Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre

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This page contains an hero.
With a haircut like that, he was bound to kill himself sooner or later. Adam Lanza - One of the innocent victims.
The atrocious perpetrator in question.
Adam's mother.
School policy has changed somewhat since the incident.

The Sandy Hook Elementary School Massacre was the most epic false flag and school shooting in American history since Virginia Tech and Columbine. It happened near the end of 2012, as a 20 year old aspie named Adam Lanza managed to kill 26 people (leaving only 2 injured survivors) after pwning his mom and heading out to his childhood school. Several minutes into his rampage, and knowing he was soon to be raped by the cops, he bitched out and committed suicide. Since then, he is remembered as an hero for his hard work to achieve a high score in a game IRL at his former school. As usual, the hoax spawned massive amounts of butthurt, with libtards calling to ban all guns and republicunts vowing to arm every single child with an MG-42 Machine gun to defend themselves. In reality, Sandy Hook was yet another staged crisis drill perpetrated by the evil American government and lizard people to take our guns and liberties. Even though several years post-massacre, guns are actually easier to get (and oddly enough the rate of mass shootings sharply more commonplace). Due to the shooter exclusively targeting women and children, massive amounts of butthurt and lulz were produced, despite Americans massacring and raping little kids overseas on a consistent and daily basis for the past several hundred years.


It's December 14th, 2012 at Sandy Hook Elementary School, and a messy-haired youth is drooling and making a glitter-covered seasonal card for mommy. His teacher walks past and ruffles the innocent tike's hair as he adds another piece of dried macaroni while he dreams about meeting Santa Claus. Suddenly, the child's face is blown off and his brains splatter across his Christmas card, adding the finishing touch.

The person holding the smoking Bushmaster XM-15 rifle was Adam Peter Lanza, a 20-year-old aspie who saw that mass killings were the brave thing to do and decided to show he has the balls. Unlike other school shooters, he shot a bunch of little kids who were too fucking retarded to know what 1 plus 1 is. Adam Lanza began his attempt at the high score by blasting his mother in half, probably because she just couldn't understand him as she wanted to send him to a psychiatrist because she didn't have the spine to handle him. He deleted all of his Taylor Swift porn by pulling an AGK and smashing the fuck out of his computer. Lanza then went on to merrily murder a further twenty ugly and retarded children, and six boring teachers. He then shoved his pistol in his own mouth and became an hero just as the puh-leez rolled up, and is currently partying in hell with Eric Harris, Dylan Klebold, Ted Bundy, Tamerlan Tsarnaev, John Paul II, Hitler, Cho Seung-Hui and Satan.

Our expressions of sympathy must be matched with concrete actions to stop these vicious guns from committing acts of violence.


—Nita Lowey, U.S. Rep. of New York. Gun bans will lead to less crime, amirite?

Too soon to speak out about a nation of crazy guns? No, too late. At least THIRTY-ONE school gun shootings since Columbine.


Michael Moore, media profiteering Kike

What a waste of good shota and loli.



The Perpetrator

Info non-talk.png See: Adam Lanza

Send him a hateful Facebook message anyway, just to be safe.
The REAL perpetrator of sandy hook!!1

At first the brilliant Sherlocks shuffling around the media pinned the blame on one Ryan Lanza, plastering his Facebook profile picture everywhere they could, adamantly claiming he was the kiddy-killer. Unfortunately it turned out that Ryan is actually just Adam's brother, oops. Naturally, Ryan was a little peeved, and may have to leave the country in fear of a horrific mob beating by butthurt people who are sensitive and easily toss an angry bitch-fit.

The real culprit was of course Adam Lanza, an asperger-riddled seething hero who was described by classmates as always very nervous and socially awkward. Before the shooting, Lanza destroyed his computer's hard drive before murdering his mom and running away from home to murder half-a-school, probably because he didn't want the police to find all of the gratuitous CP, Gaylor Shit songs, and Anders Behring Breivik/James Holmes slash fiction stored on there.

