Mike Matei

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Mike Matei,
Lap dog and personal house nigger of James Rolfe.
NEVER badmouth his master in his presence!
An average video by Mike Matei.
Matei's inspiration.
A good example of Matei's awesome drawing skills.

As James Rolfe's masochistic right-hand man house nigger and ascending lolcow,

Mike Matei also known as Mike the Kike is responsible for cleaning up comments on the JamesNintendoNerd YouTube account, drawing pretty pictures of the Nerd for his videos, yelling at the Irate Gamer every other week, and getting the living shit kicked out of him every time the AVGN does another video. So far he's had the shit kicked out of him as Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Bugs Bunny twice (simultaneously satisfying the AVGN's massive furry fetish), Michael Myers, and The Joker.

However, it is believed that Matei is biding his time and waiting for the Emperor Nerd to let his guard down so he may usurp him and rape him to death and take over his game reviewing empire. It is also believed Matei secretly keeps rule 34 versions of his images with him and the Nerd in various awkward situations.

At one point the comment section on Nerd's home page was easily trolled by allowing you to log in with a Twitter or Facebook account. However, if you chose this method you could expect a flood of notification e-mails about someone attempting, and failing, to hack your profile. Due to "excessive" trolling after 2 people left negative comments, Mike changed the format back to having to register with the site. By doing so, he shot himself in the foot, as now he only gets about ten comments a day of people kissing his ass as opposed to over 100.

Huge 'penis'

One of the images.
You be the judge.
His own tweet.

A "meme" that became prevalent in late 2014, and stems from a couple of recent photographs. The unfunny joke is to make comments related to Mike Matei's supposed huge penis. Comments asking about this have flooded recent Nerd videos, especially his 'Twelve Days of Shitsmas' stuff.

Mike has finally responded to this though, days of spamming and obsession later:

It's 10 inches. -Mike


—-Mike Matei

Of course he had to take time out of his life to measure it first for the fans after chugging back bottles of Viagra. But we all know the fanboys' mindset by now, it'll still forever be a part of their wet dreams.

Mike Matei animated

An animated video making fun of Mike Matei from March 2014

Mike vs Joueur du Grenier

Joueur du Grenier is some random Frenchie YouTube partner, yet somehow, with only around 43 videos on his channel, he has twice as many subs as James. Most of his videos are generic angry video game reviews, all of them in French. Despite this, in August 2012 Mike found out about this guy and decided to proclaim that those French reviews are basically ripping off James' act.

Since the whole AVGN angry reviewer act is so original and sacred, Mike tried to gather a personal army on Facebook to raid Joueur du Grenier, going as far as comparing him to the Irate Gamer to fuel the wrath of the AVGN fanboys. While it's likely that this Frenchie was weakly raided by rabid fanboys for a short period of time, those that actually had working brain cells were disgusted by Mike's behavior and spread the news all over YouTube. Mike, being the coward that he is, took down the post several hours after it was posted. It is unknown if Joueur du Grenier even knew about Mike's raid, but it's impossible to tell since he's French. Good thing the raid failed like pissing on a forest fire, or else Grenier would have surrendered immediately, causing the Irate Gamer to declare war, and the Nerd Reich would have risen. This would be the first and only time France actually won something, thanks to Mike's fan-drones actually growing some common sense and thinking "What the fuck is this guy making us do?".

Strange how Mike would go after some guy who only speaks French and not bother with a particular Finnish "reviewer" who also speaks "imperfect" English, and also uses the AVGN name for almost as long as James.

Go ahead and send your fanboys to attack, I'm sure he'll enjoy the extra ad revenue.

This feud appeared to be short lived or as some sort of ploy, as in a video Mike released a week after this drama involving some NES hacks, Joueur du Grenier makes a very short cameo in it.

YouTube Favicon.png Joueur du Grenier's Channel

Brown Bricks in Minecrap

In Jan 2012, Mike Matei released a video showing off Minecraft: Pocket Edition. This is another one of those videos that is being monitored by Mike. But who can blame him as the video consists of him and for god knows what reason Inspector Gadget as a special guest (with Mike doing a horrible voice impression of him of course). The jokes in the video are about as funny as the stuff you find on Uncyclopedia, with the Inspector Gadget impression saying hilarious things like "Minecrap" which leads to award-winning lines like this "I understand why all the kids are playing this game these days, it's because they love to build brown bricks with Minecrap. I also like to build brown bricks with Minecrap." Even though it sounds like some harmless shitty joke, if you look at it from a different perspective, it can be possibly offensive, as he might be saying that aspies like to play with their own shit.

