Richard Dawkins

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Dawkins suffered a stroke; pray for his speedy recovery!

Richard DawkinsFedora icon.png is the man neck-bearded atheist pricks jerk off to, and is a tea-drinking Brit as well as a typical Englishman born in Nairobi, Kenya, who reconverted to Anglicanism. and has been married three times and has a daughter, Juliet, from his second wife, Eve Barham, who died of kanser. He is now married to a somewhat famous British movie actress, Lalla Ward (that chick from Doctor Who who slept with Tom Baker), whom he doesn't talk much about, despite having written an article against sexual jealousy and in favor of promiscuity on the website of the Washington Compost. In fact, he has had lahts of secks with Ward, but he is so sexually jealous that he has never uploaded a video of his sex acts to YouPorn.

In doing this, Dawkins has made sure that you get depicted as an idiot who doesn't read biology textbooks, and who, two centuries after the birth of modern geology and evolutionary biology, doesn't have a clue about evolution.

Dawkins is now considered a B-list celebrity who invented the pseudoscience of 'memetics', a theory of cultural transition that not only relied on no known physical mechanism but was unfalsifiable. "Memetics" found its cultural level when it was embraced by the internet to become the act of multiplying unoriginality by cat photographs to produce Meming. Serious science coughed politely and moved on. In terms of a scientific legacy, this is like Charles Darwin being remembered for inventing the bumper-sticker.

Dawks became an hero to hippy fanboys for telling the religious that they were all ignorant 'tards. Dawkins' militant attitude, monotone emotionless visage, and relentless self-promotion cause some people to view him as the Osama bin Laden of atheism, but these people are butthurt because his English accent makes his voice hypnotic.

In 2010, his charity (the modestly-named Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science) made $1m, gave away half of that to two charities, and the other half simply disappeared on "operating costs".

None (that is zero per cent) of the projects proposed by his foundation have come into existence.

Oh, but he spent slightly less than $10k (to be precise, $9,871.00) on promoting reason and science, which was, er, the whole point of the foundation.

How much money does it take to achieve nothing?

Or, if you don't care to donate to the mystery fund, you can always join Dawks's inner circle for $80 a head, which is more than twice as much as a televangelist charges.

Early life

Not much is known of Dawkin's early life, unless you actually look up his biography (but lets face it, if anybody wanted to hear a raging atheist bitch about logic and reasoning you could've just gone on 4chan). Dawkins was born a long ass time ago in the United Kingdom. He was an alter boy at the local church, where he was sodomized for years by the entire congregation...including his parents and a number of farm animals. It was here that his hatred of all religion stemmed from. The rest is boring and nobody really gives a shit.

Dawk misunderstood MLK as a child and thinks just calling your opponent irrational makes you look intelligent.
Being fondled by the Latin master in the Squash Court was a disagreeable sensation for this nine-year-old, a mixture of embarrassment and skin-crawling revulsion, but [...] as soon as I could wriggle off his knee, I ran to tell my friends and we had a good laugh, our fellowship enhanced by the shared experience of the same pedophile. I do not believe that I, or they, suffered lasting, or even temporary damage from this disagreeable physical abuse of power. Given the Latin Master's eventual suicide, maybe the damage was all on his side.


Accurate quote!


Calling all 13 year old boys
South Park got it right
Richard Dawkins' famous book.
If you don't agree, you can fuck off.


2nd accurate quote! (@2:21)

Thanks to his books - Dawkins has been stirring up a shitstorm both OL and IRL. Previous edits of this article were written by butthurt fundies who made VenomFangX look rational. Dawkins himself however is far lulzier than any theories in his books.

What caused the vast majority of his fanbase to start screaming and crying was evidence that Dwakins had been having an affair.

A certain fanboy accidentally broke a true story, naively thinking that his idol is above sex. However, once he wrote his blog he mysteriously received a not insubstantial amount of gifts for his Habbo on the condition that he STFU. Many Bothan spies died while tracing back the source of these goods, which turned out to be the Richard Dwakins Foundation itself..[citation needed] Certain members of Dawkin's PR team, knowing the real situation decided that rather than being true to Dawkin's belief that sex is good, it would be better for his image if they just kept the whole thing on the down low.

