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Welcome to Russia, where every day is race-riot Friday! (Courtesy Russian Ministry of Tourism website; they are so broke that they are promoting skin-head tourism because they need moar euros and dollars).
The difficulty in understanding the Russian is that we do not take cognizance of the fact that he is not a European, but an Asiatic, and therefore thinks deviously. We can no more understand a Russian than a Chinese or a Japanese, and from what I have seen of them, I have no particular desire to understand them except to ascertain how much lead or iron it takes to kill them. In addition to his other amiable characteristics, the Russian has no regard for human life and they are all out sons-of-bitches, barbarians, and chronic drunks.


—George S. Patton

"This is my personal tweeting device"
This person is the greatest person who has ever lived, next to Jesus, Buddha and Willy on Wheels. Try to be more like him.
Is Trump controlled by the Russian Orthodox Church? (That's St Basil's cathedral, not the Kremlin, assholes)

The Khanate of Russia or Tsardom of Russia is the only relevant Slavic country in the world. It was formerly a great country during the reign of the Soviet Union. It's capital is aptly named Mosque-Cow which is the base of operations for Queer Muslim Gremlins that dwell within fortress Kremlin. Mother Russia is inhabited by Communist bear-fighting drunks with Kalashnikovs for dicks and in the past for mostly mediocre-looking or even ugly mail-order brides (now they came from Ukraine and Moldova). Now Russia is like its former enemy the USA, an ultra-capitalist pseudodemocracy, the inhabitants are widely considered Euro-niggers. As part of their primitive vodka-nigger nature, they often attack other countries for the lulz because that's what freedom is all about. Also, Russia recently has become the first country that officially supports the Darfur genocide, because the people of Fur, Masalit, and Zaghawa like to refer to themselves as "God's chosen people"... and when you do so, you're basically asking for it.


Downtown Moscow.

East of our other big, inscrutable friend, China, Russia is a big, big place, only being surpassed in size by Goatse’s anus. Its location, as Sarah Palin knows, is right next to Alaska.

ðe Olde History

That's basically how it went.
A common Soviet propaganda flier of the Cold War era.

At least 100 years ago the Kievskaya Rus' ruled the area. Contrary to popular Russian belief, it was in fact founded by some lost Vikings who were hunting for Tartar Finno-Ugric aka "Russian" women because they wanted slaves.

FUN FACT: The word "SLAV-E" was actually derived from the word "Slav" because "Slavs" used to be "Slaves" traded by the heathen, no-good, pillaging, wimmin-raping, Jew Gold stealing Varangians! Long live Thor! Yep, that's actually no coincidence! Slavs = Slaves and their history reflects that pretty damn well! Please tell that to Belarusians and not Ukrainians (yep, Belarusians, because it is well-known fact that Russians are Finno-Ugric and Ukrainians are Turco-Iranians, in fact, there were no Russians and no Ukrainians at the time, and modern-day Belarusians were being referred to as "ov the Rus" meaning "slaves of Rus", which is a Finnish name of the Swedish Vikings) next time :-)

Vladimir, I had to decide between which Kike-worshipping Religion to convert to so he stole Eastern Orthodoxy. His reasoning behind doing so was Muslims stank, were pitiful, and forbade alcohol, Jews had clearly been abandoned by their god, and Catholics were barbarians that lived in mud huts (its true). Vladimir wanted some Roman chick to be his wife. She was religious and wanted the whole country to be Jew. He said: "Fuck that(Rus')!". So he stole Eastern Orthodoxy from the Byzantines and the Orthodoxy came...

In the 13th century Genghis Khan’s grandkid invaded and pwned the Kievskaya Rus'. Sweden tried to join the party, but everyone laughed at them because they hadn’t created cellular telephones yet. The Mongols controlled Russia through tribute for at least three hundred years, which is a long time. This is why all the Russian tapestries and picture books from a few centuries ago have the bad guys looking like Guy Sebastian, who all Russians think is ugly. In 1480, Ivan the Great got Moscow organized. By 1480 Western Europe was experiencing a renaissance in art and faith, while the Russians were still forced by their Tatar Overlords stretching their asses open to see how much vodka they could fill it with. Ivan I's grandson, Ivan the Terrible, got the throne when he was three, which explains a lot. He became the first Czar as a teenager and set the my-dick-is-bigger-than-yours precedent for the rest of Russian history. He also set the precedent for invading random obscure little countries, after which he finally kicked the collective Tatar ass out of Russia.

