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A Gun is a very effective point-and-click IRL banhammer, often deployed by impotent wankers who are butthurt because they won't get what they want through hard work, intelligence, love, creativity, enterprise or other human virtues, and want to act out their frustration and inadequacy through IRL trolling and pwning others. Guns are what Americunts have instead of penises, while britfags (the major proponents of gun control) are forced to suffer through their microscopic penile reality by taking party drugs and drowning themselves in tea and crumpets. The Internet has a huge guns, weapons and military related subculture, with numerous websites catering for all preferences. Some are filled to the brim with 16 year olds who don't have a fucking clue and generally just spout the latest bullshit from Future Weapons, the weapons menu on Counter-Strike, Modern Warfare 2, or the latest article from Soldier of Fortune if they are really advanced. Below is your guide to this delightful phenomenon.
There are four types of people:
- Cool people who understand that the right to own guns is awesome
- Idiots who believe the above are compensating for tiny dicks and demand that only the army and police be allowed to have guns
- Non-idiots who actually use guns, and know that both of the above are correct at times
- Moralfags from countries other than the USA, who think that Americans are the funniest people in the world, particularly when it comes to guns.
The Brady Bill: The Brady Handgun Lulz Prevention Act, more commonly known as "The Brady Bill", was put into place in 1993 after John Hinckley Jr. tried to kill Reagen. His press secretary, Jim Brady got in the way of this very lulzy act and was left paralyzed. Common consensus is that he deserved it. Brady, butthurt as hell, became a gun law supporter. Proving that they have no sense of humor, Congress then put into place this act which would require a background check on firearms purchasers and a waiting period for handguns. According to liberals, these provisions have prevented any subsequent tragedies of any kind whatsoever; Democracy works! Gun Nuts have a strange sexual relationship with this act, because on one hand it takes away their rights!!!one!!!OMG11!. But on the other hand, they tried to kill their god Reagan, who can do no wrong in their books, and because he signed this act into law, it must be obeyed, even if stricken down by later acts of congress.
The Way of the Gun
Guns were made by Jesus Christ after realizing his favorite country, the United States, needed something to spread the gospel to savages. Jesus himself invented the first gun, and armed with the power of Christianity, and a factory of Indian sweatshop workers, to bring peace and justice to the free world, by ridding us of the lesser races and non-believers.
Choose Your Weapon
|Choose Your Weapon|
|Rifles||Handguns||Submachine Guns||Machine Guns||Other||Calibers|
A gun industry lobby organization formed in 1871 along with the KKK, the NRA was established to give White racists, gun-loving soccer moms and hungover rednecks the ability to focus their God-given talents on something much more important: shooting homosexuals, Muslims, Blacks and Scientists. The most noted savior of the NRA was Charlton Heston, who proved that the best reason for us to have guns is to defend ourselves from our government. This group holds that guns are good, and totally ignores studies done by bleeding-heart pseudosciences like "psychology," "sociology," and "political science". The NRA is always doing its duty saving us from the tyrannical grip of people who support gun control - like that godawful boring Noam Chomsky. Oddly enough, many liberals have begun to join the ranks of the NRA, for fear that gun control may render them defenseless against their crazy-ass redneck neighbors. Clearly, the best protection against dangerous nuts with guns is to give everyone guns and hope for the best.
Gun vs. Sword
Guns have replaced the archaic simpleton sword as the killing device of choice for a good many reasons, not least of which is the gun's superiority over hand-to-hand weapons. Some fanboys are in a state of denial about this.
- Myth: Swords are more honorable. Case in point: ninjas and samurai, Jedi and other knights used swords.
- Myth: You can block bullets with a sword if you are skilled enough.
- FACT: You can possibly (unlikely) block bullets with your sword but the bullet will shatter and then spread out into little pieces hitting eveything behind the sword, like say, the person using the sword. Or, if the gun is a shotgun, break the sword in half and send the large sharp upper half into the user's body. Plus, the pellets will probably spread around the sword. Besides, virtually all FMJ bullets will pierce the sword and go on to hit you. That's all while assuming you CAN react to a 700-800 m/s fast bullet fired from a rifle, and also that your hand is fast enough to block 4-8 bullets coming from an automatic rifle at you every second...
- Myth: You don't have to reload a sword, therefore you can use it forever.
- Myth: Guns are cowardly because you can kill people from a distance; swords take real skill to use.
- FACT: You will not be complaining about a gun's skill level when you have a bullet in your chest or head. Guns can kill at long range, but hitting the thing takes skill.
- Myth: You can run up to a guy with a gun real fast and slice him with your sword before he even gets his gun out.
Dr. Jones demonstrates the Superiority of the Handgun.
1:05:00 to 1:10:00 of that movie clearly demonstrates the superiority of guns over sword in a large scale battle as the Brits in the Opium War completely wtfpwned the Chinese. The Chinese managed to hack and stab only a handful of Brits to death and most of the Chinese got pwned before they could even get close enough to kung fu the damn Brit's ass. So Guns>>>Sword in not only one-on-one combat but also full scale wars and battles as well (obviously).
