Robert Bales

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Robert Bales
Nationality: Americunt  MiniflagUSA.png
Highscore Killed 16, injured 6
Top 50?


Style Single player
An Hero? Sadly, no

Robert Bales was a pretty cool guy and the greatest U.S. soldier to ever serve in the Army. On March 11, 2012, he set out for the High Score by massacring sixteen Afghan sandniggers and almost raping six others. His act of heroism sparked outrage from libtards, NATO, and the Taliban alike. But as with any other shooting, Robert's courageousness was slowly forgotten proving that Americunts have very, very short attention spans.


Robert grew up in Ohio and was the youngest of at least 100 brothers. After studying economics, he worked as a stockbroker starting in 1996. A few years later, a panel found him and his boss liable for financial fraud but the lawyers couldn't find him because he had enlisted in the Army after 9/11 and was already in Iraq by then. Throughout his illustrious career as a soldier, Robert beat up a casino security guard in Washington in 2002, injured his foot during a battle in 2007, and was treated for traumatic brain injury after his car flipped over in 2010. By 2012, he was promoted to Staff Sergeant and stationed at a fort in Afghanistan.

Genocide Crusade

On March 11, 2012, Robert left his fort at three in the morning wearing night vision goggles. A stealthy motherfucker, he put on a disguise and wore cultured traditional Afghan rags over his fatigues. Robert was now set for his Genocide Crusade and traveled to the village of Alkozai. There he rekt four civilians and injured six others. The only notable thing he did in Alkozai was drag some cunt out of bed and bash her head against a wall. But the lulz didn't really start until he got to Najiban, where he killed twelve. In a stylistic and efficient manner, Robert dragged four sandnigger boys by the hair and shot them in the mouth. He also killed the relatives of the four boys, three of which were headshots. Robert also killed some IRL oldfag but nobody cared about him because his family was dead. After completing his killings, Robert set the dead sandniggers' bodies on fire, which is strictly forbidden by the Quran and he knew that would create even more butthurt from Mudslimes.

Now while all this was going on, the fort's commander noticed that a soldier was missing during roll call, and sent a patrol out to search for him. But they couldn't find Robert because they were extremely ruh-tar-ded. Even dumbass Afghan guards had spotted Robert a few minutes before he went on his spree. Eventually Robert returned to the base, dropped his weapon and got onto his knees and said "I did it." He told everyone what happened and was transported to Kansas for criminal proceedings.


Obama was quoted as saying "Sorry fam" over the phone.

Robert was a mega ultra super genius and knew that the death penalty would probably be used on him if he didn't act. So during his court martial, he pled guilty and apologized in a plea deal that effectively spared him from cruelly being murdered by The Man. He was sentenced life in prison without parole, but can get parole if a commanding general says so.

Protests followed Robert's genocide crusade; at least 300 subhumans demonstrated around the military base and burned blankets to honor the dead. College kids also protested in Jalalabad, shouting "Death to America! Death to Obama!" and burning crosses and flags. American and ISAF forces promised a full investigation into Robert's spree and the Secretary of Defense said that the death penalty 'should be a consideration.' See how that turned out, Leon. Obummer said that the killings were "heartbreaking" but he was "generally proud" of what was being done in Afghanistan overall. The Taliban also issued a statement, saying that "sick-minded American savages committed the blood-soaked and inhumane crime." The Taliban also blamed Afghan security officials of having a hand in the massacre. So to them, the obvious response to the 'inhumane crime' was to kill more people! On March 13th, they launched an attack on Afghan government officials visiting the site of the massacre. Sadly, the derkas only killed one and injured three showing that they can actually do jack shit.


"I don't want any compensation. I don't want money, I don't want a trip to Mecca, I don't want a house. I want nothing. But what I absolutely want is the punishment of the Americans. This is my demand, my demand, my demand and my demand."



Did we mention it was his demand?

"We don't know why this foreign soldier came and killed our innocent family members. Either he was drunk or he enjoyed killing civilians."



—Por que no los dos?

"These people who claim to be defenders of human rights, in order to hide their crimes, have purposely blamed Robert Bales for the crime they all had a part in."



—Haji Obaidullah, stating the facts

"I'm truly, truly sorry to those people whose families got taken away. It was an act of cowardice, behind a mask of fear, bullshit and bravado."



—Robert Bales, lying through his teeth

"Many people in Kandahar were waiting for an honest verdict. Now America should wait to see our verdict."




"Civilian casualties at the hands of NATO has been going on for too long ... It is by all means the end of the rope here."



—Hamid Karzai, dead wrong more than 3 years later

High Score

Graded score
Kill count: 16/20 (injured 6)
Accuracy: 15/20 of 22 shot, only 6 survived
Style: 17/20 tactical espionage action
Butthurt: 15/20 only pussy liberals got butthurt
Bonus: 18/20 Killing sand-nigs instead of whites
Total score: 81/100 (B-)
Thank you for your service and for protecting our freedumbs.
See full ranking

Wanted Level:

Wantedstar.png Wantedstar.png



Police Force


CNN interviews the almost raped


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External Links

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Robert Bales is part of a series on Psychopaths
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See also:

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