Ivan the Terrible was an incredible lolcow. As an 8 year old boy, he was molested by the majority of boyars presiding under him. Ivan's included robbing his own subjects, killing animals for fun, and sitting by the fire with a nice book. When Ivan got around to settling down and marrying, he had a Mrs. Russia pageant to look for his waifu. He picked a woman who he called, My heifer. Ivan was a deeply religious man and promiscuously bisexual. He himself was the abbot of a little monastic order called the Opprichniki, which would storm churches and have torture and buttsex while preaching Christian values.

Ivan the Terrible hit his son with a metal pole, which was fatal. When asked, Ivan said he "vaz chust doeengk eet for zee lulz". His next son was an idiot who got kicked out by his brother-in-law. Then Poland invaded because Russia forgot about them. Ironically, Russia has never forgotten about them since. Thus Russians can often be heard making snide remarks about Poles and partitioning them into tiny pieces with the Germans, who enjoy them in sausages.

The next poor idiot to hit the Russian throne was Michael Romanov, whose descendants held onto it with an iron fist until the Gommunists shot them. The Romanov dynasty was uneventful until Peter the Great, who decided to Europeanize the Asiatic hordes of Russia and forced all the nobles to shave their beards and learn French. He also pwned the Church. Everybody hated him. His grandson was a drunk and let his wife Catherine rule the country. She was called The Great too. This is because Russian historians aren’t very imaginative. They could have called her Catherine the Slut. Anyway, she did all sorts of shit for museums and newspapers and educational stuff. Catherine died at the age of 67 while having sex with a stallion (she was crushed to death by the humongous horse-cock).

Then Napoleon invaded. Russia tends to get invaded a lot. Napoleon was a crazy Frenchman who had at the time conquered most of Europe for the lulz. Alexander 1 did not share his sense of humor. Being a chickenshit he told the army to just keep retreating. This turned out to be a good idea because by the time Napoleon occupied Moscow somebody had set fire to it. Contrary to popular belief though, Napoleon was defeated during the Russian Summer, not Winter; he invented the winter story so it wouldn't be so humiliating for him. He ran away to take it in the ass at Waterloo.

Rasputin was the single reason for the downfall of the Romanov dynasty. A man who would now represent a pedophiliac Baloo Bear from The Jungle Book, he made the Tsarvich's son Alexi sing "The Bear Necessities" while stroking his erect penis.

Spoilers: Lenin dies sleeps.

The Russian revolution shortly followed, as they were homophobes and not impressed by this PETA like behavior by the heir to the throne. It also turns out Alexi was emo and used to cut himself whilst thinking about all the times his father had ignored him over the years.

Meanwhile, all the peasants were serfs and hated it, so they decided to have a Gommunist Revolution, which was never particularly communist but, to be fair, was a pretty cool revolution. Lenin was the first “communist” leader of Russia. Then he had a heart-attack from eating too many smuggled McDonald's burgers, and everything just went downhill from there. Stalin was a paranoid bitch who had all his enemies shot. Leon Trotsky, his main opposition, died mysteriously by falling brain-first onto an ICE AXE while living in Mexico City. Mexican officials were not at all suspicious. Then he had all his friends shot for good measure. Just in case he had missed someone, he starved all the Ukrainians to death. Starvation was a good idea because eventually they were going to turn into zombies 60 years after Chernobyl anyway. The KGB NKVD is the organization that did all the shooting because they were the only Russians who could be trusted not to shoot Stalin. The KGB NKVD ended up shooting itself multiple times, including the organization's leader. After a while, they decided propaganda was easier than shooting people.

The Cold War

The Cuckold War began at Yerevan when Wilson and Churchill became jealous after overhearing Stalin and the President of Armenia comparing the size of their wangs. With Churchill and Wilson's wangs being much smaller they felt the need to overcompensate by taking over the Eastern World. Unfortunately for Stalin, people need to eat in order to work and be content. What Russia was good at was getting into missile-pissing matches with the United States and collecting third-world nations like Pokemon cards. The super holographic card of the deck was Cuba, which had a rich supply of cigars, sugar, and pork sandwiches.

Soviet Russia was very different from the Western World. For example, in California, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the party could always find you. In other ways, they had things in common. For example, the citizens of Soviet Russia were very hateful of Latvians.

Reagan informs Gorbachev that his country has been pwned by the United States, or that its his bedtime.

