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Necrophilia is where a living person has a strong desire to crack open a cold one, it probably also qualifies as some variety of faggotry, though we're really not sure on this one. Necrophiliacs or "necrosexuals" are by tolerant groups seen as victims of the breathing majority's patriarchy, and often referred to as "people with non-animated partners". It is completely natural. In fact, my child is a necrosexual and I'm so proud that he's finally out. It is a tradition most proudly practiced by Japanese people.

Necrophilia brings a completely new meaning to the phrase "It's always good to crack open a cold one." However, some others, known as "somnophilics" will make do with an unconscious bitch. It is convenient, as it requires no money, you can still get put in jail depending on how you do it though.

NB, the correct term for someone with this natural sexual orientation is "Necrophiliac", rather than the popular but incorrect "Necrophile".

Who are they?

It is mostly common within Christian circles (especially Catholicism), and is frowned upon, even illegal in most places of the world except Utah and Japan. But hey, in some parts of the United States, it's only a misdemeanor. Enjoy!

Case study

Not a shoop

Mr X was a British TV personality, disc jockey and hospital volunteer. In the course of his volunteer work over two decades, Mr X gained access to the hospital morgue, where he found ample time to indulge this aspect of his personality.

A former nurse told investigators: "He was saying that they used to put the bodies together, male and female, and he also said that they took photographs and also that he got involved in some of the photographs … I was a little bit upset because I had no concept, in those days, of necrophilia. Several of the Broadmoor patients would have been diagnosed with that, but I didn't fully understand what it meant, and partway through I just wandered off."

"(Mr X) talked about gamaroosh ... It means oral sex ... that he, he would go down on them and gamaroosh and muck about."

Another witness said: "I looked at his hands and he had these gross, big silver rings with bulbous things and I sort of went, 'Yes, mm,' always be polite to your superstar, 'Yes, (Mr X).' And he said: 'D'you know what they are? They are glass eyes from dead bodies in Leeds mortuary where I work and I love working there, and I wheel the dead bodies around at night and I love that.'"


With regard to Mr X's sexual history, Dr Jennifer Bolton wrote: "A degree of posing [of corpses] would be possible with some support of the body in the pre-rigor mortis phase and by the simple laying of one body on top of another once rigor mortis was fully established."

"It would be possible to manipulate the body to some extent alone by exploiting the effects of rigor mortis but it would be more easily attained if more than one individual was involved."

Gender differentials

Karen's "come to bed" eyes
The next generation

On December 21, 1979, a young woman was found in a comatose state in an abandoned hearse in Sierra County, CA. She had overdosed on Tylenol and left an extensive suicide note. However, she survived, demonstrating yet another thing that women can't do right, and the contents of her intended last testimony catapulted her to stardom when it was found that despite having written a confession that she had sexually interfered with the dead body whose hearse she had hijacked, and many others, she couldn't be prosecuted because California had no law against necrophilia.

Her name is Karen Greenlee AKA "The Unrepentant Necrophile", (born 1956) and she offers a glimpse into the lifestyles of the lesser-spotted female necrophiliac.

For obvious reasons, most necrophiliacs are men. It is estimated that female practitioners account for just one in ten cases. Ms Greenlee explains that she always knew she was attracted to death, arranging elaborate funerals for deceased housepets when she was a child. By adulthood, this had expanded to encompass her perception of the "odor of death" as an erotic stimulation, and she sought out employment in funeral homes and morgues where she found ample satisfaction. And she found that she was part of a shadowy underworld of corpse-fuckers that infests the funerary profession, living in constant arousal from their private proximity to the dead and in constant fear of being caught (which happens fairly often).

Ms Greenlee explained: "People have this misconception that there has to be penetration for sexual gratification, which is bull! The most sensitive part of a woman is the front area anyway and that is what needs to be stimulated. Besides, there are different aspects of sexual expression: touchy-feely, 69, even holding hands. That body is just lying there, but it has what it takes to make me happy. The cold, the aura of death, the smell of death, the funereal surroundings, it all contributes."

However, Ms Greenlee proved that she did have some standards, stating for the record that although she loved dead bodies, she drew a sensible line regarding her turn-on: "I enjoy embalming and everything. Except for obese people. The bodies I hated working on most were obese people. 'Specially if they'd been autopsied. Their guts would slide out on the floor and shit ... and all this melty fat. Yeeeech!"

Mating behavior in juveniles

Last Thursday three upstanding youths, who were unable to get any pu55y through traditional means, embarked on a magical adventure to their local cemetery.

Their distinguished leader had previously been skimming the local obituaries (which are sort of like the classifieds section, but better) and noticed a suitable mate. Being a Nice Guy, he offered to share her with his twin brother and BFF.