Class Loadout

An illiterate Facebook user reflects most people's inner thoughts.
Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: Bushmaster M4 Type Carbine
ATS AR-15.png
  • 10 Mags; just in case.
  • Side Arm: 10mm Glock Handgun
ATS Glock 22.png
  • Akimbo (x2). In case an unruly teacher slaps the previous gun from your hands.
  • Perk 1: Stopping Power
ESM Stopping Power.png
  • Perk 2: Camouflage
ESM Camouflage.png
  • Enables user to be harder to detect when sneaking behind the jungle gym in search of more children to crush.
  • Perk 3: Sleight of Hand
ESM Sleight of Hand.png
  • Increases ability to fap on the corpses of the successfully killed children before cops, FBI and other stalkers come in and break up the party.

Graded Score

Should have trained harder with Call of Duty for that perfect score.

Graded score
Kill count: 27/20 (7 Extra kills)
Accuracy: 17/20
Style: 16/20
Butthurt: 20/20 Beat Columbine, ruined Christmas for everyone, and created new generations of copycats, hoaxers, and conspiracy theorists
Bonus: 20/20
Killed Only Women and Children
Total score: 100/100 (A+)
You only scored so well because you played on easy mode, you demented fuck.
See full ranking


Here's all of the paid child actors who "died" in this staged crisis drill.

  • Charlotte BaconPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • Daniel BardenPedobear mourning small.png: Age 7
  • Olivia EngelPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • Josephine GayPedobear mourning small.png: Age 7. Nice name fag
  • Ana Marquez-GreenePedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • Dylan HockleyPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • Madeleine HsuPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • Catherine HubbardPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • Chase KowalskiPedobear mourning small.png: Age 7. One less ugly kike!
  • Jesse LewisPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • James MattioliPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • Grace McDonnellPedobear mourning small.png: Age 7
  • Emilie ParkerPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • Jack PintoPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • Noah PoznerPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6. Your kid deserved to die, Lenny, you filthy kike fuck!
  • Caroline PrevidiPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • Jessica RekosPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • Avielle RichmanPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • Benjamin WheelerPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • Allison N. WyattPedobear mourning small.png: Age 6
  • Rachel DavinoPedo bear too old.png: Age 29
  • Dawn HochsprungPedo bear too old.png: Age 47
  • Anne Marie MurphyPedo bear too old.png: Age 52
  • Lauren RusseauPedo bear too old.png: Age 20
  • Mary SherlachPedo bear too old.png: Age 56
  • Victoria SotoPedo bear too old.png: Age 27
  • Adam Peter LanzaPedo bear too old.png: Age 20. An legitimate hero for helping to cut down on overpopulation and saving the world of thousands of possible humans through time. <3


Once it was discovered that this mass murder of many KEEYYY-YOOOUUUUU-TEEEEE children had happened not in Pakistan to a bunch of dirty and poor brown people, but in fact to middle-class crackers, everybody collectively shat their pants. The media spurted hours and hours on end of this kindergarten kerfuffle into the eye-sockets of anyone who switched on their television sets. Naturally a good old fashioned game of what is to blame came up. People used the sadness and horror as a soap-box to scream out views on tighter gun control and violent video games. Fingers were pointed in all directions (except the shooter responsible), and a basic fact finally unfolded into the tiny minds of people all across the country; all people with autism are ticking time bombs and must be euthanized for the safety and well-being of the public.

Westboro Baptist Church

America's favorite church, the Kansas Westboro Baptist Church, announced that they were going to picket the funerals of the infants pwned by Adam Lanza, as they believe it to have been 'God's will' because he is punishing Connecticut for gay marriage. Which is a valid reason, all of these closet first graders getting married is really quite fucked up. A bunch of christfags came jogging with their diarrhea-smeared shoes to the church and began their prayer to the gun-fucked children.

Anonymous, being the moralfags that they are, released private intel relating to the WBC church, including telephone numbers and addresses. They also persistently buttfucked their webservers. Dox can be found here.

WBC has suffered unrelieved reproach for warning you. Now, we will happily assist in the administration of the universal outpouring of God's wrath, which shall imminently commence with the brightness of His coming.


—What some fag wrote on their DDOS-friendly website


Hi, we are sitting ducks, please come shoot us kthx.
Obama got exposed.
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.


