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Garry's Mod is a Half-Life 2 modification. It was created by the most brilliant British coder who goes by the name of Garry, who made an ugly interface on top of Valve's engine that took him 13 versions to still not get right and left the community to do the rest. The primary use of Garry's Mod is to entertain creative people. Unfortunately, a majority of the community is under the age of 12 and most of the time not creative. Garry's Mod also uses a really high amount of CPU, so unless you, or your parents, waste $2,000+ on a gaming PC with tacky neon lights, then expect to play on 10 frames per second or less on most maps.
Garry's Mod multiplayer is intended to let players play together and share contraptions. Instead it has become the Detroit of the Multiplayer world, because anything you make can be removed by the feared REMOVE tool. Some people use prop protector to save their props, but minges will always find a way provided with enough time (or just crush whatever with random shit like lockers or dumpsters). Most sessions end in a war where the minge and the server's population kill each other over and over again.
But in other cases of this clusterfuck they call Garry's Mod Multiplayer, there may be no problem when someone joins a building server full of intellectual people with goals of construction. But of course any kind of harmless shenanigans (like giving Alyx balloon tits) will be frowned upon by the server-goers and the offender will be deemed not fit for the server and booted.
Warning: You will have exactly 2 minutes to finish up a contraption when a mingebag arrives.
Ways to get kicked or banned from a server
- Join a server.
- Spawn a jeep.
- Shoot people with the guns given to you by the game.
- Enter both the answer and question into console. (42 and ???)
- Throw explosive shit around, since the guns do nothing.
- Go away from the keyboard for more than two seconds.
- Walk around throwing grenades for fun, when two of them happen to hit the admin's whorehouse he was building and set it on fire.
Go to a Noxious Net server and ask about how Jetboom harvests rcon passwords.Noxiousnet has been dead for almost 4 years as of typing, go on Sunrust and call Raox a faggot instead
- Use any of Garry's Mod's features, besides walking, on an RP server.
- Tell the kid who won't stop complaining about someone throwing a prop at his ragdoll to kindly shut the fuck up.
- Be a cool, level-headed guy.
- Build something that launches shit.
- Build something original and kickass.
- Don't buy CSS. Despite being a 12-year-old wankfest, half of the shit in Gmod shows up as either a gigantic red ERROR model or a black-and-purple seizure-tastic eye rape.
- Have a sense of humor.
- Have fun.
- Build something that doesn't use Wire Mod.
- Ask for help on how to use things as you play Gmod for the first time.
- Go join a R.I.O.T Server and troll the masses of faggots
- Ignite Dr.Breen connected to balloons.
- Mention other ZS servers' names by accident when you're playing on any FWKZT server, and get kicked by a bot.
- Join a server with poorly setup admin scripts, and end up getting a permanent voteban.
- Can't spawn in any good weapons? Build your own weapons by using motors & heavy props (melee) or at least 3 high damage turrets attached to a part set to autofire (ranged), and use your physgun to wield them for great justice
- Pretty much anything
Construction? Disregard that!
Garry's Mod involves mods. It's in the name of the game. If you don't know that, then you're an illiterate retard who shouldn't be on this website. The mods that Garry's Mod offers range from content and ideas stolen from other games/franchises to weapons. Because most people who play Garry's Mod are small children who decided to spend 10 dollars on this shit rather than Yugioh cards with the imagination of your average tree stump, this means that mods are practically the only reason why gmod multiplayer exists. On paper, this isn't surprising (Gmod wasn't a very creative concept to think of anyway). However, this means that in sandbox, the gamemode based on freedom, every server falls within one of five archetypes:
- Servers with absolutely no addons that are quickly assraped by minges
- "Build and Kill" servers that have dozens of addons that only add different weapons to the game (since Gmod kiddies are either too poor to afford CoD or can't get CS because their mommies think it will make their children will try for the high score).
- Servers that hoard absolutely every fucking addon that they can get their hands on. Popular mods include E2, which completely defeats the purpose of the in-game physics, Minecraft, because the kiddies would rather shell out $10 to the fatasses at Steam than $30 to the jews of Mojang, and as many player models as humanly possible.
- Servers with a perfect balance of addons that enhance, but do not distract from the gameplay without creating a load time of 3 weeks (these servers die very quickly because they're not "Build and Kill", so nobody plays them).
- Brony servers
How to Play Garry's Mod Multiplayer (an Easy Guide)
- Select Multiplayer
- Try to click on the gamemode you want to play (Gmod menus, for some reason, have items that constantly rearrange themselves until absolutely everything is loaded. That's right kids, gmod blows so hard that Garry can't even program a menu).
- Try to find a server to play on.
- Wait a short amount of time for hundreds of shit addons to download.