The trio, being responsible practitioners of safe sex, made sure to stop and procure some condoms. They made progress digging up the sexy corpse, but being ignorant white trash they were unaware of the modern custom of enclosing coffins in a concrete vault (which works as a chastity belt for the dead people).

Giving up like a bunch of pussies upon seeing the concrete, the three headed back home, but on the way there got pwnt by cops. Their addresses can be found here.

False reporting rate

Donate your sexual organs with peace of mind

Precise figures for incorrect charges of necrophilia are difficult to establish, owing to the various legal categories that such activities are classified under in different jurisdictions and the fact that the partner in such activity is unable to tell law enforcement officials whether or not they consented. For these reasons, a "Necrocard" has been produced, analogous to an organ donation card, for consenting adults to signify their willingness to enter into sexual relations after their death.

In one prominent case from 2012, an innocent 40-year-old Swedish woman named only as 'Helena' was wrongfully arrested, tried on trumped-up charges of 'disturbing the peace of the dead', and sentenced to 85 days in prison. She went on to mount a successful appeal against her conviction, claiming 1.5million Swedish Krona in damages and compensation, and was awarded the magnificent sum of $5,000 for having been the subject of worldwide disgust, odium, and contempt during a case that had attracted international attention.

Police had uncovered numerous human remains in her flat, and jumped to the totally unjustified conclusion that there was something unhealthy going on. In fact, 'Helena' stated under oath that she was just 'a bit of an odd bird' and was able to demonstrate that she had purchased her skeletons via the internet. So that's all right then.


[[brb, morgue][I Am a Necrophiliac (And So Can You!)]]

I: Introduction

Very few text files have been written regarding the sexual tendencies and practices of necrophiliacs. While most people would prefer to believe that we do not exist-we most certainly do-as is obvious to anyone who visits a cemetery during our nightly rampages.

Necrophiliacs prefer to go about their business alone; sharing is not a part of this alternative lifestyle as the corpse usually wears out fairly quickly. This is not to say that the occasional orgy involving four or five necrophiliacs and about a dozen or so corpses does not occur, but it is very rare.

In this file I will describe common (and some uncommon) techniques, which necrophiliacs use to gain satisfaction from their stiff partners. Hopefully these vivid descriptions will encourage you to go out to your local cemetery and to join our ranks!

II: Finding a Partner

Finding a partner for your necrophiliac activities is definitely the hardest part. You not only have to gain access to the corpse but you also have to find one, which suits your tastes. Granted, some necrophiliacs would screw road kill if given the chance but most of us are more discriminating. Your chances depend upon where you pick up your date.

If you have access to a morgue it would definitely be your best bet as the corpses there are usually the freshest and have not yet been treated for burial. They may be a bit chilly because they've been lying in the meat locker for days but that really shouldn't make a big difference to the determined necrophiliac.

Cemeteries are a bit harder to deal with as finding a screwable corpse is harder to do. However, if you know how to interpret signs this shouldn't be a problem. If a grave consists of a mound of fresh dirt and is covered with flowers, chances are that the stiff hasn't been lying there for too long.

Rotting flowers on the mound usually hint to the state of the corpse as well. Some people are exclusively into 'porking the bone', i.e. sex with skeletons. In this case you can dig up almost any grave and hope that the inhabitant hasn't yet disintegrated into dust. Try to scope out a fairly secluded cemetery for your passions unless you like a sense of danger to go along with the sex.

Having anyone catch you in the act is NOT fun, and if you're picked up by a cop chances are that you won't be able to screw anything but Bubba behind bars for the next few decades. People are generally not understanding of the necrophiliac lifestyle, so it will probably be a long time before we can come out of the closet.

III: Preparation

Depending upon where you are at this point you'll have either a little or a lot of work to do. The person in the morgue will obviously have to do little more than to open the locker, pull the corpse out and bang away.

If you're one of the cemetery people you'll have more work to do. An experienced necrophiliac is always equipped with the bare essentials: a shovel, Vaseline and a box of rubbers.

Why the shovel is needed should be obvious, but if the ground is hard then you might need more equipment to dig up your date. Vaseline is used to loosen the corpse up a bit. This makes it less likely for a body part to break off while you're having fun and it also prevents your dick from becoming too irritated while screwing the dried out pussy.

The BOX of condoms is used to play it safe; no necrophiliac should be without it. You never know which STDs your partner had during his/her lifetime, and believe me; it doesn't get any better after the person dies. You can put on more than one rubber for extra protection if it is warranted, but screwing a corpse without protection is just plain stupid unless you want to be the next date for a necrophiliac.

