SAT

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Typical SAT taker.
This guy only got a 1590, pity him.

The SAT is a bastardized test designed to convince high schools students that they can grow up to be of importance to the world. In reality, it's known to all high school students as evil shit designed by the sick fucks at CollegeBoard. The main purpose of the SAT is to scare the slower and moar retarded high school students into considering alternatives to a college education. Azns are not affected by this phenomenon, ergo every major college campus is crawling with teh azns. Furthermore, niggers take the exam on taxpayers' dollars and all colleges are forced to accept them because it's the fucking law.

OMG SAT

Before you go to college, you must first take an SAT, which stands for either Sick Anal Torture or Sexy-Ass Titties; nobody is really sure which. This prospect causes at least a dozen high school students to become an hero every single day. The SAT is made up of 75% anti-lulz, 25% bullshit, and 2% butterscotch ripple. Cheating is nearly impossible and not worth it. If college board catches you cheating on the SAT, they castrate you, throw battery acid in your face, and black-list you at every college known to man (even those known to nigras aswell!).

  • The worst possible score is 400. You're heavily retarded if you even get close.
  • The average score for your average dumbfuck is 1000.
  • The maximum possible score is 1600.
  • The average score for an Asian teen from an upper-middle class family is over 9000!!!!!!
SAT Retard.JPG
The SAT assumes a human form of.. THE LULZKILLER
A Typical SAT Testing Site.
A Typical Proctor for the SAT.
protip: the answer is not always C

So what's the test like?

Analyzing TL;DR reading passages of shit nobody cares about.
Solving stupid ass math problems that you'll never use again in your life.
Writing an artful essay of outright lies on an "important" topic.

  • PROTIP: You'd better throw back a couple energy drinks and bring essential survival gear, because the test lasts up to 5 days, depending on whether you decide to give up halfway through.

And what if I does good? (LIEK 1100-1450)

See: College

And if I don't do good? (LIEK UNDER 1000)

See: McDonalds/Taco Bell

And if I really phailz? (LIEK UNDER 750)

See: An Hero

And if I fucking ace this shit?

See: Engineer, MIT

And what if I get Over 9000?

See: Super Saiyan

WAIT, WHAT ABOUT 1000 to 1099?

See: ITT Tech

And 1451 to 1599?

See: Corporate Cunts

ACT

Same fucking difference.

Fun Trivia: User:Integrand scored 35 of a possible 36 on this one. Fuckin' nerd.

Practice Test

A practice SAT is provided for our many underage b& Gaiafag readers. NOTE: A real SAT is over 9000 times longer.

Writing Grammar Nazi Section

Find the error in the following sentences:

1) He was{A} such an hero{B}, to take it all away. We miss{C} him so, that you should know, and we honor{D} him this day. No Error{E}


2) WHEN I WAS A YOUNG BOY{A} MY FATHER TOOK ME TOO THE CITY{B} TO SEE A{C} MARCHING BAND{D}. No Error{E}


3) Grammar Nazis{A} are an invaluable{B} part of society. Without{C} Grammar Nazis, typo jews would assume control of the world{D}. No Error{E}

Correct Answers: B, B, E.

Mathematics Section

The number of students at a school that commit suicide each day due to the SAT is given by the function ƒ(x)=140-x2+x Where x is the number of days before the SAT. How many students commit suicide one week before the SAT?

  • A - 49
  • B - 91
  • C - 98
  • D - 103
  • E - 140

The average score for whites on the SAT is proportional to the number of niggers that take it. If the average score is 1,510 when 210,000 niggers take it, what will the average score be when 225,000 niggers take it?

  • A - 902
  • B - 1177
  • C - 1337
  • D - 1618
  • E - Cos Nigger2

Johnny can fuck 7 goats in one hour, Billy can fuck 11 goats in 20 minutes. If Johnny and Billy both fuck goats at the same time, how many goats can they fuck in a half hour?

  • A - 7
  • B - 11
  • C - 20
  • D - 33
  • E - 97

Correct Answers: C, D, C.

Critical Reading TL;DR Section

  • 1 Failing the SAT is not the total death sentence
  • many would like you to believe. Plenty of rewarding
  • jobs are available to the dumbfucks who score below
  • average. Pudding hatch operator, taco flipper, gay porn
  • 5 star, Wikipedia administrator; the list of rewarding
  • jobs available to those who failed the SAT goes on and
  • on. Failing the SAT does not signify the end of a
  • meaningful existence; instead it signifies the start of
  • a less prestigious yet just as important career path.

The overall tone of this section is:

  • A - Hopeful and Encouraging
  • B - Sarcastic and Mocking
  • C - Angry and Spiteful
  • D - Accomodating and Condescending
  • E - Bullshitting and Untruthful

When the author refers to a list of jobs, he is most likely trying to convey:

  • A - A list of bullshit that dumbfucks can do
  • B - Cool shit
  • C - Shit nobody cares about
  • D - A sense of encouragement
  • E - A sense of juxtaposition

As used in line 3, available most nearly means:

  • A - Open
  • B - Single
  • C - Shit nobody cares about
  • D - Possible
  • E - Asian

Correct Answers: E, A, C.

Asian Kid vs. SAT


  • That kid held up three fingers when he said "two days" HAHA!!!
  • Cause if you no study for SAT, you get hit with bamboo stick!!!

See Also

SAT IIs

To further keep qualified kids out of college, Collegeboard offers atleast 100 SAT II tests designed to ferret out hidden weaknesses in areas such as...

External Links

SAT is part of a series on Education

[Drop OutGo To School]
Pika Pika.gif SAT is related to a series on AZNS. [Domo ArigatoHerrow]
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