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And you thought science was fucking boring...
To amphie addicts, this looks yummy!

It's a pity not more people are smoking, sniffing and injecting more of this wonderful class of drugs, as they do seem to cause the most psychotic breaks from any other drug when used recreationally. Another reason amphetaminoids are so great is that they get you addicted a lot easier, with less money. Most people claim cocaine is totally superior to speed but they are 99% of the time either pussies who can't take the drug, people who haven't ever scored good speed, you or just rich fucks with plenty of money to spare.

Dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine/Benzedrine)

The staple of the amphetaminoids. Popping one of these pills is equivalent to buttchugging fifteen Red Bulls. Considered another form of "candy" for college students as it keeps you awake for twenty hours straight, not to mention immediately turning you into mini-Einstein. You know you suck at mathematics, but all you have to do is pop one or two of these babies and suddenly you find yourself writing a ten-page booklet of differential equations with your math teacher calling you a fucking genius. Plus, when you ingest it (stick it in your pooper or else it won't work, trust me), you'll feel very euphoric, and talkative to the point where it pisses everyone else off within earshot. And, you'll actually want to go out and exercise! Not to mention the drug will suppress your appetite severely as long as you're on it. Maybe you won't be such a fat fuck for your whole life after all. Week or even month-long binges on this drug can result in lulz, such as psychotic breaks including but not limited to thinking your refrigerator has jaws and is trying to kill you. This compound has a colorful role in modern history/culture, fueling both the rise and fall of such American icons as Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, and Jack Kerouac. On the bright side, we won a world war and immediately afterwards constructed the interstate highway system while on this stuff.

And to think this stimulant is actually commonly prescribed by doctors to patients with ADHD, including teenagers and very small children. No shit!

Amphetamine salts combinations (Adderall, Vyvanse)

Amphetamine salts combinations, usually a mix of dextroamphetamine and levoamphetamine (brand name "Adderall" or "Vyvanse") are those pills you stole one time from your speedfreak buttbuddy with ADHD so you could stay up late studying for that exam you had the next day... but instead of studying, you spent the rest of the day obsessively cleaning your shithole apartment. Finally, the kiddie meth wore off, you hadn't studied, your apartment looked good, and it was four hours to your exam. Trying to sleep, you sat paranoid, your eyes wide open, twitching. Recognizing futility, you tried to fap, but your dick was as cold as ice, and had retracted about 3 inches, since amphetamine makes your blood vessels constrict tighter then a prepubescent girl's pussy. ur mum caught you, and you failed your exam because you never actually studied. Your parents disowned you, you sold drugs and worked as a short-order cook in bumfuck nowhere for the rest of your life, reading Encyclopedia Dramatica and fapping to loli in the witching hours. THE END

Note that if you actually do have ADHD, dextroamphetamine doesn't do shit.

Also, over 9000 of the pills prescribed for ADHD are taken illegally by college and high school students so they can stay up and study for their pointless exams, or just to have fun.

It is often seen getting crushed up and snorted by retards trying to be cool and pretending its coke, what they don't realise is that they're wasting it, it's best absorbed rectally. Throw ten up your ass, faggot

Yakuza smuggle this drug into Japan all the time, despite the fact that Japan is retarded and sentences them to death for smuggling the innocent-looking blue pill into the country. How the Japanese manage to get through cram school and pass their exams thus has yet to be discovered.


Methamphetamine (also known as ice or shard in countries like dumbfuck Australia, or simply dope or meth in The South, or P in New Zealand, Tina or T by realfags, or Shabu in the Philippines and Asia) makes you so high that you can't find your own hands, and when you do find them, it turns out they're choking a hooker or punching a child. Meth is really just ordinary spider eggs that need a place to gestate. Kind meth-heads, or "friends of spiders," give the helpless little arachnids a warm nose-incubation, and when the spiders hatch, they escape through the host's pores, resulting in sores commonly called "speed bumps." These scars serve as reminders of the meth-head's kindness to God's creatures. If you see a meth-head with speed-bumps, approach them, look them right in the eye, and say "Thank you, on behalf of all the spiders." They'll understand - and if not, beat them over the head with the nearest blunt object, secure in the knowledge that you tried your best.

When eggs are in short supply and demanding a price above $10 a sack, meth must be produced artificially. Meth synthesis is carried out by "cooks," who "cook" the compound from a "recipe." Meth cooks are not only the nemesis of the authorities, as they become temporarily bulletproof when fully charged. They are rated as the highest order of fucktard by the rest of the drug-making community due to their remarkably low intelligence, constant tweaking-out, raging shitfits upon receiving criticism of their shit performance of something so simple, insistence on ultra moar right now and their complete inability to stay "undercover." Meth cooks use the most outdated recipes around, as they develop a rash when thinking. They rely on brutally suspicious and highly flammable combinations of phosphorus, iodine, ephedrine and diethyl ether. This recipe dates back to 1919, ya rly.

File:Meth Lab explosion 3.jpg
The results of a friendly neighbourhood meth lab explosion.

Meth lab explosions are becoming increasingly common in places such as Tennessee or Toronto, Canada. These meth lab explosions usually result after your friendly neighbourhood Walter White has no idea what he is doing and so causes a meth lab explosion. When this happens it results in your neighbours becoming a huge fans of the friendly neighbourhood Walter. Bonus points are due if the explosion happens outside of a police station or courthouse. The bigger the explosion the more points they get.