The USA was jealous that the Soviet Union had control of Russia. To counter this, NATO installed nuclear missiles in Turkey to show Russia who was the boss. Russia attempted to place a large arsenal of nuclear weapons in Cuba, leading to the Cuban Missile Crisis. The US's naval superiority and JFK's stunning good looks quickly put Russia back in its place, safely ending the crisis. And Americans won't really buy any nuke shelters til present day...

The entrance of Ronald Reagan spelled doom for Soviet Russia. With Reagan's super strength, heat vision, and with Bonzo the Supermonkey at his side, the United States would soon become the victor in the Battle of the Cocks, for America's cock was/is biggest of all (approximately the size of Japan...x2). But Reagan failed because the White American cock was to small so he decided to use black Cocks but failed again because black dicks are infact small so he used his special weapon Niggers with giant Prosthetic dicks and won the Cuckold War.

Gorbachev tried to prevent the United States from conquering the USSR by implementing perestroika and glasnost. Perestroika was an economic reform which consisted of changing the Russian currency to the US dollar and hiring Donald Trump to clean up the business sector of Russia. Unfortunately for Russia, Donald Trump soon left the project in favor of cultivating Paris Hilton's career and filming reality TV shows.

Glasnost was social reform. Some freedom of press was allowed, resulting in angsty teenage poetry being printed in all major newspapers in the U.S.S.R. Prohibition was also enacted since Gorbachev felt that Russians drank too much vodka, not leaving enough for his personal use. This resulted in the Great Vodka Revolt of 1985 in which 1.2 million people died.

Ooh, then it was THAT much????

Prohibition was lifted soon after.

Roll the end credits...

"If you're dissolving the Soviet Union and your pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the world laugh too, because, come on, life is funny."

Russia wants war with EU and the USA! Just look at how many countries voluntarily join NATO for protection from Ivan.

In 1991, the Soviet Union fell after Gorbachev admitted to being quoll furry during a press conference with the Prime Minister of Australia. Disgusted with how godless their country had become, the Russian population revolted against the government and installed a democracy. This quickly led to a flood of Tropicana orange juice, Nike sneakers, and heroin into the country. The Russian Federation was born. In the spirit of the newfound democracy, the Russian people selected a new leader that was truly representative of the people. In that, we mean, he consumed three meals consisting entirely of Stolichnaya every day. This man's name was Boris Yeltsin. Yeltsin oversaw the country's transition from a command economy to a free-market economy, and needless to say, in his drunk hands, the experiment failed miserably. Dazed Russians who all once again found themselves in the bread line wondered what the fuck happened. Yeltsin was one of the most corrupt, unpopular failures in history, and left the country in shambles. Unsurprisingly, he was elected to a second term, nonetheless.

In 2000, Yeltsin handed over power to the new glorious leader and proud pedophile, Vladimir Putin. Putin quickly assured that he would dismiss all of the corruption charges hanging over Yeltsin's head. What a fucking guy.

Russia 2: Electric Boogaloo

In the mid-late nineties it was thought by western powers, that the Russian Federation was well on it's way to become a divided cesspool akin to the Balkans. It was just a matter of time before local overlords and oligarchs start carving up their own neo-feudal fiefdoms from the rotting carcass of Russia/USSR. This grim and lulzy fate was, to the joy of some and despair of others, evaded by ruskies installing a first capable leader since Stalin - Vladimir Putin, and the results were magnificent indeed. Coming from a tried-and-true KGB stock (and thus having vitally important and useful secret service support), Putin went on to bitchslap the oligarchs, the press, the military, the political parties, his pet tiger and everyone else, those who could not be bitchslapped or, God forbid, were hostile towards glorious leader, soon suffered righteous Unfortunate Accidents™, such is life in Russia.

The first test of ¨Resurgent Russia¨ was the Russo-Georgian War. Georgia, the birthplace of Stalin but otherwise an unremarkable shithole, had a bunch of Russians living in the autonomous regions of Abkhazia and South Ossetia who wanted to join their beloved motherland, but the mean old Georgians wouldn't let them. Seeing this great injustice, president Putin ordered a valiant liberation campaign against clearly fascist and cannibalistic Georgans. Within 5 days the Russian troops liberated the two territories.

