Doin it 4 Allah|
|cs_Jnsbro||M1TCH3LL & 607D3N||5||10||0||Ambushed frags by pulling fire alarm, killed pregnant teacher, and only got a few years in prison due to being underage||File:M highfive.gif Co-Op|
|cs_Thurston||k1p||4||25||0||Failed at becoming an hero||Killed parents|
|cs_KentState||OhioNG_1970||4||9||0||Shooting hippies||File:M highfive.gif Co-Op|
|cs_Marysville||BurgersAndFryberg99||4||1 (or 3 depending on who's counting)||1||Injun jock who was upset about girls||Kill From the Grave x3
Shot his cousins, killing one of them
|cs_FtHood||Lopez_the_Ivan||3||16||1||Played on Expert Mode
First known challenger to replay a previous map
|cs_Paducah||EvilCarneal||3||5||0||Chickened out during game|
|cs_alabama||Amy Bishop||3||3||0||She's a teacher! srsly|
|gg_Appalachia||Od1gh1zuwa||3||3||0||Made the mistake of trying to shoot up a progressive college that allowed students to bring their guns to school. Was taken down by fellow classmates before he could an hero.||Fragged a Dean and a Professor|
|de_Chardon||ThizzlehatJunction||3||2||0||Shot up a school other than his own||Got chased down by a teacher and turned himself in|
|cs_Elementary||*.:Bren_Spen:.*||2||9||0||Get a good vantage point||Doing it for the lulz|
|cs_Dawson||fatality666||1||19||1||Goth||Let counter-terrorists follow him in|
|cs_BuelElem||d3dr1k_0wnin||1||0||0||Youngest player ever|
|gg_FranklinRegionalHS||tHribal||0||22||0||Only used melee weapons||Tagged a security guard
|cs_STech||454 Racc00n||0||4||1||Poor strategy choice||Flanked defenses|
|cs_RCHS||Gothic_Zilla_Fan_69||0||4||0||Tried to beat it using only melee weapons, on single player mode, without armor or power-ups. Failed miserably.||32px Knifer|
32px Successfully evaded justice.
|L&O_JohnLockeHS||m00t||0||3||0||Hunting newfags||Final Boss of Law & Order|
|GTA_MoCo||Hardcore_Dan||0||0||0||IM GOING TO MAKE NATIONAL NEWS||Staged entire event on his cell phone while batshit insane. Failed epically.|
|cs_Aztec||[n00b]Xx.AlGore.xX||2||0||1||Work suck, school sucks, life sucks.||Master of Disguise. Cucked by a sofa.|
- Remember, no Russian.
- Call 911 and pretend to be Yakov Smirnoff/play Rickroll or Interior Crocodile Alligator to clog the system.
- Plan your event to take place on April 20th.
- Make sure to bring a change of underwear, warm clothing and a towel.
- Make an effort to suggest Russian involvement, or a secondary shooter from the grassy knoll.
- Leave the corpses in humorous sexually suggestive positions.
- Perform Necrophilia with said corpses.
- Bring a friend to share the fun!
- Smear fæces over everything.
- Become an hero when the match has ended.
- Seriously, do it. Prison isn't fun, so just fucking kill yourself you stupid pussy.
- Be sure to target retards, swagfags, niggers, feminists, and other subhumans. If you're going to commit mass murder, you might as well be a good boi and improve the gene pool.
- If you can't get motivated to start a school shooting, listen to Nine Inch Nails or KMFDM, and play Counter Strike (1.6, source or
GO, your preference) at the same time.
- Watch the movie ZARDOZ, and base your entire shooting rampage on that film. That way you'll attack your school by yelling about "exterminating the brutals", while wearing a red diaper, bandoleer and hooker boots screaming the "The Gun is Good, The Penis is Evil". At least we all can get a kick out of the lulz that will follow when the media bubble-heads try to make sense of it and blame a shitty 1974 Sean Connery movie for your rampage.
- If you can make sure, make the media NOT blame video games for the cause.
- Better yet, do not use guns because that just gets all the anti-gun faggots crying, be a man and do what Timothy McVeigh did, you will get a higher kill count too.
- Don't be a dumb goy, get cheap AR-15 (retail at $299.99) instead of a shy Glock, M16/AR-15 is called an Assault Rifle for a good reason.
- WEAR AN ENCYCLOPEDIA DRAMATICA SHIRT! SAY YOU DID IT FOR THE LULZ!
And for Christ's sake, if you're planning a school shooting, don't talk about it on 4chan, like this guy did. Half the fucking world saw it, and he got B& both OTI and IRL. Also do NOT fucking talk about it at all, you fucking dipshit. People can and probably will snitch on your ass. You WILL be fucking imprisoned, or at least have the FBI show up and interrogate you. They'll probably find your fleshlight and furry porn collection and shoot you dead on the spot; they'll be doing the world a favor you sick fuck.
