Gary Glitter

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Gary has been expecting you.
Gary Glitter's brief tenure as a member of the X-Men.

Gary Glitter is a hilarious British pedophile glam rocker known for hits such as Rock and Roll Part 2, Leader Of The Gang and Do You Wanna Touch, who was convicted of sex offenses twice three times now, once in 1999 for downloading child porn images, in 2005 for raping some loli in Vietnam and in 2015 for attempted raep, sex with under-13-year-old girl and four 'indecent assaults'.


Glitter commenced his career in the early 1970's jumping onto the "Glam Rock" bandwagon kickstarted by David Bowie and Marc Bolan. Imagine Elvis Presley drunk and high on LSD stuck inside a disused tinfoil factory and you'll get the picture. Most of Glitter's music consists of shouting COME ON COME ON and HEY repeatedly; along with a number of other similar subtle pedo references. Musically, his oeuvre was accurately parodied by KLF's "Doctorin' the TARDIS". His music never really reached the US, save for the song Rock And Roll Part 2, which is played ad nauseum at American Football events EVERY fucking sporting event (including High School) as Americans are too stupid to come to the realisation that a fucking pedo wrote the song. For some reason people put up with his shit throughout the 1980's and early 90s during which Glitter made numerous appearances on kids shows; he was going to be in the Spice Girls movie however his legal troubles prevented him from doing so. Gary's appearance would have probably won the film an Oscar.


Being the horny prat he is, Gazza downloaded over 9000 child porn images, some featuring kids as young as two-years old; when his piece of shit computer broke he engaged the services of PC World, a high-street retailer and being the nosey little fucks that they are, they snooped around the drives uncovering this veritable goldmine of kiddy porn. Glitter was eventually found guilty, served his time in jail and said he deeply regretted what he had done intimating a desire to put it all behind him. In order to rehabilite himself the crusty old pedo went to various places including Cuba, Spain and eventually Vietnam. Being one of the easiest places to facilitate underage-sex on the planet Glitter was clearly asking for trouble and some argue that he should have given up while he was ahead. In 2005 the papers began going ape shit yet again as the bald old glitterman was touching lolis in Vietnam.

Glitter Explains Himself

In an interview, Gary tried to concoct a half-baked story about the girl he slept with being scared of ghosts and mosquito nets, but only ended up being repeatedly interrupted by a bitchy reporter.

He should have just admitted it and got therapy.

IRL Trolling

British newspaper tabloids including The Sun and the News Of The World, have taken it to the streets trying to catch all the crazy disguises Glitter's donned to avoid being seen; these have ranged from a Rolf Harris style wig and beard to a ginger wig and straw hat. It has been alleged that Gary wears a bear costume to children's parties.

Nicked again

On the 28th of October 2012 MPS officers on Operation Yewtree (see: Jimmy Savile) scored their first win when they arrested and then bailed "glam rock" 1970s celebrity pedophile Gary Glitter ... and a nation yawned.

Glitter -- whose hits included Touch me and Boys Will Be Boys (srsly) -- had been so celebrated for noncing for so many years already that the public couldn't have cared less.

He was lifted by the fuzz in 1997 and sent down in 1999 for possessing thousands of items of child pornography.

In 2006 Glitter faced further crucifixion across several countries including Vietnam and Cambodia, as well as in the UK, over actual and suspected child sex antics after a Vietnamese court found him guilty of obscene acts with minors. (He had been living in Vietnam since deportation from Cambodia on even moar suspected kiddysexyfuntime charges in 2002).

In 2008 Glitter was deported from Vietnam back to Britain at the end of his sentence -- after at least 19 countries, including Cuba, Cambodia, and the Philippines refused to let him besmirch their fair soil -- where he was promptly placed on the Nonce Jotter for the rest of his sorry-ass life.

Indeed, so féted in the public imagination was the platform-booted pervoid that in November 2009, Channel 4 broadcast a mockumentary drama entitled The Execution of Gary Glitter. Set in an imaginary Britain in which capital punishment has been re-introduced, the show depicted a good-old old-fashioned pwning at the hands of The Man from start to finish, in which Glitter was put on trial under imagined Capital Crimes Against Children legislation, culminating in his on-screen death by hanging. Well worth hunting out, if it's on JewTube.

(Savile once publicly stated that he did not own a computer on the basis that "everybody would say that he was looking at porn on it". His interpretation of 'acceptable' pornography would later be questioned after he described close friend Gary Glitter's epic downfall as "a lot of fuss over some mucky videos").

This time round, Gazza was alleged to have been seen having sex with a 13- or 14-year-old girl in Savile's dressing room at the BBC. Well, what else would you expect from such a monumental infant-worrier? The news was officially regarded as dull, dull, dull.

5 February 2015: Guilty of a whole bunch of noncing, as per. In other news: Ursine defecation linked to arboreal environments, claims report.

Glamformers: Pedo In Disguise


Gary can't just go for the usual trenchcoat and sunglasses to stay in disguise, he was always known for his crazy costumes in his day, so why not spice things up a bit for the paparazzi?

Top Left: Pre 2001 Glitter in his typical nigra wig.
Top Center: "Jack Nicholson" Glitter.
Top Right: Hillbilly Grandpa Glitter in his striped pyjamas.
Bottom Left: Wise Samurai Glitter with a chav girl's scarf.
Bottom Center: Farmer trying to look cool and leaving the tag on his glasses.
Bottom Right: Uncle Fester with a cork in his ear.


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See Also


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