|Key people||Garry Newman|
|Industry||Being hacked and fucked up randomly, containing a collection of newfags that could rival 4chan, Elitists|
|Products||Half-Life 2 Rule 34|
|Website||You asked for this|
Facepunch Studios was created 25 years ago by Garry Newman, a British cunt and self-proclaimed dumb nigger who realized that he could amass a horde of lonely dickfucks at the expense of an overrated Half-Life 2 mod. The site wishes to be like Something Awful and prides itself on being more "cultured" and "mature" than most internet forums (even though every single Internet forum ever has a "No flaming, racism, anything" rule), but this is largely ignored due to the fact that 99% of the forum's posts are shit nobody cares about. Rules 1 and 2 are broken in almost every thread as half of the members claim to be /b/tards, but are more often than not newfags who washed ashore after the last tidal wave of fail. It is also notable that they pretend to dislike memes, yet more often than not they are just lowly newfags that got banned from 4chan after showing their faggotry.
Origins and Facepunch trying to be hilarious
Facepunch is the primary community for Garry's Mod users. Although the forum was originally intended solely as a nicer name for a game called Facewound, Garry decided to focus on his own mod (Garry's Mod) and essentially told everyone else to fuck off. It now has many other sections that now attract whiny 12-year-olds, furries, politically correct faggots, console fanbois, and regular all-around faggots.
As the second half of the previous paragraph clearly illustrates, Facepunchers are terrible at being funny, and have a harmful superiority complex that causes them to dwell in their own cesspool of faggotry and wanting to be something they will never be accepted as to anyone else other than their mindless peers. Beware, as they edit this article. AND WILL FUCK IT UP.
What you'll usually notice on Facepunch
A bunch of fucking losers, basically. Facepunch forum users are primarily known for being liberal faggots who hate people that hate gays (half of the members are giant negroid fags); also Americans. They have no genuine sense of humor at all and worship some unfunny faggot 'Garry', and quite literally spend their entire day on the forums. They love getting ratings with the forum's unique "rating" system, although they have yet to realize that these 16x16 pixel icons next to their name don't actually increase the size of their penises irl. Such faggots are known to Facepunchers as "rating whores."
Facepunch users are stuck up Eurofag hipsters who hate everything you do and believe that because they are a member of Facepunch their IQ is immediately multiplied by 10. They're the worst namefags you could ever meet and want to be "the guy that everyone on the forum knows". They hate 4chan because they see themselves as being above such humor. Every thread on the forum is either an America Vs Europe argument(Which America always loses due to the sheer ratio of Eurofag hipsters to American users,) a political debate, or a thread on a video game. Posting threads that are too philosophical or otherwise strain the two brain cells the mods have results in the thread being instantly closed and the offending poster banned. Garry ~~recently~~ attempted to fix this by creating a section for philosophical debates, but the only threads that are posted have absolutely nothing to do with philosophy. The same twelve threads are just reposted every other month and locked for being reposted reposts of reposted reposted reposts.
Features of Facepunch
In the forum's young days, Garry didn't want to spend a fuckton of money on bandwidth. Because of this, members were not allowed search the forums, nor could they see the their postcount. The solution was simple: Gold Memberships. Just pay fifteen bucks and you get all kind of great benefits, like access to a special gold member forum and, the ability to see your postcount, beta versions of Garry's Mod, your own page where you could upload things, animated avatars, a special gold member forum, and being able to see reports and the b& rant in the so-called Refugee Camp. Nobody thought to question why Garry wouldn't allow searching, but would implement an extensively efficient "smartness system" instead. (Actually, the search function is hidden, but can't yet search threads, just the titles: Search)Despite this, there remain to this day at least 10 and certainly nowhere near over 9,000 Gold Members who allegedly each have the ability to suck their own dicks.
The Gold Membership Reform of 2009
On 11 December 2009, Garry began a complete reformation of the Gold Membership and Respected User system. He drafted new guidelines for gold membership, which include:
- Membership on the Facepunch forum for no less than than two years
- A postcount of no less than 2,000 posts
Garry believed that this was a brilliant idea to effectively take advantage of the various levels of forum membership, but the move has drawn substantial critisism from members who claim that the move destroys what gold membership used to represent. Garry has met them halfway (after two years) by changing it to at least 100 posts over 5 years, a level of oldfaggotry attained by only the most hardcore basement dwellers.