School Shooting Strategy Guide
|We at Encyclopedia Dramatica take no responsibility for any of you crazy ass fags who actually try to break the law. The following is satire for legal purposes. If you're actually going to try to murder people, start with yourself, douchebag.|
School shootings are common in our modern age, but most shooters are fucking pathetic, retarded attention whores who make a lot of obvious mistakes, due to not doing enough research on their plans. This is often due to them fapping profusely to columbine fangirls and fanfics while fantasizing instead of training, resulting in them injuring their victims more often than killing them. These protips will help you rack up loads of frags to where if done correctly can result in you getting on the High Score!
- Planning: Make sure you plan your massacre as long as you can; you don't want to plan it within a day or two since the variables change and you might come up with unrealistic ideas which can result in epic failures. DO NOT write down your details or you risk being caught by mommy or daddy, or the police officer who shows up to interrogate you because some bitch at your school overheard you making threats.
- Where to aim: The best place to aim is for the medulla oblongata which is where Chris Harper Mercer shot some people at because this will kill anyone instantly. In order to shoot the medulla oblongata, you must shoot either the lower bridge or the tip of the nose, the bony protrusion behind the ear, or the lower back of the head. If you're using a shotgun, you can severely or fatally wound someone to the chest, then position them as if they're being executed and aim for the back of the head, this will result in their head blowing up similarly to in the movie scanners as proven by ISIS. If you're using a knife, make sure you stab the carotid artery, wind pipe, and Jugular Vein in the neck all at once because it causes death within 12 seconds and it's the easiest and most instantaneous way to kill someone with a knife. If you're using a long bladed weapon like a katana or machete, you should be able to cut their necks off with one swing. If you're using a hatchet or axe, you can injure their brainstem with one hit. And finally, if you're using a icepick or screwdriver, you can injure the brainstem with one to three stabs.
Note: Cops often train to shoot center mass as it's the easiest area to hit. This isn't a video game; you're not going to be able to score sick headshots all the time, especially when your victims are zig-zagging away. So make sure that you only shoot there to stop someone and not use it to kill because they will most likely survive but die if not treated on time.
- Where not to aim: Don't waste your time trying to score hits on the arms, legs, body, or forebrain. Your projectiles are like a blood clot, if someone is alerted of it, they can surgically remove it fairly quickly and you're out of there, while people can die from shots to those areas, it's very rare for obvious reasons. Finally, the forebrain; the forebrain controls memory, thinking, personality, language, and processing information. Because of this, you will most likely cause the victim to suffer for the rest of their life and you don't want that, unless you're a particularly sick son of a bitch. In which case, go for spines-hots to cripple them extra.
- Recommended Calibers: You can use any caliber you like; even a .22, but it's best to use a conventional, decent caliber:
For Handguns, use .45 ACP, .40S&W, 9mm.
For Revolvers, use .44 Magnum, .357 Magnum.
For Rifles, use .30-06, .308, .223, 5.56 NATO, or 7.62x39mm. Note: Many rifles use pistol calibers, which often have minimal recoil compared to pistols.
And For Shotguns, Use 00 Buckshot, slugs, or #3 buckshot in a 12 or 16 gauge caliber.
- Bullets: You can get any round that has any bullet on it as long as you aim for the right areas. Don't use FMJ if you're aiming anywhere other than the oblongata, but if you want stopping power and tons of tissue damage that'll fuck the cerebellum up as it heads towards the oblongata, then it's highly recommended you get rounds that have HP bullets.
- Human Trauma: Just because you use a caliber doesn't mean that shooting someone a few times equals a kill; it's been learned by various shootings that people can sustain shots to the head numerous times with high calibers. So make sure that you place your shots accurately. Gunshots aren't like a video game with a set damage rating. You won't do 20/100 damage per shot, but rather 20% of a chance of death within X amount of minutes. Focus on medium-range calibers that allow for high capacity, and focus on getting multiple shots on your target, typically 3~5 or as high as 7-8 if you use a gay little 22.
- A Tip For People Using Shotguns: Shotguns are very deadly, and contrary to what video games tell you, can easily put down the kids fleeing at the end of your long school hallway with great accuracy. Please note that these weapons have the highest recoil in the game. Most of you weak little faggots won't be able to handle the recoil unless you're using a heavy and long boomstick, so put on a lot of muscle before you saw it off.