Despite having been bribed into silence, the fanboy writes:

"Let it be known that I still hold Richard Dwakins in the highest of regards and do not believe a word that the RRS said about him, and I hold the Rational Response Squad in the greatest contempt and my removal of these posts had nothing to do with those pan troglodytic boobs (quite literally in the case of one of the higher-ups)."

Ironically most atheists laugh at Christians who say having an affair is a sin and have them anyway. Now after saying affairs are alright they piss themselves in horror when they find out Dawkins cheated on his wife. But we all know its awwwwright, amirite?

Dwakins is also known for being non-theistic while also at the same time believe in little green men. What do you mean they are not mutually exclusive? Shut up!

A Lively Debate w/ THE HITCH
Bullshit Avoidance

Something to notice is Dawkins never fully answers what if he is wrong. Instead of a simple "I guess I'm fucked" he labels her a Christian without any evidence, makes a spaghetti monster joke, changes the subject of why the student would ask such a question, goes on to mock old religions, then asks her what if she is wrong. This is common in most atheists to answer questions with mocking sarcasm than admit they're wrong.

Conspiracy theory

Conspiracy theorists argue that Dawkins is just a closet Jew trying to marketeer atheism, for the purpose of spreading hate and mindfuckery among the bourgeois. Apparently, he's too slick for a genuine atheist. Unlike atheists of the Rational Response Squad, Dawkins exhibits mediocre emotional instability, as opposed to high emotional instability. And unlike serious atheists, he hasn't yet mutated into a pedo, or gone on a shooting rampage.


Richard Dawkins politely debating the merits of religion with a theist

Dawkins claims that all religion is STUPID AND EVIL. God is a delusion, Christianity is just as dumb as Scientology, angels = Mooninites, et cetera. For this he is oft-labeled a Fundamentalist atheist and IRL troll. Nonetheless, his books are insanely successful, and his lectures are well-attended by smarmy 13-year old boys. Religious people, whom he calls "faith-heads," seem to be obsessed with putting him in intellectual checkmate, but it always winds up with both players just beating each other about the head with the chessboard. Dawkins produced a Michael Moore-style "documentary" called "[Religion:] The Root of all Evil?" Butthurt theologian Alister McGrath wrote two whole books, "Dawkins' God" and "The Dawkins Delusion," devoted to tearing him down; Dawkins is now working on "Alister McGrath: a Rapist?" and "Your Mom: a Dirty Whore?" in the tradition of respectful scholarly discourse.

"From a Darwinian perspective, sexual jealousy is easily understood." 4th accurate quote!

Dawkins and his buddy Daniel Dennett don't like the term "atheist", because "atheism is just the disgruntled noises people make in the face of religious dogmatism." They prefer to use a positive and affirming term:

Those of us who subscribe to no religion; those of us whose view of the universe is natural rather than supernatural; those of us who rejoice in the real and scorn the false comfort of the unreal, we need a word of our own, a word like "gay".


3rd accurate quote!


90% of militant atheists on the net are raving Dwakins fanboys. Clear evidence for this can be seen in his entry on Urban Dictionary (lulz are in the rejected definitions). To troll them, try politely suggesting Dwakins is maybe a little too forceful in his ideological crusade - instant rants and butthurts will follow. The other 10% hate Dwakins as much as any xtian because he is not killing enough xtians/because they want to seem cool.

Something for the Dawkins fanboys to wank over.

The 10% fight back.

4Dawkins Partyvan


Simply to confuse all those stupid sheeple, Richard Dwakins has recently announced he is in fact a Christian.

The main reason for the sudden revelation is because if there aren't any Christians to LOL at, most of his atheist fanbois would stop sucking his dick.

Future plans

Richard Dwakins plans to be the next L. Ron Hubbard of the atheist movement. The word "belief" will be outlawed and the only things that people can think about without being emotionally abused or physically attacked are that things Ayn Rand says are the ultimate truth, and cannot be questioned. Ever. This is called "Free Thought." He does not plan on being gang banged by demon niggers while burning in Hell, which is ironic because that's exactly what is going to happen.


