|LEIK OMG SCENEXCORE!|
—Wikipedia, quoted for truth.
—A guy who's experienced being around scene girls.
—A well-known Texas joke
A scene arises when pretention levels
within a group of people reaches or exceeds critical mass.
Scenesters, also known as scene kids, sceney boppers, scenefags, asspies, or simply cunts are participants in a giant contest on the Internets to see who can sport the gayest, most ridiculous hair, take the most "edgy" "scene pics" at the "lonely im gunna cut myself MySpace angle", listen to the most obscure, artfully tasteless music, and get away with not being called emo. They are basically the result of some "Emo Rawk God" leaving the Continent of Europe screwing some yaoi-loving Japanese 16 year old, and dumping their unwanted, wrist slitting, Rainbow loving child to spread the SceneGene around the USA.
It's also notable that they flaunt being "hardcore" and "br00tal" by using excessive amounts of profanity, yet never have been in a fight and would most likely piss themselves (claiming to do it ironically) if anything bad IRL actually happened to them.
Being a part of your city's scene means you go to the shows of local bands, but don't actually go inside the venue. You would instead, stand outside of the venue being scene with fellow retards. It is a general consensus among the young that naming several obscure bands when asked what one's favorite bands are is way cool and shows you know a lot about music.
Scene vs Emo
Scene and emo both share some common elements of fashion, hair, and homosexuality. Calling a scenester an emo will result in anger. You'll most likely do this, as no normal person can tell them apart by looks. The typical scenester in one city can look very different from the typical scenester in another city, due to the variation in local scenes. Without getting into the whole music part, the main difference between emos and scenesters is scenesters are less depressed and whiny and a lot more retarded and obnoxious. Unlike emos, who are stuck up because they are faking depression, scene kids are stuck up for the sake of... being stuck up. One of the greatest enigmas of scene culture is that they hate being labeled "scene", even though they're trying to be scene, which is in fact a MIND FUCK. In actuality, scene kids are just secret emos that wear pink instead of black. Deep down, they too daydream of feeling death's cold, bony appendage.
It has been proven the Scene kids and Emo kids are the same thing with only one minor difference. Scene kids are just Emo kids who had epic fail at being depressed and committing suicide, so they try to hide their defeat under oversized baby sunglasses used in Annes Geddes photos and fake happiness through the use of Prozac and old fashioned lies. But if you need proof the two groups are really just one larger group of fucktards, call a Scenester an Emo (or vice-versa), and watch them baaaaaaaaaawwww about it on their MySpace. Both groups are trying to relive the 80's though neither were alive then. They don't even listen to tapes on a Walkman or carry Boom-boxes, even though they sport the image on their graphic tee because it is all vintage and hardcore.
TL;DR. Emo kids want to kill themselves; scene kids make other people want to kill them.
Scenesters on the Internets
The introductory videos to the scene plague. Turning down the volume is advised due to the craptastic and suicide inducing lyrics, which sounds like a guy having his nipples tortured:
Hell hath no fury like an illiterate, butthurt scenester.
The Common Scenester
Scenesters dress extremely similar to Hipster or prep combined with emo, however without retaining the shred of dignity that comes with sourcing and buying vintage clothes from 2nd hand stores. In more extreme cases of The Gay, they become Crunkcore assholes. Scene Kids almost always shop from the following stores (PROTIP: IRL scene trolls should be staged here for maximum lulz):
- Neon colored clothing that fucks up your damn eye vision
- Party van shades
- Wigger attitude
- Wigger hats
- Tight pants
- Cotton On
- Band Merch Stands
- Crazy ass straight hair covering the sides and back of the head and freakishly long bangs
- Bright hair dye so bright it melts your eyes
- Ridiculously bright jeans
- Shitloads of piercings
- Weird-ass slogans on their t-shirts
Or for the Britfag scene kids:
Scenesters pride themselves on having hair that looks like a bloated, stiffened roadkill baked to perfection on the highway for 5-8 hours then runover again by a train of eighteen-wheelers with studded tires. The resulting hairy meat pancake (Not to be confused with a Golden Corral breakfast) is finally what resembles the scalp of a scene. To achieve this look, scenes often follow these steps:
- Inhale Jenkem. Dye hair black/neon.
