Health Care Rage

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We must remove all doubt in anyone's mind that those expressions and those acts of vandalism and those threats of more have no place in the civil debate in our country.


—Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi.

Your choice
For a similar article written by a grumpy British man who hates America, see Obamacare.

The old media has the distinct disadvantage of being pasteurized of any sort of anger at all when it comes to reporting news on the recent health care bill’s passage. Sure, you can turn on buffoons like Hannity, Beck, and O’Reilly and listen to them cry out words like “Authoritarianism” and “Tyranny,” but you just cannot get the full spectrum of fury that the ever-changing internet displays. Comments on news articles, forum rants, and blogs demonstrate, in a grand manner, the ability of common idiots to jump to the next level of absurdly moronic behavior.

And it isn’t just the right-wing mouth-breathers who are in on this gig. Liberal hippies, long known for their horrendously loud mouths, have added to the online cacophony, ramping up the vitriol to never before seen levels of acrimony. These internet tantrums, akin to the phenomena of being a sore winner, are dripping with smarmy jabs and ad hominem attacks that, when observed by those on the right, incite even further spasms of spittle flinging ire.

This vicious circle, made of conservative punch and liberal counter-punch, is what makes Health Care Rage so full of absurdity, but the best part, by far, is that the debate is only beginning, and it has already spilled into IRL.

Because of conservative lawlsuits and other meddling, we can expect another three years (at least) of this sort of lulz.


By now you probably know more about health care reform than you ever thought you would have to know or ever wanted to know. If you do not, the events of March, 2010 have probably brought you up to speed quite quickly. In a nutshell, the Obama administration had the desire to pass a bill into law that would reform how health care, insurance companies, and small business owners would be dealt with in the future. Obama cited several reasons for this, including:

  • helping the needy (see also: NIGGERS)
  • driving down existing health care costs (while also driving up taxes and killing small businesses)( While also counter acting that by making it so small business's don't have to provide health care to employees)
  • ensuring that health care stays affordable in the future (sticking your children with ballooning payments into an untested void that no one is sure will work)

What President Obama didn’t realize at the time was that roughly 50% of the American population didn’t want to fix health care and the above cited reasons were a bunch of crap. The other 50% who supported the bill did so out some feeling of remorse over how the health care industry has treated poor, disadvantaged folks and also because they believed it was high time for this reform to be made. Obama himself had ulterior motives, namely his presidential legacy…even though he already has that sewn up because he’s black. But, remember kids, all statistics are made up on the spot.

In any event, the bill was voted on and passed. Conservatives cited that the move to vote on the bill in the house was unconstitutional and therefore illegal. Liberals cited the never-ending republican filibuster was an extreme measure that needed to be circumvented so that real change could be made for the betterment of the American people. What everybody cited was the fact that nobody had read the bill all the way through and that it was fully understood by nobody. This intricate lack of understanding has prompted rage from both sides of congress as well. Republicans argue that it is packed full of pork and communism, liberals claim that the bill needed to be passed to be fully understood. This was illustrated best by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi stating “We have to pass this bill to see what it contains.”


On Thursday, June 28, 2012, the Supreme Court upheld the reforms signed into law by Black Jesus in 2010. This caused massive asspain to the right, many of whom plan to move to Canada, because they don't have Nationalized Healthcare there. Oh, wait... they do.

Cast of Characters

President Obama candidly explains the health care bill.

To gain a better understanding of the whole mess…and to figure out who people are talking about, it is best to introduce a limited dramatis persona so that Encyclopedia Dramatica readers can fully understand who they are reading about.

Barack Obama

Elected as part of the liberal backlash against George Bush, Obama promised “Change!” as his election platform. Nobody knew where this change might be coming from, and nobody knew which direction it was headed, but whatever the case, it landed firmly on health care reform. Liberals think he is the messiah and conservatives think he is either the second coming of Lenin, Hitler or the Anti-Christ, they can’t seem to make up their minds.

The Tea Party

Obama’s main opponent in all of this mess. Tea Party members claim to be the voice of America’s John Q. Public, but more often than not they end up looking like rich greedy ungrateful assholes, or the brainless redneck sheep whos 50+ hours a week of labor keep aforementioned assholes undeservedly spoiled. Originally founded by Fox News shortly after Obama’s election, Tea Party members want to convey a conservative agenda in difference to moderate reform, but since they denounce every word that comes out of a democrats mouth, they usually appear to be toting some party line.

On the day of the actual vote, Tea Party protesters in Washington were accused of hurling such insults as “NIGGER” and “FAGGOT” at House members as they entered the capital building. Since no youtube video files of this exist, it can be speculated that this name-calling was just fiction drummed up by democratic supporters of the bill.

Nancy Pelosi

Pelosi - proponent of free plastic surgery.

