My Immortal

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MyImmortal comes not to break the Potter saga, but to fulfill it.
"We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!" Actual Quote

My Immortal is the most famous, notoriously bad fan fiction ever written. Based very loosely in the Harry Potter universe and featuring the blatant Mary-Sue protagonist Ebony (or often times "Enoby"), it reads like a detailed list of everything a fanfic author could ever possibly do wrong, only taken to exaggerated, horrifying extremes. Written by super-tard Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal was originally posted to FanFiction.Net sometime in 2006, but was subsequently deleted by the FF.Net staff after causing a severe drop in the site's collective IQ. In fact, the fanfic is so unbelievably bad that many refuse to accept that it's real, insisting that Tara was only trolling and that the story is really a parody. Regardless of the author's intent, My Immortal remains one of the most cringe-worthy, unintentionally hilarious, so-bad-it's-good pieces of literature the internets have ever shat out.

Life, Death, and Rebirth of My Immortal

You have been warned.

When My Immortal originally appeared on FanFiction.Net, it was wildly popular, becoming one of the most read and reviewed works the site had ever seen. The 44-chapter epic saga was posted periodically from 2006 and 2007 under the account XXXbloodyrists666XXX. During this time, the story became a hot topic for debate amongst the fanfic community, and its popularity/infamy grew to insane levels (though most of its fans weren't so much fans as they were angry critics). Every time Tara added a new chapter, she would preface it with an author's note to tell the prepz to stop flaming her work, and also often refused to release a new chapter unless she received a given amount of positive reviews. For instance, the beginning author's note to chapter five reads:

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

On November 21st, Tara's account was hijacked by another fanfic author, who proceeded to write her own ending to the trainwreck of a story. The ending was surprisingly good, and it actually tied up many loose ends, but sadly was not canon and therefore doesn't count. This event occurred around the release of Chapter 39 of the fanfic, and the girl who jacked Gilesbie's account was kind enough to post the real Chapter 39 for all to lol at. Sometime later, Tara regained control of her account, and continued to post updates to MI until the fic was 44 chapters long. Her last update to the story came on July 5th, 2007. The story ended on a bit of a cliffhanger, but it never made any sense anyway so it doesn't really matter.

Tara then reportedly left to go vacation in England, and never released any further updates to the story. Then sometime in late 2008, FanFiction.Net had the audacity to delete the story, partially because they were having an improvement drive to keep their standards up, but mostly because they're preps and haters. The actual reasoning was something along the lines of,

Main reason for removal: "Disregard for proper language: grammar, spelling, punctuation, and etc." The above story has been removed because it violated the guideline detailed on the upload page.

Millions of netizens were shocked and appalled that The Man had taken away such a great source of lulz, so many e-heroes promptly reuploaded the story to FF.Net. It was again deleted several more times until it was finally hosted on a stable external site to ensure that the world could still follow its #1 pastime of laughing at retards. Feel free to resubmit that copy to fanfiction several hundred more times in protest.

My Immortal has since become a sort of "internet pilgrimage," a journey taken willingly by those wishing to become more at one with the lulz. It's a harsh journey, and many have fallen along the path. But if you persevere and manage to read the story the whole way through, you'll be a stronger person because of it.


To say that My Immortal has a "plot" is something of an overstatement. It's more like a loose collection of bad ideas and misspelled words centered around overly long passages about the author's fashion sense and favorite bands. The story is set in some weird, dystopian version of the Harry Potter universe where the struggle between good and evil has been replaced with an eternal struggle between "goths" and "preps," and every main character is either gothic, emo, bisexual, a weeaboo, a satanist, a vampire, or any combination of these. The story follows the protagonist Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, a 7th year student at Hogwarts who wanders around having random sex with HP emo clones and then describes her outfit for several paragraphs. That's seriously about it. Many other things happen in the story, but none of it follows any logical progression, so recounting it here would be a pointless endeavor. The story is written in randomly shifting third to first person in Ebony's perspective, since Gilesbie couldn't even bother to pretend that she wasn't writing her own personal self-insertion fantasy Mary-Sue bullshit.

The plot of My Immortal has an astounding number of problems, the least of these being that normal, Muggle bands are allowed to have frequent concerts in an all-wizard village, that the story doesn't attempt to follow any laws of physics, or that multiple passages in the story are repeated verbatim. Here's a short checklist of mistakes fanfiction authors often make when writing. Let's see if My Immortal commits any of them.