- The hair must first be straightened with extreme prejudice. Frumpy, sweaty Jew curls or ratty ginger mops just throw off the whole look.
- The owner of the hair then places a salad spinner over their head and spins in a counter-clockwise direction to cement their bangs to the side of their head.
- Paste 'new' bangs to forehead with straightener. Extra points if resulting frayed mess reaches below chin.
- (Optional) use hairdryer and copious amounts of hairspray/gel/horse semen to create a fucktarded, crusted-over ring of hair that no one will ever let you live down.
Any scenester will tell you their music is their life. They claim to validate their pathetic lifestyle of being a "unique, misunderstood rebel" on their musical taste, which ironically, is about as unique and misunderstood as dog shit.
Music for scenes include:
- Dot dot curve
- Pierce the Veil
- Make Me Famous
- Katy Perry
- Justin Bieber
- I Set My Friends On Fire
- Lil' Wayne (many yet not all Scene Whores fancy themselves his "baby mama"... THIS MAN HAS NO TALENT!!!)
- Young Money (see Above + the black wheelchair kid from Degrassi)
- Asking Alexandria
- Attack! Attack!
- Abandon All Ships
- Family Force 5
- We Butter the Bread With Butter
- Design The Skyline
The list goes on and on. If one should accidentally hear the music one or all of these artists, you are at extreme risk of becoming scene. Please protect yourself using SOAP!
Scenesters are known to fail at every facet of life that doesn't include being scene, which comes as a result of coveting their white belts (worn backwards with a belt buckle, of course) over their high school diploma. This is the leading cause of the transformation of conventional retard 13 year old boys into full blown scenefags. A popular excuse that an adolescent male scenester will give for becoming a scenefag, is "doing it for the pussy". Although all 16 year old whores have secret lesbian desires, and will often find faggotry to be erotic, most women who aren't scenesters themselves quickly discover that all scenesters are really just flaming faggots.
The funny thing about scenesters is that they're all elitists, meaning that they believe they are above everyone else in every aspect of life. Though they dress like idiots, listen to screeching idiots combined with a shitty techno beat and shit guitar riffs, rather than music, and are generally rude and annoying, they find themselves to be the most awesome and unique beings to grace the planet. However, when it comes down to it, they all look, talk, dress, and act the same way. They are basically the scum of the universe and they don't realize it. If a scenester is reading these words now, it will run off and blog about it on MySpace, saying that it just makes them cool that everyone hates them. In reality, he/she is mortally wounded and will probably write a pointless "screamo" song about it. They constantly "go to shows" and "throwdown," which refers to having seizures in public, which is their form of moshing. Scene kids are known to be seen in their natural environment; Girls: drinking and partying with
guys girls twice their age; Guys: Fucking girls guys who are at least 5 yrs their senior junior.
Scenesteritis is a dilapidating disease closely related to Faggotitis. It is fairly contagious and White middle-class Christian B-average teens with a low sense of identity are especially at risk. Avoid spending a prolonged amount of time with anyone with Scenesteritis, even if you have a low risk of catching the disease. In some cases, Scenesteritis can be spreading even when there are no reported cases of the affliction in your area. Some common ways to protect yourself in the event of an outbreak are to listen to music that doesn't suck horse dick and avoiding the infected. Be aware as the actions and general aura of scenesters have been known to drive some into a mad, seething, homicidal rage.
The most general symptom seen in those suffering from Scenesteritis is an obsession with putting their dumbass lifestyle choices on display like a VD-seething stripper. This is usually accompanied by a repeated desire to dump their opinions and habits onto anyone who doesn't immediately ram a screwdriver into their ear. You may never fully recover from this never-ending auditory shit waterfall, so keep that ballgag handy.
[+]Symptoms of Scenesteritis
- Penchant for the colors black, white, hot pink, pastel green, light pink, and anything neon.
