Generic Article

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It has been said that the internet requires no test to enter it. What this means is that most of the people you run into via web pages, chat, or email will be dumber than a sack full of soggy and cold White Castles, and they will be about as stimulating. Because of this very fact, many people may find themselves unable to formulate ideas into an article. This Generic Article is here to help users who are not bright, or, because of some genetic defect, believe that there is only one very limited form of humor: that of a 12-year-old boy.

Start Here

Show the culprit. If they do not have a picture with a shoe on their head, use MSPaint to add one.

[SUBJECT] is a [A] who [B] on [C].

Now select choices from the following columns that correspond with the letter choice above:

A

  • slut
  • whore
  • faggot (alternately, you can use kewl spelling here such as fagget or fgt)
  • camwhore
  • drama queen

B

You may need insignificant proof about something that is important only to you.
  • cries
  • trolls
  • acts butthurt
  • uses sock puppets
  • stalks 14-year-old girls

C

  • Encyclopedia Dramatica
  • LiveJournal
  • Twitter
  • DevianTART
  • YouTube

Continue Here

Upload lots of screen shots. They look official, but nobody ever reads them.
A reaction picture with your subject raging or being caught in a lie is always funny.

He/She/It caused [A] while [B] with [C].

Now select choices from the following columns that correspond with the letter choice above:

A

  • drama
  • butthurt
  • pain
  • massive fail
  • a toothsome aroma to waft forth

B

  • using Photoshop
  • blogging
  • yelling into a vat
  • trolling
  • mincing

C

  • a large online community
  • some inside joke only you and three other people understand
  • kittens
  • Voltron
  • asparagus

Explain More Here

By adding "the proof" nobody will argue with you.
Put moar funny pictures up.

But [A] really [B] because [C] knew that [D] was [E].

Now select choices from the following columns that correspond with the letter choice above:

A

  • nobody
  • somebody
  • only furries
  • the moderator
  • /b/

B

  • cared
  • saw it happen
  • worried
  • got annoyed
  • paid attention

C

Don't forget to upload lots of pictures you found on /b/.
Large animated gif images that have nothing to do with your article are awesome.
  • everybody
  • administrators
  • moot
  • the fan base
  • paying customers

D

  • a nice guy
  • shitstreak
  • his trusted friend
  • Sonic the Hedgehog
  • The Holy Bible

E

  • in charge.
  • lying.
  • double-dealing.
  • banning fools and noobs alike.
  • givin' props.

Example and Summation

A final, parting shot picture is always nice.

This is your introduction/informational section and could (possibly) go something like this:

[SUBJECT] is a slut who acts butthurt on LiveJournal. She caused massive fail while mincing with a large online community. But only furries really saw it happen because paying customers knew that The Holy Bible was banning fools and noobs alike.

By copying and pasting or repeating these sentences several times, and by adding numerous adjectives, you should have a well fleshed-out article within minutes.

Don't forget to pipe the following popular catchphrases into your article with rash abandon:

You may wish to break up these sentences with images, tables, quotes, galleries, or embedded video, but since those things are rather complicated, it is probably not a good idea, and really isn't necessary because you probably didn't even make headers and sub-headers within the body of your text anyways.

And since you are only writing one silly little attack article about a moderator that banned you at some shitty, insignificant Nintendo forum, you probably will never return to Encyclopedia Dramatica anyways.

Don't Bother Looking At Any Of These

Links to Context or facts are really a stupid idea. Nobody checks any of that stuff.

  • HTML - A good working knowledge of HTML is a great help.

Stuff You Won't Use

Don't bother adding a Category or a Series to your article; nobody cares about that stuff anyway.

See Also

Generic Article is part of a series on Language & Communication
Languages and DialectsGrammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and UsageRhetorical StrategiesPoetryThe Politics of Language and CommunicationMediaVisual Rhetoric
Click topics to expand
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Featured article September 7, 2009
Preceded by
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Generic Article is part of a series on:
WHY IS THERE AN ARTICLE?


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