Heatenings is an internet disease, and one of the only internet diseases that causes symptoms to manifest IRL. It is triggered whenever you view things you don't want to see. However, while being presented with shocking news the most common cause of the condition, it is also possible to contract it if someone calls your deviantART fanfiction shit. It's also a fairly common meme on Ylilauta (known there as kuumotus), usually manifesting itself as a reaction face of Riku Rantala from a Finnish TV show called Madventures. On less mongol-infested parts of the internet, a picture of a man with a towel is used instead.
The meaning of the word itself depends on the context: it can range from anxiety to fear to a more general feeling of intense discomfort. The severity of one's heatenings is measured on the Scoville scale.
The Stages of Heat
There are three different stages of heatenings. It is strongly recommended you see a doctor if you discover you have heatenings. The tree stages differ in severity, with stage 2 being the most common.
Also known as mild heatenings, is nothing serious, but may build up to become type 2 or 3 heatenings, symptoms are:
- feeling your clothes are itchy/tight/warm
- blushing and/or flushing
- when a famous meme reveals his identity
- when you meet that girl you had a crush on in middle school
- seeing shock sites
- being outside while having social anxiety/assburgers
- eating very spicy food
- rising body temperature
- muscle spasms
- being informed that syria has n00kz
- someone leaks your picture to your imageboard or forum of dwelling
- being told to pay your debts
- Trying to take the credit for something you didn't do, but getting caught out by the person who really did do it
Few have survived the ultimate heatenings stage, and those who do remain mentally scarred for the rest of their days.
- a body temperature of at least 100 degrees Celsius
- cardiac arrest
- panic attack
- when it's happening
- when H4X0RS ON STARIODS invade your livejournal
- getting your ban appeal rejected
- finding out you are gay
- when someone catches you fapping to fetish porn on camera
- getting fully dox'd
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|Heatenings is part of a series on Language & Communication|