ZOMG MARIOTEHPLUMBER AKA JOHN BURRIS HAS A JOB AT SEGA11!!!!111
|Mariotehplumber is an irrelevant lolcow who had long since been milked by the masses.|
You can help by finding someone else to pick on, you meen-spirited cyberboolie!
|Occupation:||YouTuber, Twitch streamer|
Mariotehplumber (Powerword: John Burris) is a roid-raging, Tourette's-suffering hyper-awkward hero lolcow who thinks it's his duty to deliver the glorious Sonic series from its heretical Modern days. He has given himself over to the religion of Sonic; by doing that, he is required to waste thousands of dollars on worthless Sonic plushies and key chains, pose as Sonic wherever he goes, and always assert his opinion as facts. In other words, he is your typical rabid fanboy with nothing else to do other than make rage drawings an unborn fetus could make better than him. He wastes time playing Sonic 1 24/7 and destroying his nice furniture while screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs like a toddler. He is biased, racist, butthurt Sonic fan who hates "teh moddurn Sannic" and loves "teh klasyic Sannic" and calls Knuckles a nigger! He even claims that Mario and Zelda are the only good games. Lately, John has bought over 200 Rosalina and Luma amiibos so fans of her can not. He plans to spend nearly $35,000 on them. Oh, and Irate Gamer is his favorite reviewer too, destroying more of his nonexistent credibility.
However, due to immense trolling, he has been obsessively using a banhammer to attack trolls, believing that this makes him a genius. This however, proves that MTP is a total fucking retard with an enormous ego. He likes to believe he is a good Christian, yet his pride and ego are one of the deadly sins. Only HyperCharge and ExoParadigmGamer even come close to the extreme level of hypocrisy and emotional retardation Mariotehplumber has. They are fans of each other by the way.
Most of his videos are about him pissing and whining about how he wants the "Klaysic Sannic" in every Sonic game, always. He also blames Sonic fans who enjoy the Sonic games after Sonic Adventure saying that they ruined the series for everyone. He refers Sonic's newer design as long-legged streched-out "hentai quills", and he says that the "morans" like to shove hentai quills up their asses. He also shits the bed about how he wants a Sonic 1 in 3D and believes that Sega will magically listen to him and cancel any current Sonic-related projects just to please him. He also wants to work for Sega so he can make a Sonic 1 in 3D and also make the "Klaysic Sannic" kill the "Moddurn Sannic", and call the game Sonic the Hedgehog and make over 9000 parts of it. His sound quality is the equivalent of him shoving the microphone up his ass while ear raping the viewer's ears with his constant Tourette's attacks, and his videos of him in his mom's basement have poor lighting while he breaks out into fits of rage while destroying furniture.
His let's plays are him playing some shitty Mario, Zelda, or Sonic game while constantly repeating himself by saying "owned" or "fuck" over and over, saying that how "Most of the morans think that they can go here, but they can also go up here" for example, constantly screaming like an insane fucktard about how he is the best in the world at the game he's playing while he plays worse than the average gamer. If he plays Sonic 1 or Mario 64, he will go completely insane screaming about how great the game is while going apeshit on the microphone.
His "reviews" are on the recent Mario, Zelda, and Sonic games. In his reviews, he says that the character design is the most important part of any video game, as he says it sells games. In reality, the gameplay sells the games. He will even pull a Razorfist and review a game without playing it. His reviews are mostly nothing more than him bitching about Sonic's character design and how he wants the "Klaysic Sannic" or the "Sannic Wuhn Sannic" in his Sonic game reviews, as he calls Sonic's newer design, or as he calls it the "hentai design".
As of January 15, 2015, Mariotehplumber has admitted he was trolling the entire time, and he has stopped making videos on his channel. He said his anger was fake, that is until you start sending nude pictures of Rosalina to him. He now does weekly streams on Twitch with TheBalishChannel, while he goes insane fighting Rosalina, like buying 100 fucking Rosalina amiibo so his fans can't and screaming at people on Twitter about her at the same time. However, he just cannot let go, and of as March 12, 2015, he has returned to making his new "reviews," which contain even more twisted opinions than his old reviews and worse roid rage than ExoParadigmGamer and HyperCharge's reviews.
Mariotehplumber is also known for constantly whining about how they need to bring the "Klaysic Sannic" back into every newer sonic game. He has also annoyed everyone on the forums that he has joined for his constant whining. This has also caused him to get banned on the forums that he has joined. However, Mariotehplumber would continuously dodge bans and create new accounts on the forums that he was previously banned on. For example, He was banned from the Sega forums and eventually returned as Blowit before being banned once more. However, he then returned as Sonic Henkai, then got banned again, then re-returned as Son Goku, then got banned again, then re-re-returned as My Shoes, then got banned again and so on. This also led to the forum's administrators banning his IP address from accessing the forums. After Mariotehplumber has been banned up to the point of this IP Address being blocked on the site, he would usually make posts claiming that he would pay real money to the moderators to unban his account.