- Get banned from the server in five minutes
- Repeat 3-6 until your hard drive is completely filled with poorly-coded Homosuck player models.
Trouble in Terrorist Town
The idea behind this mess of a gamemode is everyone's a terrorist, but some are secretly traitors, who have to kill the others, without being killed themselves. This gamemode is designed to be where cooperation and teamwork can overcome the enemy team. However, this is complete horseshit as no-one wants to stand around until they get sniped, or until you get bored enough to go on a killing spree (either in-game or real-life). You will find a variety of players on these servers:
- People who think they're playing CS:GO and try to kill everyone, and failing to kill anyone.
- People trying to fall onto other people from a great height, and usually end up killing themselves.
- People who are mods, and kick you for actually playing the game.
- People who get trolled for using the H.U.G.E, as it is the biggest gun and has a shit-ton of bullets, but is actually god-awful.
- People who are AFK.
- People trying to push the AFK people into water.
- People drawing dicks on the wall with the crowbar.
- People trying to gain attention for their sexual Shrek spray.
- 12 year olds who get killed instantly.
The best way to play this game is to kill absolutely everyone on each round, as you're mowing down so many people one of them's got to be a T. Extra points for killing raging 12 year olds and/or mods. Do this on the Minecraft map, which is flooded with people who don't have CS:GO, so the map isn't a mess of large red ERRORs and purple-and-black squares.
Most Servers that use a third party game mode are using DarkRP or some other shitty RP mod. -RP allows you to pick your job and buy/sell things etc.,
be a furry that class got removed thank god, or pretend to be a member of the opposite sex in order to perform oral sex on Mayors/Cops for lulz/money. It is not as cool as it sounds, it is infact a demonic creation of Satan.
DarkRP in Garry's Mod would be the next worst thing to Minges, if minges didn't bring a steady flow of lulz everywhere they go. Every DarkRP server has the same thing going on:
- People love being cops so they can ruthlessly abuse you and defilate you.
- If you can't be a cop, the next best choice is to be a Gun Dealer. Those guys pwn fucking everything.
- Everyone loves going to the gun shop so they can buy a gun that they'll lose in 2 minutes, and use it to kill everyone they see in sight.
- Many people are under the impression that they are the admin of the server and tell you to get out. Unfortunately, they are all fucktarded 12 year old children.
- "DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU" is a popular responce for JOB
- Almost no real roleplay at all.
- Mods who offer you the illusion of something to do other than watch people put a basket on top of a table. You will be given a physgun, but not be able to spawn props, then you will be taken away the physgun, mess around with the GG, and then be banned for a finite amount of time. If you ever complain about why the server is so boring, you will be called an RP noob and then permabanned.
- On rp_evocity_v2 there is a cave, and entering or even coming too close to it will cause the server to crash. Look at the signs carefully, and find the road to the campground. If you encounter a giant tiled wall, right click a jeep with the no collide tool and drive through it. Keep going till you reach the cave. Politely inform the players on the server that you're going to "enter the cave", then rush into it immediately, giving them no time to save anything. When the server restarts, do it again.
- It is a well known fact all of DarkRP servers are 10 year old kids. When treated right said 10 year olds may yield exciting results.
Other communities sometimes have loads of drama or they are full of assholes, such as HGN whom the leader apparently payed a hacker $150 just to steal a shitty script from another RP community.
Warning: Anyone who plays RP for more than 43 seconds will have a seizure. However, RP servers are the easiest to troll since it's players are mostly consisted of 12 year olds, usually resulting in epic lulz.
Serious Roleplay is like DarkRP but ten times more hellish. It is essentially a game mode where you walk around, type out everything you do, and dodge insults from the year-long veteran elitists who look down on you like you're some sort of ant. You'll be going around a map full of fags too busy cybering to give you any notice even if you try to troll. Trolling on Serious Roleplay can only be achieved if you go through the long process of becoming a roleplay fag yourself. Once you do this, you can fuck everybody's shit up by ruining cyber-sessions and by killing off beloved characters. However, this is literally not worth the effort. It is best to let roleplay servers tear themselves apart - They don't need your help. In such a shitty, serious, fag-filled environment, its bound an hero eventually.
Avoid these servers like the plague.
- Spawn (and ignite) huge objects until the server crashes.
- Make prop spawners of giant objects and spam them until the server crashes
- Delete everyone's objects.
- Motor a table to the ground and adv dupe it, then make another table and quickly dupe one under it and one on top of it, activating both at the same time. Lulz will ensue.
- Rope everyone's objects to the ground.