Despite being one the simplest of synthetic drugs to prepare, four out of five meth labs are discovered on fire. Store owners may accurately identify the meth cook if s/he has a three-year cold that needs a constant feed of pseudoephedrine and boxes of road flares when they don't have a car. It will likely attempt selling the flares back after removing the strikers. Other words to listen out for include L-Pac, benzaldehyde, pulling/pushing, bitter almond oil and, of course, Jenkem. Meth cooks will use gangs of fanboys to hit all the local drugstores so as to override the pack limits. The US Government is well aware that meth cooks divert large quantities of it to synthesis and would likely fail without it, and that there are alternative pharmaceuticals that could take its place but not be rendered a precursor. They continue selling it to the public to level up the butthurt.

Fun history: Meth was invented by the Nazis as a combat drug. Meth causes insomnia, makes the user hyper-aggressive and eliminates empathy, thus creating a super soldier. Once on meth, Germans don't need sleep, as they can spend 24/7 of their time pwning Jews, the French, and subhumans. The Blitzkrieg could have not been possible if it wasn't for mandatory meth use in the military. The biggest meth addict in all of history was, of course Adolf Hitler. His doctor Theodor Morell gave him daily meth injections so that he'd be energetic enough to lead the country to victory. Now you know why people who take meth are complete racists who have the irresistible desire to exterminate niggers!


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However, there is OVER 9000 dollars to be made in the meth industry, if you know to cook it properly and not be a fucking idiot. Watch this instructional video made by the Pro-Narcotic Government Organization known as the WKUK. The good stuff is at the end:

Propylhexedrine (Benzedrex)

Remember kids, they won't card you for this stuff

Is an amphetamine derivative manufactured by the same pharmaceutical company responsible for the OG benzedrine inhalers that, somehow, remains unregulated and unscheduled despite the fact that its high potential for recreational abuse has been known for decades. Although it has retained status as an an otc medication over the course of many drug scares and epidemics, Benzedrex should not be underestimated. It's really just just another form of speed after all. Users typically report an onset similar to that of Adderall, but with a racier and less focused peak, as well as a shorter duration and more pronounced crash. This shit can be purchased legally, and without ID, at Wallgreens, Rite Aid, some Walmarts, and even more conveniently, online for around $6-9 a tube.

Now the propylhexedrine is absorbed into a piece of cotton which is then placed inside the inhaler tube for best results when seeking sinus pressure relief. Obviously we're just in it for the fun stuff, so what you'll want to do is break open the tube and rip that cotton bastard right out. For dosing purposes, it is generally recommended that the strip be cut in thirds, as a third of a Benzedrex strip is considered to be about as potent as 15-20mg of Adderall. The cotton pieces can be straight up eaten, though its a better idea to allow them to marinate in soda, orange juice, coffee, or any another acidic beverage that will allow for the absorption of the propylhexawhatever without having to force chemically treated fabrics through your digestive system.

All that being said, Benzedrex is a pretty fucking ghetto drug.


Ritalin is for nerds who aren't cool enough to buy cocaine, and are too big of pussies to try methamphetamine. It is prescribed to over 9000 10 year-old boys with ADHD every year. Recreationally, it's better than caffeine and ephedrine, but not any where near as fun as sexphetamine. About three of these will get you jittery and very stimulated, but not with any significant euphoria. It has been documented, scratch that, lied about by faggoty teens that when injected IV, methylphenidate feels good man and produces awesome cocaine-like rush and euphoria. In any case, it still makes you a jittery fucktard, and the crash from a Ritalin high is ridiculously intense. Unlike amphetamine, however, Ritalin is way less likely to turn you into a dried-up sea hag.

The thing is, if you have undiagnosed ADHD, then all it'll do is make you want to read books at home (but not study, because your mind will keep wandering) and actually pay attention in class. You won't be able to sleep, either. If you don't have ADHD, see the "Amphetamines" section.


Erowid.gif Ephedrine at Erowid is a weight loss drug preferred by the morbidly obese and pro-ana 16 year old girls. And goths who can't get hold of speed. It's important when taking ephedrine not to vomit it up with your half piece of toast and dixie cup of water during a fit of thinspiration. Anorexic 16 year old girls may also eat drugs such as amphetamines and their lesser relatives ephedrine and arsenic as a way of avoiding actual food. They also eat laxatives, but see these as the most recreational of drugs, and mainly take them for the sheer pleasure. Anorexics generally like to boast about their laxative intake.

If your hooker friend asks you to buy hay fever meds for her because she "left her driver's license at home", negotiate.


Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info: Bath Salts.

Erowid.gif MDPV at Erowid is a legal, cheap-as-fuck & superpotent amphetaminoid which has recently been generating some lulz by being marketed as bath salts, fake fertilizer or fake insect repellent to losers who can't score decent speed. There are strong indications that MPDV is the devil. Recently, the now-infamous nigger Rudy Eugene cannibalized a hobo while on bath salts, generating much lulz and sending paranoid basement-dwellers into a frenzy of blogging about the upcoming zombie apocalypse.

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