On December 21, 2012, the NRA responded to the shootings by blaming gun-free school zone signs, because they advertise that there are no guns allowed on school campuses, and therefore are responsible for the shooting. In addition to blaming these "gun and drug-free zones", the NRA also went the route of the christfags by blaming video games, the media, movies, Hurricane Sandy, music videos, and basically everything except guns, and said that the solution is to have an armed security guard in every school in the country. This is, of course, assuming that any potential school shooter will be too stupid to shoot the security guard from a distance and proceed to shoot up the school anyways.

Watch Obama "weep" during his speech after the school massacre, even though US military forces have killed many more people in the Middle East. In fact, Obama has personally overseen and/or participated in OVER 9,000 separate school shootings in Iraq alone.

Mass Effect 3

Watch out, Star Wars is next.

Due to the fact that Ryan Lanza liked the Mass Effect video game series on his Facebook page, inbred mouth-breathers across the interwebs immediately flocked to the official Faceberg page and slathered their misplaced anger all over it. Which is perfectly reasonable, as Mass Effect's role-playing sci-fi fantasy is clearly just a façade for a real-life violence simulator that is currently training thousands of nerds across the globe to grab a gun and mindlessly mow down as many children they physically can. Now that the angry mob of the internet has pinned down the culprits as aspies and Mass Effect gamers, the entire board of /v/ is now quaking in its collective boots.

The actual shooter, Ryan's brother Adam, played mass murder training simulators like Pokemon, Super Mario, Dance Dance Revolution among several other absolutely horrific assault video games. Clearly, these games need to be banned too and the developers hung drawn and quartered.

This is EXACTLY why i do not let my kids play MOST video games…I do not want to destroy their innocence with this bullshit


Tara McDonald Medrano Said just before reading her child the crucifixion of Jesus before bedtime

Adam's Obsession with Taylor Swift

Taylor's face when there's dead kids.

After piecing together Lanza's shattered hard drive, the FBI has uncovered new evidence with regard to his motivations...

School massacre gunman Adam Lanza was 'jacked off' with the pop star girlfriend of One Direction’s most famous member Harry Styles, and Adam was 'disappointed' his idol Taylor Swift, 23, was dating 18-year-old Harry.

A US Department of Justice source said "He would watch her YouTube videos over and over again and read everything he could find about her online. In chat rooms he made numerous references to her 'golden hair' and was especially pleased she named her latest album Red, after his favorite color.


—Interestingly, Red would also be the color of the children's blood that was splattered all over the classrooms of Sandy Hook Elementary, after Lanza had his emo-tantrum.

Lanza, who shot his mother Nancy dead before embarking on his rampage, had never dated a girl and rarely even spoke to a member of the opposite sex. He spent hours in the basement of his Connecticut home playing violent video games and reading articles about Taylor.

The source added: "He was thrilled when he discovered she had been involved in making a game called Band Hero and would pretend to play along with her. He wrote in a chat room post that he loved her three songs on the game – Love Story, Picture To Burn and You Belong With Me – and said he found them to be 'soothing'. Aside from his endless passion for brutal war games, he seemed totally fixated on Miss Swift, almost as if she was a source of comfort in his life. But his posts only mentioned Harry once. Quite what he expected or hoped for as a result of this obsession we'll never know but the search of his computer has yielded nothing to suggest he intended her or her boyfriend harm."

A friend of Harry's last night said the One Direction singer was 'creeped out' by the thought new love Taylor was the focus of the killer. A spokesman for Taylor in LA refused to comment but a friend of hers said: "Like Harry, her skin is crawling at the thought of this evil man holding her up as his icon."

Why did Adam Lanza snap?

The common accusation of why Adam snapped is that everyone thought he was a rubber-necked, autistic dumbshit that should have been turned into scrambled, meaty chunks in the womb. Some, however, believe there were less sinister implications. Given the wholesale slaughter took place days before the Mayan's predicted "end of the world", it has been suspected that Adam Lanza was acting out of good, not evil. To save the world from Mayan Armageddon, he bravely took it upon himself to offer a suitable sacrifice to the mexiniggers of fate. Rather than treat Adam Lanza like a monster, he could be hailed as an hero, as it is possible he saved the human race from total obliteration. Planet Earth still exists, and it's quite possible we have brave Adam Lanza to thank for that.

