Michael Jackson

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ED CLEANER 2.jpg This article needs a serious clean up

Somebody should do something about it.

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Computer generated approximation of what Michael Jackson would look like at 50 had he stayed black.



Joseph Fritzl

Michael Jackson was a 50-year-old Albino manchild who found fame and fortune as a homosexual pederast and so became a poster boy for NAMBLA. He could also sing and dance like an organ grinder's monkey. Born as a small black boy into a large family of singing and dancing chimps, he eventually struck out on his own to turn into a white tranny version of Diana Ross, travel around the world luring young boys, monkeys and Elephant Men to slumber parties at his very own castle, Neverland, and to prove once and for all that when the big hand touches the little hand, it's time to get the fuck right outta there!

On June 25th, 2009 Wacko Jacko was playing doctor with his personal aesthetician after a hard day rehearsing for an upcoming tour and after nagging the shit out of the poor IRL doctor about not being able to sleep, keeled over from an overdose of the hospital-grade elephant tranquilliser Diprivan (or "milk" to Jacko). Yes, that's right, great justice finally had its day as Jackson was put down by the Grim Ræper for being the damn dirty ape he is via lethal injection. Jackson's highly polished exo-skeleton will be stuffed with robotics and placed on display at Disney's Hall of Presidents.

Long rumoured to be the leading cause of ejaculations in underage bans, it wasn't until 2003 that the long arm of the law touched Jacko inappropriately when one of his many victims' mothers revealed lurid description of Jacko's wedding tackle after he ran out of hush money. Despite being legally a white woman, Captain EO played the race card like OJ in his/her 2003 pedophilia trial.

Amongst the train wreckage of a life full of batshit crazy behaviour, he leaves a legacy that includes being the author of W's controversial No Child's Behind Left plan and saving humanity from the Beatles voluminous catalogue of songs (after outbidding Paul McCartney for the publishing rights) by preventing iTunes from offering said drek to the public.

Always a controversial figure, he will nonetheless be fondly remembered for the infamous "wardrobe malfunction" on live TV at Super Bowl XXXVIII on February 1, 2004 in which he exposed his penis to Justin Timberlake during the half-time show

He is survived by Bubbles the chimp, the Elephant Man's remains, several children called Blanket, a surrogate babymamma, Macauley Culkin, Stephen Spielberg, a mountain of debt, and the joke:

Q: What do Michael Jackson and KMart have in common?
A. Little boys' pants half off!

He will be missed by children everywhere for so many will never know the sweet caress of Michael Jackson's gloved hand.

Proof that thinking about child rape too long will make your Soul-Glo ignite.
Advice from Jacko
Jacko's morning routine
Josef Fritzl is Bad Michael Jackson.
Celebrities are more important than You.
Jackson stars in his own feature length documentary movie I Rape.
This demotivator courtesy of Neverland Ranch.
MJ's death pleases the Elephant Man.
Bubbles' gangsta rap album
It is a well known fact that chimps are a gateway drug to 13-year-old boys.
Wacka wacka wacka jackson

Pedo bear-jackson.jpg

Life At Home

MJ originally constructed for himself the perfect tool for drawing in his preferred cuisine: an amusement park where children "never grow up" and "don't want to go to school". It was his primary romp for years until people realized that a grown man running a theme park for children all by himself was a little creepy. Jacko closed his own pool after his rape trial, moving back to Whorelywood with the intent to rebuild his fondle-factory in Berlin. Just thinking about plump little blue-eyed blond-haired Nazi children made Jacko drool so much his lips fell off: it was that or too much plastic surgery and amazing buttsecks with Macaulay Culkin whom he had fiddled the hell out of for many years after his copy of "Home Alone" on VHS(a.k.a. Exhibit C) became recognizable only as the worlds most valuable container of Jacko spunk.

He lived with his a myriad of prepubescent servants and his Nanny with lupus. He has also expressed his wish to move to Poland and live in a castle purchased there, although he may have been unaware that the country's demographics were not ideal, having fewer young boys than girls.

"Thriller" or "I'm a pedophile, put me in jail"

This is a picture from his music video, "Thriller". Also known as one of the last times he needed makeup to look like a zombie.

Years before Jackson was first accused of liking kids too much, he recorded a HIT album where all his plans and intentions where clearly stated. The album was released by Epic records (for real) but before they released the album they decided to change some of the title songs, so as to make Jackson's intentions less obvious. Bolded are the words that were deleted:

  1. "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' (With That Young Boy)" – 6:02
  2. "Baby (Boy) Be Mine" – 4:20
  3. "The (Underage) Girl Is Mine" – 3:42
  4. "(Chasing After Loli Ass Sure Is a) Thriller" – 5:57
  5. "(I'll Show You How To) Beat It" – 4:17
  6. "Billie Jean: (An 8 Year Old Can't Be Pregnant)" – 4:57
  7. "Human Nature: (I'm Just God's Messenger)" – 4:05
  8. "P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Underage Thing) " – 3:58
  9. "The (Loli) in My Life" – 4:12

The Elephant Man

Jackson was also an IRL Troll and had created many "false" stories about himself, apparently to see if he could "control" the media, a plan that would unfortunately backfire on him, such as sleeping in an oxygen chamber to prolong his life, and buying a sex toy. Another notable event occurred in the Mid-1980's where Michael Jackson tried to purchase the skeleton of Joseph Merrick, aka the Elephant Man. He ultimately failed to obtain the skeleton. When asked the reason for his fagging, Michael Jackson stated that "it was mostly for the lulz". People suspect however, that it was in fact not for the lulz but for other recreational activities.

