Radiohead is a shitty band from England that only whiny indiefags, angsty /mu/tants and emos like. They have recently gathered a large following of dedicated fans who will defend them at all costs. Because they take a more open mind to understand the true brilliance of their music, they often attract elitist faggots who, when you say that you don't like a Radiohead song or album, will lose their shit and tell you how ignorant you are, and that you will never understand the brilliance of Radiohead.
In the year of 1985 A.D., some brits by the names of Thom Yorke, Johnny Greenwood, his incestuous brother Colin Greenwood, House lookalike Ed O'Brian, and Phil Selway. They were at first a total Smiths ripoff, but when Nirvana's Nevermind was released, they decided to do grunge, and released the failed abortion named Pablo Honey. People hated Pablo Honey so much that even the band members said it was shit (That means you should go on non-Pablo Honey Radiohead songs and praise Pablo Honey)
Pablo Honey was shat out in 1993, this was the first album of the cancer we now know as Radiohead. This album sold about 4 copys and were all immediately returned to where ever they came from. The cover of Pablo Honey shows a picture of a Creepy Black and white baby inside a flower. In this album Thom Yorke rambles on about, how much he wants to be Jim Morrison and how much of a Creep he is.
The Bends / OK Computer
After Pablo Honey was shat out back in 1993, they decided to make a semi decent album for a change, and The Bends was made, where Thom rambles on about the sixties and plastic piss-stained trees. Unlike Pablo Honey, people actually liked it, but it sold like, 10 copies, and no one other than music critics gave two fucks. Then, Thom thought it would be so creative to incorporate electronics into their shitty music, so they made OK Computer. Bricks were shat, copies were sold, and the nightmares had become true, Radiohead was actually fucking popular. So popular that they even got a movie about OK Computer and it's accompanying tour!
And the glorious piece of shit Kid A was born, and it might just have been be the most cancerous thing ever made if it wasn't for Pablo Honey. In this album we are given the glorious piece of crap, that crawled out of the deepest darkest corner of hell, THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. The foundation for this song is a crap bass loop Thom Yorke wrote all by himself when he was just a young boy.
And GIFs were made...
King of Limbs
This absolute piece of shit was shoved out by the united asses of Radiohead squeezing their anus so hard that this turd bounced when it hit the shelves. In this desperate attempt for attention, Radiohead did what every modern band has been doing for years; making every song sound the same. In this album, we have lovely hits such as Morning Mr. Magpie, Morning Mr. Magpie, Morning Mr. Magpie, Staircase aka Morning Mr. Magpie and of course. Morning Mr. Magpie. Although you might find it hard to tell the difference since they all sound the same. We also see the dancing talents of Thom Yorke, whilst being tased by the guitarist Jonny Greenwood. Although this album is cancerous it still doesn't compare to the one true cancer that is Pablo honey.
A Moon shaped Pool
After failing to become a full-on sellout by getting a song they made into the lastest James Bond movie and when people thought that Radiohead wouldn't be more pretentious, they released in the current year an album where half of it was just rehashed old material they hyped in some cases for almost two decades. In order to get the attention of their groupies and clickbait media, they resorted to the old cheap trick of delete fucking everything in their social networks, which attained the desired effect of making the hipsters wet and then issue the lazy effort that is this record.
Apart from a pretentious Camberwick Green-style ripoff video plagiarizing that Nicolas Cage remake of a shitty British horror film and another video of Thom invading others people properties while he missed his ex-gf, the album is just the proof of any rock band that needs to pay their taxes and their related expenditures and for that reason, they're pushed to do gigs playing songs they don't like to people they don't want to meet. Also they did Creep for the first time in over a decade, which still gets audiences cumming themselves.
Miley Cyrus gets buttfucked
Miley, like the bratty little cunt she is, got extremely butthurt and decided she now hates Radiohead because they didn't come to her room. She got so butthurt that she decided to rant on them in interviews, and the man himself got in on the fiasco.