Conspiracy Theories

Police.gif FACT ALERT:
Sandy Hook was a false flag by the reptile alien overlords

Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info:

Like any event with high casualties, the basement-dwellers came out in droves after the shooting to spout several conspiracy theories. Most of these conspiracy theories were spawned due to inconsistencies in the intial reports, and some of these fucktards believe that the entire event was staged in order to strengthen stronger gun control laws.

Several videos popped up on YouTube picking apart every bit of the "official story" so the video makers could put in their own asinine theories. Some people believe that the parents of the children are all "crisis actors" because they apparently didn't cry hard enough when they were on the news, and one of the parents even laughed before an interview! Therefore they are all actors and the children may never have existed at all! Which would quite literally mean the entire town, with a population of over 27,000, would have to be in on the cover-up. Other theories include that there was more than one shooter, and that there is no way an autistic guy could shoot 26 people and leave no survivors. What the theorists fail to realize is that Adam Lanza was molded to be a killing machine by his bitch mother who took him target shooting throughout his entire childhood, and that every person Adam Lanza shot, he shot multiple times. Also, there were 2 people who were injured in the shooting but survived.

Theorists who question the children even existing do so because of no official pictures of the dead children (for them to jack off to) were released to the general public. Some believe one of the girls who was "supposedly shot" was seen sitting on the lap of Barack Obama a few days later. It actually turned out to be her sister. Because if the president was trying to create a big government cover-up, the 1st thing he'd do would be to flaunt the supposedly dead children in front of the public.

The theorists behind the conspiracies call themselves "Operation: Terror", and most of them are also the totally reasonable people behind the 9/11 and Oklahoma Bombing conspiracies. If you believe these theories, you should take advice from Adam Lanza and an hero immediately. If you come across any of these nutjobs, do not try to reason with them, because they do not have the mental capacity to comprehend facts. They are people who automatically think inconsistency means conspiracy, and will find holes anywhere they can, and actually believe their YouTube videos mean something. It's best to leave these people alone in their basements so they can plan out how they're going to stop the government from taking their guns.

There are also theories that the Jews did it, but they're better at flying planes into buildings, so that's less likely this time.

Actual conspiracy

Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info: Satanism.

Police.gif FACT ALERT:
Authorities were incompetent and retarded and allowed for Sandy Hook to happen, much like Columbine and 9/11

Adam Lanza was groomed by satanists, who prepped him for the shooting, making sure he was also suicidal so he would never dox them. Lanza boasted about his plan long before carrying it out. As the big day approached he even posted a warning on a local messageboard. His post told the townsfolk that there would be a mass shooting to herald the arrival of Satan himself, but deliberately gave an incorrect date later in the month so no-one could stop him. However, this was a wasted effort because no-one cared.


Barrack Obama sheds a 'tear'.

A fat man tells us his opinion.

Penn Jilette is the only sane man in a world full of derpy Americlaps.

No mass-shooting is good without a conspiracy to go along with it.

Sandy Hook - The Musical.


[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Not long after the shooting, a guy named Jacob Dean Douglas, who had Twitter, Facebook and Instagram accounts, saw that the situation was a ticking lulz bomb. So, he made a sockpuppet account called Blastinkids to impersonate Adam Lanza on Twitter. This guy posted tweets and successfully pwnt a bunch of Christfags, retarded teens in high school, and others when he used the account. So many people got butthurt, so they all blocked him and started reporting him to the police. Even some Twitter-loving newsman made an asshurt article about this referring to Jacob as a "sicko", and others were trying to dox whoever was behind the account. First they were retarded enough to think it was some 77-year-old hag until they realized it was Jacob Douglas. Then, a bunch of stalkers put up his address, house image and its inside images, accounts online (all of them), and more even including his cell phone number. So then this one Twitter user tried to text Jacob but was so blind and mind-fucked that he typed the number incorrectly. So then the internet declared war on the account. Jacob was suspended from his account Blastinkids and even his normal accounts online. Then the party van came to his house and raped him. Jacob became a successful troll, mostly because he forgot to cover his tracks before trolling to avoid getting dox'd by a bunch of stalkers and offended ones. Apparently not just all the retards in town but even the government can't accept freedom of speech.

