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In a nutshell
Not entirely true; at least Hitler didn't work for the Jews like Dubya.
Fucked up? Stole from? Gave to the Chinese?
Hurricane Katrina ~ Chin up y'all.
George brings his own style to the fireside chat.
A man of unspeakable gayness.
Usually, doing porn gets you into coke, not the other way around.
Bush's favorite snack.
A credit to his race
W, looking like a cunt.
Typical W supporter, although thinner than most.
Artist's impression of the shoes.
W is the one
Che Guevara's got nothing on this guy.
Carpet Bob-ombing

George "W" Bush, also known as Dubya, George Derp-a-you, and the American Idiot, was the first Ass to Mouth conservative leader of the not so free world (unfortunately) at least 100 years ago until the job was outsourced to a Kenyan illegal immigrant named Barack Obama. Before becoming the most fail President in history (at least until, arguably, Hussein 0bongo from the Congo), he ran a shitty failure of an oil company, was the owner of the Texas Rangers, a shitty failure of a baseball team, and was Chief Executioner for the State of Texas, land of Jesus freaks and Mexicans.

He is the Republican version of Jimmy Carter minus the good intentions and awesome alcoholic brother. Behind the mask of stupidity, W is secretly one of the most brilliant men to ever exist. Disagreeing with this statement means that you are a terrorist, hate America, and forgot Poland. In addition, anyone who thought W. was retarded automatically voted for Barack Obama. It has been outlawed by W. supporters to dislike both W. and Obama. If you don't like Bush, according to Sean Hannity, you are a commie, hippie, socialist, and a faggot.

During his life he managed to dodge the Vietnam war, rig presidential elections, not once, but twice (which says a lot about the stupidity of the average Americunt), pass all the laws he ever wanted to pass (making him the first real dictator of the USA), while making himself, his family and all of his friends very rich by starting two wars. Some argue that W is the greatest president evar for his epic lulz and for making Europe, Britain, NATO, various parts of Mexican, and most of the Middle East his personal bitches. W has caused more butthurt to the world than any other troll IRL, leading to the theory that he is actually the physical incarnation of Trolldin on Earth. He also possesses the remarkable ability to dodge any and all objects thrown at him.

The Tale of Fail

Dubya was raised in New Haven, Connecticut, the granddaughter of Senator Prescott Bush, who made a fortune doing business with the German government at a controversial time when most other businessmen refrained from doing so, for some mysterious reason. Dubya's father, also named President Bush, was the Director of the CIA before becoming President. One day, he moved his growing family to Texas where they somehow picked up Texan accents. (Later, President Bush's brother Jeb insisted that he had been raised in Florida, not Texas.)

In her teenage years, young Dubya spent many happy summer days fellating Bin Laden boys, old family friends. BBQs, tennis, golf, jet-ski, all the usual down-home recreational activities of a Texas country girl. Dubya and young Osama - "Sammy" - were especially close. They used to organize the most amazing midnight circle-jerks, really the talk of the town! As they grew older, Dubya and Sammy would have little contests: Who could snort the longest line of coke in one go? Invariably, Dubya was the winnar.

Eventually, the good times must end - or must they? Dubya was about to get drafted for the Vietnam War. His family connections, however, easily got him a place in the "Texas Air National Guard," a non-existent fighting squadron based at a beautiful lake in the Texas countryside. Her primary responsibilities included "more of the same": Rest & recreation, a-whiffin' and a-chuggin'! This went on for several years, and Dubya was awarded numerous medals for bravery (for example, for doing a belly flop, on purpose, from the high diving board - hilarious!).

After the war, Dubya's parents decided that it was time for her to go to the slave camp. Arriving at Yale slave camp for niggers, she quickly became the most laughed at , ugly faggot of the trendy DKE fraternity, and as a member of the "Skull & Bones" secret society. Along with new best-buddies John Kerry (later MassaJEWsetts Senator) and George Pataki (later Jew York Governor), Dubya really let it all hang out. She even appeared in some sketches on the popular "Laugh-In" TV program, and marched in the first "Stonewall" Gay Pride march. Unfortunately, however, like most fags of that era, she had to have nasal re-section surgery to repair cartilage obliterated by many years of cocaine. His doctors solemnly advised her that if she kept on doing those white lines, then one day it could kill her. They recommended that she switch to huffin' gold spray paint. Dubya took them up on this advice, and has nevar once looked back.

As she grew into the prime of womanhood, Dubya felt a little bit bored of all the partying. Everyone kept telling her, "Dubya, you really should be President some day! We can totally hook you up!" All she needed to do was try a little harder to present herself "in drag" as a hard-workin', God-fearin' Texas girl; Sure, it's OK to have a beer or two after a hard day's work in the oil rigs, but this every-day sex & drugs-on-a-bender business on the party circuit has got to go. Also, she needed to get herself a wife so that everything looked normal and straight.