- Concealing: If you want Concealability, then get a handgun since they're very easy to conceal to where you could put it in your pant pocket. But, if you are using a shotgun or rifle, make sure it is of a reasonable size. Carrying a rifle/shotgun the size of an 18-wheeler is a bad idea, so saw them off like Reb and Vodka did. This will allow you to maneuver with them much easier and make them more concealable. Don't saw it down too much or the recoil will be extreme and the gun might flip back and slap you in the face, breaking your nose, as in the case of what happened to Eric Harris)
- BUILD MUSCLE: Even a 9mm will kick a lot if your arms are made of spaghetti. So do what Elliot Rodger and Cho did and get build some muscle. This is crucial if you plan to go akimbo like Cho did; otherwise your aim will be everywhere.
- Training: You have to know your shit about how guns work especially with recoil, so use that knowledge and try to practice with them as much as you can before doing your attack. There are two ways of doing this, the first and best way is to go to a fucking range and popping off some rounds to get a feeling for what you're in for. The Second way is to get a ps2 or Wii, get a light gun toy, get light gun games and practice that way, this is good if you can't go to the range all the time or you're too cheap to get a gun and just use the resource officer's gun instead. While the light guns themselves don't simulate recoil, you can watch youtubers shooting a gun and learn how recoil works and try your best to emulate it.
- Getting Motivated: For Movies, we recommend you check out Polytechnique, Zero Day, Elephant,Natural Born Killers,The Basketball Diaries, Oldboy, Taxi Driver, Man Bites Dog, Klass, We Need To Talk About Kevin, The Dirties, Duck! The Carbine Massacre, Beautiful Boy, Pekka: Inside The Mind Of A School Shooter, State's Evidence, Going Postal, Stalking Laura, Targets, Bloody Wednesday, Bullet Time, and Rampage. For Music we always recommend Marilyn Manson, Eminem, KMFDM, Nine Inch Nails, Rammstein, Debauchery, Slipknot, Dope, and too many others to mention here. If you want a playlist to get you started, we recommend checking out the music section to get you a great boost of confidence. And for video games, we recommend you play Garry's Mod, Doom, Postal 2, Super Columbine Massacre RPG!,Grand Theft Auto,Hitman, Battlefield, Red Orchestra, Counter-Strike, V-Tech Rampage, The Slaying of Sandy Hook Elementary School, Any Games Made by Virtuaman, Elliot Rodger's Retribution: The Game, Manhunt, Saw: The Game, State Of Emergency, Hatred, Hotline Miami, Kingpin: Life Of Crime, The Prince Clown Rises, and The Punisher
- Research: Don't get any crappy guns; do your damn research and go after guns that will do its job well. We suggest a Glock 19, or a $1,000 range AR-15 / AK-47 type rifle. For shotguns, a $300 Remington 870 is an excellent bang for your buck, as Jeff Weise figured out.
If you're using an AK or AR build, purchase a Slide-Stock while they're still legal. This special type of buttstock essentially makes your gun go full auto while you hold the trigger. It's only $200~400 and will massively enhance your genocide crusade.Nevermind, they got banned. Look up how to slide fire without one.
You should also do Research on previous mass shootings so that way, you learn from them and can use what you've learned to know what you should and shouldn't do.
- Knowing What You're In For: It's best to watch people getting killed on gore sites like Best Gore andDocumenting Reality. Since these sites have ISIS videos, we recommend you use a VPN so that way you don't get V&.
- Explosives: Only those with a Science tag of 50 or higher will be able to successfully set us up the bomb. Otherwise, you risk it failing like Reb and Vod experienced, or you might just blow off your face's skin and live the rest of your life mutilated and ugly, shunned even more by your local community. We're already crossing a line so we don't want to get v& by providing you resources on how to emulate Timothy McVeigh. We recommend you go on the site Parazite to find tutorials that may or may not be reliable unless you try it and fuck yourself up you little faggot.
- Staying Back: To make sure no one tries to stop you, make sure that you don't get close to students. However, if you want to kill them with a kitchen knife or some shit, make sure you glue scalpel blades to your coat arms and get hard knee pads so that way if a student tries to grab your arm or tries to kick you in the knee, they will feel pain and you can try to finish them off.
- Areas of the school: You can attack many areas, but it's best to go around the hallways as well as classrooms. if you aren't using guns, make sure that you're prepared for the worst before going into the rooms. If people start throwing chairs at you, try to run out of the classroom, and if someone is trying to grab your arm, you could either go underneath them (which could result them putting you in a chokehold if not done quick enough) or you could kick them in the front of the leg as hard as you can or the balls and then finish them off.
If you aren't a complete fucking retard and have guns, simply pulling the firearms and shooting the fuck out of the hallway is sufficient enough to rack up plenty of kills to put you on the scoreboard.
