Internet Tough Guy
Behold, the Internet Tough Guy. Also known as a Keyboard Warrior or Armchair Warrior or "Donga", he talks nothing but big shit online and doesn't afraid of anything. Usually male (for there are no girls on the internet).
As he will thoroughly explain to you, he is respected and feared by ALL; no way he's skittish to casually throw around ep1c insultz and one-lieners like "go fuck yourself," or "u aint done sucking my dick." He swears a lot just to show how hardcore he is. God help you if you even dare defy him by delivering some sort of retort when he says something to you, or practicing fuzzy logic on his userpage, or even reading whatever he posted and writing replies of disagreement (or even agreeing responses, in some cases) relating exactly to what you just read ... No, you can't do that. No. No. You don't even know him or what he's about. Internet Tough Guy isn't someone you should mess with, ever. That's right bitch, you cross the line and he will come to your house and fuck you up so bad and rape you so hard and kill you so god damn dead OH SHIT. You must have pissed yourself by now from these horrific threats of bodily harm. Because if someone threatens you online, that's it. Game over man. Game over! Do not fuck with da man! You are d-e-a-d, DEAD! Nothing can save you. Not even that new dog you just bought. You might as well kill yourself now...
Actually, IRL, Internet Tough Guy, there? He's a total fag or a basement-dweller, with a high chance of being a redneck and/or skinhead. Sometimes, the Internet Tough Guy will actually be somewhat "tough." However, this makes him about four times more of a total fag. The sad reality is that these people are a concentrated form of noob, not one of whom can grasp the concept that they obviously are never actually going to be able to make good on their intimidating remarks, or that their low-IQ ramblings do not impress the Internet nor physically affect people on it in any way. More simply put, when nobodies such as themselves make empty threats and loudmouthed, prick statements to unknown persons whom they have never met and do not know the locations of, it does not equal being a badass, becoming dominant to the other users, nor actually going full ass-rape/ass-kick on someone.
ITGs will often claim to be current or former members of the military (particularly marines or special forces) or other such manly occupations like firemen, security guards or police officers (particularly the ones in SWAT teams) and will try to use acronyms, military sounding terminology and other shit nobody cares about in conversations when in reality it's pretty much certain they are simply regurgitating the latest horse shit they heard playing Call of Duty and watching films like the Rambo trilogy and Black Hawk Down while touching themselves.
ITGs are really into computer programming, or, at the bare minimum, love videogaming, heavy metal, and perhaps working for RBS, the investment bank that hires a lot of fake tough guy cunts. The typical Internet Tough Guy can be found in nearly every community on LJ but often resides in his parent's basement for at least 7 days a week. (And not because he's trying to make it into an imaginary apartment, either). Usually, his parents banished him to the unfinished, wet, moldy, cold and dark basement because they couldn't stand either his smell or the fact that he is a disgrace to the family name. 99.9999% chance he is also subject to frequent pwning. By everyone. (He won't admit it, though. He "won" because he swore a lot. And disabled replies.) From furry communities, to fandom communities, to political communities, the Internet Tough Guy is one of the many stock users that make up a community.
Sub-Species and Similar Breeds
Many furries who are furries are Internet Tough Guys as well. Fed up with fursecution at the hands of trolls, they often resort to threats of physical violence and will start talking about how much they can bench press. Mentioning muscle mass, level of physical fitness, etc. are all a part of being an Internet Tough Guy. By mentioning this they feel they are intimidating their opponents, but in are reality making them LOL REPEATEDLY. Trolls being everywhere and trolls they are, this induces them. Sometimes they might say to a man who commented on a hot girl that "If she was my daughter, you'd be singing Soprano", when the truth is, this guy DOES sing Soprano, he couldn't find a wife or have kids if he wanted to, and if he really saw you, he'd shit his pants in fear. His disagreement over a hot girl confirms that he's a fag, but most people forget to remind him of that, and take the tough guy bait and end up in an e-war.
Other behavior that ITGs take part in is harassment. An ITG like Nickolaus might harass you via AIM or ICQ or leave you voicemail and call you a big fag. This just increases the lulz. Sometimes, the Internet Tough Guy will threaten legal action or try to dig up dirt on their opponent. The Kadaitcha Dancers attempted to do this to Finestdrops in 2004, but failed miserably.
This ITG is not to be confused with someone who says what they actually think online and says it frankly, such as a so-called online stalker flaming back after an attention whore has flamed first to begin with (and then complains about said user).
These guys love to flame you for the lulz. It is interesting to note that the Internet Tough Guy's arch-nemesis is the Internet asshole, despite the fact that they share many of the same characteristics. Because this Internet Tough Guy is so much more mature than you and everyone you'll ever meet, he will frequently call the victim a "child," "young one" and "shotacon," as well as other kinds of almost not so insulting names, implying youth and frailty. They might even call them "boy" because, as you already know, there no girls on the Internet. They will also get extremely butthurt if the things they say are called threats. They prefer to call everything they say "facts," because they are so much moar smarter than you, and so much more maturerer than you are.
