You might know Mark Wahlberg (or as TOW calls him, Mark Robert Michael Wahlberg, born June 5, 1971) as a manlet American actor, probably most well known for being cast in TRENSFAWMAHS FOAHA, all those shitty remakes of classic movies that nobody liked or asked for and films that couldn't afford Leonardo DiCaprio.
You might also know him for being a little wigger faggot in the early '90s and calling himself Marky Mark, frontman with the band Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, a gang of part-time rent boys that managed to make Vanilla Ice look like blacker than Wesley Snipes by comparison.
Early life, assaults and conviction
Wahlberg was born to a meatball nigger father and a potato nigger mother in the shithole that is the city of Bawwwstin. Wahlberg had nine siblings - including his big brother, Donnie Wahlberg, who, like Mark would later pursue a career in both music and acting; but, unlike Mark, is fucking ugly though not a total cunt. Donnie and Mark formed a boyband in the 1980s called The New Kids on The Block, but Mark dropped out when he decided, quite rightly, that that shit was gay and that he'd have more fun entertaining himself in other ways.
Anyway, none of that shit really matters because it turns out that Mark Wahlberg was a right little fucker growing up, always getting into trouble and engaging in really quite audacious acts of IRL trolling.
—Wikipedia on Wahlberg's criminality.
Despite the seriousness of Mark Wahlberg's crimes, it seems to have had no impact on the trajectory of his career whatsoever, thus proving that in Hollywood, it doesn't matter who you are or what you do, so long as you know the right people and give up the ass.
Vietnam Fucking Shits!
Eventually, a concerned net citizen brought Wahlberg's chequered past to the attention of /tv/, the 4chan board which, in theory, is dedicated to television and film, but in practice is actually dedicated to ogling the feet of underage actresses, heaping scorn on Internet reviewers and, every now and then, sperging about Game of Thrones and Doctor Who.
Fa/tv/irgins were only too quick to seize upon Mark's ingenious and hilarious coining of the phrase 'Vietnam fucking shit!' and were soon bellowing out the phrase all over the board, joyously calling one another 'Vietnam fucking shits' and telling each other to get out of their respective ways, before firing up their pirated copies of Photoshop to create amusing images of Marky Mark menacing Vietnamese people.
In October 2001, Mark Wahlberg met with the Vietnamese families of agent orange victims. After a brief interview in which he expressed his condolences and hope for closure, he reportedly burst out laughing and made Huey noises and mimicked two F-4's dropping napalm. He then picked up the deformed child of a deformed victim and whispered into her ear "Vietnam fucking shits, bitch", and proceeded to put on a pair of sunglasses and unleash a barrage of martial arts attacks on the small child. She was rushed to the hospital where she was pronounced dead due to extreme trauma. When asked later about the incident, Marky Mark became visibly sexually aroused and repeated the same attack on the reporter.
I am Mark Wahlberg.
Hey, Vietnam fucking shit,
Get outta my way!
More recently, in an interview with the not-at-all gay-sounding magazine Men's Journal, Wahlberg made some Internet tough guy-esque comments about the 2001 World Trade Center attacks and how, if he'd have been on the plane that fateful day, he totally would've stopped 9/11 from happening, though, to his credit, he did stop short of saying that he'd been trained in gorilla warfare and was the top sniper in the entire US State Marine Corps.
When called out on this faggotry, Wahlberg apologized for his 'ridiculous' comments, though consider this: Would even the most hardened Islamic terrorist really be able to fly a plane into the twin towers with one of their eyeballs hanging out of its socket and their depth perception being all fucked up?
In the interview to promote another movie of his that nobody went to see, Broken City, Mark has clearly been drankin' and, at one point, vaguely alludes to his criminal past and then shouts "FUCKIN' SHIT!!"
Despite putting zero effort into making amends with those he victimized, Marky Mark is now looking to get a pardon for his past offenses, one presumably directly from the president himself, hoping not only to kill a beloved /tv/ meme but also so that he might join in all fun the folks in Ferguson are having and become a fully certified cop. STOP RIGHT THERE,
NIGGER CRIMINAL FUCKING SHITS!!
- /tv/ express their sympathy for Wahlberg's victims
- /q/ debate the feasibility of a new board, /vfs/
- Mark Wahlberg's IMDb page
- A load of butthurt Azns whining about Mark Wahlberg
- Some unfunny shoops of Mark being all heroic and shit, in stark contrast to what we at ED know he's really like.
- Mark Wahlberg comments on the Boston bombing, saying 'I just wanted to hug my kids'. We can only interpret this as a euphemism for 'blind some Vietnamese people'.
Mark Wahlberg is part of a series on
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Mark Wahlberg is part of a series on
Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage.
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