If you're in a cemetery try to drag the corpse out of the grave and behind a bush or to another secluded place. Pumping away in the grave may seem more convenient, but it's a severe disadvantage to you if you need to take off in a hurry. Sometimes the corpse is too fragile to be moved; in that case make it fast. Or just break off the head, hand or lower torso and take it with you for added convenience.

Part IV: Techniques

So now you've got a stiff lying seductively in front of you, but you have no idea how to start. How you proceed from this point onward really depends upon what kind of person you are. The corpse will last longer if you treat it gently and with care, but if you prefer to go all out you'll probably receive greater satisfaction.

There are many differences between screwing a live and a dead person which one needs to be aware of. Firstly, a corpse will never tell you to "get off of it" if you're being a bit rough and it will never complain no matter what "kinky sexual practices" you may employ.

Screwing a corpse is also much more predictable because you can raise an arm, leg or whatever and it will still be in that position when you reach for it again. Take the arms and gently lock them in an embrace behind your back, or spread the legs to make sex a bit easier.

If you want a great blowjob then lubricate your partner's mouth, lock it to your preferred width, insert and go for it. Although there's no tongue stimulation it's still worthwhile, and it's also safer than conventional sex.

Corpses can also be recycled if treated properly. If you're a proficient embalmer you can keep a corpse for over five years if it has been properly embalmed. That's free sex whenever you want it! You naturally don't want to be too rough with an embalmed corpse because they are more fragile.

One final advantage of screwing corpses is that they are always in abundance. Based upon your sexual preferences you can designate a cemetery or a morgue as your territory and always find fresh partners to screw. Plus you don't have to resort to cheesy pickup lines or spend all your money in order to get a date.

Necrophilia is a passion, which is cheaply satisfied.

V: Conclusion

I hope that this text file will encourage you to go out and try necrophilia. Not many people do it, but that's precisely what makes it so much fun; it makes you feel special! If no living person would touch you with a 10- foot pole then try having sex with a corpse! Some of them are real beauties and it's an experience you'll never forget.

There is no greater experience for a virgin than having his/her virginity taken by a corpse.

Anyways, have fun and if you have any experiences you'd like to share then by all means do! Maybe necrophilia will enter the mainstream because of your efforts. Here is an educational film to help you get started.

Theme Song

I guess I should have known with a girl arriving in a hearse, that it wouldn't last
But I'm the kind of person who believes in makin' out once love 'em and leave 'em fast
I guess I must be dumb because you were pumped up with formalin leaking out from all your tubes
But it was Saturday night, and I guess that makes it all right and I say - "what have I got to lose?"

My honey's a Little Dead Brunette her body is really hot
Little Dead Brunette and her body is still pretty warm

I guess I should have closed my eyes when I drove you to the place where your incisions came apart
Cuz I felt a little ill when I saw all the pieces coming loose lungs liver and heart
Believe it or not, I started to worry I wondered if I was gonna hurl
But it was Saturday night, I guess that makes it all right whisper Maybe we'll meet in the next world
Oh yeah!

Little Dead Brunette your body is really hot (Yes it is!)
Little Dead Brunette your body's still warm so let's take our shot

A body like yours ought to be in jail cuz it's on the verge of being obscene
Move over baby, I'll tape you up right I'll put life into your little dead love machine

Little Dead Brunette honey gotta keep it together
Little Dead Brunette cuz if you don't, I'm gonna run this dead brunette right into the ground
Little Dead Brunette right down into the ground
Little Dead Brunette you're coolin' much too fast, too fast
Need to make some love that's gonna last!

Girl, you've got an ass so smooth, it's like it's waxed
And the ride I say the ride is so soft, you feel totally relaxed



  • Necrofag/necrodyke: Possessors of a double perversion.
  • Pyrophile: Enjoys watching partner burn to death. Christian pyrophiles wait until their wedding night, where they usually soak their partner in petrol and torch them, masturbating furiously until they climax before shooting themselves in the head.
  • Neo-necro: See W.
  • Abortophile: Becomes erect exclusively when watching female partner have a miscarriage. Only gets laid bi-annually. Popular among Something Awful's writers.
  • Necrofurry: Fucks dead deer.
  • Necropedophile: Faps to dead children.
  • Japanese

See Also

If you find this more tempting than a nightclub, you probably agree with the statement 'Romance is dead'

Known Necrophiliacs

External Links

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See also:

American Psychiatric AssociationAngerASMRChild abuseConscienceDreamsDSMEnlightenmentIntelligenceLobotomyMary BellPsychiatristySerial KillersTake the meat bridgeThe Law of ConformityTrigger Warning

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