From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigationJump to search
According to scientists, this is the keyboard layout of most /b/tards.
Optimized for use on 4chan
How your grandfather accessed the internet
A master of his craft
This keyboard appears to be gay

How the left hand knows what the right one is doing. A keyboard is the device that allows people to shot web with their computer, from goading Stickam whores into a shoe on head to screencapping your TOW vandalism before some butthurt sysop kills all the funny with a revert. It is typically utilized with one hand, although some use their dong to do the job, and occasionally two hands in tandem after they’ve finished wiping the semen off of their LCD display.

The keyboard design comes from a drama-generating tool invented back when the white man still owned black persons, known as a typewriter. People such as Mark Twain and the Lincoln Continental used this device to crudely forge their flame wars and suicide notes out of ink and dead trees. The step between paper mail and the internet was an invention known as the telegraph, the IRL precursor to text-only chat that expressed everything in primitive ASCII, known as Morse.

Morse code: -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / .- / -. .. --. --. . .-. -.- .. -.- .

Translation: You are a niggerkike.

A genius fusion of the two many years later yielded the modern day keyboard.

Besides the standard QWERTY layout, there also exists a different design known by virginal geeks as Dvorak and by normal people as unusable and retarded. Linux fatasses and CSIII graduates like to argue about its superior design that allows one to hammer out sob-story LJ posts at 50+ WPM over their average. While this is technically true, the vast majority of internet users are mentally incapable of learning the alphabet, making the point utterly moot.

Keyboards and Music

Keyboard can also refer to the instrument played by the least talented member of your band. Some of these keyboards can plug into computers utilizing the infamous USB line, and when the two combine, the end result can cause massive damage to the internet.

YouTube Favicon.png How to play the keyboard

Keyboards on ED

Keyboard Injuries

Ruptured Blood Vessel.jpg

Using a keyboard too much can result in injuries such as carpal tunnel syndrome, blood clots and blood vessel breakage. This hurts like a bitch and you can wind up as a keyboard cripple if you're not careful. Be sure to take adequate fap breaks to ensure you don't overwork your wrists and to maintain proper hand health.

In the event you're a dumbass and don't heed this advice, which results in a broken blood vessel, you should immediately stuff your wanking appendage into a bowl of super hot water and elevate it for a good thirty minutes in order to avoid the pain of feeling like you just got seriously jacked up by a hornet.


See Also

File:Keyboard Nigger.jpg
When you see it...
This is a disambiguation page — we hope you feel less ambiguated.
Keyboard is part of a series on:

Other pages that shouldn't exist:

Amiibo - Bacon and Eggs - Bad Article - BAHDUM TISH - BITCH WHAT THE FUCK - Blank Article - Boo - Booger - Chair - Chan Ho Park - Carmencurbstomp - Crossfire (board game) - DMV - Everywhere at the End of Time - Flags - Fourth wall - Fuck What You Heard - Gallium - GOTTA GO FAST - Green Onions - Ham - Hobosexual - Honey Bunches of Oats - Horizontal lines - I a£ so drink eight now - James Bond - Jar Jar Binks - Korean cry - Lawnmower - Lead - Lodizal - MAO - Nick Offerman - Nigger Kike Jew Jar - Nostradamus - Nuoh my god - Operation Madeupname - PAPER MARIO SCREENCAP - Parakeets - Pony - Ror - Sex Panther - Space - STOFlames - Take the meat bridge - Tele-marketers - The Warriors - Ultimate Muscle Roller Legend - Unidentified Rodian with jacket - WHERE IS THE ARTICLE? - WHO AM ARTICLE? - WHY IS THERE AN ARTICLE? - WHY IS THEY AN SYSOPS? - Wunderground