THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ.
BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM.
|This person has Assburgers Syndrome, |
so you can't say anything bad! :-(
Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
|Powerword:||Ethan Samuel Thomas|
JewTube (new channel)
—SammyClassicSonicFan, describing himself.
SammyClassicSonicFan (also known as SammyTanookiGamer, retarded kid back then) who makes JewTube videos ranting about the most retarded shit ever, and is severely infected with high amounts of assburgers, USI and shows a tremendous amount of bad parenting through his spergy behavior on JewTube. Sammy sets a perfect example as to why little kids should not be allowed Internet access. Somehow, he acquired a camera, and like every little kid who thinks his opinions matter, he feels the need to share his stupid opinions about Sonic, or some other gay shit that nobody cares about to everyone on JewTube. Sammy also claims that he is 15 years old, despite his voice sounding as squeaky as wet shoes on a wooden floor, and looks like he's 9 years old. He thinks his opinions matter to the rest of the Interwebz, when in reality nobody gives a shit about him or his opinions., and ) is a severely autistic 23-year old (he used to be a
In a nutshell
He pretends to be 15, but acts, sounds and looks like a spoiled 9 year old. His egotism is very comparable to BLACKB0ND: He thinks his opinions and ideas are the absolute best, but he doesn't care about others’ opinions like all SonicFags. He also expects every single person on this singular planet to be nice to him and TO STOP FRICKIN' CRITICIZING HIM! Again, like Chris-chan, he doesn’t even know what a troll really is (to him, a troll is simply someone who disagrees and is mean to him). He seriously believe he has ‘’friends’’ on the Internet but we all know that they pretend to like him so we can get more of his delicious tears and rage. Speaking of friends, the only IRL friends he has is his family. He spends all his days playing with his video games and toys. He dreams to become the next Shigeru Miyamoto, but knows jack shit about video game development (so far the only ‘’game’’ he ever made is a FlappyBird clone he made using a shitty generator). He writes shitty Sonic fanfictions while inserting a godlike version of himself and his personal problems in it (sounds familiar?).
He is also an expert on damage control and trollshielding, because just like Mr. C, he thinks that when trolls are presented a new target, everyone will leave him alone and troll that person.
WARNING!!! This assburger has one of the most contagious forms of Autistic Intellectual Disability Syndrome known to mankind. Enjoy the lulz of watching this assburger at your own risk.
His real age
Sammy's age has been debated for quite some time now. In his videos, he claims that he's 15 years old, when in reality, the bulk of the people who watch his videos would beg to differ. Sammy looks like he's maybe 8? 9? or even 10? but he's certainly not 15. He even made a video about the matter:
His shitty JewTube videos
His videos begin with a 30 second-long intro, it consists only of random Sonic gameplay clips, a lot of explosions, and awful Sonic drawings. In these video, he usually screams about shit nobody cares about. Mostly about why platforming games are underrated and why Frick-Person-Shooter games are the cancer that is killing video games. In the background are songs of old platformers playing for which he doesn't have permission to use, but when the music plays it sounds like someone put it there to ridicule Sammy. Eventually he will go Super Sayain to make his point abundantly clear, that he is always right. Occasionally he doesn't know what he's talking about anymore and will pretend to leave, and then he puts a trailer of a Mario/Sonic game in his video. He doesn't even do it for the ad money, he literally just puts them there, most likely without Nintendo's permission. Then he completely freaks out and the credits roll, which will contain a huge wall of text in a terrible font you are supposed to read.
Occasionally, he will make crossover videos with other youtube nobodies like his cousin , or his carrot-top friend, and debate about vidya games that nobody even plays anymore. These videos are not too different from his solo videos. Massive sperging, rage, excessive use of the word "frick", etc, making noises that sound like screamo and deathcore music (especially in his "Rant Against the Sonic Fanbase" video.
Reaction to this article
Knowing Sammy, whenever he doesn't like something, or is completely butthurt about something that doesn't even affect him directly, he will often go into his room, turn on his Fisher Price camera, and start screaming "FRICKEN" the whole entire time while jabbering on in his asspie language.