  • Spelling/Grammar/Usage Errors: Fun fact: My Immortal actually has fewer correctly spelled words than it has chapters after Raven stops editing.
  • Excessively Long Dramatic Pauses: When writing "My Immortal" Tara Gilesbie threw a standard three period ellipsis to the wind, opting for much longer, unconventional pauses. Examples - "car into……………………… the Forbidden Forrest" "It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!/Snap!/Volzemort/DUMBLYDORE!" "And den………..I gasped……………………………………… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!111111111111111"
  • Canon Rape: Are you fucking kidding? My Immortal rewrote the book on canon rape. You wouldn't even know this was a Harry Potter fanfic if somebody didn't tell you beforehand. Tara Gilesbie has been reported to have seventeen different types of canon STD's. It wouldn't be too bad if it was only minor details she got wrong (the novels say that Hogwarts is based in Scotland, however Tara insists on England, for example), but EVERY single little thing is fucked-up out of proportion.
  • OOC Characters: Stands for "Out of Character." A few quick examples - Harry is now a bisexual goth vampire with a pentagram scar, Hermione's name is now B'loody Mary Smith, and Hedwig is no longer a pet owl, but Voldemort's bisexual ex-lover.
  • Inconsistency of the Main Character: Tara slips up a few times, unable to keep her obviously delusional alter-ego separated with her real life self, having other characters call Ebony 'Tara'. A couple examples - "She said……………………… 'Tara, I see drak times are near.' She said badly. She peered into da balls." “'Good luck Tara!!!!!!!11' everyone cried." This is not to be confused with when she magically changes one of Ebony's ridiculously unnecessary middle names from 'Raven' to 'Tara'.
  • Unnecessary/Poorly Written Sex Scenes: "Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time." Even most fanfiction idiots could write a better lemon than that.
  • Overabundant Pop-Culture References: Whereas most fanfic authors work their stupid pop-culture references in subtly, Tara takes the opposite approach and actually centers her story around her favorite bands and fashion, and occasionally throws in something about the Harry Potter series.
  • Unnecessary Series Crossovers: Surprisingly, My Immortal does a fairly good job of avoiding this problem. That is, until Morty Mcfli shows up with his "blak tim machine" to save the day. Yes, Marty Motherfucking McFly from Back to the Future. Apparently, he's also now a goth and gave his Delorean a new black paint job to match the goffik nature of the story. There's also sort of a brief cameo by Tom Bombadil, of Lord of the Rings fame, except he is now just one of Voldemort's many alternate identities. NOTE: Tom Bombadil was NOT in the LOTR movies. It was a tangential filler arc in the first book. May be evidence Tara is an epic troll

But it's really impossible to capture all of the insanity of My Immortal through words. You have to read it for yourself. So, without further ado, here is the worst/best fanfiction ever written.

Viower Excretion Advisd:

Top Left Corner Bracket.png
My Immortal
Chapters 1-11
Chapters 12-22
Chapters 23-33
Chapters 34-44
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Bottom Left Corner Bracket.png Bottom Right Corner Bracket.png


An artist's interpretation of Ebony Dark'ness whatever the fuck her name is.
"He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko."
Is Albus Dumbledore gonna have to choke a bitch?

Ebony "Enoby" Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

The main character of the story, a totally GOFFIK Mary-Sue of biblical proportions. She's a 7th year Hogwarts student in Slytherin, is Draco Malfoy's girlfriend, and is also a goth, a vampire, a satanist, and a sadist. Like all Mary Sues, she's cast as perfect in every way and every other character is madly in love with her. Basically took the Mary Sue Litmus Test and checked everything.

Name Origin: Her first name, "Ebony", comes from the fact that she has black hair. Oddly enough, babies don't have hair when they are born. The origin of her first middle name, Dark'ness, is unknown but it is supposed to be from the fact that she is a "dark" character. Her next middle name, Dementia, most likely comes from the disease. The name "Raven" most likely comes from the name of Tara's friend. The last name probably came from Gerard Way. Despite her canon name being Ebony, she is very rarely referred to by it, with most references in the form of "Enoby", "Eboby" or on one memorable occasion, "Egogy". If you look carefully in Chapter 33, you might even see a peek of 'TaEbory', which is further proof she might have mixed heritage.

Appearance: Just read the first chapter. That's seriously all it's about.

Favorite Music: Ebony likes many shitty bands, and Tara is not afraid to remind her audience of this numerous times. These bands include My Chemical Romance, Good Charlotte, Green Day, Linkin Park, Marilyn Manson, Simple Plan, and pretty much any other shitty mainstream punk/pop/emo band you can think of.

I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie.



Draco Malfoy

OOC. Occasionally known as Drako or Darko, he is a bisexual, Satanist, Gothic vampire owning a My Chemical Romance broomstick who puts "his really big boy's thingy into her you-know-what" and "does it for the first time" with Enoby. He is Enoby's favourite fuck buddy throughout the majority of the fanfic. At some point he commits suicide, but does not die. And no, he does not ATTEMPT suicide. He COMMITS it.

Harry "Vampire" Potter

OOC. Is now a bisexual goth who used to date Draco. His characteristic lightning bolt scar has been changed into a pentagram with the help of Diabolo/Ron, but he always covers it up with foundation. Ebony accuses Draco of cheating on her with Vampire but ironically fucks Vampire shortly after. At one point in the story, he films Malfoy and Ebony making an amateur porno. Srsly.

B'loody Mary Smith/Hermione

OOC. After she realized that she was kidnapped as a child, and that her real last name was Smith, she was transferred to Slytherin and became a goth and a satanist. A weeaboo who spouts Japanese phrases, she is also a member of the band Bloody Gothic Rose 666, the most poser band around. But don't let that fool you, she worships Satan (aka Voldimint) just like everyone else in this clusterfuck of a story. At one point in around chapter 17, she is seen on a date with Navell, who was also kidnapped at birth and whose real parents turned out to be vampires. Navel had, just like B'loody Mary, turned goth/satanist and transferred to Slitherin upon hearing about his true lineage.

