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Honesty in marketing

Ramen (or Noodles if you're not a weeaboo faggot) is a cheap salty noodle soup that is sold everywhere. It is known as the official food of the starving artist, starving college student (or hell, anyone who's starving) and a staple of the weeaboo's diet. These three groups' support earns Ramen Noodles the nickname of "Purina Student Chow". College students love it because one can buy at least a hundred packages of Ramen noodles for about 5 US dollars. Basement dwellers love it because they're too weak to drag their fat saggy asses away from World of Warcrap for more than five minutes. Military experts theorize that by cutting off Ramen shipments they could easily cause every nerd in existence to die of starvation.

The only two good things about ramen are that (1) it costs like 12 cents a bag, making it a good source of sustenance if you're low on funds and/or too lazy to make a fucking box of Kraft macaroni, and (2) it doesn't taste like boiled ass (unless you're poor enough to have to live off of it, in which case the taste will eventually make you want to cauterize your taste buds).

Weeaboo Food

Ramen 2.jpg
Typical ramen eaters.

Weeaboos love Ramen. Ramen and Pocky are the only things they eat. Seriously, poke a weeaboo right now. It bleeds salty chicken water, doesn't it? The only evidence we have so far as to why weeaboos are addicted to such an unholy substance is a bit of a mystery, but it is assumed that since they consider it to be liek OMG SOOOOOOOOOOO KAWAII!!^__^!!! from NIPPON!!!, they think it's from Japan. In reality, all Ramen is made in the USA because noone wants to waste time and money getting weeaboo food across the Pacific, and because no self respecting Jap would eat the stuff. Real Japanese people live on the souls of dead babies and semen.

The funny thing is, ramen isn't even Japanese. It's Chinese. Ramen means "Chinese noodles". They even write it in katakana, which is used for foreign words. Same goes for Japanese curry. So if you want to troll a weeaboo, tell them this fact and watch their head explode.

What Weeaboos don't know

Ramen is a really kickass meal of noodles when it isn't every western world nerd's prepackaged last minute ration when they need to DPS or when a weeaboo halfway across the globe stops pretending to know about Japan upon the discovery of a "GASP" realization that fantasy is based off of reality! Where weebfags fall short of Ramen lore is that it's essentially Japan's McDonalds, only not made with cow semen, bull rectums, rat poison laced bleached flour, and sand, but REAL FOOD! What's the secret? We're Encyclopedia Dramatica! Not your fucking Japanese Language professor who wishes he was dead. Go dig him up, we got drama to do, not teach food lessons to easily trollable pricks.

How to Prepare Ramen

How ramen should look when prepared correctly.
  1. Open the package.
  2. Remove the dry noodles and the flavoring from package.
  3. Boil the noodles in water for 3 minutes then mix the flavoring in. (Drain a little water before mixing the packet for a Bold flavor)
  4. ?????
  5. PROFIT!!!

How to Prepare Ramen alternatively

  1. Open the package.
  2. Remove the dry noodles and the flavoring from package.
  3. Put noodles in microwave safe bowl in just enough water to make the noodles float
  4. Empty contents of flavoring package into bowl
  5. Place bowl in microwave for 2:50
  6. Empty water out of bowl
  7. Stop being a Jew
  8. Buy real food
  9. ?????
  10. PROFIT!!!

How to Prepare Ramen if You're Fat

  1. Tear the package off vigorously.
  2. Sprinkle the flavoring on the dry noodles.
  3. Eat it.
  4. Get on LJ and add an entry letting your friends know how eccentric and interesting you are for eating dry noodles.
  5. Repeat.
  6. ?????
  7. PROFIT!!!

How to Prepare Ramen if You're Lazy

  1. Forcefully slam the package against the edge of your counter.
  2. Empty said powdered-noodles and unopened flavor-packet into microwave-safe bowl.
  3. Fill the bowl with water and place it into the microwave.
  4. Zap for 3 Minutes.
  5. Seek entertainment in the kitchen for 3 Minutes.
  6. Retrieve bowl from microwave and consume contents promptly.
  7. ?????
  8. PROFIT!!!

How to alternately prepare if you're fat and lazy

  1. Pound packet against hard surface
  2. Open end of packet
  3. Take seasoning out and empty into package
  4. Clamp end of bag with hand
  5. Shake
  6. ?????

How to Prepare Ramen if you have at least an ounce of self-respect

  1. Do not eat ramen
  2. ?????
  3. PROFIT!!!

How to Prepare Ramen in a Coffeepot

  1. Fill your coffepot with 2 cups of water (which should be between 2 and 4 on your pot, a little bit closer to 4).
  2. Pour the water into the coffee making machine and leave a small pool of water at the bottom.
  3. Put noodles in pot. Turn machine on and wait.
  4. Once the machine is done, stir the noodles with your utensil of choice and mix in powder.
  5. ?????