Piracy and Facepunch
Now, Facepunch has a boiling piss side. One of the things they hate is when people pirate/crack Garry's mod because they are too young to get a bank account or a debit card. Sometimes cracked servers will even get attacked by script kiddies because the owner of the server has a cracked gmod. They will ban and yell at you on facepunch if you have a cracked version of ANY valve game and tell you to get a job and shit. That is mainly because the game is 10 dollars or euros on the steam store and we know that everyone can get that kind of money. Sometimes they even get to the root of the problem. Remember kids, crime doesn't pay!
One of the key features of Garry's Mod is the user's ability to pose ragdolls from Half-Life 2, Counter-Strike, etc. Give a 12-year-old this ability, and of course he'll go straight to the Alyx-on-Breen sexposes and other retarded shit like this. Since Facepunch consists almost entirely of said 12-year-olds, it has a whole section of the forum devoted to solely to this topic. Occasionally one or two comics will be tolerable, let alone actually funny, but most of what gets posted here is plain and simple shit.
98% of all the "custom" models for Garry's Mod are either ripped from other games (mostly anime-based games with lots of feminine-looking male protagonists or simple, mostly fugly reskins). Of course the average cunt posting fugly models/skins there, demands a rating and often encourages people to drop a few lines of criticism. Basically, if the thread contains any form of sexuality or nudity, it gets well over 9000 replies telling the creator about how much they are currently fapping to it. If it's about anything else, it is deemed worthless, and locked.
The average Garry's Mod player wants to be unique so he often creates "custom" skins or rips Resident Evil or Final Fantasy models, so he can gain a better rating, and thus a longer dick in the process. In fact 108% of all the content posted there is useless. and, since Facepunchers can't handle negative criticism for shit, you get faggotry like this:
Fag 1: "Look, I have made a model."
Fag 2: "You didn't make this model. You ripped it. It's the protagonist named YYY from game XXX. And the model is ugly, by the way."
Fag 1: (Edits previous posts) "Yeah, that's what I was saying all the time, but if you can't say anything positive about my model, please leave my thread."
Fag 2: "Fgt, I just told you the truth."
Fag 2: "Sure, ban me. That'll definitely make 'your' model look better."
Fag 1: "I've taken the files off the server. I won't release any more models. You're evil. *angst*"
Modfag: "What's going on here? I'm a moderator. I'm warning you; don't troll again. OK that's it, I'm a moderator, you're permabanned." Permabans Fag 1.
Fag 2: "WOW THANKS MODERATOR THAT GUY WAS A JERK"
Modfag: "YEAH IF YOU HAVE NOTHING GOOD TO SAY DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL dfjsdljfhdasjhfdljh"
Valid Ban Reasons
Making Garry jealous.
As you can see from this thread, the Facepunch Studios contingency is extremely friendly and helpful with the newbies. Like every /b/forums in the Internet, you'll usually notice a lot of things like that:
"Hi I am new to the Facepunch how I can act when I am an user? - Newfag (User was permabanned for this post (Reason: hi - Modfag06))"
Most of Facepunch's members and all of its moderators are Grammar Nazis, but they managed to make the rules so pointlessly extreme that even Hitler himself would take a degree of offense. At first, moderators would ban for overuse of netspeak and flaming, which is understandable for a bunch of right-wing conservatives, perhaps. As time went on, however, the moderators became lazy Grammar Nazi fucks and implemented an autoban (moar like Autobahn, amirite?) system, which went so far as to give out bans for not using capital letters in the thread title or typing "snigger" because being a different word doesn't make it less racist, because the moderators all fap to that kind of shit and without it they are powerless.
