Alexis Valoran Reich

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
(Redirected from John Mark Karr)
Jump to navigationJump to search
John Mark Karr's wax figure at Madame Tussauds; worried about not passing as a woman because of his sideburns? What about his fucking neck? Get a sense of proportion, boy.

Alexis Valoran Reich (formerly John Mark Karr) is a sickfuck gift that just keeps giving. It was born in Conyers, Georgia and made a false confession regarding the unsolved murder of six-year-old JonBenét Ramsey, an infant pushed into being a "beauty queen" by her parents, who have also been suspects. Karr said he was present when Ramsey died and called her death an "accident". Some kind of murky social connection between him and the family was also implied: this guy noticed. In reality it was just a clever ruse to get a free ride home after backing off from some major surgical mutilation in Thailand.

Creepy Background

Karr's father, Wexford Karr, married Patricia Elaine Adcock on August 21, 1958, when he was 37 and she was 18. Wexford filed for divorce eleven years later saying the marriage was "irretrievably broken". How could he be expected to tolerate someone as old as Patricia? Wexford, then 52, married his neighbor 29-year-old Susan Simpson. This marriage ended in divorce six months later, when Susan reached the age of 30.

A family friend, and lover, Jonathan Bryant, said that Karr's mother believed John Karr was possessed by demons. His mother allegedly built a pyre of kindling around him and attempted to burn him alive.

Karr moved to Alabama to take advanced white trash lessons from his grandparents. John was at the top of his high school class

Family Tradition

When he was 19 years old, Karr married a 13-year-old girl. Karr told her to lie about her age. Karr and his wife lived together as a couple in Hamilton after their wedding, and Karr "was abusing her every way there was." The marriage was annulled.

Karr married Lara when he was 24 and she was 16 and pregnant. She was carrying twin daughters who were delivered via a home birth. The girls, named Angel and Innocence, died later that day. The couple divorced in 2001 following Karr's arrest for five misdemeanor counts of possession of child pornography. A restraining order against Karr was granted.


Karr (right) does the same pose in front of the leopard-skin print for his post-op catsuit; (center) swirls himself to attract suspicion; (left) all the Boulder DA could recover.

On April 13, 2001, Karr was arrested for possession of computerized child pornography. Karr failed to appear and a "No Bail" warrant was issued. Since then Karr had been on the run, living in Asia, Europe and Central America, until his arrest in Thailand.

He used the email address [email protected] as part of his obsession with the JonBenet murder. Some notable behavioral instances include him kicking and throwing chairs around a classroom and a fascination for younger female students. It is also known that he was frequently swearing and making inappropriate gestures towards students.

Moar Deviant

John Mark Karr taught at a few schools in Thailand (their only complaint being that he was too strict) but he only had two real reasons to be there.

  1. He wanted to pose as the killer of JonBenét Ramsey for some weird reason noone understands.
  2. He wanted to become moar woman than a woman (oh rilly?). John Mark was actually waiting for a cheap sex-change operation and eating gal-hormones like popcorn in happy anticipation of the cutting.

He was concerned most about his sideburns.


—John Mark's "doctor" in Bangkok, Denver Post

He told me he was in the process of medical treatment for cutting off his testicles.


—John Mark's "doctor" in Bangkok, Denver Post

You have very bad manners, what did you do with my pills?


—A hostel cleaner's recollection of John Mark's snappy retort after she had a lollercaust at his oestrogen stash, Denver Post

Legal Wanking

On August 28, 2006, the Boulder County District Attorney's Office announced "the case of the People vs. John Mark Karr has failed. On August 28, George McCrary, a longtime friend of the Karr family insisted that John Karr is innocent. "He's a pedophile, not a murderer," said McCarty, who also called John Karr a "genius" whose "confession" was a deliberate tactic to avoid jail in Thailand, and be taken to the United States where he knew he would get off.

Following Karr's release he was rearrested after prosecutors in California indicated that he was to face charges of possessing child pornography.