Dwakins invented a new way of looking at culture. His genius could pave the way for a new understanding of social phenomena! Trip on this bitches: have you ever thought of different cultural trends as being sort of like viruses? Like how if someone gets excited about a movie and then everyone is sort of "infected" by the "craze?" You have? Oh, well there went my argument.

Anyway, Dwakins' amazing new theory is based on his idea of "just take a biological framework and slap it onto whatever the fuck you want." He calls it memetics. He also invented the word meme, which no one on the internet uses. no srsly.


In the early 2000s, Dwakins gave up on biology to become a troll. A local legend dictates that if you give Dwakins a raw onion and/or a statue of Gary Busey, he will give you the key to a random Ford SUV.

Musical career

Richard Dwakins is including this song on his up coming album called "Straight Outta Oxford"

Other hits on the album is "Fuck Da Christians", "La (R)Evolución", "It's Called Abiogenesis, Cockfags", "There is Only One God and That's Me", "Suck My Dick Ted Haggard - Oh, Wait", "Top Dawk", black person and "The Only Thing That's ID'ed is My Tweed".

The most famous part of the album is the end where he says "Constantly studying, locked up in the dorm because I have no friends, that's the way it goes in the University Of Oxford, boyyyyyy."

Proving he is a closet Jew, Dawkins teamed up with Jew DJ Steve Reich for his second album -- and in a heart-warming gesture of Jewish camaraderie, Reich raped him hard.

Trolling material

After writing The God Delusion which sold 12 billion copies, Dwakins-worship upgraded from a few pimply nerds to an entire army of free thinkers. Now he is now either adored or hated, making him perfect troll fodder:


Notorious Christian crystal queen Ted Haggard once offered to give Richard Dwakins AIDS. Dwakins rudely declined.

Dwakins only hates Christians - possibly because of the buggery he received as a child and is now passing on to us. He doesn't mock Jews because he's a Jew, he doesn't mock Islam because he lives in a very tall building and he doesn't mock any other religions because nobody cares about them:

The truth is nobody wants to think of Dawkins as being religion - especially religious people.


Trolling atheists about Dwakins is surprisingly easy because they worship him in the same manner Satanists worship themselves. Remember, Dwakins needs his fanbois to suck his dick because it's too big for one man to suck:

  • It's "Dwakins" not "Dawkins".
  • Show them this article.
  • Point out what a hypocrite he is - prove he really used to be a theist.
  • Tell them they can't be free-thinkers if they all say the exact same thing he does.
  • Say you'll pray for him.
  • Mention any of the accurate quotes above.
  • Call him as Fundamentalist as the people he hates.
  • Say he's only trying to prove he's an atheist because he's actually a Christian. Because of his insecurities over his closet Anglicanism, he now makes sure that everyone in the world knows that he is "an atheist", in the style of a 4chantard:

Since Dwakins is a world-famous troll himself, he won't mind anything you say about him, but his fans will collectively shit themselves. There is a way to piss off Richard Dawkins. First register on his forum, next create a thread asking why he won't debate William Lane Craig, a Christian Apologist that has pwned Mr. Dick by actually studying philosophy instead of just raging at EVILOUTION. Watch as his fanboys rage and you are B& forever. Richard has made 12 excuses over the years to not debate this man.

Is clearly not butthurt over this

To further irritate Dwaking fanboys, simply continue to bash his character as a moralist and how it affects his avocation for atheism.

All of these are from his very own forum. If you want to find any, click here.

True intentions

Richard Dwakins has recently announced he wants to kill religion, just in case anyone thought he wasn't as much a fundamentalist as Osama Bin Laden JEWS. After all, Osama JEWS only killed 3,000 on 9/11, but there are more than 5 billion religious. He says so somewhere in this video. No, he doesn't.

They just blab about how some science is pointless but are fascinating nonetheless.

That was enlightening.