His rise to "fame"
When someone spergs out so badly like that, they will get noticed. Eventually /v/ found out about his Doos Ex rant, and many laughed, cringed, or wondered: "Is this guy genuine?" "Where are his parents?" "What are his neighbors thinking?" "Will he be the next Chris-chan?" or "STOP VIRALING ON /v/ SAMMY" Nobody knew whether he really had autism or ADD, but many knew he was going to be a huge lolcow, so many subscribed, pretended to like him, and eventually he became known on Tumblr. However a huge frickin' frick will eventually get fricking trolled, and he disabled the comments. Although everyone knew this was gonna happen eventually. The videos where he rages the most are the ones with the most views, showing why people watch Sammy's videos (and to this day, he still doesn't understand why). Also his newspage confirms that he was diagnosed with high-functioning autism when he was 3 years old, removing any other possible mental human defect from the equation.
Someone saw all this lulz and decided it had to be documented for future generations. Among them were gameplay videos of Sonic 4 and Sonic Adventure, in which SammyClassicSonicFan claimed to be a huge expert in Sonic games, yet fails numerous times in them, and rages louder than your average CoD babby. He uses the free version of FRAPS, which results in him making a shitty transition every 30 seconds. On top of that his framerate is too bad for recording gameplay. But you are not allowed to make fun of his gameplay videos, because they are not fricken speedruns!!! SammyClassicSanicFan uploaded videos he made himself playing the same stages the real Sammy played, except he does it a hundred times better, while calmly explaining that Sammy should chill the fuck out. Then the real Sammy responded by saying the reason he sucked is because "he had to slow down the clips so that the clips looked like they would lead into eachother" which completely explains why he sucks in Sonic games.
The legend concludes
The trolling somehow got the attention of his parents, who, in actions typical of the over-protective parents of retard children, forced Sammy to stop making videos. Not because he is acting like a huge retard on crack, but because people are making fun of him in the comments section. A bigger shock to everyone was not that Sammy would stop making videos, but that he actually has parents. Nonetheless Sammy made his videos private to reduce troll activity and get his parents off his back. (You can still watch his videos if you are subscribed to him and go to his profile to the Classic Videos playlist where he will update. Or you can just watch them on 's channel.
After a while, /v/ fed Sammy's ego so much he decided like every Youtube nobody, he needed a second channel to scream in. You can find it Call of Duty, awesome ideas for the Sonic/Mario franchises, and one of his favourite videos included a My Little Pony Youtube Poop, it's now confirmed that he's a brony, in a video where he thinks of himself as Pinkie Pie and showing us at the end his l33t skillz in Sonic Adventure (why he put that in a pony video is beyond unknown ).. New videos include him screaming about the already-overstated lack of innovation in the new
Many deaths, many comebacks
In December 2013, a group of trolls found out and leaked Sammy's dox for the lulz. Everyone expected him to make a video of him going apeshit, but surprisingly he didn't. Probably the only smart decision he ever made during his Internet career.
Eventually, his parents found out about this and decided to cut down his Internet. Some people got sad, but most didn't care because the Sammy fad was gone long ago.
A few weeks later, he was already back on Youtube and uploaded a generic Sonic 2 video, but he deleted it 2 days later because dem fricking trolls already found him.
So he decided to shelter himself, he made a private channel that only his closest and most loyal White Knights could access to (about 2 or 3 people). Videos on this said channel were nothing but generic Sonic 3D Blast videos, generic rant videos and a cringy as fuck culinary critic of Golden Oreo cookies. It didn't took long for those videos to get leaked. Sammy got buttmad and closed his private channel.
But Sammy, just like every lolcow suffering from USI, is always hungry for attention (either positive or negative), so in February 2014 he created a new public channel. Mostly to promote his shitty novels and Sonic fanfictions that nobody cares about.
During his Internet career, he created a total of 7 Youtube channels.
You can't talk negatively about Sammy in any form, or else everyone will enter in moralfag mode and say Give him a chance, he's autistic, and he's improving himself these months or the admins will ban you. And your posts must be 100% related to Sammy, or else it will get deleted in less than a minute.
Avoid this Subreddit like these guys avoid to do anything productive in their life like Sammy.