On top of everything else, he's a known figure on the world's-gayest-sportosphere that is professional wrestling. He goes by the name Romans Empire on Wrestling Forum, and his superiority complex is up to 11 there. Delusional as always, he claims to be the "Forum Champion" and even goes to the trouble of putting a fake belt in his signature. Despite being in a mostly different sphere from his usual area, he outed himself by continuing to rant about Nintendo becoming "hentai".
Plumber will instantly get butthurt and BAW on your video and/or channel if you make a video criticizing and/or putting logic into his videos, or send him pictures of Rosalina. He will spam comments onto the video with the grammar of a 5-year-old moron. Sometimes, he will even make a video telling people to take down their videos about him, or he will flag your video for copyright, and block you from commenting on his videos he uploads. Some of his "best" insults consist of "modern moran", "faggot", and "idiot".
In fact, contributing to this ED article IS trolling him!
Racism, Xenophobia and General Prejudice
In his videos and comments, he is known for being racist and hating on a certain group of people. Here is a list of people who he is known to be racist/Xenophobic towards, and who he generally puts down in his videos and comments:
- Blacks (no, we're not hypocrites for calling him out on this, you crackers!)
- Autistics (even though he acts like one)
- British People
- Any Europeans, really
- Japanese people (refers to them as "Fapanese")
- Mario fans who enjoy the games after Super Mario 64
- Sonic fans who enjoy the games after Sonic Adventure
- Fans of Rosalina
- Haters of Roman Reigns
Witness the nonexistent glory that is his collection of YouTube comments
40k Down The Shitter
In recent news, if you haven't heard, Nintendo has recently released a line of toys called Amiibo for kids and adults alike. Since the things are selling pretty well, you can expect not only Sony to make their shitty version of it soon enough, but there to be scalpers as well. Of course, Mariotehplumber has taken scalping to a whole new level.
Supposedly, in a recent interview, under the name Daily Dose, Mariotehplumber has spent ABOUT $4,000 on these damn things and even plans to spend 35,000 dollars more. Four. Fucking. Thousand. Where he got 4,000 dollars, the world may never know. It could be from his college fund or crack money or from whoring himself out in the Jersey alleyways, but what we do know is that this was a waste of money. Think about it. This 4,000 dollars could have gone to a poor, starving family in Africa, but instead, this money was wasted on multiple versions of the same piece of fucking plastic. And he plans on spending $35,000 more on them.
In the interview, Mariotehplumber did his usual whining about Nintendo games and Sonic with surprisingly improved grammar than in his troll-y days, and he basically showed through the pictures that he did all of this to spite all the people who ridiculed him. That's right, this wasn't because he has a hard on for Nintendo characters (Well, it was, but still), it was a revenge attempt at his haters. Yeah, I think the only people who are offended by this are hardcore Nintendo fanboys. So while Nintendo is swimming in Mariotehplumber's prostitute money Scrooge McDuck-style, he's racking up as many as he possibly can so now no one else can buy them, out of spite. Here are some of the things Mariotehplumber said in the interview:
—Mariotehplumber sucks at lore
Every Saturday, MarioTehPlumber and his gay cyber-boyfriend TheBalishChannel, being the basement-dwelling lowlives they are, stream Nintendo games and anime on Twitch, instead of partying hard and getting laid.
Their gay stream includes the following:
- Unfunny sex jokes
- A bunch of butthurt white knights/trolls/pedos
- Newfags that find the stream getting berated by pedophiles and TheBalishChannel for not worshiping his streams and anime
The owner of the stream, TheBalishChannel (Powerword: Ronald Balish), is a vapid SJW. Balish enforces political correctness in his Discord/chatroom, and will bully others who dissent into silence like a good little spineless SJW. So if you dare say anything politically-incorrect, you're not welcome in his circle! TheBalishChannel enforces PC goodthink and punishes wrongthink (even if said wrongthink goes against his religion). TheBalishChannel also draws pedophilic images, which may explain why he defends other degenerates (even if it's to be "ironic" or as a "joke", there's no excuse).
TheBalishChannel betrays and turns on his loyal but non-PC fans, just to virtue-signal and white-knight for mentally ill degenerates that may or may not give him money one day. All this, just so he can waste his life further, and lap up the narcissistic energy he gets from all the fan art to temporarily improve his self-esteem.
Not only is TheBalishChannel a pussy, but he is a literal pedophile as well.
How to troll TheBalishChannel
- Call him a pedo
- Call him a faggot
- Tell him the holocaust was a lie
- Bully his viewers
- Say his streams are the worst shit on Twitch
- Tell him he's an untalented artist (pronounced autist)
- Raid his Twitch chat
- Call him up on Skype and tell him he's a pedophile
- Use Marjo Mii on Mario Kart 8 Deluxe and beat him in a race
- Tell him Dragon Ball Z is childish
How to troll Mariotehplumber
- Tell him that Sonic 1 sucks balls
- Tell him Rosalina is the best character in Mario
- Tell him that the Game Grumps are better than him and that he's jealous of them
- Tell him that Sonic Adventure 2 is better than Sonic 1
- Tell him that anything is better with Rosalina involved
- Tell him that Sonic Adventure 3 should happen
- Tell him how cool Blacks, Asians, and any other race besides Whites are
- Tell him about how racist and sexist he is
- Tell him how great Japan, Europe, and/or any other country besides Canada is
- Tell him how Canada sucks balls
- Tell him that Hotel Mario, and the CD-i Zelda games sucks ass
- Tell him that he'll never be as good as the Game Grumps, or any other big let's players on JewTube
- Tell him that he would love to fuck Rosalina
- Tell him that he loves Rosalina.