Ron "Diabolo" Weasley

Well whuddayaknow? Looks like Ron has also gotten a goffik makeover, a name change, and a house change to Slytherin. Who could've seen that one coming? He and Ginny Jenny "Darkness" Weasley are also now siblings with Crabbe and Goyle, presumably because Tara was going for the Canon Rape High Score. It's also worth mentioning that while Diablo is Spanish for Devil, a "diabolo" is actually a juggling prop.


Many of the characters like to "slit thar wrists".

OOC. Mostly known as Dumbledork/Dumbledark/Bumbledore/Dumblydore/Dumbledeor/Dubleodre/Dumbledoree/Dumbeldore/Dumbledum/Dumblehor/Dumbledore 2: the Electric Boogaloo/anything Tara feels like. Has Alzheimer's, manages to get 'kancer' and frequent headaches and curses his students to hell whenever he feels like it, "cockling" all the while. Dumblydore is also commonly known for flying on his broomstick through corridors and wearing black robes with Avril Lavigne on them. He's arguably the only cool character in the story, just for this line:





OOC. A crazed fetishist who masturbates over Enoby/Ebony/Enony/Enobby/???/profit! while simultaneously getting it on with loopy Loopin. A prep, oddly enough, considering he was the most goffick character in the books. Also considered by the author to be a pedophile, because apparently being attracted to a 17-and-a-half-year-old is now pedophilia. Sorious apparently sent him and Loopin to "Abkhazian", which experts agree is probably a Saudi Arabian pop icon. Dobby watches Loopin and Snap fuck.


OOC. Has a tendency to get a "dud-ur-so-retarded" look on his face, and recruits Enoby and Draco to kill Harry Vampire somewhere around chapter ten. He does this by giving her a piece and telling her to pop a cap in Harry's ass. Kinda makes one wonder why JKR didn't implement this in the actual series. Fuck magic, just use bullets!

Because he is a sinister villain, he speaks in fail faux Elizabethan English, using words like "thou" and "hath," which makes him sound like a genuine idiot with a speech impediment (a quality he shares with the author). Prefers wearing high heels. His past identities include "Satan" and Tom Bombadil. (Weird, because Tom Bombadil isn't in the Lord of the Rings movies, it's a book-only character, which adds to the possibility of Tara being a troll.) At one point (circa chapter 24), he was known as "Darth Valer" for no apparent reason.


Voldemort's assistant. Presumably some evil twin or scientific/majikul clone of Wormtail; however, we cannot be sure. Falls madly in love with Enoby on sight, and explodes when she says, in no short terms, to fuck off. Then the ever-compassionate vampire protagonist cries. Also he is sixteen years old.


OOC. Is no longer the school groundskeeper, but is now a student, whilst simultaneously stalking Enoby and being a pedophile. Starts off prep, but eventually pretends to be a goff.

The Bark Lord

Also known (incorrectly) as the Dark Lord or Satan. The author was nice enough to remove the ambiguity, as "My Immortal" is a story about being preppy-gothic and not actually dark or sinister in any way. Therefore, by the novels standards, The Bark Lord comes to represent PYORRRR EVAALLLLL - but not really.


Also known as Serious Blak. Vampire's jewish Godfather, who is the most powerful and terrifying force in all of fan fiction. The Dogfather commandeth and ye shall listen.

Profesor Trevolry

OOC. Professor of 'Deviation'. Has Split personality disorder of which she takes on the persona of 'Professor Sinister', a goffik half-Japanese teacher. In Chapter 24 she calls Enoby a cunt for no specific reason. She later becomes addicted to 'volxemorserum'.


Britney is a Prep and Ebony´s archenemy from Gryffindoor. The only thing Britney ever does wrong is being a Prep, besides the fact that she frees Snap from Azerbaijan. Apparently looks like a pentagram of Lindsay Lohan and Hillary Duff.

There are many other characters, each equally bizarre, but it's really just the same story each time; take a standard HP character, make him/her a bisexual goth and completely change his/her disposition. If you're interested in the other characters and the relationships between them, the below incredibly-hard-to-follow diagram tries to sort out the mess. It's useful if you'd rather not read the story, or even if you have read it and are still incredibly confused by it all. It's also all 100% accurate.

Character Diagram

My Immortal Character Diagram.jpg

Memorable Quotes

B’loody Mary was standing there. “Hajimemashite gurl.” she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do’ in japanese). “BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math.” (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)


“NOOOO PLZ!1111” Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically. I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz)


AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!




“Sire are dads have been shot!” Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. “Enoby had a vision in a dreem.”


They were going to St. Mango’s after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can’t have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz.


Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked.


"“Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio imo noto okayo!”"


Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!


“U c, Enobby,” Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes u mst find urslf 1st, k?”


“OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.


We started tiling of each other’s cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily.


I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!


“Draco please come!” he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)


"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words............ Vampire!

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"


Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,……………………….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!


“NO.” he muttered loudly.


“Yah u wouldn’t believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch.” He shook his head. “I dint even no they had a camera.”

“OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!” I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.


“What do you know, Hargrid? You’re just a little Hogwarts student!”

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“This cannot be.” Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore’s wand had shot him. “There must be other factors.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.




And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….


It was……………………………………………………Dumbledore!


B’Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. “Omfg totally lets go shopping.”

