Five Nights at Freddy's
Five Nights at Freddy's, spelled "jump scare simulator," created by some christfag named Scott Cawthon✡, is a click'n'shit QTE game that focuses on spending five nights at a Chuck E. Cheese ripoff restaurant called Freddy Fazbear's. The only interaction you ever get to do is flip a tablet up looking at the screen and closing the doors when the monsters get too close. Despite its boring and bland gameplay, along with its 2001 video graphics, Five Nights at Freddy's somehow got popular thanks to tumblrfags, Pewdiepie fanboys, Markiplier fanboys, hipsters, furries who want to yiff Foxy, meme-loving faggots that spend all day in their basements trying to be funny, and braindead kids with special needs. What makes it even more of an insult is that it costs $4.99 on Steam, which is $5.99 too much.
This game started off nothing more as a boring piece of shit that would've been forgotten about in three days on IndieDB and Desura. Created by Scott Cawthon, who previously made biblical-themed games that sold only to Christian parents who wanted their kids playing them instead of Pokémon in the fears that they'll turn into a satanic baby killer. Around August 2014, the game saw a boost in popularity because of a faggot named Markiplier playing it and shitting his pants in fear about how super duper scary and innovative it is. The next few days saw his drones spreading the news about how scary Five Nights at Freddy's is. Eventually, the game found its new home with the Tumblr feminazis and ponyfaggots of Know Your Meme, where it became more popular over time due to the drone army.
About a week after scaring the pants off of 12-year-olds and SJW hipster feminazis, Five Nights at Freddy's got green-lit to be sold on Steam, where the fanbase continues to show how great this game is by shoving down everybody's throats. Just like bronies, whovians, weeaboos, and furries, Five Nights at Freddy's fans feel the need to shove their love for the game down everybody's throats at any given moment, most the fans think it's the greatest game ever made or the game that's gonna save the horror survival genre, funny enough, 90% of the faggots in the fandom have never played the game. Say one bad thing about the game, from the fact that it has a ton of glitches or pressing escape closes the whole game instead of bringing you to a pause menu, or the fact that it's $5 for a game that looks like your typical F2P iPhone game. You'll piss the fanboy army off and get banned from the Steam Discussion forums on the game for triggering all the 12-year-olds with in two seconds. Criticism is not allowed, only praise.
How to play the game
So you still want to waste $5 on this useless game? Why don't you just pirate it, so you won't fund this faggot who made it? Either way, if you do want to buy the game or already own it, here's how to play.
Night 1: Listen to that nerd who had the job before you explain how to get through it all. He'll give you a history of Pedophile Paradise and all the tricks to survive. It's simple, close door when you feel threatened, open it if you don't, check monitor, look more for any of the animatronic animals trying to murder you. Oh and you also have limited power, the door and monitors drain the power quicker.
Night 2-5: The nerd dies on the fourth night. Repeat the same process as Night 1 nerd, oh and don't forget to pick up your paycheck, you got only $120 for risking your life guarding this place. GG.
Night 6: 1337 mode. The animatronics are now deadlier than usual and you don't have that faggot calling you before you risk your life for the 6th night in a row. Your reward is overtime pay of only 50¢ and Employee of the Month. Must feel good getting little pay and praise for doing nothing but sitting in an office all night begging to be killed.
- Someone sees Five Nights at Freddy's for what it really is
|FNaF characters||FNaF2 characters||FNaF3 characters||FNaF4 characters||FNaF World|
The wonderfully creative fanbase of this game sure is amazing. Past that, this is going to list the average fans you see on a daily basis, mainly in the YouTube comments section and other social media sites like Facebook, sometimes Twitter, and Tumblr.
The 12-year-old: The typical fan of this game and probably the easiest to deal with. Usually are in the age range of 10-to-13-years-old and have probably never touched a horror game in their life. They get uber-defensive of the game and will make up any load of shit to defend it. It's also easy to convince them that the game is shit. Other games they're usually spotted in is Team Fortress 2, Minecraft, Blockland, or any other lame game with loads of little kids in it.
How to deal with them: Call them autistic and retarded creatures, along with furfags in training. If they're already a furfag, call them a pedophile in training. Say Five Nights at Freddy's sucks and is far worse than Bad Rats.
