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Merge-arrows.gif It has been suggested that this article should be merged with Germany. To find out moar, spam the goddamn talk page.
AOVENS.jpeg This shit country needs cleaning up
Somebody should do something about it.

Poland is shittiest country in the world.

Poland is a little and uninteresting country in Europe and is widely known for being among the most conquerable countries in the world. However, Poland is also known for steroids, and their filthy Jews. Poland is renowned for having the world's most hideous women second to Australia's Aborigineses, or whatever they're called, and right above Zimbabwe. Most real Christians view Poland as completely irrelevant because Jesus had never traveled there-- as, nowhere in the country, can you find twelve wise men or a virgin. The nation is known as a buffer zone between good and evil, referring to the neighboring nations of Germany and Russia (you decide which is which). Poland is also well known for its citizens who are capable of shape shifting. Throughout the last thousand years its borders have changed frequently as it has been pwned repeatedly by surrounding nations, and due to severe butthurt disappeared off the face of the earth for almost 200 years.


A tourist admires scenic Poland.

For most of its unremarkable history Poland existed as a fairly large, aspie nation, occasionally licking Russian, Tatar, Scandinavian, and German ass. Poland was known for its bad judgment in exporting white trash of all kinds. They all fucked one another like there was no tomorrow and produced tons of beautiful blue-eyed babies that now grace every brothel west of Berlin.

So Germany - overrun by fugly, smartarsed Jews and fugly, shit-thick Frauleins - became jealous and wanted in on all the fun. Invading Polackistan with Panzers only slightly less fragile than the indigenous blart, ze Germans triggered the raid known to oldfags as "World War II" and all so they could adopt those beautiful blond, blue eyed babies, kill the fugly Jews and leave the remains of the lumpen-Lebensraumer locals to kill each other off fighting over the last of the cabbages (the winnar, in an appalling example of troll's remorse, later being made Pope).

Without the Jews raping and jewing the nation's industry, currency, government, infrastructure, and all the other things of civilized life, Poland instead chose to become an Hero by bending over and opening up for Big Brother. Since replacing the Kremlin with the Vatican and joining the European Union, Poland's primary exports are now Meth, plasterers and Visa whores.

Thus there are, unsurprisingly, few Polish people now left in Poland. The least-retarded fucked off to America or Britain several years ago; the rest of this proud nation of illiterate, superstitious, bigoted alcoholics now prefer mooching off Britain with its fantastic economy and bone idle natives.

Indeed, by the 21st century, it had become clear, even to the Polish president and his entire government, that emigration was a wise choice. Taking the decision to fly to Britain, issues with being able to navigate led them into a tree in Russia.


An example of a danger which people must look out for

There are currently 11.7 million Polack plumbers living in England. 38,860,000 in Poland. 10,024,711 in the USA. And about another 10 million in the rest of Europe.

It is a common misconception that "jokes" about the stupidity and criminality of Polish people were invented by the Nazis as propaganda. Research has shown that most Polish jokes have a basis in historical truth, and the reason so many were spread by the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany was simply because they had the most experience in dealing with Polacks.

These "jokes" are in fact a treasured part of Polish oral tradition, literature and history. The stories have been passed down from grandparents to children over hundreds of years, and few people inside Poland are capable of understanding what's so funny about them.

In 1939 Germany helped Poland get rid of its retards, handicapped, gypsies, homosexuals, and Jews. This initiative was at first welcomed, until they realized that most Pollacks qualify as clinically retarded. Historians believe that the Holocaust could have lasted up to 34 years if Germany had tried to free Poland from the burden of mental defectives.

Politics and Governance

For a time, Poland was ruled by identical twins, Jarosław and Lech Kaczyński, who were prime minister and president respectively. This was considered a good thing by the people of Poland because that way they only had to remember one guy's face. It also enabled the two brothers to get up to all sorts of zany, Parent Trap-esque shenanigans at cabinet meetings which brought lulz to all. Sadly, it was not to last as Lech Kaczyński was killed in a plane crash in 2010.