- Getting Ammo, Magazines and Optics: With calibers like .22lr and 9mm, they're very cheap, but calibers like .40S&W and .45ACP are ridiculously expensive, so make sure you save up a shit ton of money and get as many high quality rounds as you can. With shotgun shells, they're very expensive, especially 00 buckshot, so make sure that you get a large quantity of ammo for it because it's cheaper that way. Or just fill your own.
With magazines, get high capacity magazines so that way the liberals get triggered and try to ban them, but if you're cheap and want to get 10 round magazines, then go ahead, but you will have to spend loads of money anyways. With optics, we recommend avoiding scopes as they drastically reduce your speed, so get a red-dot sight or a laserinstead. Don't bother trying to get silencers since it only reduces the sound by 20 to 30 DBs and you have to go through a long ass waiting and screening period to legally buy them. You can convert oil filters to be extremely effective silencers though, especially on .22lrs. But it's rather impossible for a civilian to truly silence any gun.
- Melee Weapons: It's best to always have a melee weapons such as a machete, knife, hammer, katana, sword, power drill, etc. because these will result in both lulzy deaths and bonus points. But just because a melee weapon can be deadly, doesn't mean that you will kill people because it all depends on where your aiming at and how strong you are.
- Using Your Body And Environment As A Weapon: It's not recommended you use your body as a weapon, but you can in fact kill people with what you were born with as well as blunt or sharp shit in your environment. In order to do this you must have muscles and flexible legs and know how to take a person down. After that, it's best to go for what's open, it's recommended you hit the balls, and or throat first to get them to react and then you can go for the eyes by gouging them into the brain which can cause significant damage and then start using your feet to bash their face in until they're heart stops beating and their skull looks flat as fuck. It's best that instead of smashing them, you can just bash their heads in with their chairs or desks. Keep in mind that this will most likely injure people if done incorrectly. Oh yeah and the final thing you could do is rip off the skin and layers that protect the throat by doing it in the hollow part and then you could tear the throat apart like a bloodbeast with rage. Since the throat has important shit like the jugular vein, this is a pretty good place to go for.
- Barricade the exits: Do like Cho did, you can use layers upon layers of strong duct tape, chains, locks, etc. If you fuck up the doors, few people can escape, turning your school into a rape locker.
- Breaking into classrooms: There are quite a bit of ways to get into a classroom, but shotguns are the best to use. To successfully utilize them, shoot either the hinges on the door or the bolt on the lock. Handguns and rifles are typically too weak to breach doors, so if you're too cheap or pussy to use a shotgun, then just break the glass with a hammer or rock, get rid of the remains of glass, twist the lock and boom!!! done. You can still shoot through the windows or spray some bullets into the walls (if you're using a powerful enough caliber).
- Take out security: Most middle schools and high schools have a resource officer nowadays and you must take them out first before proceeding onwards. If you don't take him out, you're fucked. To do this if you don't have any guns, you can either get a bladed or blunt weapon and either cut his head in half from behind or beat the shit out of them and then shoot their asses once in the back of the head. Jeff Weise was smart enough to shoot up the security guards immediately before he started his rampage.
- Apprehention: In order to not get apprehended, make sure that you hold your weapons with two hands, if you hold it with one hand, then someone will force it out of your hand. But if you're required to hold a weapon with one hand like a knife, make sure you have very quick reflexes and to grab the arms of your victims with one hand very quickly. Make sure that you look behind you if you start hearing footsteps behind you so you have enough time to react. Most students and staff with try and put you in submissions from behind and when you see someone trying to stop you, try to me very quick and shoot them in the brainstem, or you can cut their arms off and then cut their neck off.
- Do your shit in style: To add style to your substance, it's best to taunt your victims, wearing lulzy clothing (preferably a Encyclopedia Dramatica T-shirt,) killing people in creative ways, etc.
- Keep a sidearm: You do NOT want to get caught empty handed. So keep a spare pistol on you so you can blow your brains out instead of getting gunned down or going to prison.
- TIME LIMIT: Understand your time limit. If a police station is just a few blocks away, you have just a few minutes to conduct your chimpout. It is likely that your school has armed police officers stationed there. You're likely going to only have 3:00 to carry out your bloodbath.
- Music: It's suggested that you play some music while mowing down some douchebags. It'll be fun to watch the media report on how Marilyn Manson caused yet another massacre. Playing music also blends in with the gun shots, so it's best that if they're bugging you to both wear ear protection and blare up some very loud and brutal as fuck music.