This Internet tough guy may take on the guise of a White Knight, which basically involves all the nerdrage with half the CAPS. Alternatively, he might try and stick up for IRL people, knowing his hollow boasts will never need to be followed through.
This kind of internet tough guy might not even be thirteen IRL. They can range in age from 8-15. You can easily get rid of this type of Internet Tough Guy by doing one or more of the following:
- Tell them to become an hero
- Make fun of them for their age
- Tell them to come back when their balls drop
- Threaten to tattle on them to their mom
If none of these work, it shouldn't be too hard to get a mod to use the banhammer.
Serious Fucking Business
Tough Guy Quotes
[+]Dealing with the Horrors of the Internet Tough Guy
DID YOU WRITE THIS? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE WORRYING ABOUT YOUR FUTURE,HOUSING AND EDUCATION! AT LEAST YOU HAVE A FUCKING NORMAL FUNCTIONING BRAIN? OR DON'T YOU????? MY SON IS AUTISTIC AND I WOULD SPEND MY LAST DOLLAR TO MAKE HIM HAVE A LEAST HALF A NORMAL LIFE!! MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING CUNT!! IF I KNEW WHO YOU WERE YOU GUTLESS FUCKING FREAK I'D KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS YOU HORRIBLE PEICE OF SHIT YOUR GOING TO HELL!!!!!!!!
This woman has contacted me and said some very offensive and inflammatory. Here is what was said, be aware of her and ignore her.
Today at 11:00am
It costs six million dollars to take care of one Autistic person. How many houses can be built for the same price? Sandra Gallagher This is my message to her and her subsequent response.
Today at 12:46pm Me: I am sorry but I am confused as to why you have sent me this message and exactly where you get your facts. All, I would say is that if that was your child, what would you think they were worth?
Today at 10:57pm
I saw you in one of the Autism groups. I've seen many sources on the internet, both videos and articles, that tell the price of Autistic people. I definitly value giving between four and 60 people homes, depending on what else they recive, to be better than my personal pleasure. For half the six million dollars, I could have been given a good home and be able to attend college to get a good job and contribute back every penny of the money. I'd also be able to work to progress technology.
I am confused as how you can make the connection between the cost of helping people with autism and housing. Helping people with autism doesn't take anything away from you or anyone else, as well I question your numbers. Certainly, there is a cost but even if no money was spent on helping autistic people that would not mean there would be more housing or that you could go to college. Autism affects 1 in 150 kids, are you saying that noone should help these kids? What do you propose be done? I think that you have a very distorted view on this matter and some misguided views. I would be far more upset about the billions of dollars that are spent on war and other irresponsible, wasteful projects. Helping children reach their full potential is not taking anything away from you and I suggest you get your facts straight before you approach a parent of an autistic child again and accuse them of taking away something from you. If you do not have a house or a college education that is not because of the help that autistic people receive, your blame is misplaced and hurtful. Millions of parents around the world are brought to the point of bankruptcy helping their children because insurance won't help them. What is next will you be confronting parents of other disabled children, people living with cancer or some other disease and blaming them for your personal failings?
I have reported her and subsequently blocked her, she is obviously misguided and mistaken and feels entitled to harrass people.
The Original Anonymous Tough Guy Quote:
People these days seem to think we are some sort of Internet vigilante group, That couldn't be further from the truth. We are the little voice in the back of your head that wants to fuck your hot sixteen year old daughter. We are the father who beats his six year old child simply because he spilled his beer. We are every chef that's ever spit in some random person's food for the hell of it. We are the pyromaniac who burns down the homeless shelter for shits and giggles. We are the person who rapes the same girl twice. We are that feeling you get when you beat your pets; and enjoy it. We see some guy hang himself live, we laugh. A wrestler kills his family, we laugh. Some maladjusted Asian shoots up his university, we laugh. Fifty-thousand die in North Korea, we laugh. AIDS ravages a continent, we laugh. An Austrian man locks his daughter in his basement for 24 years and fathers 8 children with her, we laugh. A religion invented by a psychotic writer swindles countless gullible fucktards out of their cash, we laugh, and then go kick his religion's ass just for the hell of it. We aren't some vigilante group righting wrongs. We aren't your friends, your buddies or your saviors. Your feelings mean nothing to us. We are human nature unencumbered by pointless ethics, foolish moralities or arbitrary laws and restrictions. We are every dark impulse you have; unrestrained and fully realized. We are what deep down, you wish you were. We exist as a means for instant gratification, purely at our own whim. We have no culture, we have no laws, written or otherwise. We are an autonomous collective, each an insignificant part of a whole. You cannot assimilate us, we do not change. You cannot defeat us, we do not exist. You cannot infiltrate us, we know our own. We do not sleep, we do not eat and we do not feel remorse. We will tear you apart from outside and in, we have all the time in the world. You operate under the delusion that we will someday be outdated, that we might even see the light. You are irrevocably wrong. You are not special, you are not unique and you aren't crusaders for justice. You're a blend of college age faggots who think that they can do some sort of good, and who are desperate to belong, to have attention. You have accomplished nothing, and you will fall. Enjoy your AIDS, faggots.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
The top Navy Seal sniper with over 250 kills in Al-Quaeda was murdered by the same butthurt 25-year-old *chan user he was threatening.