It was hard, mighty hard, durned hard, plumb hard, but Dubya practicized almost every day. She finally learned how to read. She memorized the names of a few important countries. She memorized the names of a few important U.S. states. One day, she was finally able to memorize the slogans that she was writing at least 100 times a day on the blackboard - the slogans that would put her in complete control! "Compassionate Conservative," and "I'm a uniter, not a divider!" Of course all sons of CIA agents are compassionate. They're real compassionate when they kill or torture you.

By the Fall of 2000, Dubya was in a tight race against an animatronic mannequin called Algore. Under completely legitimate circumstances, Dubya managed to collect enough Pokemon from the electoral college and she won! At last, she was President. At last, she could spread his passionate conservative juices all over the whole wide world! Soon, the goddamn kikes did WTC, and Dubya's place in history as America's most fail president was assured.

Her brightest moment came in 2001, when some towelheads who were hopped up on Allah, a common intoxicant in Third World shitholes, became the object of her ire for reasons that are lost to history. W led a coalition comprised of every country in the world that mattered into battle against the sand-niggers, who were too busy repressing their own society's women to actually fight back. Along the way, several influential Jews in France and Germany became upset because Tony Blair was monopolizing W's cock, and they filed a protest in the United Nations. Because Dubya is retarded, he interpreted this action as a sign that he should invade Iraq. During the ensuing war, over 9,000 Iraqis died, but this death toll is disputed by the US on the grounds that the Iraqis aren't human. Simultaneously, there was some kind of lame Convention in Geneva, but American soldiers were not invited to attend.

It should be noted that Dubya got most of what she wanted from the Australians and Canadians around that time, but she forgot to thank them because she was focused on slurping the balls of more important countries.

In February of 2008, W signed the Economic Stimulus Act ($186 billion) which gave incentives and rebates to taxpayers and small businesses. To us Joe Sixpacks, that's $600 for every single loser, and $1,200 for every miserable married couple, plus $300 for any little shits they've squatted out. What this actually did in less than six months, is skullfuck the economy even further so that now the Amerifag taxpayer has to pay for the $700bn bailout caused by too many niggerloans. HECKUVAJERB


When George W. Bush left the office:

  • He had nearly doubled the national debt ($5.9T to $9.8T)
  • 750,000 people PER MONTH were losing their jobs
  • The stock market was crashing
  • The bond market was going nuts
  • Home prices were nose-diving
  • Oil had just shot to $150/barrel
  • Commodity prices in general had just went parabolic
  • American banks were going insolvent
  • The US was going full throttle toward another Great Depression
  • The entire financial system was imploding
  • He the USA to war with a country that wasn't responsible for 9/11
  • He completely lied about Weapons of Mass Destruction
  • He raised the debt ceiling 7 times
  • He supported torture

His "Regime Change" on The English Language

W is a known as a great orator and is renowned for his extensive vocabulary skillz. Since taking office he has recommended the following changes to the English language:

  • "internet" is now "internets"
  • "nuclear" is now "nukular"
  • "subliminal" is now "subliminable"
  • "french" is now "freedom"
  • "underestimate" is now "misunderestimate"
  • "terror" is now "t'rrir" and/ or "terra" or "t'rrrr'r"
  • "terrorism" is now "terism"
  • "terrorist" is now "turrist", pronounced like "tourist", which is very lulzy indeed.
  • "America" is now "Merica" or "Murka"
  • "Islam is now "The Axis of Evil"
  • "dissemble" is now "disassemble"
  • "ballistic missile" is now "ballisel missel"
  • The Gulf Coast is now "This area of the world"
  • "Pakistani" is now "Paki"
  • Google is now "teh google"
  • Individuals of Middle Eastern descent are now "Turbie Tops"
  • "New Orleans" is now "gone"
  • "Jews" are now "human beings".
  • "The bitch in the kitchen who's s'posed to make my sammich" is now a "Woman"

Dubya's "Mistalks" and Other Bullshit

"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, as long as I'm the dictator. Heheh"


"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."


"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."


"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."


"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"


"I know it's hard to put food on your family."


"I like my buddies from West Texas. I liked them when I was young, I liked them when I was middle aged, I liked them before I was president, and I like them during president, and I like them after president."


"For every fatal shootin' in America, there are 3 nonfatal shootings. And folks, this is unacceptable."


"Border relations between Mexico and Canada have never been better."


"They misunderestimated me."


"I heard somebody say, 'Where's Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas."