Movie Career

In addition to starring in Moonwalker and hundreds of music videos, at the time of his death, Michael Jackson was in pre-production on a prequel to Hustler's popular Barely Legal series.


A series of films, including a bunch of shotas reenacting "Bad", but the only notable part of this film is the half hour long "Smooth Criminal" video, where Michael Jackson fights Joe Pesci from Home Alone, an evil supervillian who wants to get kids hooked on drugs, but even worse, end prayer in schools. Naturally MJ takes offense to this, dances around, turns into a car, dances some more, shoots a guy while dancing with hookers, then rescues the kiddies. But then he disappears into the night sky. Just like E.T. The kiddies cry on a street corner.

But then MJ comes back. Just like he did in real life.


Half an hour of Michael Jackson wearing extensive makeup to look like a fat white dude who accuses Michael Jackson of being a freak who corrupts children. To which Michael Jackson dances around with ghouls. Wow. That'll convince any skeptic of your sanity.


Now that he's dead, who's gonna blow Bubbles?



Bubbles is more fun than a lot of people I know. I saw Bubbles at a wedding in a tux. He has great table manners.


—Quincy Jones, defending chimpmongling

After failing to secure a bag of bones to stick his dick into, Jacko purchased a chimpanzee called Bubbles to stick his dick into. As is well known, chimps love nothing better than to sit around masturbating between displays of faeces hurling and Jacko thought that slipping his own dick (which was not yet white and hairless) in would be a cinch. At first it was, so Bubbles became an entourage of one, Jacko's confidante and BFF, accompanying him to recording sessions and music videos shoots. On the road they shared a hotel bed and Jacko's wardrobe.

Life at home was sweet for both primates, with Bubbles and Jacko sharing a bedroom at Neverland. Bubbles was fully toilet trained and allowed to use Jacko's private crapper but was often seen sitting in a crib wearing a diaper to satisfy Jacko's diaper fetish. Historically,bedtime at Neverland Ranch was always when the big hand touched the little hand.

Sadly, in 2003, Bubbles was kicked to the curb after his little hand grew too big for the big hand -anyone watching Law & Order: SVU know that this is classic pedo behavior. Also, with the arrival of Jacko's first IRL child, Prince Michael 1, Bubbles had outlived his usefulness.

Jacko justified the breakup and dumping Bubbles on the chimp's overly aggressive love making style where Bubbles had reversed his traditional position as the 'bottom' in sexual relations to being the 'top'. TL;DR, Bubbles was now assraping Jacko as opposed to Jacko assraping Bubbles.

Jacko blamed Prince claiming that he had used ESP to turn Bubbles batshit insane saying:

"What kind of sicko would mess with a monkey? This is the final straw. Poor, poor Bubbles."



Today, Bubbles has lived at many places since his failed attempt to assassinate Prince Michael and failed attempt to an hero. He lives in an animal sanctuary where he has a new best friend, Sam: A 40 Year Old Chimpanzee nicknamed Bubba. Now Bubbles will have many nights of tender tender love making, just like the old days.

In a special by Animal Planet, sister La Toya Jackson came to visit the chimp and exchanged tearful words. Yes, she is actually talking to a monkey...

To a monkey

Early Life

Jackson's early life was full of moonbeams and happy times. Father, Joe Jackson, would give all Jackson children encouragement to pursue their dreams and desires by having hurtful buttsecks that left a deep impression on young Michael. Michael's bizarre unrelenting hatred of Steven Spielberg, going into fits of rage whenever Steven would win an Oscar, which was often, can only be explained by the fact that he was Steven's bitchboi before being passed along as a used cumbucket among the Hollywood elite.

The Jackson family during the early days.

Pedo Trials: Part 1 of 2

In his prime.

In 1993, Jacko was tried for being a pedo after a 13-year-old boy called Jordan Chandler(nickname Rubba aka that kid with the lying faggot of a dad that makes it possible to make fun of Jacko <3) accused him of putting the big hand on the little penis, kissing him, fapping and oral sex, with a detailed description of Jacko's junk. His info was so precise, he even pinpointed where the vitiligo splotches were, the length of the performer's pubes and that he was Jew. While he was in Monaco to be given 8 more awards at the World Music Awards. Throughout the show Jacko was sitting next to the Prince of Monaco with Jordan on his lap, bouncing him on his knee whilst whispering RUBBA into his ear. No one thought that this was just plain WRONG.

Jacko, being too much of a pussy to have a trial, settled the case by giving the accuser's family over 20 million dollars. Some say that this was proof of him being guilty. Others say that he couldn't have a trial because of his health (SPOILER: He was an addict). Now, had this been the extent of Jacko's allegations people would have left him alone, but the damn bastard couldn't stop himself from having...

Pedo Trials: Part 2 out of 2

Another kid? That's like another dead white woman showing up at O.J.'s house, and O.J. going 'I know what you're thinking...'


—Chris Rock

After making a jackass of himself in a documentry, Jacko gets accused of more molestation in 2003. This was the final blow to his career. The accuser was a former cancer patient who had his spine removed at a young age and his final words were to Michael Jackson. His wish came true and while he was said to be ready to die in a few weeks. But after he met Michael, he's saved. Michael Jackson sucking your cock = the cure for cancer.

A trial ensued (for once) and it ended with Jacko being found guility innocent, before being told to gtfo to Bahrain. Only god knows what really happened there...

Note how Jacko was accused of all this in 1993 and again in 2003. It was ten years before and after. So, if Jacko lived to see 2013...