The Die-Hard: A step up to the original 12-year-old, die hard fans who devote their life to the shittiest game ever will devote most of their time to making shitty animations on the fucking game, the animations are beyond cringe-worthy and are usually crossed referenced with Minecraft because it's original, or make shitty fan games (even though, there are VERY few like two fan games that are better than the original games) to get their god to notice them or to, most likely, get some piece of the FNaF hype pie. These fans also go to the extent of buying merchandise and completely covering their basement walls with Five Nights At Freddie's fan-art (which they probably paid for, making them even bigger fuck-wits). Most of these fans will go to the extent of pretending to be older (Fucking Paedophiles) while claiming any "Haters" are younger than them. These fans will also get their fucking role-play mates, and fucking link arms in order to defend their game.
How to deal with them: To personally fuck with these idiots, nitpick at every little shitty thing they do, and constantly remind them that they're wasting their life making animations, making fangame(s), buying merchandise and defending a game with the sole purpose of adding cocks so the fans can suck them. To take things a step further and potentially generate more lulz, say that Undertale is a better game and watch the resultant flame war.
The tumblrina: Another large demographic. The tumblrinas are the fans of the game on Tumblr and are usually known to have role-play accounts on YouTube, Facebook, Google+, and any other social media site. They're usually known for having FNaF-themed Tumblr blogs and reblogging nothing but the game or some shit-tier anime. They also come up with shitty theories and argue the gender of the animatronics, despite them being genderless robots and then get super defensive of their headcanons and attempt to pass it off as canon. Can be considered the biggest cancer of the game's fanbase that aren't 12-year-old furries.
How to deal with them: Call them closet furries and tell them they're degenerate pedophiles that are gonna be the downfall of western civilization. Call their porn and fanart shit and that people with down syndrome have better art skills than them.
The Furry: By far, the most cancerous part of the Five Nights at Faggot's fanbase. It comes as no surprise of why they like this game other than the fact that it has killer animatronic animals in it that will forcefully stuff the main character into a fursuit and make him join their degenerative cult of animal fuckers. They also make a buttload of pr0nz and draw it in the fashion of their bad furry OCs. They even got fucking ad space on Fur Affinity in order to promote the game. Of course when fantasizing about fucking the animatronics they always seem to "forget" the little detail about them having the rotting corpses of children in them.
How to deal with them: Call them autistic pedophiles and walk away. Furry tears guaranteed.
The brony: Another common member of this fandom. Usually are wildly immature and incredibly butthurt about everything, which explains why most FNaF fanboys are so defensive of this game. They come up with brilliant crossovers of FNaF and My Little Pony and usually draw the characters from the game poorly in MSPaint as ponies.
How to deal with them: Do the same thing as you would to furries.
The Dubstep kiddies: They're usually 12-to-16-year-old scene kids who pierced their penis and dropped out of high school during their freshman year, and their entire wardrobe comes from Hot Topic. They got into the game when the brony faggot TheLivingTombstone made yet another mix about this shitty game.
How to deal with them: Beat the shit out of them IRL.
The intellectual: Little kids (usually sixth or seventh graders, although there are the rare forms of eighth graders) who consider themselves to be "smarter" than other kids because they play "higher-quality" games that "make you think" about its "gripping" storyline.
How to deal with them: Call them retarded faggots and that playing FNaF doesn't make them above other people, and in fact makes you look even stupider than others than they normally would.
The Montage Parodist: The kids from Reddit who still think that montage parodies of TF2 gameplay are funny and doesn't realize they're just as big of a faggot as the guys who make serious montages. They usually make FNaF montage parodies with the typical shitty dubstep, sunglasses, weed, and everything else seen in parodies.
How to deal with them: Call them a faggot, then make an MLG montage parody of you calling them a faggot to rub it in.
The creepypasta fags: The faggots who still read creepypastas. They're usually the ones who go around the Internet looking for SUPER DUPER SCARY GAMES AND CREEPYPASTAS. But wound up being complete and utter faggots. Most of them are quick to dismiss actual horror games because FNaF is supposedly a masterpiece, it is also worth noting that these misfits also love other stupid, not-scary horse shit such as: Sonic.exe, Squidward's suicide, paranormal activity movies and the Saw franchise.