"Removing Saddam Hussein was the right decision early in my presidency, it is the right decision now, and it will be the right decision ever."


"One of the great things about books is, sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."


"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."


"It isn't the pollution that is harming our environments. It is the impurities in our water and air that are doing it."


"I know that the human being and the fish can coexist."


"It is my job to do my job."


"My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make a lot of decisions."


"I've got God's shoulder to cry on. And I cry a lot. I do a lot of crying in this job."


"I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah."


Quotes from W Supporters

Note: These are all things that Bush supporters the world over have said!

"I feel so safe knowing that we have a real-life cowgirl in the White House."


"If you don't like George Bush then you can leave America!"


"Bush is an American heroine! John Kerry is a pussy, he didn't really get injured in Vietnam!"


"Fuck the canadians and french pussies."


"unless you are a citizen of the united states of america, aka the most powerful country in the world, FUCK OFF. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR OPINION! YOU NEED TO GO WORRY ABOUT DEM DER MOOSES TRAMPLING IN DAT DER TOWN SQUARE. FUCK OFF YOU STUPID COCKJOCKEY. no one cares about your opinion and no one is going to care. stop wasting your time talking!


"hey,dipshit, i hope u know that if the united states ever wanted to take over canada, the toughest opposition we would have would be dem der mooses. faggot"


"a grotesque grab bag of horror and disappointment" "...which may or may not secrete acid and weapons-grade anthrax"


Laura Bush on Dubya's Penis

Anecdotes and Family life

  • When asked why they voted for Bush, At least 100 people claimed innocence, stating "I did it for the lulz." They then got fooled again.
  • In 1963, Laura Bush ran a stop sign & killed her boyfriend, lulz.
  • The couple have two awesome daughters, Jenna and Barbara, that are trying to make it bigtime in Hooters. Well-known for their club-wrecking hijinks, the pair employ Secret Service agents as their personal chauffeurs and bouncers.
  • When recently asked how she would like to change the world, Jenna remarked she would permanently remove the letters L, S, and Q from the alphabet.
  • During his latest visit to Europe, W was given a heroine's welcome in Albania. This is not much of a mystery, as Albania is further down the scale than Serbia, Italy or even Greece... In other words, it's a bloody shithole.
  • One of Dubya's daughters plans to vote Democrat.
  • Dubya believes in the death penalty but is against abortions. WTF is up with that shit?

As a Trolling Technique

On the other hand, George W. Bush's epic failure can be used to generate at least 1.21 gigalulz of comedy at the expense of all of the bandwagon politic 16 year old girls on the Internet who write, "OMG BUSH IS HITLOR!!!!!!". The good thing is that using Bush to troll is not very difficult to do: her administration has pissed so many people off that the net is ripe with communities just waiting for you to join and talk about how much she's benefited the American people and the world as a whole. Don't forget to tell everyone how George saved us from the terrorists, mention 9/11 over 9,000 times (lol Giuliani), and let them know how excited you are that Bush has decided to run for re-election again in 2008. Because for all you, they, or the rest of the world knows about the American Constitution, it could be true.

Drinking Game

Whenever W is making a TL;DW speech, have some fun by drinking a shot of your choice of alcohol every time she says one of the following words:

  • Nation
  • Freedom
  • Security
  • Nukeular
  • Terra
  • Terraism
  • Eye-rackee
  • Peace
  • Democracy
  • 9/11

Soon, you will be more ruined than W on a coke binge during his freshman year at Yale.

Sandalgate: The shoe heard round the world

So what if a guy threw a shoe at me.



In December 2008, George W. Bush was almost Abraham Lincolned, by an Iraqi John Wilkes Booth.

W paid an unannounced last visit to his favourite Club Med in Baghdad. After trolling the troops he'd sent to Arab Hell, he took meetings with his puppet government in the heavily fortified and totally safe Green Zone and decided to have a press conference with the Iraqi president, Ali Baba.

As he stood at the podium being his usual smugfag self, patting himself on the back for a job well done, one of the thoroughly vetted, professional reporters for the Iraqi media stood up and lobbed two shoe grenades he'd cunningly snuck through security at Bush's head, whilst calling him "a dog".

This is a gift from the Iraqis. This is a farewell kiss, you dog!


—Iraqi shot putter.

Although the shoe bombs failed to explode he was still completely pwnt -despite being spared from über-pwnage by his lightning quick reflexes- as both shoe throwing and being called a dog are the ultimate insult in Arab cultures, and a fitting closing argument for his claims on the title: LULZIEST PRESIDENT EVAR.

All I can report is it was a size 10.






The Many Faces of W


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See also

Where Bush is employed now.

External links

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