“In Hot Topic, right?” I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

“No.” My head snaped up.

‘WHAT?” my head spuin. I could not believe it. “B’Loody Mary are u a PREP?”


“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory enoby isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away.


I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.


"I luv TaEbory." he whispered sexily and den we fel aspleep lol.


I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois


“What’s wrong honey?” asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.


“Kawai.” B’loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. “Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he’s a necphilak.”

“Kawai.” I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.


“You fucking bustard!” yelled Draco at Vampire. “I want to shit next to her!1”


der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. On it said ‘1980.’


"Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."


"We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)"


"Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily."


"We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it."


"We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy."


“Konnichiwa everybody come in.” said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She’s da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes."


"I smelled happily and went into a dark room."


"Yah siriusly.” I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily."


“My name’s Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled.

“Well, I am a vampire.” I confessed.

“Really?” he whimpered.

“Yeah.” I roared.


“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.


About the Author

"Why can't I be less beautiful!?" *suicides with steak*
"What Tara Gilesbie Needs" - Sauce
bathtub scene
"I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out."

Tara Gilesbie aka XXXbloodyrists666XXX aka goffikgurl666: The girl whose terrible writing single-handedly brought the internet to its knees. Have you read the above section on Ebony Way? Good. Well, being that Tara is a suethor, her description is basically the same, minus the vampirism, magical powers, and attractiveness to the opposite sex. Tara has the strange habit of classifying the world based on three distinct groups: preps (people who like Hilary Duff, the color pink, or anything that Tara dislikes), posers (people like Avril Lavigne who pretend to be goth) and goths (people like her; morons). Tara defines herself by her goffikness. She wears goffik clothes, listens to goffik music, watches goffik movies, cuts her wrists, worships Satan, and eats Count Chocula. She's a troo hardcore goff.

Tara's last name has numerous spellings (Gilesbie/Gilespie/Gillespie/etc), since she seems incapable of even spelling that correctly on a consistent basis. She supposedly lives in Dubai or something, but is apparently able to make trips to the States every week to go shopping at Hot Topic. Tara claims that pop-punk band Good Charlotte has made a huge impact on her life, as their song, Hold On, convinced her not to commit suicide after hearing it on the radio (if you were looking for a(nother) reason to hate Good Charlotte, there ya go). She was upset at the time, because her boyfriend broke up with her, and her crush didn’t like her. She did date a (imaginary) guy called Justin, until she broke up with him and went out with some guy named Gareth Vandersleld. Tara reportedly has a little sister named Trista, who is also a goffik HP fanfic writer (profile viewable here). Like her sister, she has had all of her fanfics deleted due to severe suckage. Tara has denied that Trista is her sister, though. In actuality, it's probably just one of the innumerable trolls that have made copycat accounts. Nobody really knows. The notion that Tara lives in Dubai is also up for debate. It's all a huge mystery.

Tara has a very distinct writing style. She uses many different kinds of experimental liberties with her prose and thus can be compared to contemporary writers such as Haruki Murakami, Bret Easton Ellis, Margaret Atwood, and a chimpanzee with Down Syndrome on crack. She is also dyslexic (or DYKSELIKIC, as she puts it), which would explain why she can't spell anything correctly and writes in a weird short-hand that looks like she's typing text messages with her feet. Despite hardly being able to write in English, she also claims to have an interest in Japanese; because if you're going to be a shitty goth HP fanfic writer, you might as well be a weeaboo, too. Quite interesting is her approach to description of character and setting. She often completely ignores the little things, such as character descriptions other than fashion, where the characters are in location to their environment (wherever the hell they are!), and what certain part of the story is taking place, often times repeating events multiple times. She then go on to expound on her own overwhelming interest in fashion by describing her character's clothing, hair and makeup at great length. Tara's writing style is also characterized by its abundant use of author's notes and her horribly incorrect use of adverbs, with a particular fondness for describing actions as "sexily," "gothically," and "suicidally" (these are all real quotes, btw):

"I asked gothikally."
"Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily."
"I ran suicidally to my room nd I sexily took a steak out."

Despite her constant claims of how she's so goffik and dark, Tara is really the textbook definition of a poser. Having no idea what the term "gothic" actually means, she bases her whole personality around her love of Hot Topic, a store that couldn't be more mainstream, where spoiled suburban white kids go for their prepackaged, overpriced, fake subculture needs. Also of note is the fact that pretty much every shitty emo band she fawns over is just some variation of pop (Punk-Pop, Power-Pop, Emo-Pop, whatever). A final note on the matter is an in-text justification of Tara's secret preppiness; From Chapter 15 - "“I love you!” I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story." While Tara claims to hate Hilary Duff, she still reveals that she has seen A Cinderella Story, a movie made of sheer preppiness, and far outside her usual movie viewing habits of Tim Burton films and shitty horror flicks. Gothic? Myth busted.


Even Google says that My Immortal is the worst fanfic ever written.

One of the internet's foremost mysteries: is Tara Gilesbie trolling? Probably, but the debate has raged for years and there still isn't a satisfactory answer.

On one hand, My Immortal reads like the perfect parody of shitty fanfics, Mary Sue characters, and stupid poser goth brats. It's so bad it seems almost scientifically designed to piss people off. Never before in the history of the internet has a fanfic so vile come about by sheer accident. Also, the staggering amount of spelling errors and occasional odd glimpses of greater understanding and knowledge of literary works also cast doubt on MI's legitimacy.