Vintage Jacko lubrication
MJ's junk in a can
Michael jackson.jpg


I believe this charity single could still generate lots of money to help those in need. Why shouldn’t it come out? Because of something I did in the past? This is an industry in which rock stars date porno queens. Adult film doesn’t have the same stigma it used to. So, really, what’s their excuse ?!


—F. Marc Schaffel is coming to his own defense on word that Michael Jackson’s 911 charity single "What More Can I Give" isn’t being released because of his porno directing past.

Jacko's Kids

Michael Jackson's kids (the ones he had as opposed to the ones he had), who are all completely white, are not his biological children (OBVIOUSLY). In fact, the biological father is widely known to be Mark Lester, the blond-haired former child actor who played Oliver in a gay musical movie.

Looking at Lester's childhood photo, which seems to fit the image of Jackson's ideal sex partner, one has to wonder what Jacko's children were being used for exactly.

Moreover, it appears that not only did Jacko not sire even one of his children, he never formally adopted them either. ED hopes that he will be posthumously prosecuted for kidnapping. In his will, he left custody of his the kids to Diana Ross.

Daddy's Clowning!


—Actual quote of one of its kids, further proving that he loves kids in bed.

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The Mask of Pedo

On December 13th, 2008, Michael Jackson reappeared in the spotlight using an old trick from Elizabeth Taylor/Liza Minnelli to gain sympathy from his fans by faking a mental illness. This time it took the form of what could be best described as dressing up like a Bollywood version of Zorro.

This Is It!: The Comeback

Jacko trains with the Hulk for his one city 'tour'.
When I say this is it, it really means this is it.


—Jacko, exposing himself in front of millions of horny fans, March 2009

In March 2009, Jacko announced that he would be playing live again for the first time in 12 years with a 50 date residence at Londonistan's O2 arena starting in July. Strapped for cash and attention, he planned to revive his catatonic career and make hueg amounts of Jew Gold to pay off his mountain of debt. He also needed fresh, young meat to feed his ravenous appetite for shota; since his kids had grown so old they now revolted him so much he'd stopped getting protein from them and was so incredibly frail and underweight that nobody really noticed, since he always looked like that.

With a cash advance from the O2 and a firm of venture capitalists called AEG he set about trying to get into shape for the gruelling tour. He rented out LA's Staples Center for full dress-rehearsals and hired the Incredible Hulk to whip him into shape. The rehearsals were filmed and will probably be have been fashioned into a sloppy motion picture. Jacko's attention seeking family claimed that a body double was used, but nobody gave a shit. As nobody gave a shit about the movie to begin with.

Jackson Rehearsing For Surprise Comeback Performance 7/7/09

Do it now before they grow up and it's too late!



It is now reported that SONY and AEG, in an attempt to cash in on Jacko's post death sales jump and salvage what they invested in jacko for this tour. Are going to through the magic of editing going to cobble together 80 hours of footage shot during the rehearsals of the tour to make a probably nowhere near coherent film about Jackson's final days (But easily more coherent than those last two sentences.) The price tag of the film is already reported to be at least $50 million.


Jacko's last studio album: Invincible
October 2007: /b/ called it. Goodnight Shotacat.
An ironic twist to an old meme.
Anal cancer claims two more lives.
The cover of Jacko's re-release of the album BAD.
Mj's temple of doom
DO NOT WANT gook!!

On Thursday, June 25th, 2009, Michael Jackson died in the act of lovemaking, having a heart attack. This is considered one of the best ways to go, preferable to rotting in an old folks home or dying of cancer. The young boy who Jackson was making love to at the time called paramedics; his name was not released. Most news agencies omitted this fact, leaving a mystery of who called paramedics when Michael Jackson was unconscious at the time. Regardless, Jacko was clearly not on his bee.

The compassionate, humanitarian brain-trust /b/ was quick to exploit it with endless threads featuring the heart attack meme and Michael Jackson photoshops. His dying wish was to donate his organ to a sick child (so that his organ would forever be inside a child).

TMZ reported the initial diagnosis was that Jacko had died from cardiac arrest caused by a massive cocktail of drugs including Dilaudid, Vicodin, Soma, Xanax, Zoloft, Paxil for anxiety and heartburn pill Prilosec administered by a nigger doctor. The Los Angeles coroner's office has deferred Jacko's inquest awaiting toxicology tests and to provide ample time for the media shitstorm to rage on for a week or two. Shortly thereafter, Jesse Jackson appeared on CNN calling for a full and thorough investigation of the facts and Jacko's live-in doctor (who it was reported, had gone on the lam) suggesting that this was MURDER! He then called for OJ to be released from jail since he's an expert in tracking down the real killers

While it has since been confirmed that he had a heart attack in E.R., initial reports were of a stroke in the Pediatrics wing.

Meanwhile CNN reported Vanillaface moonwalked off this mortal coil. Goodnight sweet prince. Fark reported that he had just begun work on Thriller 2: Electric Boogaloo! Though his heart is no longer beating, Disney has inspected the body and declared that the high quality plastic exterior makes him a great candidate for animatronics. The same news report told how he was planning to rekindle his popularity, but the only thing he accomplished was becoming the first white black person to die of something besides gunfire.

Now that sick fuck Jackson is dead, it is impossible to determine exactly how many Hundreds or possibly even Thousands of children he victimized at the neverland ranch, as well as elsewhere.

On 28 August, 2009 a Los Angeles Coroner ruled the death of Michael Jackson a homocide[2].

Good night.