Dawkins & Darwin

Richard Dawkin's name happens to be an anagram for "Rah! Darwin's Dick!" (srsly). In case you have not noticed he has a raging hard-on for the world's most famous evolutionist and frequently uses his theory to prove that religion is wrong and science is truth.

One of the most famous stories about Darwin is that he converted to christianity and renounced evolution on his deathbed - which is complete bullshit, as Dwakins likes to remind everyone. Ironically however, Charles Darwin wasn't actually an atheist:

I have never been an atheist in the in the sense of denying the existence of a God, ... I think that generally (and more and more as I grow older), but not always, that an agnostic would be the most correct description of my state of mind.


—Darwin's letter to Asa Gray.

Elevatorgate shit

Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info: Rebecca Watson.

Please be aware dear Dramatica visitor, we are not responsible for the horror you are about to witness as Rebeccunt Twatson aka Rebecca Watson actually talks to the camera and despite the video's appearance, it is not an extended version of a Goatsie-like anus entity talking despite the her undeniable anal appearance, she actually is a cunt that has mastered the art of ejecting a frothy mix of pussy farts and fecal matter at the same time to claim that an Irish legally blind skeptic man had actually made an indecent proposal by allegedly asking her to go to his room for a coffee while using an elevator. LIES! LIES! UNGODLY LIES! The man was ACTUALLY asking her to pay for his medical bills after he had been injured by Rebecunt Twatson secretions on the pub's floor. The reality of the events was as follows: Rebeccunt (herein referred as "she" with an apology to the human species for misusing the pronoun for actual female human beings) the she-abomination describes her fabricated experiences in Dublin where she was actually asked to leave because of the enormous bill for the bar where she left the floors all goopy with her secretions while she pretended to talk with other legally blind skeptics. After she was finally removed from the premises a fellow legally blind skeptic limped all the way to the elevator to reach her as he had slipped and sprained his ankle with Rebeccunt Twatson frothy mix of fecal matter and vaginal secretions left on the floor while she pretended to speak at the bar, she refused to pay his medical bills and as he finally realized who he was actually talking to he yelled at her she was "such a cunt" as he wipped off frothy mix from his face as he realized she was not a human being and did no want to pay as he yelled a second time "REBECCA I KNOW YOU ARE A CUNT!" this offended her since she normally lives in the US and people normally confuse her with a human being then she decided to charge the man with sexual harassment, unfortunately for her, Dublin authorities refused the charges because Irish police men are not legally blind and clearly told her that to press charges they needed a full woman not a talking cunt. As the legal system in Ireland does not recognize an oversized talking cunt from the US as a full woman but as just a "friendly alien" then the abominations' only choice was as usual her CGI version on youtube. In the youtube version below you can see the expensive CGI she payed for to make her look like a human being after the first version was flagged as a crime against humanity and two DMCA take downs by 20th century fox who initially though that the Intellectual property of the Ridley Scott's "Alien" was being misused as they thought Rebeccunt or what looked like an ungodly facehugger was talking and traumatizing the youtube audience. With the second version people with cleft palate have commented that her cleft palate mouth is too alien to even resemble theirs. The video scam successfully triggered the female audience to think that a fellow human being had indeed been proposed an UNGODLY cup of coffee/sexual intercourse as videos show below.

Backlash & lulz potential

Well, another TWAT joined the scam and Richard Dawkins (Twatkins) join the scam war by sending "Facehugger" Rebeccunt Twatson the following "shut the fuck up" message:

  • Dear Muslima

Stop whining, will you. Yes, yes, I know you had your genitals mutilated with a razor blade, and . . . yawn . . . don't tell me yet again, I know you aren't allowed to drive a car, and you can't leave the house without a male relative, and your husband is allowed to beat you, and you'll be stoned to death if you commit adultery. But stop whining, will you. Think of the suffering your poor American sisters have to put up with. Only this week I heard of one, she calls herself Skep"chick", and do you know what happened to her? A man in a hotel elevator invited her back to his room for coffee. I am not exaggerating. He really did. He invited her back to his room for coffee. Of course she said no, and of course he didn't lay a finger on her, but even so . . . And you, Muslima, think you have misogyny to complain about! For goodness sake grow up, or at least grow a thicker skin. Richard Dawkins