Fast forward to 2014 and once again the new strength of Russia was made made evident for all to see. In Ukraine, a fascist coup was instigated by the west, probably in order to facilitate easier buttfucking of ukrainians by said powers. Seizing the opportunity, Russia was once again able to help out her children by annexing legally incorporating the Autonomous Territory of Crimea into the Russian Federation after a fair and lawful referendum held in Crimea on that issue. Unfortunately, the territories of Donetsk and Luhansk were unable to fully escape the clutches of the Kievan fascists, and the conflict there continues til today.


In the recent times, Russia is engaged in valiant fight against ISIS in Syria, bombing the fuck out of the towelhead goatfuckers whilst inducing massive amount of lulz from the EU/USA who constantly bitch about the violation of human rights of moderate syrian islamists. Other fun activities include: messing with the EU by slowly dismantling Ukraine, rigging the us elections and The Last Jedi's rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and causing sane people to leave the Democratic party and building a trade network known as ¨New Silk Road¨ that will make Eurasia the richest continent in the world. Fun times are to be had in the future.

And wouldn't you know it, the fun times arrived sooner than anyone could have expected. Unsatisfied with NATOs continuous encroachment upon the innocent Russia, the great leader decided to stamp his foot to the ground and perform a legitimate security operation in Ukraine to ensure that a friendly regime is established. However, the USA & Friends lost their collective shit over this as only they have the moral/political/economic right to do such shenanigans and their war-boners immediately began to harden. But lo! Ukraine was not a member of NATO so the western pigs could only write mean letters to Putin and dump fucktons of weapons into Ukraine hoping that their stooges will do the job for them, thus Russia continues the valiant struggle against the western aggression.


Stalin note.jpg

There is a government, but the Russian mafia or "Brotherhood" (in Russian Bratva/"Братва") is much more interesting and influential. The "Brotherhood" also have much, much more money than the Russian government. If you have any business in Russia (although hopefully you don't), it is much quicker to work directly with the "Brotherhood" rather than through government agencies. It's also cheaper.

In Russia, one needs to know people in power to make things work. You must know someone, who knows someone in power; it is the way to have the things done in Russia.

The Ruskies, or Tundra/Commie Niggers, have received a bad reputation due to the brilliant American Propaganda during the Cold War. However, Tundra Niggers made extreme advances from a backwards feudal nation to a country more expensive and less sanitary than west nearly overnight and at the cost of only 40 million slave-labourers. During WWII Stalin also managed to mortgage a lot of cannonfodder to the Americans to assrape Der Furher DEN FÜHRER (Edited by Grammar_Nazi_88 00:34 January 30 2009), and then steal both their technology to pride themselves in its glory.

The Brotherhood has replaced the Italian Mafia as the principle ultra-capitalist element in the United States, so Muricans can now have the convenience of working for them directly from home. You know that new skyscraper in your nearest big city? Well, they probably own that.

In 2000, Tovarish Putin decided to honour the good old commie times the Great Russian Federation by restoring the Soviet Anthem the 1944 Alexandrov tune. As you can see/hear/research in the below linked videos, the lyrics are copypasta incredibly original and of enormous patriotic feeling (Edited by p00t1|/|_ru, 14:21 October 25 2009). Some argue Tovarish Putin is attempting to justly honour past Russian struggles and wondering how to run a single-party democracy to pwn the country in a neo-Stalinist surge STOP WROTE LIES, YOU WESTLY STUPID PERSON Edited by p00t1|/|_ru, 14:27 October 25 2009).

Russia's current president Dmitry Medvedev (your left) with his subordinate Vladimir Putin (your right).
Move along, citizens, there is nothing special to see.

Russia's government consists of:

Government Critics

Having your own ideas or pretending to have your own ideas about how Putin runs the Government is perfectly fine and legal, and in fact when you receive your dose of lead, or perhaps even Polonium, Mr. Putin himself will express his regrets and condolences on public television. But unfortunately the so-called "Dissidents" who are killed or survived assassinations like the mentally retarded Muslim cunt Alexander Litvinenko or the Buttbuddy of British Trump-Hater Christopher Steele Sergey Skripal are only Defectors and Double-Agents so technically the only real Oppositionists in Russia are old-fashioned Communist Dinosaurs like Gennady Zyuganov or Populist Nationalists like Alexi Navalny.

Foreign Policy

And this slut - Condoleeza Rice. She is a black whore. Who needs a good cock. Send her here, one of our division will make her satisfied...She will choke in Russian Sperm as it will be leaking out of her ears.'



Looks like somebody got Jungle Fever.