Keep your tickets. This is all a setup for the best performance of Thriller ever.


Perez Hilton

Is he even biodegradable???


—A bewildered environmentalist

Michael Jackson didn't die of a heart attack, he got food poisoning from eating nine year old nuts.


—MJ's coroner

For the first time ever, we will meet our quota on carbon-emissions for the Kyoto Protocol, thanks to his brave sacrifice.


—Barack Obama

You can't throw him away or cremate him as that would contribute to global warming.The best thing to do is recycle his body for the future use of Joan Rivers.


—Fox News

Run, cherubs, run!



Thursday June 25th 2009: Dear Diary, today I got a new roommate...


Heath Ledger



Micheal Jackson death denier

He just went for Baby Jesus


—Grief-stricken /b/tard

I think Chimpmongler is a pretty cool guy. eh diddles shota and doesn't afraid of Chris Hansen



Basketball will never be the same again



Why must I cry?!?!



This article is bad and ED should feel bad.



Michael you left such a legacy on this earth, have touched SO MANY!!!


—Kelly Rowland

The media being the two-faced, money grubbing scum that they are, all of sudden had a new found respect for Michael Jackson. It turns out after making many cruel jokes at his expense, stealing as much of his money as they could, and publicly humiliating him, they decided to just sweep all the nasty things they said under a rug and act like it never happened. As overwrought, outpourings of unconditional love for the Gloved One rained down upon the masses from all and sundry, /b/ remained the sole voice of reason in the tragedy, celebrating this living embodiment of Shotacat's life and death, creating kthxbyes in their inimitable style. Meanwhile faggotry reigned the day on the likes of twitter, YouTube, facebook and blog after blog after blog.

Everyone seemed to have forgotten how shocked & appalled they were back when Jacko was on trial for diddling shota. People posted tributes and childhood memories, songs and vidyas of how important The King of Pop had been in their lives and how he'd provided the soundtrack to the indiscretions of youth; that first mugging (Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'), that first fap (Beat It), that first child molestation (Pretty Young Thing).

It's almost as if they could -maybe- one day overlook The Holocaust and give another tortured artist with issues -Hitler- the props he surely deserved for being an inspiring leader, brilliant economist, terrific orator, a non-smoking animal lover with a keen eye for graphic design and style who also got the trains to run on time. One can only hope.

MJ cockmonglers have responded by locking themselves in cupboards, self-mutilation, MJ tattoos, and BAAAAWWWING about how the world is a cruel and violent place; subsequently expressing the desire to assault people who don't think or act as they demand. Scientists have concluded that the universe revolves around these illiterate specimens.

Billy Mays, who was also 50 years old, responded three days later with his own drug-induced heart attack. Leave it to Billy Mays to throw in another for free.

You can help out the tremulous MJ BAAAWW pirates by sacking their tree house of precious, underaged booty:

Some people were glad he died

The phrase "Fuck that nigger Michael Jackson" was said a total of 9 times during the above movie. also cocks. The Well of Untapped Lulz :

I was stuck on register on Friday. The customers ask "so how are you today?" I just wanted to punch every single one.


—MJ Idolater on pacifism

I am having the worst time at work. These people that I thought of like family are stabbing me in the back. My boss, who I followed from another job,and a co-worker whom I never suspected could be so cruel, basically told me that my grief was irrelevent compaired to what other people go though and that I had no right to be upset because I didn't know him personally. How dare they invalidate how I'm feeling!?


—MJ Idolater on narcissism

God I've just started crying all over again more than I ever had. I dunno what to do with myself I don't seem to be bothered about anything. Yesterday I had a thought that I wouldn't care if I was to die cos I'd be with Michael. I can't get over this I'm so depressed and confused. Every where I turn there's something Michael related. I don't know what the hell to do with myself. I just feel like crawling into a ball and crying for the rest of my life but I've read enough books that always give the message that if someone dies you need to try and move on with your life but I can't


—MJ Idolater on being a hedgehog

I just don't know how I can go on living without the love of my life. Michael was everything to me. I just feel so numb and sick. I'm still in denial about the whole thing. It just feels like I'm stuck in a sick and twisted nightmare that I can't wake from. My whole world has just collapsed. I need someone to talk to.


—MJ Idolater on being ronery

There was a parade in San Francisco, which I did not go to because I probably would have kick somebody being surrounded by pesudo fans. I'm past the sad grieving phase of my despair its now just anger. I hate how everyone is suddenly a "fan" of his once he dies, now everybody wants all his CDs, how everybody realizes what a musical genius he was. What about those who have been there since DAY ONE? I guess it's better than people being hateful but...UGH....they're all so FAKE. They didn't love him. I can't even stand to listen to them speak his name because they're all unworthy, just because you used to listen to Thriller when you were 4 doesnt make you a fan. Apart from this site I can't listen to anybody talk about him, I couldnt even finishing reading LMP's statement...Not everyone is a fake but...UGH, I dunno....


—MJ Idolater on elitism

Ozfags were particularly butthurt and authorities had to set up an An Hero hotline after reports surfaced of numerous faggots committing suicide.


I wish Bill Cosby or some other 'beloved' celeb would die so we could get a break from all this Wacko Jacko coverage. Wait...is Bill Cosby alive?


—facebook post - be careful what you wish for

Typical British headline.

In the meantime, you can help by trolling people on the Internets with mock outrage at all this praise for Jacko and comparing him to Hitler. Go to someone's virtual facebook shrine and leave comments to their comments feigning disgust that someone would sweep Jacko's crimes against humanity under the rug. Tell them they probably spent MJ's pedo trial damning him to Hell and if not, ask them if they would let their kids sleep over at Neverland or hang out with Uncle Josef. Tell them that Hitler was a brilliant motivational speaker and a seriously snappy dresser.