For those of us who read that above and went "What the fuck are you talking about Dawkins?" well it is easy Dawkins told her indirectly that her indecent coffee proposition was a bunch of crap because Muslim women know better what daily hardcore beatings and rape mean.(However the US senate is still reviewing Rebeccunt's proposal for "rape by a cup of coffee" charges) Dawkins was a complete Twat for the following reasons:

  • Not realizing he was talking to a human being but an oversized cunt
  • Crimes against humanity by offending and abusing beautifully human Muslim females by COMPARING! them to "facehugger" Rebeccunt Twatson
  • Absolute bat-shit dumbness for sending Rebeccunt an email
  • Triple stupidity with a cherry on top by engaging into a bitch fight he was not invited to to begin with.
  • He didn't even qualify! first of all Dawkins has no pussy and second for making a total patronizing ass of himself for everyone else's LULZ!.

RD: "Mild pedophilia? A-okay with me!"

“I am very conscious that you can’t condemn people of an earlier era by the standards of ours. Just as we don’t look back at the 18th and 19th centuries and condemn people for racism in the same way as we would condemn a modern person for racism, I look back a few decades to my childhood and see things like caning, like mild paedophilia, and can’t find it in me to condemn it by the same standards as I or anyone would today.”

Read it here.

RD: "Date rape? Could be worse, love!"

Not happy with having been seen as a paedo-cuddler, Dicky D decided to make his next ex cathedra announcement via Twitter, sending the catchy message:

"Date rape is bad. Stranger rape at knifepoint is worse. If you think that's an endorsement of date rape, go away and learn how to think."

Because of course, date rape is never violent, right?

When he got a bit of a backlash from his millions of followers over this false dichotomy, did the Simoni Professor for the Public Understanding of Science reconsider his position a little?

Yes, he did.

Only kidding. What he actually did was tweet that his experience had proved to him that people on Twitter "think in absolutist terms".

Because of course, Dawkins himself could never be (GASP!) just plain fucking wrong and stupid, now, could he?

The belligerent boffin "parodied" complainants by tweeting: "'Stealing £1 is bad. Stealing an old lady's life savings is worse.' How DARE you rank them? Stealing is stealing. You're vile, appalling."

But what if, for example, the £1 WAS the old lady's life savings and you stealing it meant she starved to death? Or what if you stole £100 from a millionaire whose wealth depended on exploited sweatshop labour? Or what if ... You get the idea. There are all sorts of reasons why Dawkins's analogy doesn't work. Shame no-one spotted this at the time, really.

Dawkins somehow gets something right for once

"Giving birth to a mong would be immoral, so abort it". Of course, morals aren't exactly amenable to empirical analysis and have no scientific basis whatsoever, but don't let that stop you, Dicky darling.

Under capitalism, Aktion T4 + consumer choice = PROFIT.

(INB4 Godwin)

The Internet became outraged yet again and before you could say "Dawkins cock" the internet humanitarians swarmed the comments section telling Dawkins with what a horrible human being he was. Dawkins these days can't shut up for five minutes before he makes an ass clown of himself, proving how rational and scientific atheists are.

D abortiontweet.png
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All people on the autistic spectrum have an ability (or even enhanced ability) to contribute to society? Really, Richard?

Aaaand just 24 hours later, Dawkins "apologised" blaming the public for misunderstanding him.

"Child abuse" lulz, Battle of the Cannibal Skeptics & feminazis on Twitter

Several blogs picked up the bat-shit nonsense of these two throwing frothy-mix at each other and started making parodies of them then the Skeptic Jihadis of both sides started arguing all over the net over who was the biggest dick of the two (Dawkins kinda won just because he has a flaccid member not a cunt) then Rebeccunt won th eother contest in silence. Then the community's insanity went from bat-shit insane to batman-dressed-as-a-drag-queen-shit-insane levels of comedic skeptical insanity when some troll compared Dawkins and Twatson to a couple abusing a child at DysfunctionalWatsonDawkins this triggered a hilarious battle of skeptical misfits trying to canibalize each other with logical insults and insanity inherited by another pair of insane people: Dawkins and Watson. Then far far into the distance we could hear the Creationists rolling on the floor with laugher at all those skeptical dummies fighting over a fabricated story from Rebeccunt Twatson who is NOT even human to begin with. Or maybe just maybe both Rebeccunt and Dawkins were trolling their community all along...Nah, they were all insane way before shit hit the fan.