Nancy Pelosi is the Speaker of the United States House of Representatives and as such, she is second in line to the Presidency behind Joe Biden if somebody decides to shoot Obama. Conservatives view her as a shrill harpy of a woman who is incapable of opening her mouth without lying. Liberals view her as the living combination of Mother Teresa and Santa Claus…who brings gifts of good will, Medicare and Medicaid benefits, charity, and welfare to all the good little minority boys and girls.

Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act

Public Law 111-148 was passed by congress on March 23, 2010 by a 219-212 vote. Democrats mostly voted along their party line, with a noticeably small amount of dissenters (39). Republicans voted in lockstep as well, with every last one of them voting against the bill. It was not enough and the bill was passed as a law on March 25, 2010 along with some reforms tossed in called the “Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act of 2010.”

Republicans say that the bill (now a law for the time being) is packed full of all sorts of communistic bullshit and as many as 38 state attorneys general began preparing lawsuits to block the law at the states level. This is where the real hate begins to stir. Despite the fact that Obama, for much of his early presidency, had a supermajority, he was unable to pass the bill in the Senate. With the death of Senator Teddy Kennedy, he lost his supermajority and was now vulnerable to a Senate Fillibuster…which is basically people getting and keeping the floor of the House by talking gibberish. The only way to pass the bill was to go around the congress and push a vote via the “Slaughter Rule” which is an unconstitutional way to just pass a bill without a vote because an already similar bill had been voted on and passed.

Democrats say that the law (the lawsuits don’t exist yet) is for the good of the people whether they want it or not. They cite the massive rise in healthcare costs and say that their constituents are sick of being pushed around by republican fat cats…and they just aren’t going to take it anymore. Also, they feel that the models of Canada and Europe should be emulated, because free healthcare works so well in those communities.

Minor Characters

I'm not sure you want to watch pundits like Imus discussing this.

Didn’t Rush Limbaugh promise us he would leave the country if this thing passed? And if so, who is with me on gifting him with a ticket?


—Liberal shenanigans.

  • Rush Limbaugh. A political windbag who says that healthcare reform is the first massive step towards socialism and (gasp) communism.
  • Glenn Beck. Another pundit who can’t keep his mouth shut about the illegalness of the healthcare reform bill. He claims that this is the end of the world and that Barack Obama is the anti-Christ. Raped and murdered a young girl In 1990.
  • Harry Reid. Democratic Senator of Nevada. He is pro-life yet supported the healthcare bill despite the fact that it would pay for abortions with tax money.
  • Stupak-Pitts Amendment. An amendment that removed free abortions from the healthcare reform bill. While the language of the Stupak-Pitts Amendment was left out of the actual healthcare reform law, it was added by Obama via Executive Order 13535. This was a case of cutting off something that was wanted…because nobody in their right minds would actually vote FOR free, abortions paid for with tax dollars.
  • November 2, 2010 Midterm election day in the United States. On this Tuesday, all 435 seats in the United States House of Representatives and 36 of the 100 seats in the United States Senate will be contested in this election along with 38 state and territorial governorships, many state legislatures, four territorial legislatures and numerous state and local races. Because of this, many political pundits believe that the healthcare reform bill passing will make this election day one of extreme anger and extreme right-wing victories.

Let the Rage Begin

Now that all of the history and players are set, it is now time to display what has gone on so far on the internet.

Republican Rage



—Conservatives are eating WAAAAAAHnilla ice cream cones.

Say hello to Rationing. Remember the gov recommendations no mammograms or breast exams are needed for women younger than 40. So the good news is if you're a woman under 50 you will not need a mammo and the gov. and ins. companies will save money. The bad news some will die as a result, but hey that's part of the price we have to pay for obamacare. Cheers!!!


—Comments from this article.

They didn't include the cost of changing all the government buildings to say USSA instead of USA.

Now we will be like Canada and the U.K. with long waits and little true health care.


—More from that article.

Great. So the story of the day is: higher taxes, more people with medicar (which is already a broken system) and the eventuality of terrible health care because nobody wants to enter a field where you have to go to school for an exceptionally long time, only to find out that you'll need a second job to support your joy of saving lives because you get to basically be a government employee who's salary doesn't allow you to break even. Obama-fail.


—Still more.

Tell you what, DNC intern boy, you show me the proof that cost controls and monopolization mitigation practices are going to be included to prevent the use of pricing to get people off coverage if they get seriously sick, or to preclude policies from being usable via the same means, and I’ll start apologizing for being wrong and send teh DNC a check for 300 bucks


—Once they have it, they won't want to give it up.

This is no victory for the American people. This was, at best, a victory for your party. And a whole lot of us don’t really give a flying shit about it. Here’s a crumb for your troubles. You guys are funny to watch crawling on the floor to find them.