How Radiohead Treat Their Fans
Radiohead is officially 100% Haram
Some hipsters of a record store called Velvet IndieGround in Istanbul thought it was a good idea to throw and chill out with some beer along the sounds of the new Radiohead album. The problem was that they did it on the day of one of the bullshit lunar goddess holidays the sandniggers observe, Ramadan.
In that holy festivity,
muslims pedophile goatfuckers refrain from eating and drinking during daylight hours for a whole month and for them is serious business, to the point that even if you are not a muslim, you should observe it as well.
So these Radiohead fans experimented first hand (as if the ISIS bombings in Turkey didn't do the trick before), why you should stop messing with the practitioners of the Religion of Peace™ when they told you clearly that drinking alcohol and listen to Radiohead are things you shouldn't do, because it makes the Prophet (pbuh) shed tears. And of course, they will kindly compel you to stop doing it in the most calm and pacific method, just like Omar Mateen patiently told the people of the Pulse bar in Orlando to stop committing sodomy.
- is because you're a Fucking white male full of privilege
- and bigoted islamophobic prejudices against peaceful and moderate muslims
After Radiohead being declared unislamic, they only issued a cold and detached statement as they are savy by not going on tour to those god forsaken places nor caring to their fans there.
—Radiohead, not realizing that the only solution to islamic violence is nuclear holocaust
How To Troll Radiohead Fans
- Ask them to point out a bad Radiohead song.
- Refer to Thom Yorke as Thommy.
- Point out that Jonny Greenwood has a humongous jawline, fish lips and speaks with a lisp.
- For bonus points, use the above as evidence to conclude that Jonny Greenwood is Jewish and likely a Mossad agent.
- Intentionally refer to Phil Selway as Phil Mitchell.
- State that Coldplay's Chris Martin and Muse's Matt Bellamy are better songwriters than Thom Yorke.
- Say that Muse's Matt Bellamy is a better guitar player than Jonny Greenwood or Ed O'Brien.
- Say that any guitar player in rock history is a better guitar player than Jonny Greenwood or Ed O'Brien.
- Refer to Ed O'Brien as "the useless one" or "the tea boy".
- Describe the Ondes Martenot as a primitive shitbox used exclusively by gay hipsters.
- State that Creep was their only good song. For bonus points, state that Paranoid Android and Karma Police were shit.
- Criticise and leave bad reviews for various Radiohead live shows due to Creep not being played.
- State that your favorite Radiohead album is Parachutes.
- Refer to Radiohead as a one-hit wonder.
- Accuse Radiohead of being corporate sellouts. Cite Pablo Honey and Spectre as evidence.
- Say that all of their albums suck.
- Praise Pablo Honey for its outstanding contribution to 90s grunge, and refer to Radiohead as "the British Nirvana".
- Criticise and downvote Kid A for having random lyrics pulled out of a hat.
- Say that Thom Yorke has an whiny voice.
- Say that Thom Yorke is an ugly, miserable cunt who needs to fix his disgusting teeth and his wonky eye.
- State that Thom Yorke is high-functioning autistic.
- State that Thom Yorke is a naive idiot who lives in a bubble and knows nothing about politics, morality or the real world.
- Say that Thom Yorke is anything other than perfection.
- State that Miley Cyrus was right to hate on Radiohead for not visiting her.
- State that any band at all is better than Radiohead, including Milli Vanilli.
- Use The National Anthem as backing music on YouTube adverts for a right-wing, nationalist, highly segregationist political party.
- State that Radiohead were hugely inspired and influenced by any or all of the following bands:
- My Chemical Romance
- Atoms for Peace
- Green Day
- State that Radiohead are a Muse ripoff and/or tribute band.
- Tell them that you prefer any album over OK Computer / Kid A / Amnesiac / In Rainbows.
- Not having a Tumblr account.
- Make a video saying how much Radiohead sucks. For bonus points, pronounce Thom's name wrong while playing a Radiohead song in the background.
- Show them this page.
How to write a Radiohead song
- 1. Snort enough lines of xanax until you are completely void of all emotion
- 2. Strum two chords
- 3. Fly like Peter Pan
- 4. ????????????????
- 5. Profit?!
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|Featured article May 5 & 6, 2013|