The Red Army loves children. Epic Lulz can be gathered by mentioning this fact to Russians/and or telling them that all Russian bitches deserve to be raped as punishment.

Video demonstrating the raw power of the Red Armies futurewar tech.
100 percent accurate, completely truthful documentary of life serving in the Red Army.

Chronicle of the Russian army

During WW2 Germany attacked Russia intending to to conquer it but got pwned by secret Russian war technique. The entire population of Russia has charged at the enemy with no weapons or equipment, the bodies of the fallen eventually stack up so high that a tower of corpses topples onto the enemy, crushing them all. After Russia regained all the territory it lost in the beginning of the war, it rained down on every other country past it's border like a giant wall of drunken rape, raping everything from: children, men, old women, old men, animals, dead bodies, retards, and the occasional woman, that would make even the sickest pervert today blush. Russia essentially is a very poor country but so are many of its neighbors which explains Russia's prolonged existence and why it isn't a nuclear crater today. Unable to produce sufficient funds to start a war leaves Russia and its neighbors at a stalemate, the only reason russia is considered a superpower and not a 3rd world shit hole is because of its huge population where it can get scientists for cheap by paying them with loaves of bread and its massive taxation all of the money which goes directly into its military and research. Russia barely hanging on to make it to super power status in reality most of their arsenal is aging and faulty.

The Russian Army 'liberating' Europe...Thanks guys!!!
Sick Russian Racists!!!


Zangief, the "Red Cyclone", a hero of the Soviet Union, about to kick the shit out of Ryu.

The Russian economy is principally organized by the Brotherhood. This is very comforting to government and business leaders in Western democracies because it's a familiar system.

If you have problems with your business partners, your "brotherhood" will meet with the other guy's "brotherhood", and they will try to settle your problems through discussion. If they can't get right, they may apply to a "thief in the law" who will take a decision. There also is an official way of settling the problems through a court, but it is less effective. Many businesses prefer to employ commercial departments of police or private security companies, which in reality are just a camouflaged brotherhood aka "bratva".

The accepted currency in Russia currently are the following: American dollars, German cars, vodka, and attractive women. The currency is subject to change. With the huge revenue out the Export of Oil and Gas, Russia can import machines, electrical appialiances and other quality comsumer goods like forgein women (mostly from their Brother Republics like Ukraine but also from China).

Russia's only technological breakthrough and main export is the Avtomat Kalashnikova, an aussalt rifle capable of killing Africans even when covered in mud. Other leading exports are cp, pirated mp3s from, PC Trojans, vodka, balalaika and internet brides.

"I am feeling a spit flying out of my mouth from mouth watering."


—Mayonnaise lover.

Mayonnaise is one of their largest exports as seen here in this video. The commentary alone produces much lulz.


The Glory of Putin (more like the glory of poontang, amirite?) is the official religion of Mother Russia. It's worth noting also that many are of Russian Orthodox faith. Just like in Catholicism, the priests wear funny hats, but in this instance, they are even much more funny looking. Also just like Catholicism, the nuns in this religion are all total cunts. Amirite? Though steamy hot pleasure sex with these nun-cunts are is quite hard to come by, one can solve this issue by tying them to the bed and slapping the shit out of their tits until they agree to give you the best blow job a man could possibly desire. Haha, and you didn't think such atrocities were common in mother Russia?? You silly American faggots!

On Islam

Zaporozhian Cossacks, to the sultan of Turkey:

You Turkish Satan, brother and comrade of the accursed Devil, and Secretary to Lucifer himself, what the hell kind of noble knight are you? The Devil craps and your army eats it up. You will never be fit to rule over Christian sons. We do not fear your army. On land or sea, we will fight you. You scullion of Babylon, you wheelwright of Macedonia, you beer-brewer of Jerusalem, you goat-flayer of Alexandria, you swineherd of Egypt, both the Greater and the Lesser, you sow of Armenia, you goat of Tatary, you depredator of Kamenets, you evildoer of Podoliansk, you grandson of Beelzebub himself, you great silly oaf of all the world and of the netherworld and, before our God, a blockhead, a swine's snout, a mare's ass, a butcher's cur, an unbaptized brow, May the Devil take you! That is what the Cossacks have to say to you, you slimy rascal! You are unfit to rule over true Christians! We do not know the date, because we don't have a calendar. The moon is in the sky, the year is in the book, the day is the same for us here as for you over there, and you can kiss us right back there!