The smartness system is another (now removed) form of automatic Facepunch faggotry. It automatically added or deducted "smartness" points based on the grammatical correctness of a member's post. The user generally received one point for each flawless post, but lost about 7-20 for every minor error they made. Trolls quickly found ways to manipulate the smartness system, mostly by making a single post of the word "nigger" copied and pasted over 9,000 times. It became a contest to see who could lose the most smartness in one post, the champion having reached somewhere around two billion. (Again, Facepunch prides itself for being a cut above your average Internet community.)
What many people didn't realize is that a higher "smartness" only meant that you post more. That being said, a person with a smartness of 10,000 would actually be a fucking moron IRL, due to the fact that most of their pathetic life was wasted posting on Facepunch. Some said that you could determine a person's "actual" smartness by flipping the sign in front of one's "smartness," but others argue that posting on Facepunch to begin with means that you already have a pathetically low IQ.
As if this wasn't the cause for enough drama to begin with, MOAR drama came about when Garry updated the smartness system, attempting to actually make things better in the community for once. Instead of starting out with 5,000 "smartness" and working your way
up or down from there, the baseline became 0, with positive points meaning intelligence and negative points meaning failure as a person. In order to make this work, everyone lost 5,000 smartness, so they would be reduced to the baseline. Since Facepunch's population can't even do simple subtraction without pissing their pants, a good week was spent with threads such as "OMG LIEK WHY I LOSE 50000 SMARTNES FACEPUCNH SUKS IM LEAVNG."
To stop the forums from being so motherfucking slow Garry decided to create an archives system, much like the one at Something Awful, except that you don't have to pay to read old posts. He started to archive a shitload of posts which caused him to close the forum down for a couple of hours meaning that fellow Facepunchers could have ample time to cut themselves and jack off to gay porn. After archiving thousands of posts he then decided that the whole "archives" idea was dumb and decided to
put them back into the forum get rid of them and 404 most of the links in this article. Which is funny because that's what radium did.
Some people want to moderate Facepunch, which is akin to saying that some people want to run facilities that house the criminally insane. If you want to become a moderator of Facepunch you don't have to be a mature, responsible person. You just have to be popular. The whole "moderator election" process is just some 12-year-old shouting "I really like Dumb Faggot because he posts a lot and is my best friend ever and he'd be the best moderator and gave me a blowjob for it also."
Facepunch (now known as Lamepunch) has been updated, to the "New" and "Cool" version of Facepunch.
One day Garry was fapping to gay porn, and while doing so the server fell from the desk and exploded. Everything was saved in a backup, but he thought: "Fuck it, lets begin from the start. It's shinier."
- No Instaban
- No Smartness
- No Ratings *UPDATE* There are now ratings again, but they do not show on your user page.
- No Costum forums
- 99% more Shit by Garry
- The Unban of Monkey_123
- The vengeance of shitheads like AFuzzyBunny
- The Re-ban of Monkey_123
He made a fucked up version of the forum, that's like any other forum in the world. He felt that work was better than pressing a big pink button saying "I'll insert coin for you".
— Garry on Lamepunch
— Garry on Lamepunch
And now, everyone is sucking Garry's cock (in the forum, and in Real life) because they think he will ban them(Even though the shit mods ban them anyway). Garry is happy though because there are even more cocksuckers for him than before.
Note that after "The Update" the only way to get banned is to spam the pain series everywhere, or hint at the fact that Garry's mod/a moderator is flawed.
The OIFY is a wannabe ripoff of BYOB and /b/. They make it out to be a dark horrible place but it's just filled with people complaining about spam by spamming and thinking that they're funny for doing so. It came into being sometime around September 2005, when Garry, Hezzy, and the other mods decided that rather than ban the fuck out of all the forum's trolls, they would instead create a separate forum for the trolls to post in. Thus, the OIFY was born. Though always "OIFY" in the heart of its retarded members, it has had multiple titles:
- Firerain's Forum: We Have Pizza
- Firerain's Furry Forum
- Gmod Sex Poses and Furry Cartoons
- Hattie Fergunson Pretentious Cheese Wog
- The Bears Asshole
- General Discussion
- And the list goes on...
The OIFY is
now hidden to protect any potential lulz-seeking newfags from being tainted by it (an unnecessary step because no lulz have ever come out of the OIFY). Now on the front page, but it is password protected. The password is no longer brassmustache.