How to deal with them: Say creepypastas aren't that scary anymore and FNaF just caters to furries and 12-year-old kids.
The theorists: The worst members of this fanbase. They'll do super deep analysis of the game and come up with some stupid fanboy theory. Most of their theories are absolutely laughable and hold no merit whatsoever, especially the ones who think that the robots have genders and want to fuck.
How to deal with them: Call their theories shit and show evidence that disproves their theories.
FNaF reaches out to their fans, by advertising on Fur Affinity
Of course, Scott being the Jew in need of shekels that he is, wanted to reach out to his fanbase. Already getting free advertising on YouTube by Let's Players and the large amounts of FNaF related blogs on Tumblr by edgy 14-year-old otherkin faggots with stupid-ass pronouns, decided to reach out to the most perverted part of the entire fanbase by renting ad space on Fur Affinity.
It's unknown if this advertising did anything to boost sales of the game, but it further prove that the majority of this game's fans are furries. The ad looked poorly done and was incredibly low quality, looking like something straight out of 2001, just like the game's graphics. Like with MLP, a lot of furries on the site had mixed emotions about it, with some hypocritically stating how disgusted they where, despite already being disgusting for being a furry. Others where annoyed by the game getting unneeded attention, and the fanboys on FA slurped it up and sucked Scott's small Jewish dick as he gathered their hard earned shekels on Steam to go straight back to his furry porn addiction.
Since each game needs no money to make, and can be made in one day, it is to be expected that Scott will shit one of these every day for the rest of his life. At this point, it is uncertain whether Scott actually makes these games, or they regularly come out of his rear end.
Thanks to the furfaggot echo chamber demanding it, Five Night's at Freddy's is already getting a sequel. Supposedly supposed to be far more scarier than the first game, the trailer alone already says it all. With the doors being removed and a clever disguise when the animatronics get in your office. Yet you still don't have a weapon to defend yourself. It won't be long before Five Nights at Freddy's suffers the same fate as Call of Duty. Available now at Steam.
- Already this game looks as dumb as the first one
Whatever you thought bad about FNaF1 you are going to be begging to have back in the sequel.
No doors? No matter! Now the game has a handy alarm siren for whenever the furries get within a one mile radius. On the first nights the game has you sitting and doing fuck all until you hear the sirens and then its off to checking the lights again. On the later nights the game throws every furry on the planet at you so that the alarms never stop, due to the shitty pirated sound effect from night 4 onwards it sounds as if you are in a submarine, Scott couldn't give away enough Jew gold for a half decent sound effect.
Remember how FNaF1 had shitty pre-rendered graphics? FNaF2 has it too, but its worse. Scott couldn't be bothered to even render the game in a 16:9 ratio this time, meaning every room will become warped and bent like a retarded MC Escher painting if you turn in the slightest. 4:3 FTW amirite?
Compare the animatronics from the first game to the ones in the second. Notice how in the second they all look much less animatronic and much more furry, even the old animatronics. Scott is either a closet furfag himself or is trying to cater to the queers that play his game. It is most likely a mixture of both though.
Scott assfucked the jump scares so hard that they make you facepalm rather than shit bricks. The general formula for the jump scare is as follows.
- Poorly designed face appears
- Face moves closer
- Loud scream
Something to note is that in the first game Scott actually bothered to render the animatronics as part of the room when they attacked you, so that they stayed in place when you were shitting bricks. In the sequel Scott thought to himself 'fuck it, make it an overlay that follows your screen as you turn around and do other unnecessary shit.' Because apparently nothing is scarier than an animatronic skating around the room lightning fast or diving straight out of a wall at you.
Should you continue playing until the later nights your average gameplay experience will look something like this...
Despite this, all of the cocksucking nerds, furries and "professional" critics alike have given this game a 10/10 praising it for innovative gameplay, amazing graphics and a well crafted storyline, but let us keep that last point in mind because these so called "professional critics" are also the ones who believe that 300, Wreck-It Ralph, Guardians of Ga'Hoole, Independence Day and Dragon Wars are on par with fucking Lawrence of Arabia, they clearly have a child's understanding of narrative complexity.
