|ebaumsworld.com got sold for 17.5 million! Ripping off SA is a great way to make a fortune!|
All-pervasive and insidious, at the bleakest, semen-stained heart of the internet lies eBaum's World, the Agent Smith of the Matrix which stamps the watermark of the beast upon everything pure and ruins lives, one life-shattering raid at a time. Cyber-insurgents swearing fealty to their fell chieftain Eric Bauman, in collusion with the Jews and the Republic of Chinkdom, have covered the whole of the internets with bots, hackers, virtual pigs, and children-seeking robotic centipedes that hunt down your pictures and dox to distribute to recently paroled serial rapists and militant jihadists.
That gay porn your
girlfriend imaginary GF found on your Facebook? That cracker wearing a cheap Afro wig who announced that VOLDEMORT KILLS SNAPE in the bookstore, which caused your tween daughter to drown herself in her bubble bath? Those dirty Negroes that annually interrupt your pathetic attempts to get your hands on sum JB in Habbo? All from eBaum's World, under the command of Mr. Bauman himself, who takes breaks from having buttsecks with 13-year-old boys on his ebony throne in the heart of Cambodia to troll American high-schools so he can drink the sweet and salty menstrual blood of blonde, blue-eyed teenage girls.
Even as you read this, eBaum's World is planning the destruction of over 9,000 different targets worldwide with their ability to explode vans of all kinds with cyber-telekinesis. Some argue that they have the ability to access any page on the tubes at any time, with a single keystroke. They routinely masturbate to naked pictures of your children that they took using your own digital camera. Noone is safe.
On a lighter note, all raids performed by any sect of Anonymous is automatically the work of eBaum's World. No exceptions.
Crimes against the Internets
eBaum's World spies are everywhere, even our precious ED fatherland. Terrible edits and articles full of disinformation and propaganda are made every day, placing the blame upon anonymous for their terror campaign.
Aside from their relentless war on everything, eBaum's World is the miserable black market of the internet; everything there is stolen, and some fat smelly guy is trying to make money with it before he gets caught. In this case, the toothless scalper is an evil conspiring Jew going by the name "eBaum", which is the internet spelling of "Eric Bauman". In numerous cases he has been caught doing such things as cropping watermarks out of image macros, decompiling flash movies, and recompressing shitty mpg files all in order to rebrand them with his own tag, which is slowly poisoning the rest of the internet.
No matter what you do, nothing will convince eBaum to remove your work from his shitty website. Occasionally old media giants will find some of their copyrighted material on his servers and issue a DMCA takedown notice, which eBaum then shreds, rolls up in a hundred dollar bill, and smokes while laughing hysterically. His millions in ad revenue have made him virtually untouchable in the virtual world and nothing short of IRL death will make any difference.
eBaum vs. Something Awful
As previously noted, everything "hosted" on eBaum's World was created elsewhere, usually humor sites like Fark, Something Awful, 4chan, Albino Black Sheep, Newgrounds, YTMND, or even LiveJournal. It has been theorized that eBaum has even stolen old content from himself, which of course was previously stolen. Upon noticing a recent update featuring a years-old comedy goldmine, goons organized a massive forum invasion and brought parts of eBaum's World to its knees by repeatedly spamming catchphrases and complaining about eBaum's lack of a conscience. In retaliation, eBaum inserted a snippet of code into every page on his site that requested files from Something Awful's servers. This brought the forums down for five minutes until Radium, the admin who sleeps with SA's servers, returned and changed some file and ended the sloppy denial of service attack that eBaum had begun.
Goons Altf4 and Trapezoid decided that, as 80's children's cartoons had taught them, they could help change their shitty little slice of the internet world through the power of song. What they came up with sounds like a cross between hair metal and a hobo breaking into a piano convention, and the accompanying flash animation is more like an MS Paint slideshow. Angry goons and other eBaum's enemies, however, ate the entire thing up.
After a while, eBaum decided he would no longer tolerate the existence of ebaumsworldsucks.com and threatened the owners, saying "I'm going to own this domain in 72 hours either way bro," (sic). The SA goons promptly laughed. eBaum then got in contact with AltF4, the creator of the flash, pleading with him to take it down. The SA goons, after they finished jerking each other off, then started a LiveJournal community, , which is currently trying to make a list of everything that eBaum has stolen.
The chatlog can be read here.
The site now lies in purgatory, as everyone realized that protesting eBaum's thievery is like holding a rally against bad traffic: everybody hates it, but it's too prevalent to destroy.
eBaum vs YTMND
In January of 2006, the powers that be at eBaum's World lifted an image from a user at YTMND. In the late hours of Saturday, January 7th, irate YTMND users launched an attack against the eBaum's World forums. Something Awful, Fark, 4chan, LUELinks, Gaia Online, VG Cats, Gen[M]ay, and even Wikipedia was used to get the message out: "War was beginning!"
eBaum's World barred its doors to new forum users, and the n00bs began to use .bat files with ping commands to DoS eBaum's World in an attempt to bring it down. This attack barely dented the bandwidth usage at eBaum's World - a site that encourages hotlinking to their stolen image macros as its main form of advertising.