Most people won't take the bait because they know it's true: Jacko was a sickfuck. But some will puff up their e-chests and rise to the defense of MJ. Now you pounce and accuse them of hypocrisy and double standards. Ask why they hate children so much and how come pedophilia is okay when the molester is a celebrity. If they BAAAAAW that you're out of line or whatever, admit that, yes, you're sorry, comparing MJ to Hitler is terribly unfair to Hitler.

Another effective trolling technique is to liberally apply mock outrage at both the fact that he is to be memorialized and that the huge tribute is to be paid for by your hard-earned tax dollars. Since the State of Collyfornia is now bankrupt and issuing IOUs to pay for most services this adds fuel to the fire. It has been estimated that police overtime needed for security at the memorial in downtown LA will cost $2,000,000 alone and you are going to be paying for it.

Comments such as:

I don't get it. Why don't they dig up Jeffrey Dahmer and throw him a party. Hell, let's give Saddam Hussein a party; he had rape rooms too!



Yeah. Fritzl too. At least Josef Fritzl raped his own children.


—troll bait

Hey did Mike fuck your wife or something? You sounding like its personal.


MJ fanboy

My wife wasn't his type...she was female and older than 12.



LA can't even afford to hire any new cops or fire fighters and they're going to pay for a party to honor a pedophile? I for one will not be paying my taxes this year.



Yes Michael Jackson, make that scream ("AHEE-HEE!") while I rape your asshole and jack you off. Your rectum becomes swollen and starts bleeding you little cumslut. Then I slit your throat, lick your blood, and rape your throat hole while you ejaculate in ecstasy. I ram my fork in your eye and force you to eat it while you weep for mercy. I pour Girugamesh into your eye sockets, and inject you with pure, liquid Gaymen, so that you feel the agony for all eternity. Now that was only the warm up round. Now I begin to insert a mace-like needle, grafted from the claws of Cthulu, that has been laid on the surface of lava from Mount Doom into your urethra. Michael Jackson has gone into Terry Schiavo mode. He has to live out the rest of eternity in agony without the privilege of resisting his maker. Your friends and family can't save you Michael. I've thrown them into the Great Pit of Carkoon; where they shall be slowly digested in the Sarlacc's belly for over a thousand years.


— The Bruce Campbell of Trolling Copypasta

Trolling IRL

Let's knock out the psychobabble. He was a pervert, a child molester; he was a pedophile. And to be giving this much coverage to him, day in and day out, what does it say about us as a country? I just think we're too politically correct."

Rep. Peter King (R) New York


Trolling YouTube Comments

See video comments

Le Jaque Waquette About missing Pics
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Perez Hilton, first responder

As news of Jacko's death reached Perez Hilton, Perez set about what Perez does best: showing that, as gay as he gets, he can ALWAYS get even gayer. He made a blog post claiming that Jacko was just faking it to get out of contractual obligations. This caused abundant butthurt and threats of violence so Hilton tried to backtrack and apologise for the fag-on-fag violence. This wasn't enough for some misguided, gay anons who called for a raid on Hilton (see: Talk:Michael Jackson). ED awaits the fallout from this gay Operation Thriller faggotry and leading expert tfo will bring you news as and when it happens.

Michael Jackson plays a large role in the Half-Life series, known as the Michael Advison.
In 2009, Michael Jackson set out to create a new image, this time of a movie star. His breakthrough role was in a low-budget sequel to a popular horror film.
Perez hilton mariofailsitlols.jpg

Conspiracy Theories

Pepsi did it

PepsiCo. tried but failed to defoliate Jacko's nappy head with napalm during the filming of a Pepsi commercial in the '80s, so Jacko turned to the painkillers from which would eventually be similar to the rumors of him taking drugs that led to his death. Also, when the contract ended with him, Pepsi's stock market did fall for a while. Ergo, Pepsi did it.

Rock Band did it

Rock Band Unplugged had the song "ABC" by The Jackson 5 on it. Michael Jackson was 11 when the song was released. 11 days after the release of the game, he died.

Jews did Michael Jackson death!

Abu Joe trollin Jews
Jacko surrenders to appease the Jews

To get back at Michael Jackson putting a "Voodoo curse" on Supreme Jewish Leader Steven Spielberg, a day before his IRL death, upon entrance into an IRC channel, a Jew compulsively typed in "ah Michael Jackson, ah what?" Given the fact that this Jew has tha OCD, he has special powers, effectively putting a curse on Jacko and killing him.

Jews did Michael Jackson!

Michael Jackson has an anti-Semitic streak and hasn’t learned from his past mistakes. It seems every time he has a problem in his life, he blames it on the Jews.



Some people do believe that Jews did Michael Jackson, and not just because he owed them $500,000,000. Their reasoning goes as follows:

Michael Achtung
1. Jewish monetary perverts drool at the billions accumulated by MJ. They say shalom and try to invite themselves to dinner and MJ says "GTFO."
2. In addition, Jews at the CIA want to insert memes into his lyrics so that they can sell more dope to the listeners. MJ says "gb2hell."
3. Jews insert bait children into his life. Indeed, some of the children's families were bff with their Jewish attorneys.
4. MJ smells trouble, and responds with lyrics. Jewish lawyers made him change it. The song is accompanied by creepy music that gives you visions of Jewish shark lawyers trying to banhammer you for good. The unedited version of one of his lyrics went as follows (srsly):
Jew really fucked
Jew thought he really got control of me
Jew out there,
Jew really wants to get me
Kick me
Kike me
Use me
Abuse me
Sue me
Jew me
Take control of me
5. Jews never find anything funny if it is at their own expense so proceeded to banhammer him. They fail at the banhammer but succeed in putting him out of commission.