- Spawn an object and cover it in propcannons that fire propane tanks, aim at ground and fire until server crashes
- Kill everyone until he gets smacked with the banhammer or everyone leaves
- Spawn a dumpster, flip it upside down, and cover other people's objects with it
- Constantly say something like "YOU'RE HACKING YOU FUCKING FAGGOT LEAVE BEFORE THE ADMIN BANS YOU", "why the FUCK was i just kicked?" or "YOU PIECE OF SHIT I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK"
Experienced mingebags are to be praised for their amazing skill unlike their typical 13 year old boy counterpart. The underage b& Mingebags use their microphone CONSTANTLY, raping everyone's ears. They are comparable to skiddies in a raid.
Becoming a Minge
So you've decided to become a minge. Congratulations.
As a minge, it is your sworn duty to utterly ruin the experience of GMOD for anyone and everyone you come into contact with while creating epic lulz for yourself. It seriously takes little to no effort or thought to troll other players, but if you can't think of anything, try one of the following:
- Changing your name to /citizen on a Roleplay server and taking cigarettes
- Doing it for the lulz
- Spawning large props and crashing a server, also overloading the LUA
- Use hax to crash servers
- Go onto a DarkRP server with the drug mod, change your name to "/citizen", take cigarettes and watch as the entire server changes to the citizen job. Bonus points if the server usually votes "no" to job votes.
- Do the same as above, except with the name "/buymoneyprinter", and watch as everyone in the server with $1000 spawns a money printer. Unsuspecting people on the streets will buy a printer and the server will become a lulzfest over them.
- Download autoaim and wallhack luas from garrysmod.org and rape everyone
- Use the stacker tool and spam a prop such a chair in one stack until you hit the prop limit. Then tap it with your phys gun and move it around for a few seconds then stop, then do it again. this will cause great lag, resulting in great lulz and salty niggers. (make sure stacker tool spawns frozen props for max lulz.)
- Go on any Zombie Survival server with more than a few people, and purchase a carpenter's hammer from the worth menu/arsenal crate. Nail every prop you can see to other props, block important lines of sight, and generally waste props.
- Set your spray to something NSFW or shocking and spray it in high traffic areas. Bonus points if you're original enough to not use goatse.
- Go on a DarkRP server, get a gun, and aim for a high score.
As freshmeat to the Minge game, here are some tips.
- Always target kiddies. They are the easiest to piss off and provide the most lulz. Do not do this under the view of a moralfag or admin.
- When in doubt, spam everything.
- Avoid servers with regular moderation. Mods can put a stop to your schemes. Unless you can hack the server's LUA never go toe-to-toe with mods. The longer you stay on a server minging successfully the longer your e-peen grows. Bonus points if an admin is on.
- Make friends with other minges. Strength and lulz are in numbers.
Garry's mod allows you to use a special gun to pose ragdolls into different positions. The most common of them is the genre of "sex poses". Sex poses are commonly made by mingebags due to the fact that that is all that fucktards ever think about. These sex poses are usually posed with Dr. Kleiner (an old man) and Dr. Judith Mossman (an even older woman)doing it doggie style.
Another feature Garry's Mod include is face posing. This allows you to make people have different expressions. The only problem with it is that fag Garry made it so that every face pose looks like the person is having an orgasm.
As A Source of Creating Drama
While one can do many fun things with Garry's Mod like your favorite Rule 34 of Alyx and Barney, there are some better things you can do, such as recreations of tragic events. For example, in a perfect example of too soon, a totse member re-created the dramatic events on the day of the 7/7 2005 London bus bombings mere hours after it had happened:
—Cybernetico doing it for the lulz
A modification to GMOD to make script kiddies feel like they have pro 1337 scripting skills. Usually used by faggots and noobs. An average GMOD server consists of everyone jerking off while leaving their Expression 2 editor open. While many people use this to create a useless shitty base there are also over 9000 trolling possibilities.
Every Garry's Mod video on YouTube falls into one of two categories: The first type is machinima, which is pretty self-explanatory. While there are a few well-made and occasionally funny videos, most of them are shit and boil down to a montage of short skits because the creator couldn't be motivated to even attempt something coherent.
The second (and much larger) type of video is the griefing video. Like the machinima, a lot of these are hit and miss, as most of them consist of 12 year olds who think they're the most hilarious thing ever by acting randomly in the server instead of actually griefing the other players. Most of these videos are usually 10 minutes long and are simply not entertaining to watch. This makes Garry's Mod the only game where a griefer can fail just as hard at making a video as a machinina maker.
- Facepunch studios
- Half Life
- Half Life 2
- Left 4 Dead
- Super Smash Bros. Brawl
- Dr. Hax
- PC Gamer
- Source Filmmaker
- The Official Garry's Mod Website
- Facepunch Studios
- Garry's Mod, inevitably, meets a meme from back in the day.
- Yes, the worst mod ever is trying to kill Garry's Mod: JBMod.
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