The rest of the video is just more terrible Minecraft, Inspector Gadget, and of course scat related jokes, and having Inspector Gadget being out of character as much as possible, like having him kill Mike Matei at the end of it (if only we wish, it's the best part of the video). This whole video is the kind of bullshit that makes the Irate Gamer and Game Dude look like gleaming paragons of quality game reviewing. Like the Elmo in Grouchland video, this caused some AVGN fans (as well as Minecraft fans) to turn on him because of how horrible this video was, with it being the first and only video on James's channel(Before it was taken down) that has more dislikes than likes. Mike, being the coward he is, made comments approval only and disabled ratings, re-enabled the ratings and comments once again, releasing the flood of hate that was being held back by his censorship. However, comment ratings are now disabled. made the video private deleted the video outright.

The shitty Minecraft with Inspector Gadget video (no pun intended)

"The reaction Mike Matei Expected

It appears that Mike has noticed this huge amount of hate he is receiving from aspies so he came up with this excuse to hopefully cover his ass. Spoilers, it mostly doesn't, having to call the video a parody (which it isn't), Minecraft a plague (which it is), bashing The Annoying Orange/Daneboe (which he just pulled out of his ass and for no reason, and could replace with any other user), all at the same time, making a "statement" against the "low quality garbage" while also producing said garbage:

Note: With this video, I was attempting to parody many of the terrible videos on YouTube such as "TheAnnoyingOrange" (as one example) where they repeat the same awful jokes over and over. I chose Minecraft as the subject because that's another thing plaguing YouTube. Almost all you see in the gaming section lately are Minecraft related videos.

I was hoping people would get the joke, that's it's supposed to be stupid. But most people took this for face value and just thought it was bad. I made this video very quickly and put no effort into it because I think TheAnnoyingOrange is done the same way. TheAnnoyingOrange is cheaply produced garbage, but for some reason is absurdly popular. Really, this video is my statement against the low quality garbage that plagues YouTube. I didn't want to have to explain the joke, but it looks like I have to. Sorry if you didn't get it.


—Mike Matei's pathetic excuse

Of course, only a few hardcore fans actually bought this improvised bullshit, and when Mike realized that, that's when he deleted the video.

James and Mike doing damage control

However, all hope is not lost. Despite all efforts from the copyright equal of Hitler that is Jewtube to take down this lulz-filled video, thanks to the copyright-barren, YouTube clone website Zippcast, the video has been put back up. Enjoy: http://www.zippcast.com/video/60bde0893fd908dbecd

Mike vs. Archfiend

Professional YouTube ranter, The Archfiend had a sneaky suspicion that Mr Rolfe was up to sleazy money making schemes. Turns out the accusations he made were true, calling out on James' overpriced budget for his Angry Video Game Nerd movie while drinking AVGN fanboy tears at the same time.

The Archfiend didn't stop with the AVGN drama and attacked Mike Matei in Oct 2011 instead. Calling out on Mike's censorship on James' channel which had apparently made James suffer another slandering. Response from AVGN fanboys usually went like "You're just fucking jealous Archfag" while giving James and Mike all their precious jewgolds to make moar moineycrafta videos.

Mike the Coward

Mike also took another hit from the Archfiend when he admitted that the Cheetahmen 2 fundraiser was a scam.

Con Artist

Mike Magay's sexually deprived mind (aka Mike Matei's Elmo in Grouchland commentary)

While James was off working on his movie, Mike Matei did a commentary on Elmo in Grouchland in 2010. The nine minute torturefest consists of Mike poorly imitating Elmo, talking about sex every minute, not understanding what Sesame Street is all about and laughing at his own poorly made jokes. The way he reviewed this children's movie with sexual jokes brings back memories of another YouTube whore that relied on the same humor to get a laugh. Surprisingly, a small fraction of fanboys of the AVGN miraculously grew a few braincells and realized that this shit was horrible. Although the dislikes were much fewer than likes from the brainless fans that click 'Like it' without even watching, the amount of dislikes was downright unheard of for a video uploaded to James' Jewtube channel, not to mention the lot of negative comments. Mike couldn't allow opinions like these and after making comments approval only and deleting all negative comments, then disabling ratings, finally pulled the video from YouTube altogether. This massive display of butthurt caused a noticeable outrage.

Since Mike tries so hard to hide this pathetic video (even though you can find it on Cinemassacre) and everyone's opinions on it, any mirrors of it will disappear due to copyright.

The shitty video itself (expect this to be taken down by Butthurt Mike)

In before Mike disables likes/dislikes.

Because that Mike Matei is becoming a bigger lolcow by the second, there are many more crazy antics he is getting himself into that'll surely look good on James's reputation, because after all, Mike can't just make his own YouTube channel with James's being partnered and all. Oh, well known fact, Mike Matei is also known to block people too, what are the odds that he actually blocks someone who is a legitimate AVGN fan who's possibly donated towards his movie?

Mike's Shit Comics

Mike is also a racist cunt, probably because his boyfriend, James, get cucked by a lot of niggers. So he made an awful comic to show his contempt. It is as unfunny as it is bad.

These make A. Wyatt Mann's comics look like comedic masterpieces, and even his work is not intended to be funny.

See also

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Mike Matei is part of a series on


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Mike Matei is part of a series on YouTube.



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