—Koshevoi Ivan Sirko of the Zaporozhian assembly

It was actually ukrainians, but who gives a fuck? Only you.


Russian music
Russian punk rockers during a concert.
Welcome to the 21st Century Russia.
Russian soldiers not only liberated Europe from fascism they also cared for girls and women in the occupied liberated countries
95 % of Russian women are ugly and boring cunts and this medicore-looking woman is one of the little exceptions to the rule
File:Russian man and South Korean woman.jpg
Russian men treat foreign women like Angels
In Soviet Russia, the ginger stab you!
Typical Russian taking a bath.
Likewise there can be no doubt that the Finnish element played a part in the formation of the anthropological type of the Great Russian, since his physiognomy does not by any means reproduce every one of the features generally characteristic of the Slav. The high cheek-bones, the dark hair and skin, the squat nose of the Great Russian all bear credible witness to the influence of a Finnish admixture in his blood.


—Vasilii Kliuchevsky on the origin of the “Great Russian stock” and state

The native inhabitants of North-Eastern Rus’ were Finnish tribes — tribes of the race described in the Chronicle as neighbors of the Eastern Slavs from the moment of their first entry into the Russian plain. Nevertheless those Finnish aborigines had made their homes in the swamps and forests of Northern and Central Rus’ long before any Slavonic element becomes traceable there (e.g., in the 4th-7th cc. — Author)… The extensive area between the Oka and the White Sea furnishes us with thousands of non-Russian names derived from that aboriginal race — names of which the lingual uniformity makes it clear that the same tongue was spoken throughout the whole of that region, and that it was a tongue closely akin to the one now in use among the native population of Finland we find scores of names of rivers ending in va (va in Finnish means water) such as the Protva, the Moskva, the Silva, the Kokva, and so on, while the name of the Oka itself is of Finnish origin, since it is only a Russified form of the Finnish word joki, of which the general meaning is river we see that the north-eastward direction taken by the East Slavic immigrants brought them in contact with Finnish aborigines almost at the exact centre of what now constitutes Great Russia.


—By using the phrase "Russian immigrants" the author implies they were from the territory of the Kievan Rus' (or what is now known as simply Belarus

That is why the writer of that part of the Ancient Chronicle which records events of the eleventh century gives not a hint, in his references to soothsayers, customs, or beliefs manifestly Finnish, that it is of an alien race, of the Tchudes, that he is speaking. To him paganism, whether Russian or Finnish, was all one, and he took no account of racial origin or ethnographical differences when writing of heathen beliefs. It is clear, then, that, in proportion as the two races drew nearer to one another, their differences of belief tended to disappear.


—Kluchevsky, V. O. (2013). pp. 210-1. A History of Russia (Vol. 1). London: Forgotten Books. (Original work published 1911)

The people of Russia are collectively referred to as tundra nigras, and have no real connection to ice niggers, who are full of anti-lulz. For the most part they are all robotic alcoholics, but you would be too if you lived in a country that was ruled by Dumbfucks (Yeltsin), defamed by the American Propaganda Apparatus as evil and terrorized by Muslims, amirite?

Russians speak Russian (Русский язык), which is written in Cyrillic. Their ability to write a simple alphabet that differs from the Roman alphabet gives them a major superiority complex. Never mind the fact that Chinese, Japanese, and Korean are much more complicated writing systems. Their ignorance of their neighbors to the East may be the cause for this fierce sense of superiority. Most aren't willing to admit their oriental ancestry even after centuries of sino-mongol rape

Russian general knowledge and 'education' is virtually nonexistent, and the majority of the populations inability to either read or write has remained essentially unchanged since the middle ages....which is understandable given that a full 80% of them spend their miserable, insignificant lives on small desolate farms surrounded by rats, lice, grain alcohol, infant skulls, and pig shit before the government every so often decides to arbitrarily 'off' them in vast numbers simply because...well...they're why the FUCK NOT?!? The availability of food is unimportant to the Russian (which is good because they are always starving), as he can simply brew vodka in his bathtub which otherwise, judging by a typical Russian's appearance, is never used for its intended purpose anyways.

Some favorite pastimes of Russians are drinking vodka, pedophilia, selling organs, buying 1980's Jordache yankee blue jeans and Adidas tracksuits on the black market, shooting people, not bathing, standing in bread lines, and killing Chechens for their delicious oils. When America does something it is usually evil; when Russia does the same thing it is glorious!