The YTMND webmaster, Jew, posted an announcement on the main page strictly forbidding sites about DDoS. This seriously impaired the internets Jihad against eBaum's World, as their main source of getting the message across was blocked. This didn't stop enraged YTMND fans from fighting back, though, as they crafted a cunning script that constantly downloads and refreshes the stolen Lindsay Lohan image from eBaum's server.
After Bauman sent two "cease and desist" emails, containing poor grammar and even a "LOL", max finally had enough. He posted a hilarious and witty email that totally pwned eBaum's World in general. Also, the original YTMND user that created the original Lohan image started sending cease and desist letters to eBaum's World. It was enough, and eBaum's World finally admitted defeat by removing the Lohan image. Since max keeps his word he's keeping his part of the deal and he's going to delete every site that has "eBaum" in the title at midnight. But not that he'd delete every eBaum site, just the ones with "eBaum" in the title. THIS IS TRUE LUNACY!
That second week of January, 2006 will long be remembered as the day that the most limp-wristed forum war in history was fought and won, by YTMND's cracked-out users. It will also be remembered as a day when eBaum's World finally was humiliated for being a website full of hacks.
eBaum's World vs. Newgrounds
Hating eBaum is somewhat of a fad on the Newgrounds forums. If you even MENTION Bauman, you will get flamed, assraped, banned, tied down and beaten senseless with bansticks, and banned and assraped again. This fad started when a random n00b found a tacky flash on eBaum's World, and said, "Hey! I saw something like this on Newgrounds!" So he made a shitty thread about it, and thus started the anti-Bauman phase. No one really talks about it much any more but once in a while some faggette will bring it up.
eBaum's World vs. SomaForum
SomaForum is a spin-off of eBaum's World created by a few butthurt users who hated the eBaum's mods. Some eBaum's users spammed SomaForum with shock images and porn, but after a while everyone realized that a shitty spin-off of a shitty site wasn't even close to being worth the trouble.
eBaum's World vs. Fredryk Phox
Bauman saw short video clips of Fredryk Phox acting like a moron somewhere and hit him up for an eBaum's exclusive video. Fredryk, never having heard of eBaum's World before, agreed and branded a compilation of his random video clips and sent it to Bauman. Bauman then rewarded this kind gesture by continuing to put Fredryk Phox videos and other contents on his site. Fredryk retaliated by making a series of videos, beginning with.
7chan vs. eBaum vs. 7chan again
On Saturday, January 13, 7chan, in retaliation for Bauman's theft of one of the pathetic motivational posters that get posted every day in about 6 different threads, raided eBaum's, using vampire scripts and wget raids to yank images off of the server repeatedly. In "retaliation", the next day eBaum's tried to flood 7chan's /34/, /b/, /i/, /a/, /ani/, /art/, /cat/, /fit/, /g/, and /fur/. Unfortunately for eBaum's, raiding a *chan is like pissing in an ocean of piss. People looked, laughed, and then planned the next raid.
Stealing from Cracked.com
On Wednesday September 25, 2007, an article appeared on ebaumsworld.com named Internet Safety Tips, almost identical to Cracked.com's unfunny article of the same name. Is this actual theft, or did the original creator of the article's images open his loins wide to eBaum's money dick? In the end, nobody gives a shit.
eBaum's Host Company Shuts Down
ZVUE, the owner of eBaum's World, is shutting down all of their offices . The economy does its best work since Circuit City got liquidated.
eBaum moves to ebaumnation.com, formerly known as ebaum.tv
After eBaum himself got the shit kicked out of him by the people who bought his horrible excuse for a company, he moved on to have his new website, ebaum.tv. He then decided he no longer liked that url so he changed it to ebaumnation.com
Don't even bother going there, as the quality of the content still manages to maintain its reputation for complete shittiness.
eBaum's World and Whatup TV
In December of 2010, a website called Whatup TV emerged with a meta troll-based business model of stealing content exclusively from Ebaumsworld.com to parody its practices. Upon being discovered, Whatup TV responded by replacing all Ebaumsworld videos with ebaumsworld.flv, but leaving the thumbnails intact. This additional trolling fell on deaf ears, however, as the content of "Fat Man Shoots Gun" is spiritually, allegorically and literally equivalent to the content of all Ebaumsworld videos anyway, and Ebaumsworld users couldn't tell that anything had been replaced.
- eBaum's World - Hope you like pop-ups.
- eBaum's World Theme Song - Credit goes to goons Altf4 and Trapezoid.
- Albino Black Sheep - Like eBaum's World,
but doesn't suckor steal content.
- Dramatic reading - Dramatic reading of Neil Baumans emails to Ytmnd in the great Lindsay Lohan war of 2006.
is part of a series on
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|Featured article November 8, 2005|