Currently, the Polish political stage is divided between the following parties:

  • Civic Platform: a group of German politicians unable to return to their homeland, due to Polish plumbers stealing their cars. They move around on a platform towed by a Honda Civic. Thanks to their apathy towards witch-burning (or anything other than earing money for new cars) they gained a lot of liberal votes and won presidential elections last Thursday.
  • Law and Justice: a far right party led by two one twin midgets and inspired by a TV show about a crime-fighting priest (hence the name). It is known for hatred for trees, Europeans, progress, planes and Russian airports.
  • Polish People's Party: this party exist only to eliminate stupid people's votes from the election results.

Polish Military

Typical Polish tank.

Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info: You Forgot Poland.

The Polish Air Force is in possession of 200 assault kites and 5 parachutes that will only open on impact. Poland also acquired 100 brand new F-16 jet fighters but only half of them made it to Poland (the rest sank in the ocean).

The Polish Land Forces, with badly trained soldiers and outdated weaponry and vehicles, are a the definition of fail, most notable for getting pwnt in World Wars Episode II: Poland getting owned by Soviets and Nazis.

The Polish Navy is one of the most feared navies in the world. It has a fleet of a couple hundred outdated Soviet ships, modified with transparent bottoms so sailors can look at the old Polish navy. Its fleet of 9,001 screendoor submarines is considered unbeatable.

Polish Navy men are no longer given the option to be buried at sea due to the high loss of life involved in digging the graves.


Poland is a popular tourist spot, especially among the Germans, who have been visiting it regularly for over 9,000 years, usually choosing to stay for at least 100 years. Renowned German painter and philosopher Adolf Hitler loved the country so much that he built a concrete summer cottage and several summer camps there. However, the cottage was vandalized in 1945 by drunken Russians, and all the camps except for one were destroyed by drunken British tourists, who were so bombed on Polish vodka that they bombed the camps for major lulz. The one surviving camp was turned into a boring, gloomy museum, which, because of its gloominess, is now a big hit with Jewish tourists where Stiwen Szpilberg shot "The Schindler's List".

Michael Jackson wanted to build a nightmare theme park ("Michael Jackson's Wonderland") in Poland, but dropped dead after overdosing on Propofol, Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, Midazolam, Vicodin, OxyCodone, Dilaudid, Glue, Pre-Pubescent Boy's Sperm, Dr. Murray, Cock, White Skin, Debbie, More Young Boys, and Crack. Pedo Bear apparently still wants to buy a castle in Poland and live there.


I saw an advertisement from the Polish board of tourism yesterday, it said "Visit Poland! Your car is already here!"


—A German Joke, i.e., unfunny but rude

The Polish commit crime in a similar manner to how they fight wars. Poorly and for little gain.


John Paul v2.0 was the first Marvel superpope.

Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info: The Pope.

Poland used to be 90% Catholic until last Thursday, when the Polackticians changed the tax laws, so that everyone who declared being religious had to pay 0.2% of their tax to support that religious institution. Since then, Poland is 3% Catholic, 8% Mormon and 100% Moron

The previous version of the Pope was made in Poland. John Paul II (real name: Szczebrzeszyniarz Brzeczyszczyczmoszyski) became a face many successful meme images and after a while, JP v2.0 gave up his job to his Nazi lover, Darth Benedict.


Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info: Alcoholism.

The most popular sport in Poland is the Polish triathlon which includes going to the public pool on foot and returning home by bike. In many cases, wasted Polacks climb shit for no goddamn reason, as well as fuck their shit up.


Poland is world renowned for its rich and beautiful cultural heritage, which is expressed through traditional Polish music.

The heartfelt ballad above about the priorities of young males in contemporary Polish society is arguably one of the finest examples of Polish music.

Tourist information

This Magical Elixir is what brought Germany down.


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Tits or GTFO

Polish girls happen to have exceptional mammaries, thus warranting Poland's existence as a country. busty.pl happens to document this phenomenon quite exceptionally. It's a shame their asses are flat.

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See Also

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Featured article September 14, 2021
Preceded by
Poland Succeeded by
Norm MacDonald