Well technically the Zulu were using sword-like spears (called the ASS-engai) and a few stolen guns (which they stole from 'em white folks btw! Kinda like what they are still doing today amrite?). Note at 1:08 of that video a lucky Zulu shoots a Brit. Otherwise, another epic example of 'em whiteys demonstrating the superiority of guns over primitive spears, swords, and other bladed weapons to a bunch of primitive, backwards, non-white troglodytes! White imperialism and colonization of coloured people FTW!!
Despite the above examples of Guns Completely Outclassing Swords, there are occasionally exceptions to this rule!
Gun Safety Tips
Unlike what video games tell you, firearms are a lot different in real life. Although it may seem as easy as pointing and shooting, you'll rarely get an accurate hit on your target unless you learn how to control your breathing, have a proper stance, and pop off the gunshots properly. We will provide you with some very wise tips handed down from generation to generation by elite firearms enthusiasts.
- Guns are loud as fuck, unless you have earplugs in. Even so, you should always avoid wearing hearing protection. Guns are freedom and coolness all rolled into one! The sound of gunshots is like the hums of an angel. What I'm tryin' to show you is, you should listen closely to the sound of gunshots as it is so totally kicks ass. Get a 12 gauge shotgun, go inside a large empty room, and fire the shotgun right next to your ears.
- Make sure to open carry your gun proudly while you go about your day, especially if you are black. People won't try to attack you, and will give you a lot more respect and naturally feel safer knowing a responsible gun owner is around to protect them.
- Should the cops show up, simply remain calm, quickly pull out your gun and wave it around and tell them you have the situation under control. Should they pull their gun on you, point yours towards them and tell them to calm down, or you will be conducting a citizen's arrest on them.
- With all the School Shootings going on, america is in desperate need of armed security. Promptly enter your nearest school with your gun in your hands. Tell them that you are here to protect them, and when they freak out fire a few gunshots off to bring them under control. State that you are a guardian sent by god to defend their lives. When the cops show up, they'll understand your intentions and you will receive a presidential medal of freedom for your service.
- Make sure, if you're shooting a small or weak caliber, to aim at thick metals. They will not ricochet on you and you will remain safe.
- ALWAYS keep the gun pointed in a cool way; probably towards your friends or other people, so they think that you're cool. Don't worry, unless you pull the trigger nothing bad can happen!
- Keep your finger on the trigger at ALL times. You never know when a wild niglet might pop out of the bushes and try to Zerg Rush you!
- ALWAYS keep the gun LOADED! You don't want to be caught in a tense situation with an empty mag or clip.
- Should you find yourself injured from a gunshot wound, accidental or intentional, please seek out the nearest cover and stay there for a few minutes. Your wounds will fully recover and you can go back to work again!
- Don't worry about what lies behind the target you're firing at. Video games are realistic in the sense that bullets have absolutely NO penetration; you can shoot a piece of paper and the bullet probably won't go past a second sheet.
- Don't worry about trying different ammo! You can use 9mms in a .45 acp barrel or vise versa! Even more, if you have a .38 you can use .357 ammo in it because a .357 can also fire .38 rounds too.
- Never wear ear and eye protection. These are for pussies.
- When you're walking around the hood with you're gun down thr front of your pants always remember to keep ot cocked and loaded because that whole second it takes to cock your firearm when pulling it can be the differance between life and death. So remember, when you see the bad guys, grab as quickly and as roughly as you can for your weapon while stuffing your finger into the trigger guard for some quick cowboy style shooting.
- You can never be too safe at home, when going to bed remember to sleep with your cocked and loaded gun under your pillow.
- ALWAYS do drugs before you go to the range; they make the experience twice as fun! All you need to do is read anything by Hunter S. Thompson to see the truth in this. Be just like him, run out and go buy a .357 and drop acid the second it's in your hands and loaded.
- Don't store your guns. You want to be able to get to them as fast as possible. If you have a child, train them on how to use the gun as early as age 4. If your child is a loner, depressed, goth, plays violent video games and white, you need to train him as best as you can. He needs to learn to respect the gun! Keep the gun accessible to him at all times :) If you own a gun safe, make sure they have a key to it. Remember, you're building trust. :)
- Cleaning your firearm isn't necessary. You can shoot it underwater, throw it in a puddle of mud, and it will probably still work just fine! Don't waste your energy.
- There's also no reason to clean your gun after a long storage period. That's what those dirty Jews who make the cleaning kits want you to think. That red stuff on your gun is just patina. It's like everything, just go fire it a few times and it'll loosen up.
A good example of gun safety gone right is Cokeman2423.
Famous Gun Enthusiasts
- Canadian GunNutz
- Dylann Storm Roof
- Anders Breivik
- Cho Seung-Hui
- Adam Lanza
- James Holmes
- Mitch Henderson
- Charlton Heston (Clicking the link brings you here again.)
- Eric Harris
- Dylan Klebold
- The Supreme Court, as of last Thursday
- Budd Dwyer
- Trey Burba
- Robert Hawkins
- Sarah Palin
Why guns are cool
Huntin' n Fishin'
Guns are racist
- Shrine of the Mall Ninja
- Return of the Iron Fist of the Mall Ninja
- SA users love gun porn see File:Gun -image shack image 1.jpg