After a whole month of lulz, June 2009 rolled out like a lion, and July 2009 came in like a lamb. July 2009 was a very long, quiet month, with only a few lulzworthy moments, but great things come to those who wait. August 2009 slowly rolled in and started off with a bang or two.....or fifty-two.
George Sodini is the latest an hero from our glorious US and A. Frustrated with his failed attempts at finding tr00 love, and just failing at life in general, George decided to etch his name into this country's lulzy, violent history and go for the high score at an LA Fitness in his hometown of Pittsburgh (Naturally, he failed).
...Well, actually, he didn't just "decide" to do it, he actually planned this out since the November of 2008 and planned to do it in January. Not surprisingly, George even failed at this.
Incidentally, George's sex life bears surprising resemblance to that of the "TRUE and HONEST" Christian Weston Chandler; a virgin with rage. His protégé is Michael J. Nicholls from Love-shy.com. Just like Sodini, Mikey's posts resemble a delightful lulz-worthy mixture of misogyny, depression, and psychosis.
Family members and neighbors describe George as being "socially retarded" and "love shy". Words cannot even describe how anti-social this luser was. Like many internets addicts, George suffered from antisocial personality disorder and spent most of his time being friendless in his basement and updating his website which, like his cawk, was seldom touched or viewed by other people. His website, which may or may not be viewable here, documented random shit nobody cares about, including pictures he took on vacation. The coup de grace of his whole website is his cherished blog where his plans of an heroism were typed in 12-pt Arial font.
A 48-year old computer programmer that worked at a law firm's financial department, George claimed to not have had sex since 1990 or a girlfriend since 1984, preferring to live alone for 30 years. Of course, like most claims made by internet personalities, these were just huge lies. George had always been a virgin, and never had a girlfriend (However, his claims of living alone for 30 years seem true). It's clear that God, being his lulzy self, decided to curse George into a life of celibacy in hopes that he could become an internet superhero. Like most loner virgins, George blamed other people for his failures and accused them of cock-blocking, including, but not limited to, his mother, father, sister, brother, cat, dragon, "ex-girlfriend", and "bastard son". How exactly any of these reasons resulted in him being a virgin is entirely up for speculation.
There are four reasons as to why George has never had sex or a girlfriend:
Sodini on teh Internets
—the status Sodini put on top of his blog.
Being your atypical anti-social loser, George has been on the internets for quite a while. Intelligence indicates that George has been on the internet since January 2000 when he created the web 1.0 website crazygeorge.com. If you went to this website you'll see that you need to enter a password. The password is "crazyg". If you're too lazy to type things, just click here to go straight to his site. This website is much more meatier than George's then-current website (see below) and features many cool links, such as bible study and an interview with crazygeorge (his username...yes, he really is that lame) himself!
Crazygeorge.com was the location of his blog, which was removed by the web host after his pwning.
On August 2000, George moved his website to georgesodini.com and password-protected his old one. The website is virtually dead and is just as fail as George is. The home page shows a link to a 1994 Saturn SC2 that George put up for sale and sold in August 2004 (What is with this guy and August?), some stupid thing where you can guess his birth date and death date called "Life or Death", his biking trail, and pictures of his vacation in California, where he stalked an innocent woman on her front lawn and took stupid pictures of buildings.
The full text of Sodini's lost blog can be found here. His blog consists mainly of him angsting about his oppressive family and people that have better lives then him (i.e., anyone that has gotten laid in the past 18 years) and talking about his "exit plan". When he failed to execute his exit plan, he continued to angst for a few months before getting the balls to go through with it. After his death, George's blog was removed, but not before skiddies found interesting things in its underbelly...
Shortly after his death, computer geeks found his blog and, for reasons unknown, decided to CTRL+U his blog (to the computer illiterate: CRTL+U views the sauce of a web page). Much to their surprise, secret, unpublished text was found hidden in the page's source code:
But that wasn't the only thing they found. The old media, who couldn't get enough of this lollercoaster, found home videos Sodini made and posted on his YouTube account, . Be sure to check out his channel for some lolworthy comments.
—How's that working out for you?
Here is the last blog entry ever made on his website:
Since Sodini created his blog on November 5th, he had talked about executing an "exit plan". No one really knew about his exit plan, likely because no one read his blog or visited his website. Sometime in December, he finished polishing his plan and began practicing, getting more excited with each entry, even spilling the dox of his family and enemies. On D-Day, January 6th, at 6:45 PM, George was ready to do it, but at 8:45 PM he edited his blog, stating that his skill was not enough and he couldn't go through with it.
For 6 months George spent the rest of his days angsting about his failures, and preparing for a new date for his exit plan, which he was most likely to skimp out on again. Eventually, George decided that enough was enough and he decided to get a pair of balls and keep his promise to the American people to deliver the lulziest massacre of the month and the second-lulziest of 2009 (the lulziest is the Taconic Parkway Car Crash in New York).
On August 4, 2009, George walked into his local LA Fitness where a bunch of women were exercising. He placed his totally-not-suspicious-at-all duffel bag on the ground and paused for a moment before turning off the lights, taking out some guns, and sending some women to Hell's kitchen. He wounded several others before giving himself some Shotgun Mouthwash.
He killed three women, wounded nine, and used fifty-two bullets. He had planned this simple killing spree out for nearly 10 months, making him the most fail an hero since Codey Porter.
Like with most killers with guns, the shooting will no doubt spark national outrage amongst the old media over gun control, before blaming this on something that has nothing to do with the situation and then forgetting about it completely until the one-year anniversary/next shooting.
|Kill count:||3/20 (9 injured)|
|Accuracy:||6/20 Spray 'n' Pray|
|Style:||12/20 Generic spergout|
|Butthurt:||10/20 Low frag count, so noone cares.|
|Bonus:||14/20 Incel manchild autist finally snaps|
|Total score: 45/100 (F-)|
See full ranking
e-Psychologists Weigh In
Since the shooting, many e-psychologists have tried to psycho-analyze George's clearly fucked up mind. They have done nothing but point out the obvious: he's a loner with a fucked up psyche and a nice guy personality. However, some argue that George may have also been a big attention whore. Looking at George that may not be too far off from the truth.
Here are some quotes from some e-psychologists that have offered their two cents:
—No fucking shit.
— BAAAAAWWWW MOMMY DOESN'T LOVE ME!!!
—Sneech47, blaming the internet for his lack of a social life.
—KPetronis, pointing out the obvious.
—aspirina24, we should have showed him kindness, even though people tried.
—heaverbill, LOL WUT?
George Sodini's 1 year anniversary
We must never forget what this brave man did for us, he stood up to those who had brought him down time and time again. Vain, manipulative she-devils who drove him to this. If we can grow to be half the man our George was then this world would be a better place. So on this day, August 4th 2010 I raise a beer to your George Sodini and wish you all the best!
- A complete transcript of George's blog
- Friend Zone
- Love Shy
- Single 4 life
- True Forced Loneliness
- Marjan Siklic
- Elliot Rodger
- His for some good examples - lol channel comments
- George's official website. Most of the features are unavailable due to the influx of traffic, and the web site is occasionally offline.
- George asking if he should secks a 16-year-old girl (Note that the age of consent in Pennsylvania is 16 (HOWEVER that's provided the other person is 20 years old or under)).
- New York Post's textual archive of his blog
- The Facebook profile of George's "daughter", Carla Valdiserri (bullshit as George is a virgin)
- Exclusive dox on Sodini including receipts from his online ammunition purchases, and unseen pix.
|George Sodini is part of a series on Dying Alone