- Penchant for stripes, stars, polka dots, cheetah/animal prints, loli hair accessories, being cute/kawaii, etc.
- Penchant for handguns, images of handguns, sounds of handguns ("BANG"), "guns go bang", etc.
- Always, always, always owns a MySpace. Having a LiveJournal is optional, but if he/she does, the username typically contains a long string of pointless underscores (not because the name he/she wanted was taken, but because it looks cool). He/she also changes journal names extremely often for no reason. A Last.fm account is handy for those who wish to showcase their shitty taste in music.
- Uses the ♥ symbol and letter X a whole fucking lot, sometimes as a signature in comments.
- Propagates the unfunny old meme phrase "kthx" ad nauseam, usually to the point where they end every sentence with it. Other variants are "kthxbai/bye", "kthxdie", "stfu plz kthx", etc. Also uses 1337 for irony's sake. Most feel the need to throw in multiple unnecessary vowels in every word or phrase, and tend to have lengthy "About Me" sections which usually contain endless paragraphs of useless information about how "unique" and "individual" they are compared to you.
- Has emo-esque hair that is very jagged and sleek looking. One long spike sweeps over half his/her face. It is almost always duo (blonde and black)- or multi-colored (LOL WTF) in a bad way. Hipster mullets are popular on azn girls and br00tal guys. However, also known to have their plain hair with no additions, which instantly reveals them to be posers.
- Seemingly unexplainable obsession with robots and dinosaurs, particularly drawings of them. If a team of paleontologists discovered an entire Euoplocephalus skeleton in rural western Idaho, or if it was learned that CRASAR polymorphic Super Bujold robots are exploring collapsed buildings in New Orleans, a scenester will most likely not give a shit. Also, likes the phrases "RAWR" and "BEEP BEEP".
- Two words: Internet disease. Pictures should have their MySpace URL/ID number across it.
- An affinity for pirates, ninjas, unicorns, and the occasional zombie is shared as well (applies to br00tal scene). Hello Kitty, Gloomy Bear, and Pokemon are also common/required objects of obsession. Scenesters are under the impression that randomly saying, "I'm a ninja" in public places or a Myspace bulletin will ensure much lulz. What scenesters don't realize, is that by saying that very phrase do they prove the age old theory that all scene kids are a waste of sperm and egg.
- Very Mizundast00d.
- Greets people with insults, typically "skank(s)", "ho(s)", and "slut(s)".
- Claims to be "Hollywood." If you don't know what that means, then you know what to do.
- Says "NIGGER", "NIGS", etc. a lot, under the delusion that it is "hella" funny.
- Creates, promotes and applies to dozens of rating communities. These, and layout and icon-related communities are the only LiveJournal communities they will be a member of.
- Penchant for "retro"-style artwork and design, especially the 80s. V-necks and oversized sunglasses are common among those who are "with it."
- Both females and males may wear a shitload of eyeliner.
- Calling yourself scene like a dumbass, without realizing it's an insult.
- Purchase too much Hello Kitty shit and have MySpace names that have to do with harming another person such as Mikee Br00tal, Michael Massacre, or anything else to due with Virginia Tech or being fucked in the butt with a chainsaw/power tool/tree trunk.
- Flatbills, bandannas, gym shorts/camo pants, Nikes or track shoes, and a band t-shirt - the proper hxc mosh dude scene uniform.
- Using the abbrev "hxc" for hardcore punk, occasionally using the abbrev "sxe" for straight edge, and using the abbrev "sxc" just cuz.
- A PIERCED SEPTUM IS ESSENTIAL. Snake bites/spider bites, monroe piercing (on guys as well), gauges that were shaped too fast because they wanted to fit-in quick, so now they have thin spots, or a busted earlobe that looks like udders of a cow.
- Tattoos, tattoos, tattoos. A sleeve can be found on both genders, and chicks usually have something tattooed between their tits and their neck, like some sort of bizarre skin painting.
- A Scenester MUST have an obsession over old retro stuff they probably never cared about prior to being infected with scenesteritis. For instance, every scene kid MUST love Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
- Overusing the word "cunt", because it's so taboo and offensive.