However, one must also remember that Tara does seem to be a real person with a history of displaying these gothic/retarded habits, and has accounts on many websites corroborating her persona. In order for Tara to be a troll, somebody would have to actually craft the persona of "Tara Gilesbie, uber-goffik retard girl," then actively create and manage Tara's many accounts, not to mention the incredible effort it would take to actually write My Immortal in the first place. This person would also then likely have to create the persona of Tara's friend Raven, which would include writing her shitty stories, as well. All of this would take a great amount of willpower and a very long time to plan out and execute. Though many still think Tara is a troll, retards always call troll on the internet so as not to seem gullible. Many people still hold that Tara is not a troll, but just an insanely retarded adolescent girl who was mistakenly given access to the internet. It could be a group of people. Who knows?

Whatever the case may be, one thing that can be said is that if Tara is a troll, she is easily the most determined troll in history. The evidence is inconclusive, so one can never be sure. In the end, you'll just have to decide for yourself.

However, some has came forward and admitting that he was Tara Gilesbie and he was trolling around:

After some considerations, I decided to confess something that I've kept pretty well a secret. Here goes nothing, I help co-write My Immortal.

For those who never heard of My Immortal before… well… eh… is regarded as the worst fanfic of all time… serious. Just goggle Worst Fanfic ever, and you will get you answer. Or type the Best Fanfic ever, and you will get the same results. Before we go any further, I would very well like to explain how and why I wrote My Immortal. The story start way back in the good year of 2004…

My first year of high school… year 9, I'm not sure what that translates to in other places around the world, but I just turned 13. Well, one day, I was goggle Spyro… looking for the next game to come out, which was a Hero`s Tale, which was completely crap. Well, while looking for some info on this new game, I came across a website called . I don't know why I went to this site… not too sure why I stayed, but I was able to read a large library of free stories, all based on my favourite programs, movies, books and games. I came across a few pretty good fanfics, mainly from the Spyro section, but a few from other places. After some time, I decided to create an account and write my own fanfic. I wrote what at that point was the greatest fanfic of all time. It was called A Day in the Life (Nope, it wasn't named after that Beatles song, which is regarded as the greatest song of all time. The name was an accident). It got a lot more bad reviews and flames than getting good reviews. I don't why, but some random person discover my really bad fic and decided that him and me could work together to create the worst fanfic ever.

After talking to him on msn (I have decided to not tell everyone his name. I don't think he really want to be revealed to the world. Nor Have I got permission. So from now onwards, I will call him the other guy) we dotted an out a rough plotline. We decided to make the main character a female; we knew we couldn't get away with a male main character. From these conversations, we decided that she would have to fall in love with one of the characters. After debating if she should fall in love with Harry or Draco, we decided that she should fall in love with both of them. It was also decided at this point that she would be ordered by Voldemort to kill Harry, who would later be renamed Vampire. I was against naming him Vampire, but I lost that debate. Also some of the misspellings I was against also, but looking back at it, the spelling errors were all part of its charm. You could help smiling every time you heard the name Dumblydore, even though you know it was completely wrong.

From these basic ideas, we started to write the fanfic. I was in charge of all the pop culture reference, and because I was into all that emo music at that time, I mostly wrote about MCR and Good Charlotte (I would like to admit that I done listen to these bands anymore, other than that new MCR song which is really cool, and Panic at the Disco, which are a pretty cool band). The other guy was in charge of all the fashion parts. I have to admit that I don't have much of a fashion sense, so I let him deal with it all. To be honest, I skimmed read most of it all.

I was the mastermind behind the raining and snowing at the same time thing. At that point I thought it was completely impossible, until later, when it actually can rain and snow at the same time… its called sleet.

I couldn't actually write the first sex scene, it was too much, even for me. Reading it the first time, something inside of me died. It was so funny that we had to keep it in. That scene might have been why the fic was deleted in 2009. Or it might have been that we had used lyrics to a Good Charlotte song without permission… I don't think they record company would be happy. Nor would Draco… being dragged to a Muggle band.

To be honest, I didn't expect My Immortal to be so successful. At no point in writing it did I realise that it would get those many reviews. God, I didn't think it was possible, nor do I think it could ever happen again. There could only be ONE My Immortal. But somehow, it became a thing of legend. I don't think any over fanfics have been translated into a dozen languages (but not English, of course) and be read by over a million readers worldwide. It's just unbelievable.

However, a thing wasn't going well in the goffik cave, and as the debates turned into arguments, things had boiled over, and I was locked out of the account after Chapter 15 was uploaded. What ever happened chapter 16 onwards, I couldn't care less. I didn't have a single part in creating it. I tried to create other troll account since then, but none of them were as great as Tara Gilesbie. I'm now officially retired from trolling.

You can flame as much as you liked, I don't really care. You might not believe me, I still don't care. All I wanted to do is get this out of my system. At least I can proudly say that I made a million people laugh… or smile… or say "God, I hope that author dies. How can this world keep going with people like that?" Well here is you answer, I actually DO have dyslexia.



None of this can be verified, but it is still at best to troll this user. Hax If possible.