Three years ago the OIFY was considered to be the sewage pit of Facepunch. Now, perhaps thanks to the magic of inbreeding, it has gotten even worse. The original population has been reduced to roughly 5 screaming retards and a pack of furfags. If you go to the OIFY, you may notice that all the threads appear to be created by autistic basement-dwellers. This is because they all are. Every thread is filled with such inane bullshit that the mere gazing upon even one of them will make you more retarded than before (but twice as fast as any regular Facepunch thread). Occasionally an admin will pop in to have their 1-inch dick sucked, but other than that, there is no moderation. The OIFY, like /b/, from time to time contains child porn and even posts that will request a massive circle-jerk of "pink nipple" rating in return for the said CP link or image.
The OIFY has attracted a fair share of humanity's greatest failures, but possibly the greatest is verynicelady. With a horse like face and a known pedo training business, VNL is the epitome of all Facepunch philosophy. Don't forget the masses of malware.
Back in the day OIFY was doing it for the lulz for enabling ban words for idiots to think they can bypass it, but only with example of this text and make sure it bypasses black person or lemonparty. User was banned for this article.
Since the OIFY was ruined in the facepunch shitty update, Garry thought, "lolslol mabe i renew oify so i succes." He renewed OIFY so it was on the front page, however, now it's called "Twilight Discussion" Stupid music was added in the forum, and new, shitty, things were also added. Since Garry thought this was success, he fapped all night long. Now "Twilight Discussion"
is full with spammers with no life. It's much more worse then the old OIFY has new faction that is rising from the ashes of the old OIFY, which is trying to bring it back to its former glory. They have taken up the sword upon the flood of newfaggotry, but it is thought to be a hopeless endeavor
What you don't know
In 2008 after OIFY was in total shit fuck and abandoned, a group of a few no lives started up anew and one of them created the steam group CCOF which happens to contain the 'best' of OIFY and so went on like that. OIFY now has some dumb superiority complex and the steam group claims over the forum. Not too many people know about the massive influence that the lulz seeking circlejerking OIFY'ers have on the mod team, they’re the forum equivalent of a Lobby group/special interest group, no joke. They'll fuck with other faggots just to entertain the mod team, either by trolling or thread snipping popular threads, in return to get people banned, mostly idiots or annoyances. CCOF members don't care about their FP account and being without a life is a great mix in making pro-trolls, but often need a little help from the mod team. It's all for the epic lulz, seriously. Some take it over the top and mods have to put them down ie: Doug, Asher Roth, just to name a few. 3rd of the mod team are admitted to being OIFY'ers or once active, you put the pieces together.
OIFY Exploiting The Forum Janitor
Since the shitty colossal fuck up that is to say the recent forum update, internet vbulletin extraordinaire compwhizii managed to forget the OIFY theme, and didn't really put much attention to it. The lonely fucks in OIFY got mad as heck, and wanted him to be bitch slapped. Anyone fat enough to code .php organized and created the style they wanted with banners and backgrounds hosted offsite, which can be frequently changed for the lulz. Goal was simple, turn OIFY into offsite FYAD lite. "Computer wizard" agreed to the idea and waiting sobbing over the idea he could get 'accepted' by doing this for them. OIFY'ers got what they wanted (literally) and compwhizii still gets shit on by the entire forum, as always.
Many exciting things have happened on FP. Click above to see moar!
What Facepunchers have to say about this article!
Tenks describes Facepunch, newfags, and the majority of the rest of the Internet.
- Facepunch Studios/Dan Was Boobies: The Big Bomb story
- Grammar Nazi
- Garry's Mod
- FacePunch cards
- 13-year-old boys
- The Great Hack Of Facepunch
- Facepunch TCG
- Richard Spencer
- (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
- Facepunch Studios
Archived Thread about the Facepunch article on ED New Thread about the Facepunch article on EDDOUBLE BALEETED
-  SEKRIT SITE OF GARRY's shit.
-  Modfags in action.
- | ANOTHER new thread about the Facepunch article on ED!
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