How to Prepare Ramen for MAXIMUM FLAVOR

  1. Open Package
  2. Put Noodles in Microwave safe bowl
  3. Put in enough water for Noodles to float
  4. Cook 3-6 minutes (depending on microwave, of course)
  5. Drain water
  6. Add 2 teaspoons of butter (lard is an alternative for the fatties)
  7. Mix in flavor once butter has melted
  8. Add salt/pepper if you wish
  9. ?????
  10. PROFIT!

How to Prepare Ramen incorrectly

Boiling the flavor out of the powder
  1. Open Package
  2. Boil flavor powder in not enough water
  3. Place dry noodles in bowl
  4. Cover with hot flavor-water and let soak until lukewarm
  5. Drain broth, do not cook noodles all the way through for optimal suck, serves one.
  6. ?????
  7. PROFIT!

How to Prepare Ramen if you're a weeaboo fag

  1. Open Package, carefully because it's SUPER KAWAII JAPANESE FOOD!!!!11one.
  2. Place the Japanese dry noodles into your Japanese bowl and put in mizu(it means water ~ kawaii nippon neko desu ;3) and put it in your Japanese microwave for 3 Japanese minutes while munching on some Japanese pocky.
  3. Put in the Japanese flavor powder in the water before putting it in the japanese microwave and carefully because it's very atsui(it means hot ~ sony naruto pocky nintendo desu ^_^)
  4. take the Japanese noodles out of the Japanese microwave and eat the japanese noodles.
  5. Eat it like the Kawaii Japanese anime characters do with sugoi chopsticks from spechell kawaii Sega happy animeland.
  6. ????
  7. PROFIT No, you don't profit, dammit!

How to Prepare Ramen if You Have Pica Disorder

  1. Open package.
  2. Remove dry noodles and flavoring from the package.
  3. Throw away said noodles and flavoring.
  4. Eat packaging.
  5. ????
  6. ...?????

How to Prepare Ramen if you're a Jew

  1. Open package.
  2. Remove dry noodles and flavor packet from said package
  3. Put water in a metal pot until it boils
  4. Put dry noodles in said metal pot
  5. Wait
  6. Eat said noodles
  7. Sell flavor packet to gentile
  8. ????

Nutritional information

A serving of Ramen has the following nutritional information:

People who have lived on ramen in one part of their life

Faguto's favorite food


Notice on the Ramen in a Cup


Despite the instructions, you may cook it in the microwave. Just put some paper towels under it for when it inevitably boils over. Only problem is the Styrofoam releases hazardous chemicals, like benzene, titanium, and arsenic when microwaved, and you might end up dying, or growing man-boobies or tentacles after eating this stuff for a while. It doesn't affect the flavor though. You should only care if you're a hippie.

Some scientists have argued that the chemicals released from the Styrofoam container may lead to anti-lulz if inhaled for extended periods of time. Notable figures who have become infected by extreme anti-lulz syndrome include Oprah the talk show Niggrah.

Notice the extra, abnormal toe that we all know should not be there...ever. Because of this perversion of nature, Oprah was forced to quit her talk show and become an employee at the Ramen factory where she must do the work dealing with electro-ejaculating the corpses of Ethiopian refugees which is the primary ingredient in beef flavored Ramen.

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AcrotomophiliaAquaphiliaArborphiliaAudiophiliaAutogynephiliaBalloon FetishBestialityCarmen Electra complexCross DressingDollfiliaEmetophiliaEmosexualityEproctophiliaFatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • FetishismFoot FetishFurniture PornFurrismGoo girlGuroHeterophiliaHomophiliaInflation FetishJapanophiliaJungle FeverLesbian pedophiliaLotion PlayMacrophiliaMaiesiophiliaMechanophiliaMpregNecrophiliaObjectophiliaOedipial ComplexParaphiliaPedophiliaPlushophiliaPregnant LoliPregnophiliaQuicksand FetishRangerphiliaSpectrophiliaStatuephiliaTrichophiliaVoraphiliaWet and Messy FetishismWetlookXenophiliaYellow feverZoophilia


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See also:

American Psychiatric AssociationAngerASMRChild abuseConscienceDreamsDSMElan SchoolEnlightenmentIntelligenceLobotomyMary BellPsychiatristySerial KillersTake the meat bridgeThe Law of ConformityTrigger Warning