Make me a sandwich

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God created Adam and said, "I have given you everything you could ever want. Is there anything else you would like?"

Adam replied, "I would like a sandwich," after which God created Eve.


Make me a sandwich is a nuclear weapon in the arsenal of anti-feminist rhetoric. If all of your carefully crafted arguments have failed, pushing the big red sandwich button will leave your opponent a smoldering crater of loss and fail.

Pictured above: the historical usage of the phrase


Feminists lurk everywhere on the internet, most likely because they are unable to find a male desperate enough to rape them IRL. They lay in wait for a male who isn't ashamed of the fact that he was born with a penis, and spew up arguments that "a vagina isn't just a cocksleeve" and "women are human" and other nonsense. The unexpecting male on the receiving end of these incoherent ramblings may very well be at a loss as to how to respond, as they posted an unrelated question about Mexican steroids in a bodybuilding forum. This is precisely when “make me a sandwich” comes into play. The male can simply type the magic words “make me a sandwich”, and the feminist cunt is instantly reminded of her place as a second class citizen and kitchen appliance.

She will feel an irresistible pull towards the nearest kitchen and assemble bread, cheese, and meat. It is her purpose, and denying the call for a sandwich is virtually impossible. Many feminists live with huge mountains of sandwiches all around their studio apartments; unable to stop attacking the superior gender on the internet, and yet incapable of resisting the command to "make a sandwich" they get in response.


Woman sandwich.jpg

A sandwich is the perfect food for a mobile individual, self contained and leaving no messy dishes. No woman has ever needed a sandwich, because no woman has ever had an urgent demand not related to stimulating a cock. Should a woman fail to make a sandwich for a man, he may miss important business, depriving his family of money necessary for sandwich components. If a man fails to make a woman a sandwich, he goes without fellatio for another ten minutes while the bitch fixes herself something to eat. Women's smaller hands allow them to more precicely manipulate the ingredients of the sandwich, and their keen sense of smell will allow them to distinguish rancid ingredients, thus avoiding a black eye.

It's not entirely clear who makes the sandwich in a gay male relationship. The lack of a sandwich maker in the relationship may very well account for the excessive skinniness observable in homosexuals not already infected with GRIDS. On the other hand, fat old lesbians are certainly adversely affected by the presence of two sandwich artists in their relationship. Eating sandwiches all day effectively prevents any carpet munching in the relationship, which also helps to explain other phenomena.

Common Mistakes in Sandwich Making

Sadly, women can't be relied upon to make a quality sandwich, and must be constantly watched to make sure no faggy additions of tofu. White bread is out; in fact, if a loaf of bread comes pre-sliced, it's trash. Mushroom is not a meat, eggplant is not a meat. If served a sandwich with either or both of these in place of meat, you can make a case of justifiable domestic abuse, up to and including manslaughter. Just don't out and murder the bitch without consulting with a lawyer first. American is barely a cheese to begin with, but the single serving slices that need to be peeled off plastic aren't even food, much less a component of an edible sandwich. Ketchup is a food for children, no woman will ever respect you if you ask for it on your sandwich. Brussel sprouts are right out, for reasons sufficiently obvious to need no explanation. Reject any sandwich with any of these common mistakes.


Go Make Me a Sandwich - Red Foreman
Make Me A Sandwich (Original Rap)


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See also

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