- MEDIA: If you want to leave behind a legacy and become a media darling, make sure that you archive your manifesto (documents, videos, etc) and upload them on numerous sites and keep the links unlisted until you release them. Make sure that you don't just give your media to the news (like cho did) or leave behind a few shitty tapes (like Reb and Vod did). The media won't show ALL of your content and it'll be locked up forever. That is.. unless you directly spread your shit on the internet. We highly recommend you create a Google drive folder because you can upload your edgy shit during your attack so that way no one reports your ass. It's also smart to upload everything during your attack so that way you can get two things accomplished at once. Make sure the folder contains gameplay footage of your attack, a lulzy video or written manifesto, pictures of you posing with your bantools while making lulzy faces,and things related to your childhoods like your schoolwork. An optional thing you can add is a story full of edgy and lulzy dialogue and actions like what Cho and Dylan Klebold did. And finally, to promote your lulzy archive before it gets deleted, consider making an obligatory 4chan thread like Chris Mercer did, where you release your manifesto to the public to archive and if you decide to livestream, tell others to join. We strongly suggest you hide your shit on a thumb drive that you can hide and only release it as soon as you are ready to go postal.
- Livestreaming your massacre: it's best to livestream your massacre on either Periscope or facebook live since people can record it and upload that shit to liveleak or best gore (for example: Vester Flanagan). Get some google glasses or tape your cell phone to your face and stream that shit.
- Appearance: Make sure to look your absolute best during any portrayal of you. As Sir Anders said, "It might sound a little bit gay, but put some make-up on during your photo shoot." You'll only attract some hot jailbait fangirls if you're attractive enough. Its why cho has no recorded fangirls. You deserve to have these sexy little whores worship you. As a ghost, you will want to be summoned to ghost-fuck these bitches up their tight virgin cunts while they scream your name in pleasure. Just don't look too good, or you will attract many homosexuals and tranny freaks to you, causing you to be summoned to them and it'll just be a very weird situation.
- Terrorizing Some Pussy: Who doesn't get horny during their massacre? So why not fuck the girl you've thought was hot while walking down the hallways, or a teacher who you would daydream about during class, such as your GILF 9th grade English teacher, Mrs. Jones. Its recommended that you duct tape their mouth, arms, and legs very good and then start. If you wanted to, after controlling the classroom, you could fuck her right in front of students. Keep your gun pointed on them at all times and instruct them to pleasure you or face death. Just make it quick; you're likely producing lots of noise anyways. Bonus points if you impregnate a religious bitch who wont abort your corrupted child. If you don't want to worry about screaming and getting your ass beat by your victim, you can always fuck their corpse so that way you could do whatever you want to them. Robert Mone did this.
- An Hero: Just shoot yourself in the oblongata and you'll die instantly, if you aim anywhere else like the temple, you'll drown in your blood like Dylan Klebold.
- Getting Guns under 18: There are many ways of doing this, but you could always build one, you could steal guns and ammo from people you know a day prior to your attack, or you could kill the resource officer and then take their gun. You can build a gun with parts at any hardware store for extremely cheap, you could make a shotgun for $10 to $30. You could also take a flare gun and get a conversion part to shoot any caliber you want. If you take a gun from the resource officer, the media will be sad over the death of a pig and you'll appeal to more people under 18 or cheap to do a school massacre. The best way is to do what David Sonboly and Liam Lyburd did, and purchase one off the Darknet. Although these places are often honeypots or scams, so be very cautious. And keep in mind the prices will be severe. Don't go to gun stores as they will often discriminate anyone who looks under 25.
- KILL IT WITH FIRE: Try out some molotovs! It's barely been used before (although Sirtom93 tried) and you'll get bonus points for originality. Plus, you'll be doing a lot more damage to the school. Make sure that you use propane gas to burn your victims. You can use gasoline + Styrofoam to create a sticky substance that won't burn out for hours.
- Telling Others: DON'T EVER FUCKING HINT AT OR TELL ANYONE, unless it is your gay lover that wants to do it with you and will not snitch (See: Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold). Don't upload any videos, images, writings, etc that hint at or promote your massacre or obsessions with crime. Otherwise, you'll likely be reported to the FBI and caught, being sent to a loony bin for years and having your PC confiscated and wiped. Have your guns ready at all times during your mission.
- And Lastly, Purchase and wear some Encyclopedia Dramatica merchandise. We often sell shirts during donation drives, so be patient or look up some ED shit on Amazon. Mention our website as a direct inspiration to you. We would sincerely appreciate the attention and extra ad revenue, and to be secured even tighter in the history books.
Choose your level
- Elementary School
A Elementary School level is about as easy as shooting through a glass door to make entry. Students will go down in 1 or 2 hits, while most teachers will just hide. There is still a chance for a teacher to try and stop you. There will be no armed guards, meaning you have all the free time you need until the cops arrive. Most players usually don't pick the Elementary School due to how easy it is.
The current high score in a Elementary School level is 26.
- Middle School
A Middle School level is the level that most players seem to ignore. Most students will go down in 2 or 3 shots, most teachers will once again hide, and some will try to disarm you. There is, however, a slight chance for a armed officer to be roaming around. Most players who play on a Middle School level are either 12 or 13, meaning they are too retarded to figure out how to use a gun.