Due to their god awful history and present situation, the Russian people are a hearty bunch. It is not uncommon to see roving street gangs in Moscow beating up innocent people. Do not fear though, as this is the police. The police also commonly use scare tactics such as sarin gas and other hilarious forms of lethal force. Often times little children and fat old babushkas are also tragically suffocated by this hilarious nerve agent. But as the signs say in Russia, "when shit's goin' down, get out the muthafuckin' way NIGGUH!!"

It may seem a surprise, but Tundra niggers have their own niggers. These are the brother nations from Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, Azerbajan, Armenia who leave their countries because they love to work for Russian people just for "thank you's". "Thank you" is worth 1 wooden ruble and four internets. Today so many people have moved from those countries that now they actually don't exist at all.

Typical place for Russian party is common area in high-rise project housing.

Did you know the Russian Army invented hip-hop? Many nigras claim they invented it, however, they are liars.

A typical Russian cartoon for kids of all ages.

Modern Russian medicine.

Breeding habits

Russian men express love with their fists just like all Slavic men actually these Russian men are Turkic and Northern Caucasian Muzzies and Gypsies, and most Russian and Slavic children are the product of rape these children are Muzzies and Gypsies too. Orphans are also readily available from Russia, as baby factories are set up in Siberia to fuel the child prostitution and pornography industries whose main costumers are Americans but Russia is since a long time in strong competition with Ukraine and Romania who have cheaper child hookers and better conditions for producing child porn. When you go to Russia, and you are not Russian, be sure not to smile if you are alone, this is a sign that you wish to have kbs. Though many children are beaten from such a young age in Russia, it's ok, because most of these children actually find this quite enjoyable. Many psychologists deem this to be the cause of such interest in sadomasochism as they age into adults in present-day Russia.

While it is unusual for heterosexuality to flourish in modern Russia, the occasional straight male tourist will likely be disappointed by the leg hair, mustaches, and overall stench of the women in this bizarre nation. Nowadays, one can pursue a love of the Russian people via the internet, which is just beginning to catch on and proving to be a valuable medium for the dissemination of those resilient Russian genes.

From Russia, With Love About missing Pics
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Russian spies

Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info: GoldenShowerGate.

Russia is home to KGB, the most notorious spy organization ever. Russian spies are known to be horrendously ugly.

Russians as immigrants

The comrades will return!
forgive english, i am Russia.

i come to study clothing and fashion at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American fashion and then we are kiss.

We sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i fuck this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though.

I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass.


— a Russian immigrant to America

Notable Russians

Fucking Zangief.

National hero Nikita Litvinkof explaining how he shaved his balls earlier this morning.

Jura Demidovich on Children Satanic Song Contest — Volshebni Krolik (Magic Rabbit). Etis atis animatis.

Drunken Russian clubber.


Russians cultivate Multidrug-Ressistant Tuberculosis, mainly within prisons. Other Microbiological Cultures include B. Athracis and Ebolapox.

Russian Disco

This is an example of sample Russian disco party.

It looks the same probably in all the Russian not so big towns.

All guys who visit are ready to fight, they find somebody who is alien there and attack. And nobody would call police - just because it’s not something unusual - if you going to visit Russian disco party in smaller towns - you take the responsibility of participation in the fight.

Most of the young guys know that they need to be tough because they are going to go to Russian army and in Russian army it’s more like in prison - officers don’t control what happen - there is a big hierarchy between the soldiers.

Those soldiers who served longer - they beat EVERY day the younger ones - just because when they came - they were treated in the same manner. In Russian army there is thousands of soldiers die every year just because of this. And nobody cares. The latest story that was discussed nationwide in Russia is regarding one soldier who lost both of his legs because he was humiliated awfully in the army.

So when the elder guys return from army they have a broken psychics which is being transfered to the younger generations.


— In Russia, Disco party find YOU!


Work of security in Russian night club.


Russian Pastimes include, and are not limited to:

    • Jumping off apartment towers
    • Shooting yourself in the street
    • Generating most of the content on Nothing Toxic
    • Getting blood poisoning on high alcohol drinks

A Popular Russian Pastime Being Enjoyed, even outside of Mother Russia
The Russians did it first.

Russian Roulette was invented by Stalin in an attempt to make tourists feel at home. Typically, it's like musical chairs, except with bullets. Of course it failed because no one did this at home and the Russians soon forgot about it. However Asians soon decided this is exactly the kind of thing that they want to be associated with. And began using it to try and lower their horribly large populations. Russia declined to comment. For extreme fun, make sure there are as many bullets as there are people!