—If nobody cares, why are you complaining?

Aside from being one of the biggest douchebags to ever post on this site, you have absolutely no command of jack shit. The reason you avoid those questions is because you don’t have any answerts. And you don’t have answers because they don’t exist. All you say is, “read teh bill!” like a retarded wind up toy over and over again. of course, if anyone’s read the bill as many times as you ostensibly have, then the answer should be at your fingertips and, being the concerned, colonial “green” guy you are, you’d be happy to educate the rest of us morons. But you can’t, because you are a lying piece of shit.


—Nobody has read the bill we just passed into law.

Haizel allegedly said Obama messed with the Constitution, the country is becoming Communist and he was going to Washington to kill that (expletive).


—Some dude was going to shoot Obama. See external links below.

You would think they would come down to the floor of the House and say these actions, this language is deplorable and we ask that all of our supporters engaged in this conversation on either side do so in a conscientious and reasonable way.


—Rep. Steve Driehaus, an Ohio Democrat who received death threats.

Just recently I have been directly threatened. A bullet was shot through the window of my campaign office in Richmond this week. To use such threats as political weapons is reprehensible. Enough is enough. It has to stop.


—Republican whip Eric Cantor blames Democrats for shooting up his office.

Barack Obama has communized our bodies. Whatever we do to obtain medical treatment, we first have to ask permission from Barack. If the Great Leader deems it ok that you should see any doctor you wish, then it is allowed. But if he changes his mind, he passes another law and then it's not allowed. That's not a right. That's a privilege.



Democrat Rage

Fuck these neanderthal kooks! I heard Michele Bachmann decry Obama for not “uniting” us when fucking ignorant, fascist, corporate whores like her and Beck and Limbaugh and Hannity and Palin and Steve King and Boehner and Cantor and… keep screaming “tyranny”, “communism”, “authoritarianism”… for wanting to get 50 million people without health care insurance some form of access to a doctor.


—From this article.

If my recall of my high school social studies class serves me well, there were people like this when the civil rights amendment passed, when the women suffrage amendment passed, and so on. The all said that the country would go to ruins, but we didn't. We simply took one step closer to establishing a more perfect union, as we realized those inalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Kudos! We got another one right!


—Socialism is a RIGHT!

You can’t unite crazy people if they keep insisting on being totally unhinged. There is no reasoned debate with psychopathic assholes like to lots of these ideologues. Fuck you all; I wish I could be a fly on the wall when you meet your maker and he banishes you to hell for being the despicable, calloused, lying fuckheads that each and every one of you are! Oh, and congratulations on the victory Obama.



Medicare and Social Security are models of economic efficiency compared to Wall Street and the for profit health care industry. If right wingers want to delude themselves into believing that the programs are “going broke”, then I can’t stop them from embracing their own self deception.



Many provisions go into effect immediately. In ten years, this law (hopefully with many improvements) will be as popular as Medicare and Social Security are now. It clearly could have been better but that’s what you get when you have two wings of the same party and one wing is completely unhinged from the bird.


—Aren't those programs only popular with homeless bums and welfare moms?

There have also been reports of vandalism against congress members who voted for the bill. The violent rhetoric leads to real violence, for sure. Do they think we’re scared of them? No way! Let’s get ready to rumble!


—Hippies are unable to "rumble."

Leaders of the Republican Party, they call the passage of this bill Armageddon! Armageddon. End of freedom as we know it! So after I signed the bill I looked around to see if there were any asteroids falling or ...


—Barack Obama, making a Bruce Willis joke.


Don't lose your mind, there are videos for both Liberal rage and Republican rage, just scroll through.

What has Obama got against grandma?

Obama kicking Cantor's ass.

Some gross, fat conservative who is probably in a Tea Party.

I didn't think they let Mexicans in the Tea Party.
Obama's historic speech. It made conservatives rage and because the conservatives were raging, the liberals began raging too...and on and on and on.

And some reactions from the pundits.

The view from Britain

See also: Obamacare

In the UK's National Health Service, heart attack victims have to queue for three days in the corridor before being given a second hand aspirin pumped from the stomach of a failed suicide, and then are usually misdiagnosed and have their leg cut off or something by an Azn who got a medical degree online at the University of Africa. YouGov, the crap polling organisation, asked UK victims of the NHS;

"Would you support anything that kills more Americans, such as Osama bin Laden, special needs with guns and Obamacare?"

97% answered "yes". (The other 3% were in a vegetative coma after been deliberately run over by communist NHS ambulances.)

See Also

External Links

This being a rather hot-button topic right now, to see an example of this sort of thing, one only need to use a search engine with the following search terms: Pelosi, Harry Reid, Obama, Health Care, Reform, Senate, House, Canada, Europe, Dialysis.

Health Care Rage
is part of a series on Politics.
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