The current high score in a Middle School level is 5.
- High School
Probably the most common level players play on. Students can take in more bullets before they go down. Either students or teachers will try to disarm you, so be on your guard. They will also try to provide aid to the last person you shot if they are still alive. The conceal option will most likely not work on this level, due to the possibility of metal detectors at the entrance. You are more likely to run into a armed guard in this level.
The current high score in a High School level is 17.
A College level seems like another level that most player ignore. Anyone can disarm you or provide first aid support to others. There is a slight chance for a student to be armed with a knife as well. The possibility of armed guards and metal detectors will also be a issue for the player.
The current high score in a College level is 9.
Difficulty: VERY HARD
Possibly the hardest level, and the second one most players play on. Not only will someone have the chance to be armed with a knife, but they can also be armed with a handgun. They will still try to disarm you if they have neither of those, and will also provide aid to others much quicker. You are more likely to run into a armed guard than any other level on this list, along with metal detectors.
The current high score in a University level is 32.
So many school shootings have happened over the years, that it's time to spice things up a bit. Instead of the usual strategy of just "kill all the jocks and then turn into an hero," this guide will help any aspiring Columbine copy-cat reach new levels of lulz. Since a school shooting is obviously just a game, here are some extra sidequests, if you will, to aim for while unloading all your angst into your peers.
There are a total of (150) achievements, worth (2,315) total points.
- Infiltration: You have successfully infiltrated your school. (10)
- Bloodbath Cleansing: You have begun to shoot up your school. (20)
- TJ PAIN: Accumulate 5 kills in a match (10)
- Natural Selector: Accumulate 10 kills in a match (20)
- Humanity Is Overrated: Accumulate 20 kills in a match (30)
- General Cho: Accumulate 30 kills in a match (50)
- One Man Auchwitz: Accumulate over 50 kills in a match (80)
- Mama's Boy: Make someone cry out for their mother (10)
- Music to My Ears: Get ten screams at once (20)
- School Spirit: Wear school colors (5)
- Hail Xenu: Kill in the name of Scientology (5)
- Gentleman: Spare women and children (10)
- Supreme Gentleman: Target only pretty blonde girls (5)
- Good Choice: Have second thoughts about the whole thing, but go through with it anyway (10)
- Well Endowed: Lie about gun in your pocket (5)
- Arabic Executioner: Behead a target (25)
- Eugenics: Kill a retard or disabled kid (5)
- Tell Me Where it Hurts: Kill a school nurse (15)
- Half a Point for Half a Human: Kill a minority (5)
- Who needs life when you have swag?: Kill a swagfag (5)
- Skinneeeer!: Skin the Principal (30)
- Thomas Edison in This Bitch: Shoot out a light (5)
- Zoology: Kill three classroom pets (10)
- Last Supper: Buy lunch for your friends before starting the rampage (10)
- Dumbass: Tell a friend about your school shooting plans a week in advance (15)
- Super Mario: Conduct your rampage while under the effects of Shrooms (30)
- Keep it Organic: Do it while high (20)
- Homerun!: Bash 5 students to death with a baseball bat (25)
- Raise the Roof: Kill all niggers that cross your path. (20)
- Legalize This: Kill a stoner (5)
- Would You Like Seconds?: Begin the rampage during lunch (25)
- Down With the Clowns: Kill a juggalo (5)
- It's Getting Hot in Hurr: Start a fire (10)
- Billy Joel: Deny starting said fire (5)
- SHUT IT DOWN: Kill 5 Jewish students (10)
- Yippee Ki Yay: Spout movie quotes (10)
- Slam Dunk!: Kill the entire special ed class (30)
- Monkey See Monkey Jew: Lay out a dollar as bait (5)
- Mystery Meat: Kill the lunch lady (5)
- Lucky You: The person you wanted to kill the most is home sick that day (5)
- Fuck The Police: Kill a cop or SWAT infantryman (20)
- Get Your Point Across: Kill a victim with the knife (10)
- Your Point Is?: Kill 10 victims with the knife (20)
- On Point: Kill 25 victims with the knife (50)
- Think They Got the Point: Repeatedly stab an already slain victim 25 times with the knife (10)
- Double Kill: Kill a pregnant girl (10)
- Consent to THIS: Rape someone (15)
- Lunch Rush: Kill a full cafeteria table without reloading (20)
- Forced into Fellatio: Force a girl to give you a blowjob at gunpoint. Bonus points if she swallows. (30)
- Here Comes the Sun: Kill while listening to upbeat, unfitting, and completely ironic music (5)