A related theory is that the music biz did Jacko for revenge. His last studio album Invincible in 2002 had tanked and Jacko had gotten into a heated dispute with his label Sony and leveraged himself out of his contract after accusing them of failing to spend sufficient jew golds marketing and promoting him. Of course this had absolutely nothing to do with his refusal to go on tour in support of the record. Jacko and the head of the label went toe-to-toe in the media and Jackson alleged the label head was a "devil" and a "racist" who did not support black artists and used them solely for profit (no shit). He charged that the label chief had called his pal Irv Gotti a "fat nigger."

Mark Sanford did it

After getting busted for going AWOL from his day job as the Governor of South Carolina, Republicunt "family values" fanboy Mark Sanford (described by Stephen Colbert as "incredibly boring ... a manila envelope glued to a beige wall... a walking, talking Ambien") admitted he was off in Buenos Aires having an extramarital affair with a spicy moderately attractive Argentinian chica and NOT on a surprise solo hike on the Appalachian Trail (on Naked Hiking Day). Naturally, the old media went batshit crazy and had pwnta field day at the Governor's expense and were set to drag all the skeletons from Sanford's suddenly interesting closet.

However, on the eve of blowing the lid off the secret lovers' steamy emails and such, Michael Jackson suddenly dropped dead. With a shot at being the GOP's 2012 presidential candidate on the line, things were not looking good for the aging Lothario ... until the spotlight shifted. Coincidence? You be the judge.

Iran did it

Following the hotly desputed re-election of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Iranians protested the results as the vote was the one shred of freedom they thought they still had. They even went as far as condemning the Supreme leader which is apparently a big no-no. The American and other Western news media would closely observe this RAGE throughout the following weeks. YES THE MEDIA WAS REPORTING ACTUAL FUCKING NEWS FOR ONCE.

Fearing that continual coverage of the protests would weaken the Islamic leadership, they needed something seriously Epic to divert Western attention, which was Jackson's record producer.

AEG Insurance Scam?

TMZ reports that AEG who funded the Jacko "This is It" tour paid for a hefty insurance policy from Loyds of London covering among all things DRUG OVERDOSE.

Farrah Fawcett did it?

It is no coincidence that Farrah Fawcett and jacko died on the same day. Reports state that earlier that day, on her deathbed Farrah's last dying wish was for all the children in the world to be safe. So God smiled on Farrah and killed Michael Jackson. What's the difference between Farrah and Jacko? One screwed Majors, the other screwed minors....

Doctor Did It

It it now becoming apparent that his Doctor Conrad Murray is responsible for drugging Jacko to death as the Coroner has requested all his files as well as the LAPD, Los Angeles Country Sheriff, and now the DEA and FBI because this will not be the same without the Party Van. They all want to know how this Doctor got his hands on a IV administered drug that is only available at hospitals.

Illuminati Did Michael Jackson

The Illuminati was infuriated when they learnt that Michael Jackson was going to reveal the truth about the Illuminati's conspiracy to take over the world and reduce the world population by 90% in his next concert. They had their eyes on MJ every since he created this non-satanic song which has a somewhat empowering effect, which is exactly the opposite of what the Illuminati wants (since everyone in the music industry must submit to Satan in order to get anywhere).

Jews Jealous of Allah did Michael Jackson (Copypasta)

Not surprisingly, this particular theory holds considerable sway in the Middle East. The synopsis goes as follows: MJ had converted to Islam in the Middle East and intended to do a final farewell concert, encouraging his fans to do the same. Jews got wind of his intentions, and since he did not pass through any long tunnels where they could accidentize him like Diana when she got pregnant with an Arab, they had to kill him by injection. Apparently, Jews wanted him to continue pushing Diet Pepsi to the Americunts, not Allah!

Michael Jackson (MJ) was known as the most loving person in the world. He gave up most of his assets for charity and all his life, he fought for equality of the African Americans, AIDS victims, Against Drug Abuse, Against Abortion, Against Child Labor and secretly channelled his properties for the hungry children of the world. However, he wasn't peace at heart. He always think of himself as a child trapped inside a man's body. Being Peter Pan is all his dream, never to grow up, forever a child. That inspires him to build Neverland - a heaven for children. Children of all ages and races are welcomed to Neverland. MJ had so much love to give.

However, he made a mistake which he didn't know of the consequences. He saw the peaceful life his brother, Jermaine (Muhammad Abdul Aziz) had as a Muslim - true, Jermaine faced so much pressure that he moved to Bahrain.

In 1989, MJ made a press conference which shocked the world, "I have seen the Islam in the life of my brother, I have read the books about Islam. And I'd love to someday feel the calmness and peace of Islam...."

Since that, MJ's life was never the same again. He was accused of so many accusations against child molestation. MJ was not someone who can deal with much pressure as he is a 'delicate child'. All the extortion and black mail followed after that. Everything he did was being seen as wrong in the eyes of the Media. All these are to influence his fans to hate MJ. If he is hated, then he would not be influencial anymore.