- Tell him you want to have his Rosalina Amiibos
- Tell him Splatoon is superior to COD and Halo.
- Insult his best friend who is a similarly retarded lolcow named Haedox for his equally intense hatred of Splatoon.
- Roleplay as Rosalina or another “hentai” character
- Point out his flaws
- Tell him Rosalina is the hottest girl ever.
- post untranslated Fapanese footage to MTP
- say that a Super Mario 64 Remake with multiplayer and online or a 3D Sonic 1 Remake is never happening.
- Ask him why he ripped this doors off his walls and if he ripped off anymore recently
- Ask him why he punches holes in his walls and throws chairs around like a manchild
- Ask him about his chewed up 3DS' L-button
- Ask him to play Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and play as Rosalina (Be sure you beat him or spam using her to make him even more pissed)
- Ask him about the condition of his own home
- Ask him about his bio that's being written about him
- Ask him about his relationship with his waifu, Rosalina
- Ask him about his anger management problems and his mental health
- Make a video of him (especially about him and Rosalina) and PM it to him
- Make either a rule 34 of him with Rosalina, or a photoshopped picture of him with Rosalina doing many different things, and send it to him
- Make fun of him in his video from the comments
- Make fun of him in general
- Post rule 34 of the Inkling Girl from Splatoon
- Post pics of cosplayer girls wearing sexy schoolgirl outfits.
- Disagree with him
- Be Japanese
- Ask him how the wedding with Rosalina went and how his three kids are doing
- Downvote his videos even if he says not to
Mariotehplumber's Favourite games
- Sonic The Hedgehog 1
- Sonic The Hedgehog 2
- Sonic The Hedgehog 3
- Sonic & Knuckles
- Sonic CD
- Sonic Genesis
- Sonic '06
- Sonic Generations
- Mario Kart 8
- All Mario games made before 2006
- All Zelda games made before 2006
- CD-I Games
Games/Objects that Mariotehplumber has destroyed
- Crash Bandicoot
- Spyro: Year of The Dragon
- Mega Man X6
- A lamp
- A couch
- A Dreamcast
- A printer
- A door (ripping it off the wall)
- His walls (punching holes into them)
- Almost everything in his parents' basement except the baby toys they gave him.
- Rosalina Amiibo figure (ripped her head off)
- Case containing the Super Smash Bros 4 Soundtrack (Because Rosalina is in this cover and it's very CHEAP in casing)
- His micro dick
- His asshole
- His reputation
- His future
Gallery of an Aspie
- Video Game Reviewers
- An hero
- Batshit Insane
- Unwarranted Self-Importance
- Internet Tough Guy
- Trying Too Hard
- His main channel.
- His other channel.
- Third JewTube account
- BANS Send him Rosalina pictures here. May result in
- http://mariotehplumber.tumblr.com/ Or here.
- https://plus.google.com/115615618855577742937/posts His Google+.
- https://plus.google.com/u/0/communities/113751037493254494846 His Google+ Community.
- http://www.twitch.tv/mariotehplumber/profile His Twitch profile.
- http://JohnMTP.deviantart.com/ his deviantart. Be sure to leave pretty pictures and lovely comments on there.
- http://smashboards.com/members/mariotehplumber.256241/ His Smashboards Account
- http://www.ustream.tv/channel/mariotehplumber On USTREAM
- http://www.roblox.com/User.aspx?ID=661541 He even has a Roblox, where he proves himself to be Kawaii.
- http://scratch.mit.edu/users/MarioTehPlumber/ His old Scratch.
- https://sites.google.com/site/jonoksdude/home His Shadow Productions page
- https://www.youtube.com/user/RonaldBalish His YouTube page
- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_0wNdFhrRQ4AnAHZFZwc1gis His second YouTube account
- https://www.twitch.tv/thebalishchannel His Twitch account
- https://www.twitch.tv/dbzfridays His other Twitch account he forgot about
- https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/103020458885043892403/105647961525455922498 His Jewgle+ account
- https://plus.google.com/104019552664853510320 Another Google+ page
- https://twitter.com/BalishChannel The Twitter page he posts child porn on
- http://a.hatena.ne.jp/thebalishchannel/ Hatena account
- https://thebalishchannel.deviantart.com/ deviantART account
- http://steamcommunity.com/id/thebalishchannel His Steam account
Xbox Live: BalishChannel
Nintendo Switch FC: SW-0758-2213-7510
Nintendo Network ID: TheBalishChannel
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|Featured article June 21st & 22nd, 2014|
Independence Day Invasion
|Mariotehplumber is part of a series on Lolcows||[I'M PRESSING BUTTONS]|