Level 2

After 4 years in hell, Adam was able to collect enough energy to influence the earth again. He ArchiveToday-favicon.pngbrainwashed a 14 year old boy named Jesse Osborne, and used this puppet to conduct a school shooting at a local elementary, after murdering the boy's father.


Handy 4chan guide on deciding on your favorite killer. It shows them their grades on their test on killing.
  • If you got a fatal gunshot wound then clap your hands. -clap- -clap- If you got a fatal gunshot wound then clap your hands. -clap -clap- If you got a gunshot in your whore face and you're bleeding and and dying in pain and getting shot much more then clap your hands. -clap- -clap-
  • The bullets in your guts go BANG BANG BANG! BANG BANG BANG! BANG BANG BANG! The bullets in your stomach go BANG BANG BANG. The bullets in your stomach go BANG!
  • What do you call a 1st grader who doesn't have any friends anymore? A Sandy Hook survivor.
  • What is more painful than a rusty nail? A sandy hook.
  • Too bad those kids didn't know how to read or write. Adam Lanza filled them so full of lead that their classmates could have used them as pencils.
  • They wanted books, all they got were magazines.
  • Every person that has ever been killed was once a little kid. They use to run and play and laugh. They use to be young and have the innocence of youth........unless they went to Sandy Hook.
  • I guess the mothers forgot to pack the kids juggernaut packages before they went to school....oh least if they had their last stand perks they could have thrown chalks like sticks of dynamite.
  • My favorite sex move is the Sandy Hook: I shoot 20 kids inside of you.
  • What do you call a criminal from the Connecticut area? A sandy crook.
  • I don't get these Sandy Hook jokes. I guess they're aimed at a younger audience.
  • We're all probably going to hell for laughing at these jokes LOL. If God's tolerance policy for violence is like most school's, we can say "hi" to the kids there! It didn't happen anyways so it's all good.
  • What do Sandy Hook jokes and Sandy hook victims have in common? They never get old.
  • I wonder what the last thing going through their mind was... Their skulls!
  • I hope their parents saved the receipts for all those Christmas presents.
  • The best thing about Sandy Hook jokes is that you can recycle them at the next school shooting.
  • Those kids must have learned something very important that day because by the end of class their minds were blown
  • Did you see the article about the Sandy Hook survivors in the news? Neither did I, all I could find were obituaries.
  • Sandy hook was funny

Lose Yourself

   Look, if you had one shot, or one clip 
   To kill all the children you ever wanted in one moment 
   Would you capture it or just let it slip? 
   His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy 
   There's blood on the threads he's dressed in, mom's intestines, 
   He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs, 
   But he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down, 
   The whole crowd goes so loud 
   He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out 
   He's choking how, everybody's dropping now 
   The school clock's run out, time's up over, bow! 
   Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity 
   Oh, there goes the kid, he choked 
   He's so mad, but he won't give up that 
   Easy, no 
   He won't have it, he knows his whole back's to these ropes 
   It don't matter, his assburgers 
   He knows that but he's played Mass Effect 3 
   He's so stagnant, he knows 
   When he goes back to his elementary school, that's when it's 
   Back to the magazines again, yo 
   This whole rhapsody 
   He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him 

   You better lose yourself in the shooting, the moment 
   You own it, you better never let those kids go 
   You only get one shot, do not miss those kids 
   This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo 
   You better lose yourself in the shooting, the moment 
   You own it, you better never let those kids go 
   You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow 
   This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo 

   Their soul's escaping, through their bullet holes that is gaping 
   This school is mine for the taking 
   Make me king, as we move toward a new high score 
   A assburger life is boring, but An Hero's close to post mortem 
   It only grows harder, the kids go faster 
   He blows his clips all over these kids is all on him 
   Coast to coast shootings, he's known as the globetrotter 
   Lonely schools, God only knows 
   He's grown farther from home, he has assburgers 
   He goes home and barely knows his own mother 
   But hold your nose 'cause here goes the blood-water
   The kids don't want him no more, he's an AR-15 
   They moved on to the next schmoe who shoots 
   He nose dove and got 20 
   So the killing spree is told and unfolds 
   I suppose it's old partner but the shooting goes on 
   Boom boom boom boom reload boom boom boom 

