Jonmon (Jonathan Graves Monsarrat, a.k.a. Johnny Monsarrat), known as jonmon at MIT, as make_you_laugh on OKCupid, and as a total idiot the world over, is the world's most sexually desperate man. At the age of 44, he chases 16 year old girls in the hope of curing his virginity.
The Match-Up debacle
In 2003, jonmon decided to start his very own Valentine's Day dating website using his l33t skillz. The site required members divulge lots of personal information in order to use the service, and promised to match each member up with over 9000 potential mates. Instead, the women got matched up with jonmon and 8,999 sockpuppets.
—jonmon, providing excellent matchmaking services to one of the female applicants at Match-Up
The cops got called in, ruining all of Johnny's fun. Rumors that he was forced to put a tracking device on his peener are totally true and should be accepted without question, except that nobody makes microscopic tracking devices. Yet.
OKCupid: How Not To Date
His desperation unabated, jonmon proceeded to create a now-deleted profile on OKStupid, named make_you_laugh. Never were truer words spoken. He put up , advertising his need for attention to the world. He then proceeded to hit on anything wet and concave.
The results in one case
are were documented in . Jonmon nagged his potential date, repeatedly begging her not to cancel at the last minute. She smelled desperation, especially when he made his request the fourth time in a row, using the exact same words. She backed away. The results were full of lulz and fail:
willowfinna: Hey there mitcarpediem: HEyeyEyeyeyEY mitcarpediem: How's it going? willowfinna: Um. It's goin' ok. mitcarpediem: That's good to hear mitcarpediem: Im doing great too, looking forward to seeing you willowfinna: Yeah willowfinna: About that mitcarpediem: one sec mitcarpediem: before you say anything you'll regret willowfinna: Oh good lord mitcarpediem: Are you sure you're too tired, too busy, too anxious, to see me for just one hour willowfinna: Its not any of those things, actually mitcarpediem: and that youd rather leave me with nothing to do on a Friday night leaving a pretty bad first impression? willowfinna: You won't get any kind of impression willowfinna: Your email kinda freaked me out mitcarpediem: I'll get the impression that you cancelled on short notice, which is rude, and I probbaly won't want to reschedule mitcarpediem: I'm just tired of the drama willowfinna: If I cancel, there won't be an option to reschedule, that's the whole point mitcarpediem: Frankly, so what if you're freaked out. Get a fucking grip. mitcarpediem: I'm so tired of women with drama willowfinna: Does that tactic work for you? willowfinna: Get a lot of dates with that? willowfinna: I get the feeling you get stood up a lot willowfinna: Hence the preamble willowfinna: Am I right? mitcarpediem: It's like you're a little time bomb exploding whenever you feel "anxious" mitcarpediem: So you don't have much self-confidence, that's not my fault. willowfinna: How would you know? mitcarpediem: Don't take it out on me. willowfinna: You've spoken to me, maybe, four or five times willowfinna: You know nothing about me other than what you project willowfinna: And what little I've told you willowfinna: I'm not trying to be rude mitcarpediem signed off at 7:14:19 PM.
His followup email was even better:
—jonmon, dealing well with rejection
jonmon was occasionally seen at fetish fairs, leading acne-scarred loli around on leashes and generally acting like an old-fashioned gentleman. He used these events to promote his vampire-wannabe wankfest,
Midnight Seduction, which is endorsed by women who are very female and not at all jonmon pretending to be female:
Jonmon also tried to attract "kink-friendly" roommates via a Craigslist ad. As one commenter noted: "wait so he pretty much wants a fuckable maid?" Yes. Yes, he did.
Cries for attention
The Question Wheel
- The Question Wheel, in which jonmon replies your pathetic questions with immeasurably more pathetic answers. (PedoJon is alive and well!)
The questionable party
Suing and censoring the Internet
In May 2013, Jonmon sued 101 people for allegedly saying bad things about him on LiveJournal, allegedly causing him to become allegedly fat. No, seriously! See the "Fifth Claim for Relief"! The man actually complains that the internet made him fat. The full complaint includes such choice examples of cruel things said to him as:
Apparently, the advice was really bad. Also,
Apparently this article is forgettable!