For several years, he stayed in England. Getting motivation from a long time friend, Cat Stevens, who had converted into Islam - named Yusuf Islam. From him, MJ learnt how Yusuf had survived being Muslim. He made friends with a song writer, Zain Bhikha too, who wrote a song titled, "GIVE THANKS TO ALLAH", which he wanted MJ to sing whenever he is ready.

Following his trial, MJ withdrew to Bahrain, where he was the special guest of sheik Abdullah bin Hamad Al Khalifa, the son of Bahrain's king. It was then that Michael began to give conversion more "serious thought." MJ stayed in Bahrain for approximately 3 years. He studied Islam, the prayers and learn to read the Quran.

Finally, he came back to Los Angeles and in November 2008 MJ had formally converted to Islam in a ceremony at a close friend's house in Los Angeles. He perform Haj with the King of Bahrain and son on December 2008.

He had a hidden agenda when he wanted to make a final comeback. He annouced in a press conference on March 2009, "This will be my final concert. I'll see you all in July...."

He planned that during his concert, he would announce that this is the FINAL concert as he wouldn't be performing anymore. He will declare that he is a Muslim and will only sing with Yusuf Islam and Friends. At the end of the concert, he will be singing the song, "GIVE THANKS TO ALLAH" with Yusuf Islam. That is the reason why he chose London as his final concert venue instead of the USA. It was because he thought he could escape the USA's extortion, and that he could perform with yusuf Islam who is in England.

At 12.30am, 25th June 2009, he hugged his production manager and said, "After reherasing for 2 months, I am finally ready for the concert..." Before leaving to sleep, he waved his dancers, "It was a good night everyone. I'll see you all tomorrow..." The next thing... He was pronouced dead at 2.26am.....

When 911 was called, there are so much questions asked. It is as if they didn't know who MJ is and where he lived. The questions asked are more towards to delay time. The hospital said the autopsy result can only be obtained after 2 months - very illog ical as even the worst African technology could obtain the result in less than 2 weeks.

MJ's family members opt for second private autopsy as they started to feel something fishy is going on. The result came out in about 4 days - MJ was drugged with high dosage of anaesthetic - drug that brings about a reversible loss of consciousness, if used to much could stop the heart from beating.

Another result which was not aired in the media was, MJ's stomach is empty of this drug, but his blood were filled with it - same case as the death of Marilyn Monroe. The private doctors also found many needle marks, afraid to be forced injections given to MJ on his bed.

In CNN Live after a week, Barack Obama was interviewed. And he said, "I love MJ, I grew up listening to his songs.. It is a great loss, but rest assured that there is no conspiracy in his death..." Now, why must a President made such statement before the official autopsy result came out? How would he know that there is no conspiracy without the post-mortem result? Seems like someone is afraid of his shadows..

MJ was known to the world as a person who is against drug abuse. Why must he be addicted to drug, then? If he wanted to commit suicide, why rehearse for his concert? And why will he want to see his dancers the next day?

Enough about his death. I am sure people around the world is not stupid anymore. These supreme power can fool us during the Marilyn Monroe conspiracy, Martin Luther King and Princess Diana. But in this MJ's case, they left too many loopholes for those who think...!!

MJ's family was about to give him a Muslim burial with the help of The Brotherhood of Islam. But, the CIA showed up at Neverland's door - blackmailed them that if they do so publicly, Katherine (MJ's mother) would be pull off from MJ's 3 children's custody as well as MJ's estates. Instead, they'll hire Debbie Rowe for the purpose, and the court will be in their favour. So much for democracy and fairness....

Finally, they agreed to let MJ have a Muslim Burial in Neverland. But in condition, must show to the public a Christian Memorial Service, as to prove to the world that MJ was never a Muslim.

So, Staples Centre was just a normal show. That's why the coffin was closed and sealed.

MJ was buried days earlier. The Gold Coffin was empty. They were about to bury the Coffin according to Christianity ways in Hollywood - as in their deal with the USA Government.

These happened, because the USA is afraid of the rising numbers of Muslims in the world.

(Sheikh Ha**d) The Brotherhood of Islam Buletin of Bahrain


Michael Jackson's voice never broke. He never broke into falsetto to reach those notes, he could just hit them without effort. All of his brothers are big lantern-jawed men, but he - even before all the surgery - never looked any older than 11. Why?

Because the Jackson 5 was a money machine, and it all depended on Michael's voice. Joe Jackson is not a nice man, and never was. He did not take Michael to Mexico for an operation to ensure that that voice would remain angelic. He got good and drunk drunk and did the deed himself, with the boot.

This fact explains pretty much everything, the kids in the bed, the dance stuff where he'd touch himself like a woman. That's why the sexy dance moves in the "Thriller" video are so unconvincing and just wrong. Go watch it - it's obvious that this man has never actually fucked. He never put his dick in any of those kids - he was physically incapable of it. This is not to say that what he did wasn't sexually molesting the kids, just that it was quite a bit creepier than the paedophile rape everyone thinks it was.

Dude's dad kicked him in the balls, as a child, to cripple him and keep his voice sweet. You know it makes sense.


Paris Jackson, Michael Jackson's only daughter, accepts an Oscar for her stellar performance at the memorial ceremony.
LOL vandalism is pointless on this page or anywhere else on ED.

Jacko had a gala public memorial service at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. Jackson did not appear from the dead and deliver a true-to-life rendition of "Thriller", much to the chagrin of most of the audience. Paris-Michael Katherine did, however, deliver a heart-felt speech at the end about how great a father Jacko was, and how they will lose their $1000/week allowances. It is not known who coached her into making said statements, as everyone knows Jackson's fatherhood suffered a brutal death after falling three stories off a balcony.