Believe it or not, Scott has already released FNaF3, and as you have expected, it's shit. He released it not even three months after FNaF2 because he wanted to make even more shekels from the sheeple fan base buying the game on Steam. Even better, it's the same fucking game as the first two with very little changes whatsoever.
- It already looks even more rushed than FNaF2.
This time there is only one animatronic that kills you in this game names Springtrap(a almost golden Bonnie clone but "different") and the others are just "phantoms" hallucinations that are just there to jump scare you in your face to almost make you pass out. Again no door and half the time your just waiting for Springtrap to kill you. The ghost children chase purple guy and he goes into the Springtrap suit like a retard and dies inside it and the children souls are free.
Looks like the Scott man is at it again. Supposedly claimed to be the final chapter, knowing Scott, he's gonna release another one two months later. Except this time, there's gonna be extra spooky content on Halloween 2015, from what the fagdom knows about the story is that you play as a child that is all alone in their house and being stalked by the mecha-rapists, currently wanked over by furfags as they now are called Nightmare versions of the animatronics. Nope, it looks like Scott couldn't help himself as he released his shitty game three fucking months before Halloween since he had already rushed through it like he did with the others. He claims it was due to him "not being good with release dates," but we all know that's not the fucking truth. Unsurprisingly, this game is the most critically panned installment to date.
Scott REALLY outdid himself this time. FNaF World is a crappy JRPG that requires less player input than Final Fantasy XIII, and is so repetitive and boring that after thirty minutes, you'll immediately uninstall the game so your computer doesn't have to writhe in agony anymore. The game basically revolves around the FNaF characters beating the shit out of enemies with huge difficulty spikes in every room you go to. There's no character development, barely any NPCs(most who are just recolors of the main cast), and a story so forgettable you have to go on to a wiki to remember a basic summary. The game was so rushed that there isn't even move descriptions and a stats screen for characters. It's so painfully monotonous and dull that by the time you reach the end of the game you've endured more twelve-second loading screens than Sonic '06. It's so easy that if you let your characters constantly heal, you'll never die once.
It sucks so much the fans and even Scott Cawthon himself admits the game sucks ass, and did us all a favor and removed it from the Steam Store to give it updates. You can polish a turd all you want Mr. Cawthon, but at the end all you get is a shiny turd. Hopefully this kills FNaF for good so in a few months, the fandom dies off and we never have to hear from FNaF ever again. Scott made himself the true final boss in the game, which is just a pixel neon block man who is "The Puppetmaster" of the FNaF world. Talk about stroking your ego much.
"The Silver Eyes"
As if Scott couldn't sell out enough, he decided to write a fucking book based on this. The premise in a nutshell is that some chick named Charlie or Charolette has a dad who ran Pedophile Paradise and is trying to forget the kids that got 420rekt there. Then one day her and some dipshit friends decide to go find the place and when they do shit hits the fan faster than you could say 9/11 was an inside job. Shut up and take my money, amiright? Also, apparently this dogshit isn't canon with the games, proof that Scott cant even stick to the shit already made (as if FNaF World wasn't evidence enough).
Looks like the jewking himself hasn't farmed enough shekels from his fanbase , now he's made this as a "spin off" of the original FNaF series. Released in October 2016, this time you spend 5 nights in a place called "sister location", a warehouse where all of the furry robots are rented out to birthday parties. You play as Michael, William Afton's (aka Purple Guy) son and end up dying on night 5 when the robots trick you into entering the scooping room, where they proceed to disembowel you through your ass and climb inside of you. Confused? Blame Scott. This is the shittiest game in the series to date. Okay, second to FNaF World. Also, the promos show Circus Baby alot, but in the game, not once shows up (other than a empty, dead shell of her body) or even in the fucking game as much other then in a minigame and voice that the clown robot uses to trick you throughout the whole game.
"Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria Simulator aka FNaF6"
Because the fucknugget needed to pull this shit again.