On October 5, 2006, all of the child pornography charges against Karr were dropped after investigators lost the computer seized from Karr in April 2001.

Karr can currently be found trolling elementary schools in a limousine provided by NBC.

He also has a girlfriend who either got him beaten up by his dad or beat him up, yet again demonstrating the limitless perversity only a good woman can provide.

John Mark Karr Compares himself to Michael Jackson.

Was there a CIA Connection?

The Return of John Mark Karr

On May 25th 2010, John Mark Karr returned to the national news media seemingly activated by two days of DUN DUN on 4chon. CNN reported that the Party Van was looking for him in connection with cyber stalking some JB chick that he'd previously recruited to be part of his JonBenet Ramsey cult, It appears that after taking a few years away from the meeja spotlight, he'd had a sex change and changed his name to Alexis Valoran Reich to better enable him to get near loli and was recruiting JonBenet Ramsey lookalikes he is calling "the Immaculates" — blond girls as young as 4 years old with small feet. According to sources, his cult already has 30 members.

Apparently in the years since he fell off Nancy Grace's radar after 24/7 old media trolling and all around attention whoring surrounding his admission of guilt in JB Ramsey's murder case, JMK had gotten rather good at cybering and had embraced the power of online communication to further his agenda of sick fuckery. Going under multiple handles such as Dark Prince, Caelitus (or heavenly) and Daxis das Verdammte (or Daxis the Damned) he used the likes of Failbook to prey on impressionable young girls -like his current accuser 19-year-old Samantha Spiegel- too old to give him a boner but not too old to personal army to recruit delicious loli.

If you deceive me I will kill you. I know where you live. If you cost me my little girls I will hunt you down and kill you.


—John Mark Karr, @Samantha Spiegel

There is currently a $500 reward for information leading to the capture of John Mark Valoran Reich. Call 310-470-9955 for great justice, for the lulz and/or to report noted cross-dresser m00t. Alternately, you can email Robin Sax at Justice Interrupted.

Police think that he/she is currently in the Seattle area and may be hiding with friends, family, followers or Sheneequa. He/she may also be looking for jorbs that will enable him/her to be around loli. Apart from his new female garms, he is said to be wearing turtle necks in an attempt to disguise his X Box hueg Adam's Apple.

External Links

Alexis Valoran Reich is part of a series on
UnV& Pedophiles [-+]

Aaron WilliamsAdam LanzaAlenonimoAlison RappAmber ButtrumAndy MaherAngryjediAnimatedJamesBeefraveBikerfoxBill CosbyBritbongCasey AnthonyCamheadChaosscizzorsColonel McBadassComicalityCyril SmithDaddyOFiveDahvie VanityDangermanDeekerDidaskalosDynacatlovesmeEric RidenourErik MöllerFergie OliverFrank BonafedeGreg MazujianGreville JannerG-ZayGeosheaGalaxyRailways2199Harrison DigfootHumonHypnoHunter MooreIrish282James Terry Mitchell JrJaSonicJerry Peetjervaise brooke hamsterJimmy SavileJoey NigroJohn Patrick RogersJoseph KonyJustin BerryJustin DabrowKaitlyn HuntKatherine MarionKyle PerkinsLena DunhamLeonard F. Shaner Jr.LittleCloudLtFlaggerLogansperman2Lucian HodobocM. ChaosMagicrichMandoPonyMar9122Michael JacksonMikevirusMatrooko11MZMcBrideNathanrNeil FoxOmegaloreOnideus Mad HatterOnisionPaul WalkerPennywisePurple AkiPutridRalph SquillaceRiverman72Roger SampsonSam DeathWalkerSam RassenfossSarah ButtsShane LeeSibeScientologySethistoSophie LabelleTheAmazingAtheistThomas Watt HamiltonTimboxTrap-kunTyciolUncle GrandpaUpdownmostlyViolentacrezVonHeltonWoody AllenW. T. SnacksYoung Tubers UnitedYtaskZeitgueist

Related Topics [-+]