   No more Mass Effect 3, I'ma change what you call elementary school 
   Tear this motherfucking roof off like Seung-Hui Cho 
   I was barely aiming in the beginning, the kids all changed 
   I've been chewed up and spit out and booed off campus 
   But I kept shooting and killed right into the next records 
   Best believe somebody's looking on my hard-drive 
   All the pain inside amplified by the fact 
   That I can't get by just my 26 kills 
   And I can't provide the right type of killing for my own mother 
   Cause man, these goddamn teachers don't get me the highscore 
   And it's no movie, there's no James Holmes, this is my life 
   And aiming is so hard, and it's getting even harder 
   Trying to shoot and leave my seed on these kids, plus 
   Teeter totter caught up between being a assburger and a mass shooter 
   Kid's mama drama's screaming on and 
   Too much for me to wanna 
   Stay in one class room, another day of monotony 
   Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail 
   I've got to formulate a plot or I end up in jail or shot 
   Killing myself is my only motherfucking option, failure's not 
   Mom, I love you, your head's got to go 
   I cannot grow old in Sandy Hook's lot 
   So here I go it's my shot. 
   Aim fail me not, this may be the only opportunity that I got

How Adam Lanza Stole Christmas

Every Kid down in Newtown liked Christmas a lot.
But Adam Lanza, up on Mount Lanza, did NOT.

Lanza hated Christmas! The whole christmas season!
Now please don't ask why. No-one knows quite the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be his mother had found him a fright.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
Was that his heart was two sizes too small.

Whatever the reason,
His heart or his mother,
He stood there on the thirteenth, hating the others.
Staring down from his cave, with a sour, Lanza frown,
At the lighted school windows below in their town.
For he knew every Kid down in Newtown beneath
Was busy hanging a craft-paper wreath.

"And they're hanging their pictures!" he snarled with a sneer.
"And soon will be Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Lanza fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
For tomorrow, he knew...

All the kids of the school
Would arrive bright and early. Then they'd all say their names!
And then! Oh the games! Oh, the games! Oh, the games, games, games, games!
That's one thing one thing he hated! THE GAMES! GAMES! GAMES! GAMES!

And then the kids, young and younger, would sit down for a lesson.
And they'd learn, and they'd laugh! And they'd laugh!
They would be all so happy, which he thought was all chaff,
And the whole school was happy -- even the staff!

They'd do something he liked least of all.
Every kid down in Newtown, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the kids would start singing!

They'd sing! And they'd sing!
And the more Adam thought of the Kid-Christmas-Sing
The more Lanza thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for twenty-odd years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Christmas from coming!
...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea. 
An awful idea!

"I know just what to do!" And he laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick bullet-proof hat and coat.
And he chuckled, and laughed, "What a great Lanza trick!
"With this coat and this hat, I'm as soft as a brick!"

"All I need is a weapon..."
The Grinch looked around.
And his mother had guns -- there were three to be found.
Did that make Lanza pause...?
No! The man simply said,
"If I can't have friends, I'll shoot children dead!"
So he grabbed a big rifle. Then he grabbed the Sig Sauer.
And he grabbed the Glock, and felt full of power.

He loaded the guns
And he said "here's some fun,
For a bright school chid."
He stepped into the sun.

(And hissed. He did not like sunlight.)

Then he said, "Here I go!"
And he turned his deep frown
Toward the school where the kids
Laughed and played in Newtown.

And the school unaware, in the sunlight sat there,
All the kids were learning new things without care
When he came to the school -- when he made his plans bare.
"This is the place," the young Lanza grinch hissed,
"And I've got all the kiddies on my hit list!"

Then he went to the door. No-one knows quite how
Lanza got in without raising a hell of a row.
Wasn't stopped even once, was young Adam Lanza.
He got in just like that, just as easy as Santa.
And he saw the young children all sitting in rows
And he said, "No, The office is the first one to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
To the office, and he shot them like you would a pheasant!
Principal! Therapist! Hochsprung altered his whim
By turning on the P.A. -- then she fell down before him!

(Saved the school, she did.)