Weed is moar fun than a bullet to the brain.


Russian Rammstein.
Russian Vodka.
Happy New Year!
Typical russian rap song.
Russian secret weapon - Khirkhorror.
Mistake, this is from Bulgaria


A popular pastime in Russia.

During the Cold War, after their discovery of anabolic steroids, the Russians whupped American asses at almost all sports, until Arnie "I'll be Bach" Schwarzenegger stole the formula and in in return was made Governor of Carly-fornya. However, excessive use of these drugs made Russian men infertile, and gave the women pubes that reached almost to the floor, making the high-jump particularly hazardous, and leading to a low birth rate. Nowadays, because Russians prefer unsung feats of brutality like Head Stomping and Hammer Killing (that's Ukraine you dumb fuck), they usually only do well at hockey and at sports with bribe-able judges. They aren't so good at baseball, football, basketball (except in European league). Even in hockey, they aren't as good as Canada anymore, despite PWNING Canadian rookies three years in a row in some meaningless tourney that no one in a world gives a flying shit about, they got seriously ass-fucked by Canadians in the 2010 Olympics hockey game, having become to hockey what Japan is to baseball. Still, they suddenly fucked all the black person's asses in boxing, crazy barbarian bastards. They also pwn everyone in chess, but no one gives a fuck because chess isn't really a sport.

Typical extreme russian sports:

Russian National Anthem

Russia, Russia
Where women look like men
Russia, Russia
Eyebrows FTW
Russia, Russia
Soul crushing and cold
Russia, Russia
We do it if we're told
Russia, Russia

Trolling Russians

Win: Force them to go bankrupt so they adopt capitalism.
Bonus: Make them queue more often afterwards
In America you advertise capitalism, In Russia capitalism advertises you!
Faggotry is actually tolerated in Russia only in Chechnya the Muzzies will kill you if you practising it
  • Say them that Russians are nothing but a slavicized Finno-Ugrians.
  • Tell them the Cyrillic alphabet was the result of strabismus (permanently crossed eyes) suffered by its creator when he tried to reproduce the Latin alphabet.
  • Tell them Tchaikovsky was a hack who stole "The Nutcracker" from a German composer.
  • Dongcopter. Maybe 10% of them don't mind.
  • Call them Vodka Niggers or Borscht Niggers.
  • Point out over half of the world's CP comes from Russians.
  • Implying Russia is ever in the wrong, even in extremely morally questionable situations like Chechnya.
  • Tell them communism is fine as long as they keep it in Russia.
  • Stalin rolling them, they'll get very pissed at this because they don't like getting hard boners seeing Stalin dance.
  • Say that the Civil War in Donbass where Russia support the Rebels is a hidden Invasion of Ukraine. Not anymore.
  • Many Russians are avoiding to serve in the Military, there are many reasons but the main is "old-timers" ("granfathers" - "деды"), who violates the newbies and just the oafs or "weakness" guys whom can't stand their position as a "man" which mean that every second has a 9000% chance to be violated.
  • You'll get over 9000 lulz if you call every Russian a schoolchild or schoolboy or shkolota or школота. I Guarantee It.
  • Mention how a multicultural societies are highly successful and a pure white society leads to poverty. Use America, Canada, and France as an example and then point out white ghetto slums in Russia.
  • Mention Soviet War Crimes and Communist atrocities.
  • Mention the German-Soviet Non-Aggression-Pact
  • Mention the Soviet Occupation and Annexation of Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Eastern Poland, and the War with Finland
  • Mention the War crimes in the Chechen Wars
  • Mention the Mass Rapes committed by the Red Army
  • Mention the large numbers of chinks are flooding Russia's far east.
  • Say to them that they are Mongoloid and not Caucasoid.
  • Minimize their role in the outcome of WWII.

Anon in Russia

Because everything in Russia is so fucked up, Russian Anon community consists of all those faggots nornal Anon hates, like:

So as result, being founded on the cancer that is killing /b/, Anon lived amazing 3 years.

Only good thing about whole community is their æ which is caller Lukomorie (Russsian fairy land) which name drives from Lurk moar. Unlike 2ch it's edited by real Anons and contains important knowledge on such an important topics like cam whoring, attention whoring and different Russian ways of trolling (some of which are pretty Lulzworthy)


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See also



Things That Piss Russia Off

Things Russia Likes

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