Ebony's immense GOFFIKness leads FanFiction.Net to display its ads accordingly.
Even Microsoft Word says that My Immortal contains too many spelling and grammar errors.

A friend of Tara's, Raven, aka bloodytearz666, is the infamous "editor" of My Immortal. As such, when Judgement Day comes and Tara is taken to task for her sins against the English language, Raven will surely be held as an accomplice. As an author, Raven has written two HP fanfics herself, Ghost of You and I'm Not Okay, both titles lifted from MCR songs (noticing a pattern here?). The stories are basically the exact same Mary-Sue GOFFIK bullshit as My Immortal, only without the charm of the gross misspellings and absurd plot inconsistency. Despite being bad enough to qualify as torture material for Gitmo, the stories' mostly correct spelling and grammar managed to save them from the banhammer at the hands of the FF.Net staff. The numerous striking similarities between the writings of Raven and Tara have led many to believe that Raven is a sockpuppet of Tara, which would certainly make sense if Tara were indeed a troll. There is something of a mass confusion as to how Raven's actions can possibly be defined as "editing" due mainly to the fact that text she has supposedly "edited" still retains the grammatical standard of an autistic hippopotamus.

Raven has a cameo in My Immortal as the character Willow, and gives Tara a cameo in her story I'm Not Okay as the character Elvira. To quote:

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me.


—From My Immortal

She pointed to a girl with long purple hair with black tips wearing ripped jeans and an Atreyu t-shirt (a/n: that’s u, Tara!). “That’s Elvira.” she said.


—From I'm Not Okay

As readers of My Immortal may notice, Raven didn't help to write the entire thing. Raven's involvement was nowhere to be found in Chapter 13 (the spelling suffered greatly), perhaps owing to a feud between the two involving a sweater and a poster of Gerard Way. From the author's notes:

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I


—From My Immortal



—From I'm Not Okay

This feud would eventually cause each author to take out her frustration on her friend's cameo character out of spite. Raven by way of grade demotion and disposition change - Tara by way of expulsion, death, and postmortem rape. Moar quotes:

That fucking retard Elvira (whose real name was Lindsay like that fucking ho Lindsay Loan) had gone all the way back to first-year and they put her in Gryffindor where all the retarded preps were because she couldn’t even write properly and she had to get her friends 2 do it for her.


—From I'm Not Okay

“BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math.” (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) Maybe Willow will die too.” I said.

“Kawai.” B’loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. “Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he’s a necphilak.”

“Kawai.” I commnted happily .


—From My Immortal

Tara also changed Ebony's middle-middle-middle name from "Raven" to "Tara" after the ordeal. Tara eventually got her sweater back, and Willow's character was brought back to life and reinserted into the story without any explanation whatsoever. Empowered from her short time spent without an editor, Tara now seemed to feel that she was 1337 enough to finish writing her story by herself. Consequently, without Raven's help, Chapter 16 and onward are filled with more spelling errors than the rest of FanFiction.Net put together.

Raven was also said to be deceased, as reported in the intro to the My Immortal sequel. However, most experts agree that it is a fake, so if Raven was even a real person in the first place, she is probably (unfortunately) still alive.

My Immortal: Advanced Studies

Not counting author's notes, My Immortal is about 20,000 words long. Here's how those 20,000 words break down percentage-wise:

  • Descriptions of a character's hair and/or what they are wearing: 13.7%
  • Sentences with terrible adverbs or "Suddenly X came into the room!" 17.5%
  • Chapters involving a rock concert at Hogsmeade, and the necessary planning/clothes shopping: 27.2%
  • Comparing a character to a rock star: 3.4%
  • Sex/Voyeurism/Bondage/Attempted Rape (usual HP fare): 5.2%
  • Incredibly long ellipses......................................... 3.9%
  • Number of times a character gasps: 25
  • Number of times a character cuts their wrists: 15
  • Number of times a character is compared to Gerard Way: 13

IT'S OVER 10,000!!

Yes, it's true. Before My Immortal was originally taken down, it received over 10,000 reviews - seriously. However, close inspection shows the majority of these were flames and trolling attempts. A few choice reviews are reproduced below:

I can honestly say the 'reviews' for this travesty of a fanfic are way more entertaining than the story itself.


—Preach it, Lady Whitehart.

Stop writing. Never write again, unless you take lessons on how to write. This isn't meant to be offensive. You need to take writing lessons.

On a separate note, a question to someone who might be reading reviews. Is "circumamcizing" a combination of circumcise and circumnavigate? I can't figure it out.



—Good advice is seldom followed, Penguin God.

I find this story, I don't even think it classifies as a story, painful to read and it's also a waste of bandwidth. I could hardly get through the first three chapters before I felt like gouging out my eyes with a frozen spoon. It literally hurts to read whatever it is that this is classified.
Try to actually spell the words instead of typing like your texting someone.

If you're going to use people who are actually in stories and movies and such, spell their damned names right. Ebony "Enoby" Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way? Really now? You can't even spell the main characters name right. Dementia? Her middle name is a disease?! Wow, cool! Because you know all "Goffik" kids are named Dementia, Alzheimer's, and Syphilis. Try looking up actual names for once. I actually have one for you... Mary-Sue.


