Nibiru/Planet Nine

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Nibiru attacks!!!!!!

Nibiru is the name of a completely fictitious planet lurking in the outer solar system, with an orbit of 3,600 years, on which some crackpot claimed nephilim-like creatures live, and which is supposedly going to rendezvous with the Earth any day soon and usher in a new age or some kinda shit. The evidence for this consists entirely of poorly-photographed skies and misunderstood lens-flares, rather than any actual science. Needless to say, everyone in the internet's conspirasphere believes wholeheartedly in the truth of this nonsense and keeps up-to-date with the latest ludicrous 'evidence'. It is also used by christfags to "prove" the bible and attempt to get laid which is what will never happen to them.

Planet Nine is the provisional name of a real planet lurking in the outer solar system, with an orbit of 10-20,000 years, for which there is some scientific evidence (sorry, Pluto). If it exists, its orbit would take it through the various debris fields at the outskirts of the solar system, potentially disturbing huge icy chunks of rock to fall inward toward the Sun. Strangely enough, there has been a dramatic increase in sightings of huge meteors burning up in Earth's atmosphere, one of which actually fell on an Iranian town. Needless to say, no-one cares.


Completely sane: Nancy Lieder
This Sumerian deity is appalled at Sitchin's faggotry
Still taking the tablets: Zecheria Sitchin

The origin of the Nibiru rigmarole was some crank back in the 1970s, called Zecheria Sitchin, who wrote a book about the so-called 12th Planet, based on his own special interpretation of the millennia-old junk left by the ancient Sumerians. Pluto was still a planet at the time, but please don't concern yourself with what happened to the 10th and 11th planets, since that would be to expect a level of coherency which is glaringly lacking in this saga.

Pleased with public response, Mr Sitchin wrote a series of follow-ups ("The Return of the 12th Planet"; "The 12th Planet Strikes Again"; "What the 12th Planet Did Next", et al). Eventually he ran out of LSD and back issues of Popular Astronomy magazine, and the typewriter shop refused to extend him credit on new ink-ribbons, so he turned to brewing moonshine and waiting for the internet to be invented.

The cudgels were taken up by a Sitchin fantard in 1995, who claimed she had received a microchip in her brain from the Daleks or somesuch. Naturally, this put her in touch with God, and God kindly warned her that the world would undergo a dramatic upheaval due to a pole-reversal and lengthened orbit caused during the arrival of Planet Nibiru on May 27, 2003.

The retard who started all this tomfoolery (one Nancy Lieder) claimed that the arrival of the Hale-Bopp Comet in early 1997 was a harbinger of the arrival of Planet Nibiru, which any day now would surely descend upon the unsuspecting Earth, causing calamity and misfortune on a global scale. This did not in fact happen.

Nevertheless, Ms Lieder had her dog euthanised in order to spare him the trauma of living on a planet in turmoil, although she later claimed that it was because he had been acting aggressively. She did not specify whether this aggression was caused by the animal's ability to sense impending planetary disasters.

She also said that her 'May 27, 2003' prediction was a 'white lie' to throw the authorities off the scent, so that they would have insufficient time to implement Martial Law. She did not specify how giving a date that was too early would prevent the authorities from implementing Martial Law at a subsequent date.

Since the Nibiru prophecy had failed spectacularly this naturally led to increased speculation about when it would come true.

In 2010, Zecheria Sitchin died, protesting to the end that the planet he had theorised would not behave the way Ms Lieder and her acolytes insisted it would.

Eventually, the world's finest minds decided that the prediction was a decade out and that Nibiru would surely show in 2012, in time to bring about the Mayan End of Days, because of course the fucking ancient South Americans and the ancient Arabs would have collaborated on this astronomical project despite being separated by the Atlantic Ocean. When this 2012 deadline passed without any noticeable apocalypse or other epochal events of the like, Ms Lieder declared that the encounter would take place in 2014. Do I need to go on?

Nibiru evidence

Who could possibly argue with the amazing facts as they are laid out in this gallery?

Well, the answer to that question is 'a six-year old could'.

There is obviously no law of physics or optics that would prevent a mystery planet said to be four times the mass of Earth from wandering aimlessly around the inner solar system, appearing at random positions in the sky, sometimes disappearing completely, sometimes sneaking up on us, other times retreating, and all the while presenting a full disc to observers (unlike other planets, which display boring old crescent phases when light falls on them from different angles), and without at any time disrupting the orbit of any of the planets or even the fucking MOON and thereby throwing the tides into very noticeable disarray.

Planet Nine

Meanwhile, not very far away...

In 2016, it was announced that disturbances in the orbits of the outer planets of the solar system (oh, and dwarf planets too: sorry, Pluto) indicated that a large planet, possibly as large as fucking Neptune, was lurking out in the vastness of space, and only swinging by every 10-20,000 years. Given the distance from the Sun to which Planet Nine's orbit takes it, it has to pass through the outer fringe of the Kuiper Belt, known as the 'scattered disk', every time it returns towards the Sun.

This suburb of the Solar System is also home to the icy rocks that become comets when they get nudged out of orbit. (Out of the 21 bright comets observed since 2011, 14 appeared during the first ten months of 2016, but this is doubtless just an interesting statistical fluke).

The math is TL;DC (Too Long; Didn't Calculate) but it's pretty good and now every boffin with a decent telescope is peering into the mysteries of the cosmos, hoping to spot Nibi... I mean, Planet Nine, out there among the Bbillions and Bbillions of stars, asteroids, and discarded astronaut diapers. Did I just say the word 'asteroids'? Think no more of it.

Vids: Unrelated




See also

Nibiru, disguised as Planet Nine, yesterday

External links

Twitter-favicon.png nancylieder1 Nibiru news from Nancy, e.g.: "EMP from Nibiru is on the increase, downing airplanes, speeding trains, and giving woozies" (24 Nov 2015)

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