- Cupid: Kill a couple as they embrace for the last time (10)
- Social Experiment: Make someone kill their best friend in order to save themselves (10)
- Fairer Sex: Kill only women (25)
- Feminist: Kill only men (25)
- Trigger Warning: Kill a Social Justice Warrior (10)
- Why So Serious?: Crack a joke before killing someone (10)
- Big Game Hunter: Kill gym teacher (15)
- Milkman: Masturbate while killing (5)
- Leaving So Soon?: Shoot someone's car tires out as they attempt to escape (10)
- Save You for Later: Shove someone in a locker (10)
- Bill O'Reilly: Fuck it, do it live! (20)
- Good Will Hunting: Kill while solving math (5)
- Match Made In Hell: Shoot up your school on the same day that another kid shoots it up (10)
- The Social Network: Update Facebook status while on the rampage (15)
- If You Pull it, They Will Come: Pull the fire alarm and pick people off with your gun as they run out of the building (20)
- Show and Tell: Begin in the middle of class (20)
- Cha-Ching: Steal fifteen wallets (25)
- It's All In Your Head: Kill a philosophy student with a nailgun (5)
- Original: Wear a neon pink trenchcoat, use a dildo bazooka and a dildo lance and try to go for the high score this way. (40)
- Queen Anne's Revenge: Convince the prom queen to join you (10)
- E=MCFUCKYOU: Force someone to solve life-or-death math problems (10)
- New Guy: Do it at a school that isn't yours (20)
- The Bernall: Say "peek-a-boo" just before shooting your victim. (25)
- Pizza?: Order pizza while on your rampage (5)
- Godlike: Force ten people to pray (20)
- Lemonade Stand: Make three people piss themselves out of fear (10)
- Lumberjack: Kill someone with paper (5)
- Monkey Man: Pull the trigger with your toe (5)
- Believer: Ask someone if they believe in God prior to killing him or her. (30)
- Van Gogh: Make paintings with a student's blood (10)
- Halloween: Wear someone's face (10)
- Free Point: Have someone kill themselves out of stress while you're on your rampage (10)
- Macgyver: Get ten kills without a gun (50)
- What Goes Up...: Push someone out of a window (5)
- WhatTheFuckium: Mix chemicals in the chem lab and create a deadly new toxin to be used on the school (5)
- Fender Bender: Start the rampage in the parking lot (10)
- (/b)ackup: Recruit a shooter while on your rampage (30)
- Who is Spiderman?: Go to school the next day unscathed (10)
- Crush that pussy: kill your crush and then shoot her in the vagina (10)
- That's why!: leave a note saying why you started the rampage (you can lie) (10)
- Take that faux!: Engrave Jack Thompson's name onto someones body (10)
- 2 the ranting rampage: Yell out one of 2's rants (preferably the one about "cyber bullies") while doing the rampage (10)
- The needs of the many outweighs the needs of the few: Your kill count outnumbers your injuries count. (20)
- Hut Hut: Use a football to mutilate a jock's face until he cannot be recognized (5)
- KIMCHO: Dance to K-Pop whiles you shoot people (5)
- Oh, shit!: Kill someone in a bathroom stall (5)
- Better Dead than Red: Kill a Chinese exchange student (5)
- Commie Killer: Kill five Chinese exchange students (15)
- Mein Kampf: Kill a Jewish student with homemade mustard gas (10)
- Arm and a Leg: Dismember a student's limbs (10)
- Who's the fag now?: Force 2 chads to have buttsex at gunpoint (10)
- Lee Harvey Oswald: Shoot the class president (20)
- Roasties: Burn a group of stacies with a flamethrower (10)
- Elliot's Revenge: Only kill hot blonde girls (10)
- Allahu Akbar: Kill 5 Muslim students with a bomb (10)
- Silent Assassin: Get 47 Stealth Kills (50)
- Art class: Paint the art room red with blood (10)
- Fried Rice: Throw a Molotov cocktail at an Asian kid (10)
- Fuck you, Janitor!: Coat an entire hallway with blood from at least 4 students (10)
- Ballroom Blitz: Wipe out a dance classroom in 30 seconds or less (30)
- Hands On Approach: Kill a victim with your bare hands (20)
- My Chemical Romance: Throw acid in your crush's face before you shoot her (10)
- The hacker known as...: Inspire a "happening" thread on /pol/ (10)
- Speed Demon: Kill the entire class before the end of first period (30)
- Graduation: Kill one member of every grade level in order from lowest to highest in succession (20)
- Nice.: Get a hot teacher to have sex with you at gunpoint (10)
- Rock Out With Your Cock Out: Remain naked during the entire shooting (25)
- Rock Out With Your Glock Out: Use only a Glock pistol during the entire shooting (5)
- Shooting On Location: Dress like an old-timey director and scream CUT! every time you land a kill (5)
- Justice For Harambe: Dress up as a gorilla and kill small niglets (5)