—Sarcastic Criticism, K. E. Knight

Well, I read the whole thing. after the first chapter, I think i threw up a little in my mouth. After ch 5, I had no food left in me. Your spelling and grammer make retards cry, (Did you write this on a fuckin' cell phone for Chrissake? and latin stand off?? Gimme a break) your characters are contrived an unrealistic, (YES Princess, Ebony does dress like a complete poser slut. And who spends all that time putting on clothes and makeup before a fight?) you've bastardized well-established characters with your own pathetic style that is so obviously made of scraps of other people's, (Dumbledore, or Dumblydor if you prefer, wears it too? C'mon, seriously!) the only people who even like this story are either your personal friends or extrememly shitty writers themselves, (And nobody in the real world gives asspats, sweetheart.) and you completely ignore the laws of physics. (Cameras would NOT work in Hogwarts, Ebony or Enoby or Mary Sue or whatever her name is, s(h)ouldn't CARRY enough ammunition for shooting someone a gazillion times. And for neither of them to die means she's such a poor shot that she deserves to die.) Congradgulations, youève earned the business end of Cid Highwinds spear. ED was right about this. And no amount of calling me a prep or saying "ur jeloz ur nut liek meh" is gonna change that. Yer just like Snapesnogger, crying and cutting for attention.

PREP FOR LIFE! Jack Highwind


—It takes a brave man to stomach all of this quivering emosity taking up precious bandwidth.

Wow, I have to say this...WOW. This story was all over the place: in a bad way. You need to improve your grammer BAD. Get rid of your da(m)n Mary Sue bitchy gothic fake girls, and write longer, better chapters. Or better yet, stop writing. I'm sick of little twelve year olds clogging up this site with absolute shitt like yours. Please stop writing. The only reason you have reviews is because this story literally sucks that bad. I am a beta, I know what I'm talking about here.

I'm sorry, but your story is just downright awful. And please SHUTUP with all of that gothic vampire shitt. It's getting so annoying. You spend practically the whole chapter writing about Ebony Dark Bitchy What's Her Name's wardrobe and makeup than anything else. Also, stop making Harry Potter characters fawn over you- in real life you would be shitt on their shoes. DRACO DOESN'T LIKE YOU. He wouldn't in a book, on TV, nor in real life.

Just stop writing, because frankly, you are too unbearably annoying for words. And shut the fu(c)k up about preps already you stupid little girlie bi(t)ch. I am fuckkin sick of you saying "I hate preps, blah blah blah..." Cuz get what bi(t)ch? I am one. I don't give a flying fart whether you fuckinn shop at hot topic. Who gives a fuckinn shit. Get a life, get some friends, and shut up. Maybe if you actually stopped fantasizing about Harry Potter boys and writing crappy stories and went out and made some real friends and stopped acting like some fu(c)king weirdo psycho (b)itch, you wouldn't hate preps. I HATE idiots like you. And may I say something. You are not, and never WILL be, a vampire



—FOR THE WIN, WhimsicalSoul!

The Movie

Poster for the upcoming film based on the story. Hopefully the world will have ended by 2066.

Some time ago, it was decided that the epic saga of My Immortal should be made into a blockbuster movie. Unfortunately, Hollywood is run by preps, so no film studios would agree to produce it. Thus, My Immortal was forced to make its cinematic debut on YouTube. Despite its extremely small budget, it kicked all sorts of ass and even won an award for best adapted screenplay at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival.

The videos, made by YouTube user heartdreamer, are illustrated dramatic readings of the fanfic with the script read by LH Michelle and set to lots of pretty pictures to keep the viewer distracted from the terrible mess that is the story. The videos are a good alternative to reading the fic if you have ADD, and they're also slightly less abusive to the senses since the viewer doesn't have to struggle through reading the author's garbled attempt at English.

In addition to the 9 videos below, there was a trailer released, which is also made of win. Also, the "fake" 39th chapter written by the girl who hacked Gilesbie's account was cinema-tized (viewable here), and actually goes between the 9th and 10th videos (but doesn't feature LH Michelle). Also, the 4th video has sadly been stricken from YouTube by the fascist, preppy moderators on account of copyright infringement or some shit.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10

And you know something?

It's still better than Twilight.

Audio adaptation

In June of 2010, user dan_glada posted an audio version of the story. It's almost as much of a clusterfuck as the story itself.

The Novel

Both versions on Lulu have been taken down, so some internet man made another one, cheaper than the others. You can also download it for free.


Tara's writing was so impactful that she has affected an entire generation of fanfic writers. She "influenced" many stories, parody or otherwise (but mostly parody).


Aside from the aforementioned MI "sequels," numerous trolls/retarded fans have tried to take up Tara's seemingly abandoned torch and pose as the legendary author to carry on the MI legacy. Of course, they'll never be as good as the original, but that doesn't stop them from trying. A few of the more noteworthy ones are listed below.

My Immortal 2: Wake Me Up Inside


In late 2008, someone posing as Tara titled created a sequel called My Immortal 2: Wake Me Up Inside. Confusion spread as to whether the sequel was the real deal, but the user later came forward and admitted to being an imposter. This fanfic was also deleted from FF.Net for its atrocious spelling, but it has been re-uploaded and is viewable here [LINKED DATA EXPUNGED].