- Putting text in brackets for some reason, and repeating punctuation like the ampersand (&) and the semi colon (;) excessively. &&&&&&&srsly;;;;;
- Calling everyone else a "poser"
- "Hates" drama, but causes most of it.
- Cannot resist showing tits.
- Saying that your too Scene for -Insert Anything-
Those who do not succumb to a mad, seething, homicidal rage upon contracting Scenesteritis end up dying their hair multiple colors and begin experimenting with their sexuality. In the event that you or someone you know exhibits these traits, this means that the first symptoms of Scenesteritis have set in. Within a month's time, the infection will cause the individual to take many Internet disease ridden photos of themselves and force them to try and start a hip new "Grindcore" band.Upon exemplifying any of the above symptoms, you should seek immediate medical attention. Ask your physician about receiving a 100cc injection of Heterosexuality. If it's too late for that, your doctor can safely administer a 12cc dosage of Shotgun Mouthwash to effectively eliminate the source of the Scenesteritis and prevent further infection.
[+]Steven Strazzullo's How to Be Scene
- No baggy clothes. Go to thrift stores, Zumiez, Pacsun, Wetseal, and Hot Topic and get skinny pants and tutus. Boys need to wear mid-drift shirts. Clothes need to be "skin fucking tight." Cowboy boots are optional.
- Girls need to cut their hair short and then add extensions so it looks "fake as fuck"; it needs to be "a choppy mess... much like a cat or a raccoon on top of your head." Coon stripes are an option, and were first invented by our Lord and Savior Kiki Kannibal. Add lots of bleach, then dye it black, so your hair looks "fried." A hair straightener is absolutely required; curly/frizzy hair was never scene. Common scene hair features include the fountain, which is the short spiked hair on the crown of the hair, and side fringe (a.k.a. bitch handles), which is commonly sported by br00tal guys and lesbians.
- Wear as much makeup as you can. Cake it on your face. Guys need it too.
- Adopt an egotistical attitude. Your shit needs to smell like roses; that's how awesome you think you are.
- Keep track of your scene points, which is an arbitrary point system awarded to those who are super scene. For example, piercing your clit = 500 scene points, and wearing flare jeans = -100,000,000 pts.
- You need a MySpace/Internets name. Use your real name and something scene that rhymes with it, as well as a trademark symbol, a copyright symbol, a restricted symbol, a Japanese character, and all the crews that you belong to in brackets.
- Talk shit all the time when online. Take pics with diamond-studded brass knuckles to show how "tuff" you are. Don't do it face to face, though, or your emo hair will get ruined after get curb-stomped by that 250-pound, 6'8" death metal guy you decided to call a poser. Use MySpace instead.
- Buy Kiki Kannibal's necklaces. LONG pearl necklaces, and really any long, artsy necklace (think old rusty keys or fucking door knockers) are teh sc3n3.
- Pick a furry as the new scene icon. No, srsly.
- Join every online community you can and add everything to your favorites. You have to have a MySpace with thousands of friends, and your profile must be private and have a picture as your headline.
- Straight guys need to "look like a faggot" and "act like a fag." The real faggots have to be transvestites. Girls need to look as "shitty as possible."
- Start a trend and start drama with those that "copy" you. Example: douse your hair in your dad's cum and claim you "brought back AIDS."
- Attitude (again), such as saying things like "don't hate me because you ain't me!"
- You must be bisexual, because "liking one sex just isn't enough." In fact you don't even have to be bisexual, just say you are
- You must be skinny. Take a lot of laxatives; anorexia is bad because you're always hungry, but bulimia is "a win/win situation." Getting water poisoning from vitamin water = 1,000 scene pts.
- Piercings inside of your penis/cooter.
- You need to have a faggot who follows you around and wipes your ass when you go to the bathroom.
- Fuck up every human language in existence.
- Photoshop your photos so you look you're made of plastic or look like a corpse. If you're ugly, stay inside. Photoshop only works on the Internets.