Female members of the human species make mistakes but not as fucking colossal as Richard Dawkins who was supposed to first realize you do not talk to an abominable cunt and because he just outted himself as a complete dick who forgot his critical thinking next to his macbook pro but never used it while typing. Then the twitter insanity hit new levels because when deluded fans of Watson (who are legally blind it is not their fault not to notice she is not actually human) are fast to stifle any criticism of her, and this issue earning the tittle "Femitwitternazis" every single time. If you even follow ElevatorGate on Twitter, you will get hysterical messages accusing you of being a supporter of rape. Both the twitter accountElevatorGate and the site [1] as well as DysfunctionalWatsonDawkins are packed with insanity from "critical thinkers" that do not think critically and just fling shit at each other non stop. (and you thought George W. Bush was dumb...)


Why am I an atheist? I have no proof of God. When I wake up God isn't there slapping his fucking cock in my face. Before I wrote the God delusion, I would run around playgrounds ripping preschoolers apart. I would stomp on their necks and rip their fucking jaws off. I would give gobbys to obese Russian farmers in exchange for toilet paper. I started burning down elderly homes and when I looked through the rubble I couldn't see God. After I wrote the God Delusion I found a Jew at the airport and I put him inside a jar. I kept the Jar in the basement where I imprisoned my pre-pubescent girl slaves. After a while the smell got to me so I ripped his spine out and used it to clean my urethra. I eat Dog shit too.


— Richard Dawkins is now a deist

Ok, so, you want to know why God doesn't exist? Alright, uhhh, think Dawkins! Think! Ok, so, errr, imagine that my right arm is God exists, and my left arm is God doesn't exist. Ok, so, I raise my right arm... I mean my left arm! Ok, so, I raise my left arm, and, that, that means God doesn't exist. Was it the left? Yes, yes it was, but... oh fuck it just buy my books you cunt


— The main argument Dawkins presents in his book, The God Delusion

ONGOING LULZ! Anal-probe my ego Twitter challenge

Calling all trolls

Since both Watson and Dawkins Godzillla-sized-ego's are only rivaled by their Supercunt & Superdick statuses it was a matter of time before trolls at DysfunctionalWatsonDawkins noticed that their "strength" was their weakness: Nothing butthurts an egomaniac more than saying sorry publicly. So the best way to butthurt their super inflated egos was by asking them to do something they would never do, something they would rather eat broken glass than actually doing, something fucking unthinkable even for their high intellects, something horrible such as, you know, saying sorry to one another. These are the instructions according to the site:

1. Tweet-bombard this question to @RichardDawkins & @rebeccawatson

“Can both of you guys just say sorry and hug it out?”

2. Behold their godzila size egos struggle (Oh yes! they are gonna get exotic with the excuses!)

so in short the simple question above is the most fucking annoying thing they could ever hear so yes it would be a good idea to tweet them incessantly until freak out and giveus the LULZ or they apologize (yeah right!)

Well, yeah this would work like people with a nickname the more they hate it the more people use it.


Richard Dwakins was born a woman and was originally named "Andrea Dworkins ", a thinly disguised anagram. "Dworkins" achieved notoriety by claiming that "men was responsible for all rape" and that "all religion perpetrate the patriarchal oppression of wimmin".

Some argue the real reason that Dwakins hates God is because since he was a raging fat ugly lesbian in a previous life - God decided to reincarnate him as an actual human being.

Luckily for Dwakins it still looks like that thing between his legs is no larger than a clitoris.

Wanted Level:




Holy Inquisition

See also

External links

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