What in Davy Jones' locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I'll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I've led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o' swag. I'll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o' pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o' monsoon that'll wipe ye off the map. You're sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o'er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o' the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I'll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o' the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn't, ye didn't, and now ye'll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I'll shit fury all over ye and ye'll drown in the depths o' it. You're fish food now
Hey hows it going? I am contacting you through my associates son's profile, for i tend to keep my Identity confidential. Soooo my girl Ronny has been telling me that you've been harassing her through numerous messages. Now i'm not some pussy like you that would call the cops or any shit like that. I take matters into my own hands. So if you continue to mess with her, I will find where you live with my IP tracker, which tracks down the computer or any device in which the message is sent. I have countless sources and options in means of making your life a place worse than hell. I don't bother to track down people like you myself, all i do is contact one of my many associates at my disposal. Now i don't care if you're some fucking minor, if you mess with me, my friends, or loved ones, You will end up fucking paranoid in the corner of your closet.If you're over 18, that's even better. For I do not have to be merciful. So i am giving you a choice, from now on, just simply forget you ever knew she existed, and you don't have to look forward to anything.....unpleasant. Or, you can continue to message her, and have her give me a call, find where you are, and contact someone, and depending on where you are, should definitely take less than a month and a half, for i have associates in many states and cities. I should not have to give any more detail. Your location is but a few calibrations and buttons away. I trust you will do what is best for your future, Because you would have to be a complete fool to deny this chance for forgiveness. Plus, it would save me some time, money, and debts. So please, be smart about this, after all, i know you can feel pain. -Sincerely, The Outlook
IRL Tough Guys
- The 300
- Tony Stark
- Ty Cobb
- Mel Gibson
- John Locke
- BILLY MAYS
- R. Lee Ermey
- Chuck Norris
- Janet Reno
- Creators of narcovideos
- Killers of Daniel Pearl and Nick Berg
- Arguing on the internet
- I'm back faggots
- Internet Jihadist
- Revolution Muslim
- Kevin Provance
- Bill Schmalfeldt
- Angry Homo Kid – Is a homo.
- Professor Kuhtoons – A nigger who claims to be the "ultimate ranter."
- Chris-chan – Autist tough guy.
- Miss Scarlett – Feminist who hates trannies and fights her enemies on discord.
- Colonel McBadass – Pedo tough guy.
- AmericanDad86 – Wikipedia tough guy.
- The rEactor – YouTube Poop tough guy.
- Psfights – A forum for internet tough guys.
- Gorgeous George Internet Tough Guy who has been bawing about people calling fat since 1996.
- U WOT M8 – The opening gambit of the Britfag Internet tough guy.
- So cash – Shit was so cash.
- Gorilla warfare
- Troll shielding
- White Knighting
- Shinra Online
- When I find your faggot ass
- Sean Micheal Mckenzie - Who would've thought a person from New Jersey would be one.
Internet Assholes - Showcasing Neighborhood Assholes Since 2005LOL BALEETED
- HanscottFilms- "BONIFA (bonifagurl) IS PIMPIN!!!!! SO BACK THE FUCK OFF OR I WILL FIND YOU!!!!"
- How to properly deal with an ITG
Internet Tough Guy is part of a series on ED5 Pollfest Top 16.
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Internet Tough Guy is part of a series on Education
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Free Speech • Identity theft • Irony • Internet asshole • Internet Celebrities • Internet disease • Internet drama • Internet humanitarians • Internet Law • Internet lawsuit • Internet lawyer • Internet stalking • Internet tough guy • Internet Vigilante Group • Operation Falcon Punch • Swatting • Vandalism • World Wide Web Consortium
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LERNIN 2 INTERNET
Aspierations • BLANKING IN PROGRESS • Charming Naïveté • Delete fucking everything • DOIN IT RONG • Edginess • Failing it • Internet tough guy • Kids on the internet • Legal action • Liberalism • Mental illness • Mod Sass • Skript kiddies • Sob Stories • Trolls • Unrealistic Expectations • Unwarranted Self-Importance • Waaaambulance
|Article of the Nao April 28, 2011|
Taking down ED
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