- You cannot claim scene.
- To be scene is to be fake. Reality is not an option.
- Irony is a given. Claim edge and smoke a pack outside of the local music venue while looking enigmatically at the pack of hardline edge kids about to rape you with their vegan Asics.
- Four words: You, An Hero, NOW.
- You must say "I'm not emo, I'm just me."
- Always remember, you were dressing like this YEARS before EVERYONE else was even if you were just some trendy skater fuck.
- When taking pictures of yourself, always make sure it looks like you are trying to touch your ears with your elbows. Bonus points are awarded for having hands in pockets,downward angle, hair covering face or making that "I'm-getting-a-cock-up-my-ass" face.
Old and New Scene
Recently, scenesters have been mutating into new monstrosities known as br00tal kids.
Unlike the run-of-the-mill happy scenesters, br00tal kids are obsessed with gore, deathcore (which they stupidly call "grindcore" because they're fucking retarded), as well as diamonds (the plastic ones with fake crystals on them - go figure), Chanel, high "fashion" panic font and scene "metal bands" such as Bring Me the Horizon, brokenCYDE, We Came With Broken Teeth, and Waking the Cadaver are a necessity.
All of the aforementioned bands are for fags that enjoy the feeling of 80-year-old man cum running down their throats while your mom ass fucks them.
Tips for trolling Br00tal Scenekids:
- Explain the irony of having a dismembered pig carcass and PETA member banner on their MySpace profile.
- Tell them Linkin Park has the most epic breakdowns, EVAR.
- Spam their profile with the article where Oli Sykes admits people only like his band because of his haircut.
- Demand tits or GTFO from males.
- Demand females prove they aren't a trap.
- Post some real fucking Gore.
- Spam Zippocat (it's super effective!).
- Call them emo.
- And if all else fails, call them Scene.
- As for kicks, say deathcore was made from Madonna's old cunt.
There is no cure for Br00tal kids. If spotted, cleanse them with an axe.
The Final Solution
The only solution to this increasing problem of ridiculously dressed rich white kids is rampant decapitation unlike the world has ever seen. Scene kids are a lot like Highlanders except they have no talent, use or skill besides breathing YOUR air that YOU rightfully earned.
How to get the ball rolling:
- Find a scene kid way older than he should be.
- Pretend to care about the shitty band on his shirt and his imported beer (Pabst Blue Ribbon).
- Agree with typical Hipster ideals that the world is against you and the only way to prevail is to dress like a schmuck.
- Wait till he passes out from his three beers and two ZIMAs.
- Find a rusty spoon and start hacking.
Or if you aren't a fucking girl, do the following:
Guaranteed to win. Go for the high score!
6/1/10 Scene Kid Beat down day
Recently a group on Last.FM has emerged called SCENEXCORE HOLOCAUST TODAY. They were and still are a troll group that mainly does such lulzy things such as trolling shout boxes of metalcore bands and harassing scene kids. The group has decided to up the ante by declaring June 1st Scene Kid Beat Down Day a clever rip off of the infamous Emo Kid Beat Down Day. This will result with lots of Scene kids hopefully becoming An Hero.
Everyone knows that the world's most famous scene kids can be found on MySpace and LiveJournal. These scene kids are so famous they can have up to 100,000 friends who they have never met. If a LiveJournal rating community is not run by 14 year old ana Paris Hilton worshipers, it is an absolute given that it is run by scenesters. Put simply, scene kids believe themselves to be "standing out from the crowd" when in actual fact they are "just joining another crowd."
Scenekids come and go, and eventually they will all fall into obscurity (just look at punk), but whilst the epidemic reigns it is imperative to have a through knowledge of the major peddlers in this trade of faggotry.
Below are an example of the main driving forces being Scenesteritis, and where they can be found.
