Rick Santorum

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God Bless America
Senator Rick Santorum drinks santorum like it's a slurpee.

Santorum can refer to:

  1. The frothy mix of ejaculate and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. It may also include lube. But who uses lube?
  2. Any other composite miasma of unpleasantness metaphorically similar to said frothy mix.
  3. An ultra-conservative Senator who has since been thrown out of the United States Congress for being a fag.
  4. An Italian word meaning "Man who plays a Saint." Merely knowing this fact makes you more awesome. Not knowing it proves you are a fucktard with no cultural sensitivity.

Santorum The Lame Duck Senator

Santorum loves man-sex

Rick Santorum was thrown out of congress in November of 2006, after allegedly fagging it up with Dick Cheney. He was an ultra-ghey Senator in the United States Congress. A Republican who gained notoriety for being like most other Americans - afraid of homosexuals, pedophiles, and furries. His commentary after a Supreme Court ruling on buttsex laws was the source of many lulz for liberals and made Dan Savage mad enough to equate his name to the end result of gay sex.

Rick also made the news of the weird by bringing his wife's miscarried fetus home from the hospital so his (living but presumably traumatized) 12 other children could hug it and kiss it and say goodbye. This is perhaps the most "how to make a serial killer" formula example of aberrantly fucked-up parenting since Joan adopted Christina.

When not being completely offensive Rick is just plain insane. A huge fanboy of Lord of the Rings, the Senator recently compared the war in Iraq to the battle for Middle Earth. [1]

Recently Santorum complained about google's search results, when he is the subject of query. His latest effort has been to beg google admins to censor out the gay sex related listings when typing his name into google search. In his words:“To have a business allow that type of filth to be purveyed through their Web site or through their system is something that they say they can’t handle, but I suspect that’s not true.” to which google responded by telling him “Users who want content removed from the Internet should contact the webmaster of the page directly”. Most expect this will be the end of it.[2]

Candidate Frothy

And the question that keeps coming back to my mind about Santorum is: How can the "alternative to Romney" also be a Romney supporter?


—When Chuck Norris doesn't support you, you're pretty much screwed in conservative circles.

As if the GOP nominee lineup for the 2012 election season wasn't gay enough already, Rick Santorum decided he needed to do the lawd's work and run for president and throw his frothy wisdom into the mix. While liberal hipster fucktards living a fantasy world didn't expect an upstanding, churchgoing, polite, fatherly man with an underdog reputation to do very well among a predominantly Christian population with epic Catholic immigration from Mexico, Santorum surprised nobody born without Zikavirus by winning 11 states. This attracted the ire of butthurt Paultards, however, this wasn't enough to win against Romney the Wonder Mormon. Faced with a high probability of defeat at the hands of Romney, Santorum threw in the towel.

Mitt Romney struggled to win the votes of real Christians. How could he compete with a man whose very name means Saint? A man endorsed by THE DUDE WHO PLAYED JESUS, aka that Dude from Frequency, aka that Dude from the shitty remake of the Prisoner, aka that sexy beast from Person of Interest, aka Jim Caviezel?

Analysis of the situation by an unbiased panel of experts has revealed that Santorum only lost because he was a caring father who quit because he didn't want to abandon his sick daughter. Disney is currently planning a film based upon his heartwarming tale, with the Santorum role to be played by Jackie Chan or Will Smith.

Remember, he's not gay!
A matter of personal importance to him.
tl;dr fags are terrorists

Santorum The Elite Gamer

In 2012, it was revealed that Rick Santorum is a massive fan of Temple Run, an iPhone game where you defile a temple and run away from screaming monkeys. Some saw this as a metaphor for all the screaming fucktard liberals who thought Rick Santorum was trying to defile the White House.

Rick Santorum's daughter reported that her sugardaddy had scored over ONE MILLION points in the game. Which is probably a big deal.

If Rick Santorum had been voted President, the Xbox Next would have contained chocolate, and shot rainbows from the ventilation slots on bootup. Nice going, chumps.

Santorum on The Issues

Rick Santorum is going to BAN CONTRACEPTION!


—Fucktard who hasn't paid attention to anything Santorum said on the topic.

The heavy metal hoax

In Feb, 2012 a lulzer named Keith Spillett wrote an article claiming Rick Santorum was going to round up all heavy metal fans and rehabilitate them with Celine Dion sing-alongs. The article was self-evident satire. Unfortunately, most of the readers had no idea what 'satire' meant, and started spreading the news that Santorum was a metal-hating arsehat.

But a brave group of warriors lept to the rescue, posting tweets and forum posts, setting the record straight. People stupid enough to believe Heavy Metal addiction could be cured by Celine Dion slunk away to their holes, and tried to erase all records of their overwhelming stupidity. To this date most involved refuse to talk about what happened, or the origin of the mysterious stains and rashes sustained for the salvation of humanity.

Santorum The Substance

Santorum, the substance

Santorum is defined as: The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. This definition was popularized by butthurt American columnist Dan Savage, in 2003, enraged that no matter what Rick Santorum did or said, millions of Americans thought he was basically a nice guy, even if he was a bit kooky, while every time Dan the Man called Christians names, the American public got upset with him for some reason.

I was intrigued by your recent revival of an old Latin term for the by now familiar frothy agglomeration. While "Santorum" is an excellent word, it is a sad reminder of the state of the English language when opaque latinate lexica eclipse our solid Germanic root stock. After all, there is nothing wrong with the fine old Anglo-Saxon "buttbutter," the rustic charm of which evokes the scents and sensibilities of a stolid British grammar school. As regards this particular trope, English is fairly typical of Western European languages; witness the German cognate, "Arschbutter," or the French "beurre anal." Spanish, however, is an interesting exception. The term "Alsaon," like so many Spanish words that have survived since the end of the Moorish occupation, is derived from a Maghrebi-Berber term, which is in turn a corruption of a Latin loan word, none other than "Santorum"!

What Does Santorum Taste Like?


People claimed santorum tastes like one or more of the following:

Gallery of Repressed Homosexuality

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