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Once considered the GOP's Lord and Saviour as the second coming of
Jesus Christ Ronald Reagan, Freddie "Fred" Thompson (aka Frankenberry) and the loyal fanbase who urged him to quit his day job on TV and re-enter IRL politics to save the party from certain defeat at the hands of any Democrat with a pulse in the 2008 US elections, are currently looking like the fools who swore the Emperor was wearing new clothes in the old fairy tale. He eventually gained even more fame by running the second most fail campaign in history behind goomba cross dresser Rudy Giuliani.
Once a lazy Senator and part-time yokel with a reputation for failing upwards, this gruff Reagan Republican had spent his recent years phoning it in as NYC's District Attorney in TV's long-running legal procedural Law & Order.
It's Official. No One Gives A Shit.
When other candidates are enjoying non stop spotlight and glorious discussion of the issues, Fred Thompson has been relegated to the Skid Row of Political campaigning. Basically, no one gives a fuck anymore.
—CBS News December 31st 2007. Even his BASE can no longer get it up.
Iowa Caucuses 2008
Thompson On The Issues
- National Security: Moar Bombs for dem terrorists!
- Federal Budget: OH LAWD we are DOOMED!
- Tax Reform: Get your hand out of my pocket black person!
- Healthcare: Move to France bitch if you don’t like it! I’m covered under SAG!
- Building Strong Families: And it’s not for you, Faggot.
- Immigration: A government that cannot secure its borders and determine who may enter and who may not, abrogates a fundamental responsibility. In others words: GTFO Spics!
- Education: Be moar edumocated.
- Energy Security: I don’t know what the fuck that is? But it looks good on the website.
- The Second Amendment: All god’s chilluns got guns.
—Fred Thompson -in his high school year book
Fred Thompson is -in a word- lazy. By all accounts, he was a lazy boy, a lazy teen, a lazy US Attorney and a lazy Senator. Even when courting his blue-blooded first wife, he was half-assed about it leading her father to question his acumen,lack of ambition and suitability for his daughter.
At high school, his football coach in Lawrenceburg, Tennessee, told reporters:
He was a clown, known for tossing ice in the cafeteria, making paper airplanes and throwing pennies at the blackboard when the teacher wasn’t looking.
During the breaking Watergate Scandal in the early '70s, Freddie served as leader of the Republican side in the Senate's investigation of President Richard Nixon's involvement. Years after Nixon's eventual impeachment, The Freedom of Information Act released tapes of the Nixon team's secret discussions about how much shit he was in.
In a May 1973 recording, Nixon shared his concern about whether his own party would go after him with then-chief of staff Alexander Haig.
In a later conversation Nixon and lawyers were still describing Thompson as not so smart but at least he was beginning to play ball.
—Nixon counsel Fred Buzhardt
—Nixon. A nice way of saying retarded
With eight years in the Senate, his legislative record was almost non-existent. A former adviser is quoted as saying:
Before being pressured to run for the Republican nomination in the middle of 2007, he was a lazy lobbyist and lazy character actor after he quit representing Tennessee in the Senate because it was too much hard work.
Even Fred Thompson doesn't think he will become president. Chatting to a television reporter, a quip from the Hollywood actor cemented the impression that his heart is not in the 2008 race.
Whist trying to motivate his studio to hurry up and interview Freddie, a Fox News exec said:
Standing beside him, a deadpan Thompson interjected:
In fact, he had absolutely no ambition to be the President of the USA, he was just too lazy to argue with those around him who were pushing him to run.
Freddie in Anime
Fred Reagan: "Mr El Presidente, PUT UP THIS WALL!"
Leave JACK Thompson ALONE!
His Political Body of Work.
- Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee: President Ulysses S. Grant
- Law and Order (Pick One): Arthur Branch
- Last Best Chance: President Charles Ross
- Racing Stripes: Sir Trenton (voice)
- Evel Knievel: Jay Sarno
- Rachel and Andrew Jackson: A Love Story; Voice of Andrew Jackson
- "Sex and the City" Politically Erect: Politician on TV
- Baby's Day Out: FBI Agent Dale Grissom
- In the Line of Fire: White House Chief of Staff Harry Sargent
- Born Yesterday: Sen. Hedges
- Barbarians at the Gate: Jim Robinson
- Matlock: Gordon Lewis and Prosecutor Mr. McGonigal
- Keep the Change: Otis
- Day-O: Frank DeGeorgio
- Stay the Night: Det. Malone
- White Sands: An Uncredited Arms Dealer (LOL WUT?!?)
- Thunderheart: William Dawes
- Bed of Lies: Richard 'Racehorse' Haynes
- Aces: Iron Eagle III Stockman
- Cape Fear: Tom Broadbent
- Curly Sue: Bernard Oxbar
- Necessary Roughness: Carver Purcell
- Class Action: Dr. George Getchell
- Flight of the Intruder: Court-Martial Captain
- Die Hard 2: Trudeau
- Days of Thunder: Big John
- The Hunt for Red October: Rear Admiral Joshua Painter - USS Enterprise
- Fat Man and Little Boy: Maj. Gen. Melrose Hayden Barry
- Roseanne: Keith Faber
- Wiseguy: Knox Pooley
- Feds: Bill Bilecki
- Unholy Matrimony: Frank Sweeny
- No Way Out: CIA Director Marshall
What to do if you meet Fred
- Ask him if he has “Juggling” under “Special Skills”
- Ask him when his next nap is going to be
- Talk about an issue, then point to the floor and scream SHINY OBJECT
- Tell him he's a commie.
- Wave a gun at his next rally and scream “It’s my right!”
- Ask him how close he is to Tom Cruise
- Ask for him to autograph your tits with Much Love, Richard Belzer
- Tell him you loved him in Bedtime for Bonzo