Scott's latest and supposedly the "final" cash grab of a game in the series. You get tricked into running your own Freddy's knock off pizzeria. All you do is just adding shit around the place (while trying not to get a lawsuit), playing the games for points (and hidden "lore"), and then sitting at the computer, ordering stuff while some robots (who were William Afton, his daughter from Circus Baby, and a lot of other nobodies) you save from the alleyway at the end of each night if done right, try to kill you like always. Also you all burn to death as the shitty ending. This is met to close and to answer all the things in the already confusing "story" that he got from his cancerous fanbase (mostly from MatPat as Scott was stroking Mat's ego even more with adding his shitty theories), only to make it even more of a mess. If anything and by looking at the rest of this page, Scott will release another "game" to keep his fanbase happy and to milk even more money from them, rather than to grow brain cells, ditch this shit and move on with his fantastically Sperg life that no one will ever give a flying fuck about, since he has contributed nothing but raw Autism in its fullest. And knowing him, he will continue until he does the world a favor and dies.
Ultimate Custom Night
Give it up, Scott. Stop catering to the fantards and let this shit die alright.
Not even two months since the release of FNaF6, Scott release yet another game (like we said he would) this time its free to play (guess he's trying to hide that he don't want to milk this fanbase anymore than he already has). Pretty much the custom night challenges from the previous FNaF games but with EVERY SINGLE ROBOT from the first FNaF to FNaF6 (yes, even the shitty recolor clones and some new robots nobody cares about) with shitty voice acting for almost all the robots (Scott got too lazy to put any effort to animate the robots, so its just a screaming, shaking 2 frame JPEG jumpscare in your face) and is as annoying as beating some of the challenges with too many shit thrown at you all at once. If you manage to get through all of the mess of challenge(s), what waits for you are shitty cutscenes like a Japanese anime with English subtitles and a high school yandere you can unlock.
Just made to again cater to the fanbase and to stroke YouTubers who put this franchise on a fucking pedestal (as if it was good to begin with in the first place). Scott even making a bet with some britfag YouTuber to beat 50/20 mode and Scott will appear on they're "FNaF show" for a interview. Also, Mr. Hippo (Scott semi self-insert) needs to learn that nobody cares about his long rambles.
Yup you heard right. Scott decided to dip into the VR realm to milk yet again and release a game where you play through rehash versions of FNAF 1- Sister’s Location and you unlock clues about yet another Bonnie reclone rabbit animatronic called Glitchtrap. So original, Scott. Oh, and you get locked up by said Bonnie clone at the end. Well worth the $30 for this shit. We’re sure Scott has another game ready to go soon after this.
The plot thickens...
Despite the game racking in loads of views nearly every week on Jewtube and having a large audience on the Internet, Five Nights at Freddy's hasn't even sold that well on Steam. Past the one million view videos that are on the wall with CoD gameplays, unfunny montage parodies, annoying tweens playing Minecraft, and lonely nerds playing modded Skyrim, the game is selling poorly. According to Steam, the peak amount of people playing the game is 1,296, 1,686 for the second game, and 3,184 for the third game. On average, 90-100 are playing the game right now and the weekly peak is 150. Meaning that a good 99% of the fandom hasn't even played the fucking game. Which also proves that most the fans either pirated the game, bought it off IndieDB or just watch Pewdiepie, Markiplier, or every other autistic Let's Player Jew on YouTube play it. In a wise decision, GOG has decided not to distribute this gaming abortion, as even Poles can have standards. Part of the reason the player count is low might also attribute to the unnecessarily high price tag it has. Most players on Steam at least have common sense that it's a fucking ripoff to get a game with 2001 era graphics, no gameplay, and nothing but jump scares for $5, or $7. The game's price increased as a new one came out. If that wasn't enough...
Yes, you heard right, a game, on Steam, that has sold less than 5,000 copies altogether, has the stalest plot of any game, and has barely been out a year, along with being a shitstain on the already dead horror game franchise, is getting a fucking movie. As if four games released in less than eight months, forty minutes of gameplay, and a highly autistic fandom is worthy enough of a movie. This proves further how much of a Jew Scott Cawthorn is. Not even Call of Duty got milked this fast, unlike Five Nights at Freddy's, at least it slowly and gradually got milked as time went on, oh and has gameplay to it.