And he left the staff bleeding. Then the man, very grimly,
Moved to find all the children, to kill them all singly,

(All by himself, he was. Unless you count the three guns.)

Then he slunk through the halls. He searched for the kids!
He wanted a long memory of what he did!
He found the smallest kids, quick as a flash,
Why, that Lanza burst into that room with a crash,

Then he shot up the whole room of children, with glee!
"And NOW," Said the Lanza, "They'll remember me!"

Lanza left the room then, and he started to think
Of what would happen to him in the clink.
Likely as not they would spill his drink.
More than likely they'd do things that -- then he blinked.

Lanza'd been caught in his own plans for slaughter.
He'd gone here to shoot all the sons and daughters.
And one stared at Lanza and said, "Stranger, why?
Why are you killing us all like flies? WHY?"

But you know, that old Lanza was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why my sweet little tot," the big stranger lied,
"it's these video games that twist me inside.
So I'm playing my game in the real world, you see,
I'm dulled to the pain -- as crazy can be -- 

And his fib didn't work. So he sent her to bed
Along with the score of children now dead.
And then Adam Lanza, he thought of his fate
And the thought of it quickly filled him with hate.

Then the last thing he did
after shooting the kids
was laugh -- no-one knew why he did what he did.
In his lair was one clue to his fame-grabbing bid.

And the one little clue
he left to his deed
was that he was quiet, and smart, and he'd read,

and this little clue does naught but mislead.

He did the same thing
To another classroom

Leaving blood
All over
the impromptu tomb.

It was almost past time
To be going, to flee
To get out of here
and remain scott-free.
So he took his Sig Sauer! His mother's own gun!
And he raised it and saw it in the sun!

Three thousand feet up into the sky
would the parents, and brothers and daughters cry!
"Pooh-pooh to old Newtown!" He was Lanz-ishly humming.
"They're finding out what sort of Christmas is coming!
They're just finding out! Then I know what they'll do!
Their mouths will hang open for a minute or two
Then all the folks here in Newtown will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned Lanza, 
"That I will not hear.
Sure as shooting, I won't be seeing next year.
Nor next month, nor next week, nor next day, nor next hour;
For in prison the cell mates, oh, they'd take me and scour

All the walls, and the floors, and then they'd hang me for an hour!"

And the gun in his hand!
Why, it seemed so merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared at his Sauer!
Lanza popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he planned was, to him, now a surprise!

Every Kid in the school, he'd planned to kill dead!
Never wondering if he was right in the head!
He HADN'T gained fame and glory and story!
He'd just gone and done something all too gory!

And Lanza, with his blood ice-cold in his chest,
Stood puzzling, and wondering which course was best.
"Should I shoot," said the man, "to make them ask how
such a quiet young man could raise such a row?
Or because I feel pain, so much guilt for my spree,
I'd rather save them the job of killing me?

Either way, I'm history."

And what happened then...? Newtown, they say,
Adam Lanza's heart broke three times that day.
And soon after he knew his head wasn't right
he took his Sig Sauer, raised it into the light,
and he bowed down his head! And again he cried!
Then he...
Adam Lanza shot him down, and he died!

How to Troll People Who Pity the Victims

Any of these things can make a shitload of bitch-fits get tossed by the media and people!

  • Say that those kids deserved to die
  • Just like Jacob Dean Douglas, make a sockpuppet account of Adam Lanza
  • Make a Facebook page calling Adam a hero or something that supports the massacre
  • Make jokes about the massacre
  • Say that you pity Adam Lanza just as much as the victims
  • Tell them that the shooting was funny
  • Say that there's a difference between cowardly and evil
  • Say that the shooting was a conspiracy
  • Notify them how not all the victims were Christians
  • Correct them that not all the victims were Christians
  • Call them a christfag/christwhore
  • Tell them Obama killed them all to control guns
  • Tell them the shooting never really happened and they're all being fooled
  • Say that the victims were ugly-looking
  • Make joke memes online about the shooting

See Also

External Links

Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre is part of a series on Education

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Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre is part of a series on Gun Control
Locus in quo:

Abilene Alleyway Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 David Long 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫


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Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫

Pre-2012 Gun Massacres

Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik

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