This scenester thinks she's a fucking scene queen. She constantly writes proses about rape and gore, which seem to primarily confuse songwriting with just being a fucking slut. According to Assrape, her possibly-imaginary fans "Always want more, more, more. I'm always being violated by my fans. More, more, more. More sucking. More fucking. More writing. Wipe that smut-cream off your face." Here is an example of one of her filthy, steamy, creamy poems, which suggests that she has never had sex. Even if it's rough, a vagina is a tough hole, and she wouldn't be bleeding unless she's having a visit from Aunt Flo or has been fucked with a sharkskin condom, which isn't such a bad idea. Someone please curb stomp this bitch. Or, at least rape her! She's totally asking for it.
—Aubiii Bisexualface on her Flickr Profile (YOU CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP).
19 year old scene king Droo can be found
here (dead link as of Jul 2014). His life is full of penis since he is gay. He enjoys basking in the sun in his skinnies, and of course, wouldn't dream of going out of the house until his hair is perfectly scene.
—Droo confirms it!
Audrey "I can't believe i fell in love with someone who wears more makeup then me" Kitching. Found at MySpace scene slut and 'Inventor of scene'. She looks like something Hello Kitty vomited up, then ate, then re-vomited up. Gross. She claims that Gardasil HPV Vaccine made her so ill that she was close to dying, and she wouldn't take the third injection of the vaccine series. Now when the dumb tramp dies of cervical cancer, she'll have only herself to blame, oh, and her thousands of sexual partners. She is now on the anti-vaccination bandwagon, and is glad to be healthy, only needing 20 nutrient supplement pills a day, down from 87. Maybe she was sick all the time because she only eats pills, not real food.. 23 year old
—Audrey Kitching, SoOoOo original
If you're on his MySpace friends list, you're famous! So gay that he actually has his own ED article! Either that or the fags here at ED are overly obsessed.
—JStar, "We Want Cunt"
This insufferable assrape of a Greek hairy nigger (aka.StaceyGorecore) needs to die. Not only do I talk nothing but complete bullshit in a nonsensical way, but I also go around breathing all the white man's air, and should be beaten on sight for doing so. .
—StaceyGorecore, random shitty sceney nonsense.
Terrible attention whore even though she reportedly baleeted her profile and operates exclusively from her Stickam account.Kiki has no IRL friends aside from her equally retard sister Kotakoti, which is typical of most internet celebrities. Legend has it that her mullet devours all subjects of friendship before Kiki can develop any social bond with them. She also believes that The Man, the government, the FBI, and about every other fucking person on the face of the Earth is out to get her and bring her down. Of course she's probably would be right if she were a minority, but nay, she's a white bitch from the 'burbs who talks in poor slang in an attempt to become the next Lexi Bee minus the physical proof of her wigs existing.
—Kiki, proving she comes from a long line of whores
After huffin' jenkem one time too many, Kiki decided to make profit from the stupidity of her fantards by cutting up some plastic and gluing sparklies to it, so as to attract the retards that call themselves her fans. She then called it jewelry, made a website for it, and tried to sell it for shitloads off cash. Next, she thought that she would claim her jewelry is durable and unbreakable, with is obviously bullshit because bedazzling plastic doesn't make it unable to survive a fall off a desk, much less be bulletproof. There are known noods out in the vast Interwebs of Kiki Kannibal, however, discretion is advised when searching for them as they have been known to send even the most seasoned Internets hipster into a rage when it is apparent that all scene girls look the same, clothed or otherwise.
This incredibly annoying asshole is Australia's gay little sweetheart. Easily recognized by his flashing, shiny metal mouth Tyler can be found sucking dick in the backseat of a strangers car or getting his head bleached even blonder.
—Tyler being all romantic and shit.
The UK's most notable scenekid. Unlike some of her scene counterparts, she doesn't advertise herself as much as others. But nevertheless, she is still a whore. Troll the fuck out of her Bebo, Myspace and Facebook.
- Blood on the Dance Floor
- Dahvie Vanity
- E-girls and e-boys
- I'm so random
- Jessi Slaughter
- Kiki Kannibal
- Skinny Jeans
- Vanity Is Perfection
- The Only Thing Scene Girls Are Good For
- Your scene sucks
- In desperate need of trolling.
- - asking for it. Their myspace has the same username.
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