- Have A Nice Day: Drive a truck into the school (10)
- Am I Famous Yet?: Get your manifesto published by the news BEFORE you're killed by the cops or commit suicide (20)
- Special Delivery: Arm a disabled student with a timed explosive and get 3 or more kills with it (20)
- Up Close And Personal: Choke a student to death (20)
- Friendship Is Magic: Collect all fedoras (40)
- Craftsman: Score a kill with each tool in wood shop (10)
- Ace In The Hole: Smuggle a weapon into the school using your anus (10)
- Check 'Em: Finish your spree with your killcount ending in dubs (25)
- Stop!: Kill a student with a hammer (15)
- Assassin's Creed: Climb onto the roof of your school (10)
- Trenchcoat Mafia: Join up with a friend in coop mode (10)
- Some of you are alright: Spare one person after killing everyone else in the room (10)
- In The Closet: Execute 5 LGBT students (15)
- Ape Escape: Let an african-american student go, after killing all his peers (5)
- Chocolate Rain: Strap a suicide vest on an African American and blow him up (10)
- One man Klan: Kill every black student or teacher (30)
- Trail Of Tears: Kill every native American student or teacher (30)
- Can't Stump the Trump: Kill a spic (5)
- Pop The Cherry: Rape a girl (15)
- 21 Jump Street: Shoot only drug dealers (10)
- Feel The Bern: Incinerate five rich kids (10)
- A Boy And His Dog: Carry out a school shooting with a canine companion (10)
- 'Til Death Do Us Part: Get your gf to join you in your massacre (10)
- Flaming Faggot: Pour gasoline onto homosexual person and set him on fire (10)
- Speedrun: Accumulate 50 casualties before Police arrive (100)
- Burn The Coal, Pay The Toll: Kill a white girl who's dating a black guy (5)
- Revolver Ocelot: Kill 6 targets with ricochets (10)
- Advanced Placement: detonate explosives across town to divert attention from the shooting (15)
- I Told You I Was Hardcore: kill yourself in a gruesome and unnecessarily painful manner, such as lighting yourself on fire or cutting your own throat (30)
- Lockdown's Over: Break into a locked classroom and kill everyone inside (30)
- Court Martial: Kill a JROTC student (20)
- Battle Royale: Kill your entire class year (100)
- POW: Kidnap a victim and escape with him/her (10)
- Microtransaction: Buy a snack from a vending machine during your massacre (10)
- Down to Earth: Kill someone by beating them to death with a globe (10)
- Panic! At The Disco: Commit the massacre on prom or homecoming (50)
- War Pigs: Do the classic 1-4 prank with pigs as a diversion during your massacre (25)
- Rainbow Six: Survive over 24 hours under siege by SWAT (100)
- Moonman: Purchase your entire loadout using Dogecoin (10)
- Who Sus?: Kill at least 10 students WITHOUT being caught (10)
- Deja Vu: Attack a school that already experienced a high profile shooting at one point (30)
- Malpractice: Start your massacre in the college of medicine (10)
- Speech: Level 100: Make a demand from authorities that is granted (25)
- See you in Hell: Kill a Christian Kid (10)
- Secret: This is a secret achievement. Unlock it to find out more about it.
Thinking about becoming an hero? Want some background noise to help, whilst you headshot your school mates? Well, you're in luck, because we spent 10 minutes making this video list for you! Allow the teenage angst, mental illness, Doom and other Violent Video Games, Music, and Goth culture surge in your veins! Oh, don't forget to wear an Encyclopedia Dramatica shirt. We could use a few extra million hits. Also, blame MLP for your autistic rage; the world genuinely needs that faggotry banned!
For additional songs to shoot up your school to, just listen to some Slipknot, Rage against the machine, Rammstein, Metallica, and a bunch of other death metal shit.
Fanart made by wannabe school shooters
|PROTIP: For a metric fuckton of School Shooting pics, click here.|
- Capital Gazette Shooting
- Columbine - The most infamous one of them all. Inspired dozens of copycat attacks.
- Dont go to school tomorrow
- Mass Shooting
- Gun control
- High Score
- School Shooter: North American Tour 2012 - Video game based on the concept of school shootings
- "Handy Hints for Messier Massacres: 'A guide to maximizing the mass-murderer's kill count'" By Full Force Frank
- I hate yuo myg0t Textbook motive and execution of a school shooting.
- lol thx wikipeendia
- List of sk0l sh0tings in the USA
The flash movie.Dead link Spree killers hi-scoresDead link Spree Shooter rankings,worst to bestDead link
School Shooting is part of a series on Education
[Go To School]
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Pull Your Pants Up
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