Scott gets the boot
Some hacker hack through somewhere in Scott's computer and leaked that Scott was donating to *GASP* some of these ebil raycist Republicans which the soft FNAF fans were not a fan of and one by one turned their backs to Scott as they went BAWWWWWW about how DARE Scott "betrayed" them(same with those Jewtubers who were milking his game for views and money for years) and now can't draw fanart/enjoy playing their favorite jumpscare filled games anymore. Scott feeling bad that he can't milk his game anymore, wrote an half-assed apology and states that he decided to leave the game for good and put the games in new "good hands"(we'll see about that). Truly the end of Scott milking his rushed as fuck games; even thought, the fanbase is no better as these tumblr/twatter fucks blew this shit all out of order.
As with all fandoms, Five Nights at Freddy's has its share of basement dwelling furfaggots that have to make Rule 34 of everything, in fact there is so much Rule 34 of Five Nights at Freddy's, it outmatches brony R34. All of the art consists of Foxy, closely followed by Chica the Chicken and Freddy Fazbear.
It is also common for fans to feel the need self-insert themselves into the world of FNaF, usually through shitty erotic fan fiction and fan art. The various forms of art often depict the fan interacting with the animatronics in wondrous ways. The game's wiki is also full of these people, and role-players. They role-play in the chat 24/7, instead of talking about the actual game. If you question them, you will be scolded by the moderators because "they have the right to RP." Ironically, there is another wiki where you're actually supposed to role-play, yet it has no users.
You can see their users argue over small things here.
As with the brony fandom, the FNaF fandom has quite a lot of fan-made music, with the most popular song being Five Nights at Freddy's by Israeli YouTube musician The Living Tombstone, Yoav Landau. To save you from having to listen to it, it's basically a heavily auto-tuned mess sung in his retarded Israeli accent, laid over some 90's-ish electronic sounds, with some pseudo-dubstep in the form of annoying high-pitched electronic screeches, and a beat that sounds identical to at least 100 of those heard throughout Yoav's discography. This song also has a follow-up song that sounded nearly identical to its predecessor, besides The Living Tombstone dragging some random girl off the streets of Tel Aviv to do the vocals for him. Another hugely popular FNaF song is Survive the Night, by the brony fandom's Mary Sue, MandoPony. This six-minute-long auditory atrocity just sounds like The Living Tombstone's music on sleeping pills.
Video gallery of condensed cholera
- The "synchronized" singing of bloody murder from landwhales.
Gallery of faggotry
- 13-year-old boy - One of the main target demographics
- 16-year-old girl - Another one of the main target demographics
- Assassin's Creed - A game already known for being bland and milked.
- Autism - What every FNaF furfan has.
- Bronies - The only fandom on par with this fandom's autism.
- Call of Duty - The former king of milked games.
- Don't Hug Me I'm Scared - FNaF in the form of a video series. Same cancerous fanbase with never-ending bullshit theories, but at least it has effort put into it.
- Fortnite - What all the 13-year-old boys were into in 2018.
- Friday Night Funkin' - FNF=FNaF haha funny
- Furries - The next main target demographic right after 13-year-old boys and 16-year-old girls.
- Game Theory - Another thing that got FNaF popular.
- Generation Z
- Gynophobia - More Steam shit.
- Know Your Meme - Where most the bad furry porn goes along with ponies. Current images: Over 7,000.
- Let's Play
- Markiplier - The main contributor and king of FNaF. Beaten every single one of them on the hardest mode to defend his 99-cent paper crown.
- Minecraft - Another game with a highly autistic fanbase made up of similar people.
- Pewdiepie - Disappointed his FNaF fans and pussed out after releasing only one video of him playing FNaF4, making it the most downvoted video in PewDiePie's channel.
- Pizza - Delicious pizza.
- Sad Satan
- Slender - The 2spooky4u game that only scares 12-year-olds and drunk gamers.
- Steam - Where FNaF comes from.
- Team Fortress 2 - Another game on Steam with a highly autistic and unfunny fandom.
- Tumblr - It's like a second DeviantArt, only with more porn.
- You - For looking at it.
- YouTube - Where the Let's Players upload their FNaF videos.
- Go here to copy the name and then put it into the search bar of kat.ph
- A perfect example of a FNaF fan's faggotry
- now landed a shitload of FNaF porn on Know Your Meme
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|Five Nights at Freddy's||Succeeded by|
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|Featured article July 30 and 31, 2015|
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