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x + y = sammich?

Mathematics or math (from the English maffs) is a tired old old meme. Everyone was born with preternatural knowledge of math, and can achieve pinnacles of brilliance even while sleeping. It has numerous numbers in it, unique squiggly symbols and significant irrational actors. It is suggested that mathematics not be attempted under the influence, as it is difficult to drink and derive at the same time. Math, like breathing, needs to be done at all times. The difference being that math is no fucking fun to do.

Math in the Middle Ages

Symbol of the cult of great mathematician Pythagoras. Only further proof that mathematicians are evil moon-worshiping Satanists.

Mathematics was invented by Muslims at least 100 years ago, back before the time of enlightenment, when the earth was ruled by level 60 barbarians.

In those days, mathematics were not only frowned upon, but was also proof of the devils influence on men. (For more on "devils influence" see Jews) This widespread belief that numbers were Satan's language is attributed by most lulztorians to the existence of mathemagicians. Mathemagicians were high level mages who cast numerical spells on the village people. Most were fed to lions. This caused great envy from Catholics. They saw this as the mathemagicians way of stealing their fire.

People love pizza; they don't love math!


With mathematics you can

Using math to find Batman.

How to Troll Mathematicians on the Internet

Match can be used for evil.
  • 1 ≠ .99999...
  • 0^0 ≠ 1
  • 0! ≠ 1
  • Give some proof that two different numbers are equal to each other
    • Don't be afraid to divide by zero!
  • 0/0 is everything. Where is your God now?
  • boob + boob = boobs Therefore s = 2
  • Claim that the ability to have equal amounts of hot dogs to buns is impossible
  • Let epsilon < 0

PROTIP: Make a small image with your equation of choice, post this along with "Prove Me Wrong". Then just sit back and watch every pseudo-intellectual on /b/ rage.

Rigorous Rules of the Internet


(PROTIP: any proof involving Rule 1, 2 or 3 is automatically a contradiction, leave them alone)

Set Theory

  • {Girls} ∩ {People on the Internet} = . (Rule 30)
  • {girls on the internet} ⊂ {men on the internet}. (Rule 29 (a), logically equivalent to Rule 30)
  • {underageB&s on the internet} ⊂ {undercover FBI agents} ∪ {Chris Hansen}. (Rule 29 (b) w/ Chris Hansen)
  • {things that exist} ≡ {things that have pornography about it}. Rule 34
  • {X: X is sacred} ≡ ∅. (Rule 42)
  • {things to be taken seriously} ≡ ∅. (Rule 20)
  • ∀ X: X ∈ {reposts}, X ∈ {reposts of reposts}. (Rule 24)
  • Anonymous ∈ {horrible, uncaring monsters} (Rule 6)
  • {rules about posting} ⊄ {real rules} (Rule 8)
  • {rules about moderation} ⊄ {real rules} (Rule 9)
  • {things you can say} ⊂ {things that can be altered} (Rule 13)


  • X exists ⇒ X has porn ∨ Porn containing X has yet to be made (can be taken as an Axiom).
  • X claims to be a Girl ⇒ X is a man (corollary of: ¬ ∃ Girls on the internet). (Rule 30)
  • X claims to be an underageB& ⇒ X is a FBI agent ∨ X is Chris Hansen. (Rule 29 (b) w/ Chris Hansen)
  • X is to be talked about ⇒ X is not /b/. (Rules 1 & 2)
  • X is a repost ⇒ X is a repost of a repost. (Rule 24)
  • X is fucked up ⇒ ∃ Y more fucked up than X. (Rule 36)
  • Let P be the proposition: You like rival sites. P ⇒ ¬P (Rule 10, See also: Paradox)
  • ∀X: X is a carefully picked argument of yours ⇒ X can be easily ignored. (Rule 11)
  • ∀X: X is something you say ⇒ X can be used against you. (Rule 12)
  • ∀X: X can be labeled ⇒ X can be hated. (Rule 18)
  • Copypasta is made to ruin every last bit of originality (Rule 23)
    • Proof of Rule 23: Given that Rule 22 is true. Rule 23 = Rule 22. ∴ Rule 23 is true. QED.

General Theorems

  • Division by Zero is not possible/defined. (Rule 37) (Unless: k/0 = 0, if k = 0 -> 0*0 = 0! Solved!)
  • TITS ∨ GTFO. (Rule 31)
  • How hard you try ∝ how hard you fail. (Rule 15)
  • An object's beauty/pureness ∝ satisfaction attained by it's corruption. (Rule 43)
  • As time → ∞, WIN → FAIL. (Rule 17)
  • As FAIL → ∞, FAIL → EPIC FAIL. (Rule 16)
  • As length N of thread T → ∞, P(∃ a post in T comparing somebody to Nazis/Hitler | N) = 1 (Godwin's Law)
  • The time span of original content from birth to old meme << the total lifetime of a meme. (Rule 21)
  • Relevance to OP ∝ 1/n, where n is the number of posts in the thread. (Rule 25)
    • There is evidence to suggest that Relevance to OP decreases exponentially: ∝ exp(-n)
  • Your hate of X ∝ Strength of X. (Rule 19)


  • {Furries} ⊂ {Bat Shit Insane People}. (conjecture, not yet a rule)
  • If X exists ⇒ ∃ Furry Porn with X (Rule 46)
  • {Furries} ∩ {Pedos} ≡ {Cub Artists}
  • {Furries} ⊂ {Srs business}
  • {Baby Furs} ⊂ {Furries} ⊂ {Bat Shit Insane} [see fig (1)]
    • {Furries} ∩ {Adult Babies} ≡ {Baby Furs}


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Types of math


Algebra is the study of structures of groups. It is the pointless part of number theory, and its only useful technology yielded is cryptography that allows pedos to trade CP on the internet without being caught.

Real Analysis

Ever want to prove patently obvious facts in rigorous gory detail? Real analysis may be the branch of study for you!

Complex Analysis

As if pontificating about what the different types of infinity are weren't navel-gazey enough, Complex Analysis deals with made-up numbers that don't exist (so-called "imaginary numbers"). Surprisingly, complex analysis has actual real world applications in control theory, so you can use it to engineer the control system for your automatic mobile fuck-sling, you sick fuck.


By far the most useful and important branch of math, as well as the only branch worth learning, calculus is used by engineers to build structures, jet engines, turbines, supercomputers, and the rest of the trappings of the modern world. Meanwhile, pure mathematicians jerk each other off while writing down results of definitions they made up. Derivatives can be used to construct dynamical systems, which are often used by furries to model animal populations.


Topology is the study of shapes which, to the layman, means "topologists can turn a coffee cup into a donut lololol." Because topologists claim that women are homeomorphic to toroids, they often get off by sticking their dicks in donuts. Notable branches of topology include Knot Theory and Hairy Ball Theorem. Topologists are the original basement dwellers - the most famous topologist lives in his mom's basement and refused a million dollar prize.

See Also

Mathematics is part of a series on Language & Communication
Languages and DialectsGrammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and UsageRhetorical StrategiesPoetryThe Politics of Language and CommunicationMediaVisual Rhetoric
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