Robert Aaron Long

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This page is about an attempted an hero.


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The subject of this article is a virgin with rage.


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Robert Aaron Long
Nationality: Americunt  MiniflagUSA.png
High Score 8 killed, 1 injured
Top 50? Hell no
Style FPS, Single player
An Hero? No


Imagine: It's early 2021. Corona-chan has ravaged the Americunt landscape. High Scores haven't happened for the better part of a year; life is looking bleak for the land of burgers. Enter Robert Aaron Long. This basement-dwelling virgin had decided he had enough of jacking off his chode to anime porn. So he did what any sane and rational person would do - he shot up a couple of Azn rub-n-tug massage parlors. This sperg-out was the push needed to get Americunts to get back to their favorite pastime of going for the High Score, after months of hiatus. Nature truly is healing.

Background

Before the shooting, Robert was your typical Bible-thumping redneck (as detailed in his Instagram page). Unfortunately for Robbie-boy, he developed somewhat of a pornography addiction somewhere along the way, which we all know is antithetical to traditional Christian values. As a result, Robert spent a considerable amount of time in "Evangelical" addiction centers. Unfortunately for Robert, no amount of divine intervention would be enough to prevent him from whacking his two-inch chode to loli hentai (according to his roommates at the rehab facility). All of this came to a head the day before the shooting, when his parents finally kicked him out of the basement, because he wouldn't clean up his cum rags. Robert would later tell the pigs that he had thought of killing himself, but decided to go for the High Score instead to, quote unquote, "help others with their sex addictions".

Robert's Bad Day

Caught on Camera!

Now obviously before Robert was able to go for the High Score, he had to get a gun first. And that is exactly what happened on March 16, 2021, where Robert got a 9MM pistol mere hours before going for the High Score, much to the chagrin of gun control advocates, who were butthurt at the revelation as a result. From there, Robert went around to several "happy ending" spas that he was previously a customer of, and proceeded to ventilate a grand total of six Azn women who were unfortunate enough to have wanked off his micro-penis in the first place (Two white people were also ventilated by the shooter; they were actually customers, so they should be seen as collateral damage).

At this point, his CCTV image was circulated across the entire state of Georgia, and the feds were looking for his ass. So he did what anybody else would've done: run. And he did run, in fact, for roughly 150 miles before he was arrested by the pigs in the southern part of Georgia. When asked where he was going, Long said that he was headed to Florida to possibly ventilate people related to the porn industry (based on this info, he was likely going to target either BangBros or Reality Kings, which are both based in Miami).

Aftermath

   
 
When I spoke to the investigators, they interviewed him this morning and they got that impression, that, yes, he understood the gravity of it. And he was pretty much fed up and kind of at the end of his rope. And yesterday was a really bad day for him and this is what he did.
 

 
 

Captain Jay Baker. Much butthurt ensued as a result of this quote.

Much butthurt was to be had among libtards, especially among the Azn community, who were already being pwned by mostly niggers in the year before the shooting due to corona-chan. So, as a response to the violence, #StopAsianHate became trending in the weeks following the shooting, brought to you by the same people who created Black Lives Matter (ironically enough, the conveniently timed social engineering campaign was supposed to be called Asian Lives Matter, but Black Lives Matter asked them to change it due to the names sounding too similar).

Several rallies were held in the days following the shooting, but it is unclear whether the movement will make as much of an impact as BLM. More recently, Congress passed a resolution that officially condemns the shooting; they also passed another bill that allocates more law enforcement resources to investigate hate crimes against Asians. The state of Georgia also has announced that they are planning on seeking the death penalty against Long.

Guilty Plea

Notice the distinct lack of face pubes.
Ahh, that's much better.

On July 27th, 2021, after a bout of Troll's Remorse, Robert Long plead guilty to the four murders that occurred in Cherokee County. As a result, Robert was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole, which is plenty of time to him to find a cure for his "sex addiction".

However, on September 28th, 2021, Robert plead NOT guilty to the four other murders in Fulton County. So despite already being sentenced to life without parole, there still will be a trial to determine if he gets the needle or not. As for why he plead guilty to four murders and not the other four, it most likely has to do with their libtard DA charging him with a hate crime.


   
 
It’s taking something I believe to be meant for a monogamous relationship, between a man and a woman, and making sport of it without any relationship efforts in it….and essentially taking sex out of the context I believe to be only correct in a marriage relationship.
 

 
 

—Robert, in his own words, on why he did it.

Gallery

Videos


Pay very close attention to the timestamps in the top left corner

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 8/20 8 dead, 1 injured
Accuracy: 18/20 Only one survivor
Style: 15/20 Kind of like the anti-Elliot Rodger
Butthurt: 20/20 Nationwide protests & attention from US gov
Bonus: 15/20 -5 points for being a coomer, +20 points for jumpstarting America's favorite pastime
Total Score: 76/100 (C)
Not bad, try not to get caught next time
See full ranking


Wanted Level:

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S.W.A.T. Team


See Also


Pika Pika.gif Robert Aaron Long is related to a series on AZNS. [Domo ArigatoHerrow]
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Ranked Mode (Single Player)

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Casual Mode (Single Player)

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Robert Aaron Long is part of a series on Dying Alone

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