Then, a few months later, yet another My Immortal sequel appeared with the same title, but a different story. The user who posted this story, XXXmidnitegoffXXX, also claimed to be Tara. This sequel quickly became very popular, until eventually, a jealous fanfic author also hijacked this account. The person who hacked the account left this typo-ridden flame/ransom note:







What a whiny faggot. XXXmidnitegoffXXX later regained control of the account and the hacker's story was also deleted.

In early 2009, midnitegoff stepped forward and admitted that he/she was only trying to cash in on the success of My Immortal, like many had done before, and that he/she was not actually Tara Gilesbie.

Most experts agree that My Immortal 2, in any of its versions, is in no way connected to Tara Gilesbie and is not an official part of the My Immortal canon. However, Tara Gilesbie`s original account has friended xxxmidnitegoffxxx. This could be a sign tthat xxxmidnitegoffxxx is in fact the real deal. An explanation for xxxmidnitegoffxxx admitting he/she was a fake, is that My Immortal started becoming unbelievable, even to Tara`s standard. And just before everyone clicked on to her being a troll, she got xxmidnitegofxxx admit that she was a fake. For thoses interested in reading this pile of shit, Click Here.

My Immortal 2: Fangz 4 De Venom OMFG, it's da sekwel again!Oneonenineeleven!!1 FIC REMOVED, LINK USELESS- FANGZ JESUS

In late 2008, "Tara" (most likely another poser) reposted the original trainwreck of a fanfic, and began working on another version of MI2. This time around, the Tara writing the new version enlisted the aid of a previously unknown entity known only as "Xanthan Gum" (aka, XG), who besides being Tara's new beta, is also her latest BF, and like Tara, created an OC so bad that it makes you want to bash somebody over the head with a mallet. Tara described Xanthan Gum as follows: "Ur so awsum, its liek raven came bak an now has a kok!" Speculation has risen over the authenticity of the newest version of what will from here on out be known as TARABOT 3.0. However, the new sequel continues the tradition of the original lulz factory, so it's all good.

A Vampre Wil Nevr Hurt You

[1] Sometime in June 2009, someone purporting to be Tara Gilesbie started posting on her new facebook and twitter page about her intention to write a new story with her new friend 'Hayly'. This became a reality when the first awful chapter of 'A Vampre Wil Nevr Hurt You' surfaced on FF.Net. However, by chapter 13 the author confirmed she was just another fake and not the real Tara. She claims her name is Georgia. We later find that the twitter was made by Hayley ages before she knew of Georgia's trolling existence.

Hayley reveals that she is intelligent in Chapter 12, named "The Apology". Georgia reveals that she too is a fraud in the next one. However, they continued the wreck of a story until October.

That's What You Get

[2] In October of 2009, someone using Tara's old username from FanFiction appeared on FictionPress, the drunken, coked progenitor of FanFiction.Net. Whoever it is, probably a troll, seeing as it lays claim to the stinking pile of crap that is My Immortal, says that they will be writing "original fiction" from now on (read: "LYKE OMG TIS IS SOO NOT LYKE BELA FROM TWIGHLIGHT!!1!!). If it is a troll, it's obviously someone with an enormous tolerance for stupidity as the new story is written in exactly the same style as the other one- incomprehensible, named after a shitty song from a shittier band, ferociously Mary-Suing (geddit, cos se's a e-laywer), idiotic authors notes ("sut up u prepz. Al u want to do iz flam me al da tim. Jst sut da fuk up ok. Diz iz ment 2 b on ficprez ok!!!!11 fangz (geddit cuz I lik vapire hu r gofik) 2 raven 4 hlping me ot in diz fic. Itz nic 2 hav u bak!!111 u fox gurl!!!!1 MCR tocks!!!!!!!!!1 Fanfic suxs!!!! dey deletd my fic My Imortal!!!11 y doz evay1 hat it!!!!11 Satan onl noz"), and with the obviously blind Raven written in as "Jeazebel". Most probably a troll, but lulzy anyway.


[3] In November 2009, yet another person claiming to be Tara appeared on FictionPress, this time by the name xxxitstara4realxxx. Probably another troll, this person has been trying to prove the above mention troll a fake. "I made this accuont 2 tell of that dum prep who rote sum fake story and there pretendin 2 be me. :[ but anywayz if u dont believe me im the real tara ten PM and ill prove it. anywayz im riting this cuz i made an accuont hear and i didnt want 2 just not do anything w/ it." This story, however, has a regard for proper grammar and spelling, as Tara had someone edit it for her. There is still a lulzy lack of plot. So much cliche. She named the self-insertion Mary-Sue February Friday, complete with a messed up childhood, rebel, dead mother, "goffik", high school romance where the hottest guy in teh world falls into teh romantic cycle with the Mary-Sue poorly deemed as the main character. More believable than the aforementioned, but still probably (a very lulzy) troll.

Social Networking Imposters

Tara-esque Authors

Note: This list used to be a bit longer, but many of the authors are either no longer active or have had all of their stories deleted.

Tara-esque Stories

Note: Same deal as the authors; this section used to be longer, but many of the stories have been baleeted by the preppy mods at FanFiction.Net.

See Also

External Links

My Immortal Fan Clubs

(There also used to be fan groups on MySpace and Livejournal, but they're no longer active/have been deleted)

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