Jesus With You Always

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no that's right...a Jesus to help you lay carpet... is an ancient, web 1.0 site for Larry Van Pelt's own version of Buddy Christ. Larry is a retired, half-batshit fundie who heard the Lord's call and decided to make a Christ for every mundane activity of your day. Whether you're golfing, going to the dentist, or squeezing one out, Larry's got you covered...

I was awakened in the middle of the night with a clear, vivid impression that the Lord wanted me to do some special drawings -- drawings depicting ordinary people in their everyday environment . . . . with one important addition: the presence of Jesus Christ and His involvement in those routine activities.


—Larry Van Pelt, Larry hears the call

The lulz

Larry's drawings made the rounds on SA almost 10 years ago, but the site's made a resurgence recently with some OC hitting the tubes here and there...

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Larry explains the "art"

Larry lives in Niceville, Florida (which ironically enough, boasts the highest number of murders and rapings per capita in the tri-county area). From the luxurious art studio in his linen closet, Larry delivers the true word of God to the brainless masses that actually think Larry's "artwork" is anything more than complete and utter shit. He states that he was told to draw by the Lord, and "when the Lord tells you to do something, well you better pursue it." Where most people would be committed in a mental institution for thinking that a 2000 year old invisible dead jew is following them around everywhere and offering encouragement from things like INTENSELY juggling fucking bowling pins and lifting 20 pound weights, Larry has made a career out of it. And after all, what's a religion if it's not profitable?

At 1:25, Larry begins showing off several instances of him being trolled through various hate emails. In one email, Larry replaces all instances of the words fuck, damn, and hell with "cuss word" EVEN THOUGH ANYONE WITH EYES CAN CLEARLY READ THEM ON THE CUSS WORD PAPER. At 2:33 Larry begins to read an excerpt from an email and says "I am not a Christian myself--but I found your page very touching and very inspiring", completely skipping "and have felt some animosity toward some Christians for the past few years" so the email will better conform to his version of the truth. Larry believes that he is doing the world a true service. Much like when a parent lets their autistic child set the table at dinner, it really isn't hurting anyone if Larry indulges in his backwards fantasy world where he believes he's actually making a difference.

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