Sammy as of now
As of 2014, Sammy is still making videos on a new channel. He has learned absolutely nothing from being doxed and absolutely nothing from the people who cared begging him to leave YouTube for his own good. He also talks about an online book series that he created called Skylar Space-Time. He always brags about how much he's "improved", but in reality, he's just as autistic now as he was before, if not worse. At least his older videos were somewhat exciting. Nowadays, instead of screaming, Sammy cries about Sonic (he literally cried over Sonic Lost World not being a "3D-classic-Sonic game").
Now his videos just consist of boring, trivial shit relating to the gaming industry that no one gives a shit about. Also, he made a sequel to the monstrosity SammyClassicSonicFan's Adventure and is planning to make a third installment for his fans. He has also for some odd reason started to suck the dick of Mariotehplumber. Mariotehplumber is basically a SammyClassicSonicFan prototype, complaining about the most trivial shit towards Sonic the Hedgehog, while destroying almost every object he sees when he's butthurt, including his own home. Mariotehplumber is also known for his racism, sexism, xenophobia, and his massive butthurt when trolled. For some reason, Sammy looks at him as a pretty cool guy. The reason for this is beyond the knowledge of any scientists. However, Mariotehplumber has been pissing and whining on Jewtube since 2010. It's pretty safe to assume that Sammy is Mariotehplumber's lost son or brother. Coincidence? I think not.
Sammy also seems to have realised his 'connection' to Chris-chan, and occasionally makes vaguely humorous self-referential comments about them.
—Sammy, obviously lying trough his fangs.
In August 2014, Sammy announced that he now goes to public school. Perhaps the first time he ever interacted with the oustide world in his life.
He claims that so far people haven't played Kick the Autistic with him yet and that he made lots of friends. Considering that he knows jackshit on how society actualy works, still has zero culture and knows nothing about anything that is not video games, make of that what you will.
Supporters of Sammy
During his many years of shitting out terrible videos, Sammy somehow managed to gain himself a lot of fans and supporters. Sammy's "supporters" encourage him to keep acting like an annoying autistic dipshit for the rest of his life and often deny that he is doing anything wrong at all but don't let them fool you. Sammy's so called supporters watch him for the same reasons we all do, to count how many minutes this rabid ten year old can waste foaming at the mouth over Sonic before hyperventilating but since their morals are much higher than the average viewer's (they are big fucking pussies) they feel guilty about disagreeing with his maddening ways because the poor kid has autism and thus everything he does is okay. They spend their time crying crocodile tears over some shrieking kid they've never met in their life because they are too spineless to admit autism has nothing to do with Sammy being an unlikable little brat who likes to throw tantrums over people having opinions. Basically anyone claiming to support him are hypocrite faggots who probably point and laugh at people like Chris Chan but act all sympathetic towards Sammy because he is slightly less grotesque and younger than Chris Chan is.
The average supporter of Sammy can be found spazzing out in the comments of anything Sammy related giving stubborn and obnoxious rants with autism as their only fuel for an argument similar to how Sammy defends the Sonic franchise with "SONIC IS GOOD GAME. FRICK YOU IF YOU DISAGREE". If you try to take the argument away from Sammy's autism they will squeal about cyber bullying for a few moments before bringing the topic back to Sammy's autism. Avoid talking to them at all costs since they are just channeling their inner SammyClassicSonicFan on you. They know deep down that they are equally autistic and shitty as Sammy is so they give him pity hoping one day someone might give pity to them when their favorite game franchise is made fun of and they finally snap into a fit of uncontrollable rage brought on by their aspergers or autism or whatever the fuck their doctor decided to call them to finally make their parents shut the fuck up. May they all continue to heil the miniature Hitler of autistic video games.
Prehaps the biggest SCSF fan on YouTube is an equally bipolar manchild named ExoParadigmGamer. He promotes Sammy in some of his videos.
How to piss Sammy off
- Disagree with his opinions.
- Praise the video game franchises he hates.
- Put his biased logic in question.
- Ask him how many IRL friends he has.
- Point out resemblances between him and Chris-chan and make fun of him overall and you'll become his enemy for life.
- Tell him he's 9 years old.
Sammy's batshit-insane videos
- Retro Video Game Kids
- Angry Homo Kid
|SammyClassicSonicFan is part of a series on Aspies.||[Sperg out]|
SammyClassicSonicFan is part of a series on YouTube.
SammyClassicSonicFan is part of a series on
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|Featured article February 15, 2014|