The hapless losers who invested $400 million for Jacko's comeback tour (who also own the Staples Center) gave out 11,000 free tickets to the public instead of selling them at a high markup. After burning $400 mil on a now canceled due to death tour, why not just lose more money?

During the faggy memorial service, Kobe Bryant and Magic Johnson took the stage; the latter having appeared in the music video Remember the Time (I Raped You). After everyone watching asked themselves "why the fuck are they there," Magic Johnson went on to recount a tender crisp moment he shared with Wacko Jacko:


During the service various speakers all lauded the strangeness that was Michael Jackson, spouting tall tales such as creditng Wacko Jacko with the election of Barack Obama as President (not that there aren't similarities).

It was reported that the Jacko family first opted for cremation, but it was discovered after years of plastic surgery and various chemical treatments to his skin that his body is now flame resistant. NASA has approached Joe Jacko in the hope of getting corpse samples to use in research on new heat shields for space vehicles.

It has been reported that Jacko has finally been buried at Forest Lawn Cemetary, instead of doing the right thing and donating his body to science fiction.


Is it really Piracy that's hurting the industry?

Initial autopsy results were inconclusive but reports from the Los Angeles Country Medical Examiner's office do showed that Jackson's body was 35% plastic and other recycled materials. After the rest of Jack's chassis had been released for embalming and burial subsequent autopsy and toxicology tests were done on Jackson's brain. On August 24th, 2009, the final results were leaked revealing the obvious: Jacko had died of a massive drug overdose and although he'd done the world a favour, Jacko's personal physician was accused of MURDER!!!

The doctor, cardiologist Conrad Murray, had been treating Jackson for insomnia for about six weeks with a buttload of the hospital-grade anaesthetic Diprovan every night via the tip of his penis. Murray said he feared Jackson was becoming addicted to the anesthetic, which is supposed to be used only in hospitals and other advanced medical settings, so he had lowered the dose and threw in the sedatives Valium and midazolam.

According to court records Murray said he resisted a tired Jacko's incessant whining for Diprovan (which he referred to as "his milk") fearful that the pop star had developed a dangerous addiction to the drug. Instead, Murray administered the sedatives Valium, lorazepam and midazolam five times over six hours but it didn't work and he continued to demand his "milk". Jackson stopped breathing about 10 minutes after Dr Death relented and finally gave in to his patient's demands.

Michael Jackson Lives

Don't believe Ondor's lies. We brought him back, we had the technology!

The King of Pop at his last performance.


Micahel jackson brb.jpg

This is the story all about how
My pulse got flipped turned upside down,
Now I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there,
I'll tell you how I had cardiac arrest in Bel Air.

In Gary, Indiana born and raised,
In the plastic surgeon room is where I spent most of my days,
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxing all cool,
and sittin' in a van outside of a school

When a couple of parents said I was up to no good,
said I was molesting their kids in the neighborhood.
I got in one little incident, and the police got scared
and said "You movin' with your Blanket and children in Bel-Air"

I said I'll do a big concert tour, and when it came near
I needed a trainer - my body stress load was severe.
One morning that I woke up and suddenly felt pain,
I said "Nah forget it, YO HOLMES LET'S TRAIN!"

The very next day, 'round 11 or 12,
blood stopped rushing to my heart valve.
I collapsed on the floor, and to rejoicing of haters
I yelled to the world "yo holmes smell ya later"

Slipped into a coma and I was finally there,
dead of cardiac arrest at my home in Bel-Air.

Bel Air Ver. 2

This is a story all about how my HHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNGH!!!


His legacy continues in every shitty rerelease of his music, his family, and Pedobear. Also this guy

Death: The Ultimate PR

Before Jacko's death, no one gave a shit about him and his music. Only because it isn't even good enought to suck monley balls. To everyone, including his own family he was a washed-up pop star, with plastic skin and a fake nose. LaToya (Michael's evil twin brother) publicly accused Jacko of being a pervert on Geraldo Rivera's talk show in the 1990's. Now he is an infallible pop music legend and his music is hotter than ever. Use this to your advantage and profit off his corpse while you still can!

Now that he is Dead, let the whoring begin.

With jacko dead, the rest of the jacksoff family is without their primary cash cow. Like Elvis before him, it is time to plaster his plastic surgery ravaged face on anything and everything. First up are two video games, one the Michael Jackson Experience, a Wii dance game.

The most ambition project is Planet Michael, a HEUG MMO set within Michael Jackson's World based on his music videos and career. It is not known is players can enter the game as such characters as, Plastic Suregon, Private Doctor, Neverland Maid, Monkey Wrangler, Coffee Enema Administer, Anal Tampon Inserter, Personal Doctor Shopper and the best of all a 12 year old boy.

If this game becomes reality, there is much LULZ potential for griefing. The Patriotic Nigras will probably shut the servers down withing in 30 minutes of opening, which is a terrible, cruel, and IGNORANT thing to do.

Fun things to do.

  • Go the Neverland as a 12 year old boy.
  • Ask when bed time is, when the little had touches the big hand.
  • Find Bubbles and give him a spanking.
  • Close the pool because it has Aids.
  • RAID Neverland, swarm the sim with characters all dressed as police, start asking where the CP is.

An Hero, From Beyond the grave

On November 5 2009, Evan Chandler, after Michael Jacksons dead, father of little boy Jordy Chandler who Michael Jackson fucked up his shota asshole, committed an hero:

Evan Chandler an hero'd

Can you really blame him?


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Featured article June 26, 2009
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